---
title: "112 Lenny Bruce Quotes - Famous Writer (The essential Lenny Bruce)"
description: "Lenny Bruce quotes about satire, trust, and religion."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b015/author-lenny-bruce-59530.jpg"
---

![Portrait of Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b015/author-lenny-bruce-59530.jpg)

# Lenny Bruce

(1925–1966)   Writer   United States

 **112** quotes in **593** categories

Lenny Bruce points out that satire needs time to turn tragedy into humor, and he trusts his own waking moments for ideas. He jokes that you shouldn’t trust a preacher who wears too many suits, and he often pokes at religion and belief. His quips mix wit with a sharp look at society.

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Lenny Bruce was a writer from the United States, best known for *The essential Lenny Bruce*.

## Quick Facts About Lenny Bruce

Born October 13, 1925

Died August 3, 1966

Nationality United States

Profession Writer

Notable works The essential Lenny Bruce

Spouse Honey Harlow

## About Lenny Bruce

Bruce’s comedy mixed satire, politics, religion, sex and vulgarity, pushing the limits of free speech. He was convicted of obscenity in 1964, a decision that was later overturned when he received a posthumous pardon in 2003.

##  Quotes by Lenny Bruce

> [Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/never-trust-a-preacher-with-more-than-two-suits/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b32/lenny-bruce-4320_never-trust_never-trust-a-preacher-with-more-than-tw_58212.jpg)

> [Sex and obscenity are not synonymous.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/sex-and-obscenity-are-not-synonymous/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a35/lenny-bruce-4320_obscene_sex-and-obscenity-are-not-synonymous-180_1807542.jpg)

> [What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/what-is-truth-today-may-be-a-damn-lie-next-week/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a58/lenny-bruce-4320_damn_what-is-truth-today-may-be-a-damn-lie-ne_1424430.jpg)

> [All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/all-my-humor-is-based-upon-destruction-and-despair/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Comedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebd/lenny-bruce-4320_comedy_all-my-humor-is-based-upon-destruction-a_3182652.jpg)

> [I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/i-am-influenced-by-every-second-of-my-waking-hour/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/588/lenny-bruce-4320_every-second_i-am-influenced-by-every-second-of-my-wa_30299.jpg)

> [Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/faith-is-to-the-human-what-sand-is-to-the-ostrich/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Faith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/faith/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1cf/lenny-bruce-4320_faith_faith-is-to-the-human-what-sand-is-to-th_1811582.jpg)

> [Life is a four-letter word.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/life-is-a-four-letter-word/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bc1/lenny-bruce-4320_four_life-is-a-four-letter-word-2898651_2898651.jpg)

> [When you're eight years old nothing is your business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/when-you-re-eight-years-old-nothing-is-your-business/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Business](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/business/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ec4/lenny-bruce-4320_business_when-you-re-eight-years-old-nothing-is-y_1325335.jpg)

> [“(On his addiction to opiods): I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/on-his-addiction-to-opiods-i-ll-die-young-but-it-s-like-kissing-god/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Addiction](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/addiction/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/256/lenny-bruce-4320_addiction_on-his-addiction-to-opiods-i-ll-die-youn_1754676.jpg)

> [There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/there-s-a-lot-of-money-in-wars-except-in-the-war-on-poverty-can-t/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Bread](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bread/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/748/lenny-bruce-4320_bread_there-s-a-lot-of-money-in-wars-except-in_2591428.jpg)

> [If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/if-you-re-going-to-stop-masturbating-you-can-t-taper-off-you-ve-got/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Cold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cold/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d68/lenny-bruce-4320_cold_if-you-re-going-to-stop-masturbating-you_2654484.jpg)

> [I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/i-m-sure-that-half-the-buzz-from-smoking-grass-was-the-fact-that-it/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0e0/lenny-bruce-4320_buzz_i-m-sure-that-half-the-buzz-from-smoking_2310945.jpg)

> [Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/anyone-who-does-anything-for-pleasure-to-indulge-his-selfish-soul/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Burn in hell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/burn-in-hell/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/887/lenny-bruce-4320_burn-in-hell_anyone-who-does-anything-for-pleasure-to_1217850.jpg)

