---
title: "98 Simon R. Green Quotes - Famous Writer (Home improvement)"
description: "Simon R. Green quotes about dark humor, identity, and odd jobs."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b186/author-simon-r-green-6185.jpg"
---

![Portrait of Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b186/author-simon-r-green-6185.jpg)

# Simon R. Green

(1955)   Writer   United Kingdom

 **98** quotes in **296** categories

Simon R. Green mixes dark humor with grandiose demands like worshipping a goddess or facing smiting. He jokes that no one can out‑gloom him because he owns the brooding throne. He also mentions his many odd jobs, from bike repair to acting, showing a restless career.

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Simon R. Green is a writer from the United Kingdom, best known for *Home improvement*.

## Quick Facts About Simon R. Green

Born August 25, 1955

Nationality United Kingdom

Profession Writer

Notable works Home improvement

## About Simon R. Green

Simon Richard Green is an English science fiction and fantasy author.

##  Quotes by Simon R. Green

> [Revenge is simply justice with teeth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/revenge-is-simply-justice-with-teeth/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Justice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/justice/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d42/simon-r-green-6185_justice_revenge-is-simply-justice-with-teeth-468_468533.png)

> [Books can be terrible snobs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/books-can-be-terrible-snobs/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Book](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/book/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b4/simon-r-green-6185_book_books-can-be-terrible-snobs-312381_312381.png)

> [Oh God, it's her, run!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/oh-god-it-s-her-run/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Oh god](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oh-god/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dab/simon-r-green-6185_oh-god_oh-god-it-s-her-run-1545359_1545359.png)

> [“CHAPTER SIX Dangerous Lab Interns”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/chapter-six-dangerous-lab-interns/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Dangerous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dangerous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/519/simon-r-green-6185_dangerous_chapter-six-dangerous-lab-interns-282578_282578.png)

> [You know, sometimes I swear the whole universe runs on irony.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/you-know-sometimes-i-swear-the-whole-universe-runs-on-irony/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Irony](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/irony/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a68/simon-r-green-6185_irony_you-know-sometimes-i-swear-the-whole-uni_2564358.png)

> [Never go anywhere without condiments. Condiments are our friends.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/never-go-anywhere-without-condiments-condiments-are-our-friends/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Condiments](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/condiments/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ead/simon-r-green-6185_condiments_never-go-anywhere-without-condiments-con_1898688.png)

> [God does so love to make a man break a promise.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/god-does-so-love-to-make-a-man-break-a-promise/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Break](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/break/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/08f/simon-r-green-6185_break_god-does-so-love-to-make-a-man-break-a-p_1404536.png)

> [Though I often run out of courage and good sense, stubbornness keeps me going.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/though-i-often-run-out-of-courage-and-good-sense-stubbornness-keeps/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Courage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/courage/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fa/simon-r-green-6185_courage_though-i-often-run-out-of-courage-and-go_2043220.png)

> [“This isn't Hell, it's the Nightside. Thought sometime you can see Hell from here.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/this-isn-t-hell-it-s-the-nightside-thought-sometime-you-can-see-hell/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Hell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hell/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e9/simon-r-green-6185_hell_this-isn-t-hell-it-s-the-nightside-thoug_893237.png)

> [“No damned thing from the vasty deeps is going to get the better of me in my own home.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/no-damned-thing-from-the-vasty-deeps-is-going-to-get-the-better-of-me/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Going Better](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/going-better/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a5/simon-r-green-6185_going-better_no-damned-thing-from-the-vasty-deeps-is_1183726.png)

> [“The truth might set you free, but there’s nothing that says you have to be grateful.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/the-truth-might-set-you-free-but-there-s-nothing-that-says-you-have/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Grateful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grateful/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a3/simon-r-green-6185_grateful_the-truth-might-set-you-free-but-there-s_1130589.png)

> [“I am in charge, therefore I am officially the only one allowed to panic.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/i-am-in-charge-therefore-i-am-officially-the-only-one-allowed-to-panic/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Anxiety](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anxiety/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/12b/simon-r-green-6185_anxiety_i-am-in-charge-therefore-i-am-officially_585695.png)