> [If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/if-you-can-take-the-hot-lead-enema-then-you-can-cast-the-first-stone/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/925/lenny-bruce-4320_casts_if-you-can-take-the-hot-lead-enema-then_1707755.jpg)

> [If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/if-i-just-stuck-to-pot-i-might-have-found-out-what-a-drag-being-an/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Aging](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/aging/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/550/lenny-bruce-4320_aging_if-i-just-stuck-to-pot-i-might-have-foun_1925675.jpg)

> [Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/guys-are-like-dogs-they-keep-coming-back-ladies-are-like-cats-yell-at/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Cats](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cats/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc5/lenny-bruce-4320_cats_guys-are-like-dogs-they-keep-coming-back_2302212.jpg)

> [Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/once-the-country-was-settled-and-built-the-bosses-changed-the-order/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/628/lenny-bruce-4320_barrels_once-the-country-was-settled-and-built-t_1310821.jpg)

> [Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/certain-things-are-complete-superstition-and-have-no-validity-at-all/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Antithesis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/antithesis/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/540/lenny-bruce-4320_antithesis_certain-things-are-complete-superstition_2508402.jpg)

> [I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/i-ve-talked-to-biblical-cats-and-neanderthals-who-been-here-since-day/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Biblical](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/biblical/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ff/lenny-bruce-4320_biblical_i-ve-talked-to-biblical-cats-and-neander_835561.jpg)

> [I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/i-won-t-say-ours-was-a-tough-school-but-we-had-our-own-coroner-we-2/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Coroner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/coroner/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/60d/lenny-bruce-4320_coroner_i-won-t-say-ours-was-a-tough-school-but_421722.jpg)

> [If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/if-jesus-had-been-killed-twenty-years-ago-catholic-school-children/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Catholic](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/catholic/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/12d/lenny-bruce-4320_catholic_if-jesus-had-been-killed-twenty-years-ag_867198.jpg)

> [The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/the-crooks-downtown-figured-out-that-comedy-is-like-a-hammer-it-can/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ca/lenny-bruce-4320_barns_the-crooks-downtown-figured-out-that-com_3012037.jpg)

> [I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/i-credit-the-motion-picture-industry-as-the-strongest-environmental/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0e/lenny-bruce-4320_children_i-credit-the-motion-picture-industry-as_797011.jpg)

> [Once you take away the struggle for food, clothing and shelter, work is the one four letter word that offends everyone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/once-you-take-away-the-struggle-for-food-clothing-and-shelter-work-is/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aa3/lenny-bruce-4320_clothings_once-you-take-away-the-struggle-for-food_2852871.jpg)

> [Koolaid is goyish. All Drake's Cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish, and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/koolaid-is-goyish-all-drake-s-cakes-are-goyish-pumpernickel-is-jewish/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/76d/lenny-bruce-4320_black_koolaid-is-goyish-all-drake-s-cakes-are_2705010.jpg)

> [Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/today-s-comedian-has-a-cross-to-bear-that-he-built-himself-a-comedian/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9e/lenny-bruce-4320_assuming_today-s-comedian-has-a-cross-to-bear-tha_2983041.jpg)

> [Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/never-tell-not-if-you-love-your-wife-in-fact-if-your-old-lady-walks/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2d0/lenny-bruce-4320_believe_never-tell-not-if-you-love-your-wife-in_2964495.jpg)

> [The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know --…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/the-reason-i-m-in-this-business-i-assume-all-performers-are-it-s-look/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Acceptance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/acceptance/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/24c/lenny-bruce-4320_acceptance_the-reason-i-m-in-this-business-i-assume_421457.jpg)

> [My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/my-only-challenge-was-to-tell-my-truth-man-figure-out-what-i-had-to/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e67/lenny-bruce-4320_boost_my-only-challenge-was-to-tell-my-truth-m_1584799.jpg)

> [Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/darwin-s-theory-is-as-dead-as-he-is-everyone-is-surviving-fit-or-not/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Darwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/darwin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/91b/lenny-bruce-4320_darwin_darwin-s-theory-is-as-dead-as-he-is-ever_2323039.jpg)

> [Dig: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish. B'nai B'rith is goyish; Hadassah, Jewish. If you live…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/dig-i-m-jewish-count-basie-s-jewish-ray-charles-is-jewish-eddie/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Big cities](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/big-cities/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/965/lenny-bruce-4320_big-cities_dig-i-m-jewish-count-basie-s-jewish-ray_249859.jpg)