> [First rule of engineering; beware prototypes. Along with, avoid anything made by an engineer who doesn't have all his own fingers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/first-rule-of-engineering-beware-prototypes-along-with-avoid-anything/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Engineering](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/engineering/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/912/simon-r-green-6185_engineering_first-rule-of-engineering-beware-prototy_3021049.png)

> [“Families – can’t live with them – can’t take them down to the river and drown them all in sacks.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/families-can-t-live-with-them-can-t-take-them-down-to-the-river-and/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Drown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drown/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe2/simon-r-green-6185_drown_families-can-t-live-with-them-can-t-take_30426.png)

> [“So much for the element of surprise,” I said. She sniffed. “I’d rather have the element of naked threat any day.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/so-much-for-the-element-of-surprise-i-said-she-sniffed-i-d-rather/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Element of surprise](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/element-of-surprise/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30b/simon-r-green-6185_element-of-surprise_so-much-for-the-element-of-surprise-i-sa_1159779.png)

> [I went to a house that was not a house. I opened a door that was not a door. And what I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/i-went-to-a-house-that-was-not-a-house-i-opened-a-door-that-was-not-a/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Door](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/door/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aae/simon-r-green-6185_door_i-went-to-a-house-that-was-not-a-house-i_3024992.png)

> [“Let us take it for granted that I am careless and ungrateful and never appreciate anything you do for me and move…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/let-us-take-it-for-granted-that-i-am-careless-and-ungrateful-and/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Careless](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/careless/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/708/simon-r-green-6185_careless_let-us-take-it-for-granted-that-i-am-car_1267296.png)

> [What is the world coming to, when you can't even trust a rogue vicar and her demon lover?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/what-is-the-world-coming-to-when-you-can-t-even-trust-a-rogue-vicar/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Demon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/demon/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1dc/simon-r-green-6185_demon_what-is-the-world-coming-to-when-you-can_839551.png)

> [“Never look back,” I said wisely. “All you’ll ever see are lost opportunities creeping up on you with bad intent.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/never-look-back-i-said-wisely-all-you-ll-ever-see-are-lost/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Lost opportunities](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lost-opportunities/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a08/simon-r-green-6185_lost-opportunities_never-look-back-i-said-wisely-all-you-ll_377892.png)

> [“Never get attached to possessions…. They’re just things and you can always get more things.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/never-get-attached-to-possessions-they-re-just-things-and-you-can/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Attached](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/attached/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/081/simon-r-green-6185_attached_never-get-attached-to-possessions-they-r_2252561.png)

> [“Toby had spent three years living in the East End of London, back when he was a student, an area that would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/toby-had-spent-three-years-living-in-the-east-end-of-london-back-when/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Three years](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/three-years/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/simon-r-green-6185_three-years_toby-had-spent-three-years-living-in-the_1196911.png)

> [Eddie Drood: Is this why we become agents? To play games, to chase after secrets that are rarely worth all the blood…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/eddie-drood-is-this-why-we-become-agents-to-play-games-to-chase-after/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Agents](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/agents/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4cd/simon-r-green-6185_agents_eddie-drood-is-this-why-we-become-agents_2585913.jpg)

> [I take it you know my companion?" Oh,yes!" said Savage, his smile disappearing. "We know all about Ruby Journey. Please don't let…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/i-take-it-you-know-my-companion-oh-yes-said-savage-his-smile/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Companion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/companion/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c98/simon-r-green-6185_companion_i-take-it-you-know-my-companion-oh-yes-s_1124468.jpg)

> [“I saw myself as a knight-errant...but the damsel in distress stabbed me in the back, my sword shattered on the dragon's hide,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/i-saw-myself-as-a-knight-errant-but-the-damsel-in-distress-stabbed-me/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Damsel in distress](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/damsel-in-distress/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ca3/simon-r-green-6185_damsel-in-distress_i-saw-myself-as-a-knight-errant-but-the_2983758.png)

> [The cream-tiled walls were spattered here and there with old dried bloodstains, deep gouges that might have been clawmarks, and all kinds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/the-cream-tiled-walls-were-spattered-here-and-there-with-old-dried/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[All kinds](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/all-kinds/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/945/simon-r-green-6185_all-kinds_the-cream-tiled-walls-were-spattered-her_2256637.png)

> [“What value can one ordinary man have in a magical world? What can a mortal bring to the affairs of immortals? Insight.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/what-value-can-one-ordinary-man-have-in-a-magical-world-what-can-a/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Character](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/character/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb9/simon-r-green-6185_character_what-value-can-one-ordinary-man-have-in_1604781.png)

> [“He's been going on about the End of All Things for as long as I've known him," she said carelessly. "And we're…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/he-s-been-going-on-about-the-end-of-all-things-for-as-long-as-i-ve/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Humor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70f/simon-r-green-6185_humor_he-s-been-going-on-about-the-end-of-all_2286056.png)

> [Are you sure this is a good idea?' whispered the unicorn. 'No,' said Rupert. 'But it's our best chance to find a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/are-you-sure-this-is-a-good-idea-whispered-the-unicorn-no-said-rupert/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Chance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/chance/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f8/simon-r-green-6185_chance_are-you-sure-this-is-a-good-idea-whisper_528012.jpg)

> [We are in the dark places of the earth," said Madman. "Where all the ancient and most dangerous secrets are kept. There…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/we-are-in-the-dark-places-of-the-earth-said-madman-where-all-the/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Ancient](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ancient/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d9/simon-r-green-6185_ancient_we-are-in-the-dark-places-of-the-earth-s_447151.png)

> [“Too many people live the lives other people think they ought to, following orders they don't agree with, for causes they don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/too-many-people-live-the-lives-other-people-think-they-ought-to/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Following orders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/following-orders/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b37/simon-r-green-6185_following-orders_too-many-people-live-the-lives-other-peo_1229255.jpg)

> [It's tucked away in a quiet corner, shadowed and obscured, no part of the Nightside's usual bright gaudy neon noir. It doesn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/it-s-tucked-away-in-a-quiet-corner-shadowed-and-obscured-no-part-of/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Answers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/answers/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/029/simon-r-green-6185_answers_it-s-tucked-away-in-a-quiet-corner-shado_2753052.png)

> [“The Nightside CSI is only one man, pleasant enough, calm and easy going, and very professional. It probably helps that he has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/the-nightside-csi-is-only-one-man-pleasant-enough-calm-and-easy-going/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Detective](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/detective/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe8/simon-r-green-6185_detective_the-nightside-csi-is-only-one-man-pleasa_1419627.png)

> [“I kept expecting the nurses and patients to come suddenly alive, and raise the alarm, or even attack us. Instead, the nurses…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/i-kept-expecting-the-nurses-and-patients-to-come-suddenly-alive-and/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Nurse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/nurse/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44f/simon-r-green-6185_nurse_i-kept-expecting-the-nurses-and-patients_2456383.png)

> [“See, phrenology is this old Victorian science, which claimed you could determine the dominant traits of a man's personality by studying the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/see-phrenology-is-this-old-victorian-science-which-claimed-you-could/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Different person](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/different-person/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ec/simon-r-green-6185_different-person_see-phrenology-is-this-old-victorian-sci_482779.png)

> [Nothing is ever really lost. The memories of good friends and good times are always there, never more than a thought away.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/nothing-is-ever-really-lost-the-memories-of-good-friends-and-good/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Every moment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/every-moment/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d1/simon-r-green-6185_every-moment_nothing-is-ever-really-lost-the-memories_480320.png)

> [“I finally found my way to the Really Restricted Section, where they keep the kind of books most scholars aren't even supposed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/i-finally-found-my-way-to-the-really-restricted-section-where-they/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Book love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/book-love/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d37/simon-r-green-6185_book-love_i-finally-found-my-way-to-the-really-res_828650.jpg)