> [If you're from New York and you're Catholic, you're still Jewish. If you're from Butte Montana and you're Jewish, you're still goyisch.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/if-you-re-from-new-york-and-you-re-catholic-you-re-still-jewish-if/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e06/lenny-bruce-4320_air_if-you-re-from-new-york-and-you-re-catho_102280.jpg)

> [You are a white. The Imperial Wizard. Now, if you don't think this is logic you can burn me on the fiery…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/you-are-a-white-the-imperial-wizard-now-if-you-don-t-think-this-is/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e6/lenny-bruce-4320_black_you-are-a-white-the-imperial-wizard-now_1408591.jpg)

> [Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/now-a-jew-in-the-dictionary-is-one-who-is-descended-from-the-ancient/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Action](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/action/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a26/lenny-bruce-4320_action_now-a-jew-in-the-dictionary-is-one-who-i_2532294.jpg)

> [“The truth is 'what is.' If 'what is' is, you have to sleep eight, ten hours a day, that is the truth.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/the-truth-is-what-is-if-what-is-is-you-have-to-sleep-eight-ten-hours/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Comedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e2/lenny-bruce-4320_comedy_the-truth-is-what-is-if-what-is-is-you-h_2663957.jpg)

> [There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/there-are-no-dirty-words-only-dirty-minds/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e8/lenny-bruce-4320_dirty_there-are-no-dirty-words-only-dirty-mind_559786.jpg)

> [Communism is like one big phone company.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/communism-is-like-one-big-phone-company/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Communism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/communism/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/707/lenny-bruce-4320_communism_communism-is-like-one-big-phone-company_2932022.jpg)

> [I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/i-ll-die-young-but-it-s-like-kissing-god/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Addiction](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/addiction/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/809/lenny-bruce-4320_addiction_i-ll-die-young-but-it-s-like-kissing-god_533115.jpg)

> [There are never enough I Love You's.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/there-are-never-enough-i-love-you-s/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c7c/lenny-bruce-4320_enough_there-are-never-enough-i-love-you-s-9802_980220.jpg)

> [I want to perform an unnatural act.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lenny-bruce/i-want-to-perform-an-unnatural-act/)

[Lenny Bruce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lenny-bruce/)

[Funny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5e5/lenny-bruce-4320_funny_i-want-to-perform-an-unnatural-act-59118_591184.jpg)

## Lenny Bruce by topic

[People (13)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/lenny-bruce/) [Comedy (13)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/lenny-bruce/)

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                        "text": "Koolaid is goyish. All Drake's Cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish, and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes - goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish. Macaroons are very Jewish - very Jewish cake. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jell-O is goyish. Lime soda is very goyish. Trailer parks are so goyish that Jews won't go near them.",
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                        "text": "Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.",
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                        "text": "Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: \"I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' \" I didn't know what I was goin' to do...",
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                        "text": "The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!",
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                        "text": "My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.",
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                        "text": "Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.",
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                        "text": "Dig: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish. B'nai B'rith is goyish; Hadassah, Jewish. If you live in New York or any other big city, you are Jewish. It doesn't matter even if you're Catholic; if you live in New York, you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you're going to be goyish even if you're Jewish.",
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                        "text": "If you're from New York and you're Catholic, you're still Jewish. If you're from Butte Montana and you're Jewish, you're still goyisch. The Air Force is Jewish, the Marine Corps dangerous goyisch. Rye Bread is Jewish, instant potatoes, scary goyisch. Eddie Cantor is goyisch, George Jessel is goyisch-Coleman Hawkins is Jewish.",
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                        "text": "You are a white. The Imperial Wizard. Now, if you don't think this is logic you can burn me on the fiery cross. This is the logic: You have the choice of spending fifteen years married to a woman, a black woman or a white woman. Fifteen years kissing and hugging and sleeping real close on hot nights. With a black, black woman or a white, white woman. The white woman is Kate Smith. And the black woman is Lena Horne. So you're not concerned with black or white anymore, are you? You are concerned with how cute or how pretty. Then let's really get basic and persecute ugly people!",
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                        "text": "Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. That's what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is - One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce.",
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