> [Wait. You've got principles? We'll have to update your file.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/wait-you-ve-got-principles-we-ll-have-to-update-your-file/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Principles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/principles/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/229/simon-r-green-6185_principles_wait-you-ve-got-principles-we-ll-have-to_1984592.png)

> [The only good hero is the kind who survives to talk about merchandising.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/the-only-good-hero-is-the-kind-who-survives-to-talk-about/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Good hero](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/good-hero/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d8/simon-r-green-6185_good-hero_the-only-good-hero-is-the-kind-who-survi_3074165.png)

> [“Worship Me Like the Goddess I Am or There Will Be Some Serious Smiting." Jubilee”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/worship-me-like-the-goddess-i-am-or-there-will-be-some-serious/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Jubilee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/jubilee/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c0/simon-r-green-6185_jubilee_worship-me-like-the-goddess-i-am-or-ther_1525.png)

> [“No Tax on Liquor(also known as the Who’s for a Party Party)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-r-green/no-tax-on-liquor-also-known-as-the-who-s-for-a-party-party/)

[Simon R. Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-r-green/)

[Party](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/party/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/05a/simon-r-green-6185_party_no-tax-on-liquor-also-known-as-the-who-s_1875951.png)

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                        "text": "Revenge is simply justice with teeth.",
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                        "text": "Eddie Drood: Is this why we become agents? To play games, to chase after secrets that are rarely worth all the blood spilled on their behalf...To end up stabbed in the back, just when you thought you'd won, bleeding out in some nameless backstreet...With most people never even knowing who you were, or what you did, or why it mattered?",
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                        "text": "I take it you know my companion?\" Oh,yes!\" said Savage, his smile disappearing. \"We know all about Ruby Journey. Please don't let her kill anyone important. Or set fire to anything.\" Your reputation precedes you,\" Random said dryly to Ruby.",
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                        "text": "“He's been going on about the End of All Things for as long as I've known him,\" she said carelessly. \"And we're all still here. Hey, want to see a really upsetting party trick I can do with two flick-knives and an unwilling volunteer?”",
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                        "text": "Are you sure this is a good idea?' whispered the unicorn. 'No,' said Rupert. 'But it's our best chance to find a dragon.' 'Frankly, that doesn't strike me as such a hot idea either,' muttered the unicorn.",
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                        "text": "We are in the dark places of the earth,\" said Madman. \"Where all the ancient and most dangerous secrets are kept. There are Old Things down here, sleeping all around us, in the earth and in the living rock, and in the spaces between spaces. Keep your voices down. Some of these old creatures sleep but lightly, and even their dreams can have force and substance in our limited world. We have come among forgotten gods and sleeping devils, from the days before the world settled down and declared itself sane.",
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                        "text": "“Too many people live the lives other people think they ought to, following orders they don't agree with, for causes they don't believe in. They live lives that don't matter, that touch no one and change nothing. For better or worse, you and I stared evil in the eye and didn't flinch. We raised our swords and went to war, and even if we didn't win we kicked some ass along the way. We made a difference, and that's all any man can ask.”",
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                        "text": "It's tucked away in a quiet corner, shadowed and obscured, no part of the Nightside's usual bright gaudy neon noir. It doesn't advertise and it doesn't care if you habitually pass by on the other side. It's just there for when you need it. Dedicated to the patron saint of lost causes, St. Jude's is an old old place... St. Jude's isn't a place for comfort for frills and fancies and the trappings of religion. just a place where you can talk to your god and sometimes get an answer.",
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                        "text": "“The Nightside CSI is only one man, pleasant enough, calm and easy going, and very professional. It probably helps that he has multiple personality disorder with a sub-personality for every speciality and discipline in his profession. One to handle fingerprints, another to examine blood splatter or look for magical residues...He's really quite good at his job though he does tend to argue with himself. Between himself he knows everything he needs to know. Each sub-personality has a different voice. Some of them are women. I've never asked.”",
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