--- title: "Best Jen Lancaster Sayings" description: "Jennifer (\"Jen\") Lancaster is an American author whose titles have appeared on The New York Times Best Seller list. Browse 99 Jen Lancaster quotes." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b190/author-jen-lancaster-6189.jpg" --- ![Portrait of Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b190/author-jen-lancaster-6189.jpg) # Jen Lancaster (1967) Writer United States **99** quotes in **463** categories Rate this collection: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet Jen Lancaster is a writer from the United States. ## Quick Facts About Jen Lancaster Born November 5, 1967 Nationality United States Profession Writer Notable works My fair lazy: one reality television addict's attempt to find out if not being a dumb ass is the new black, or a culture-up manifesto ## About Jen Lancaster Jennifer ("Jen") Lancaster is an American author whose titles have appeared on The New York Times Best Seller list. ## Quotes by Jen Lancaster · Page 3 > [I can't believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don't feel like walking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-can-t-believe-anyone-would-voluntarily-run-26-miles-sometimes-i-sit/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe2/jen-lancaster-6189_bathroom_i-can-t-believe-anyone-would-voluntarily_2042492.png) > [“Reality television gave me an amazing feeling of moral and intellectual superiority without actually requiring any effort past moving the dogs to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/reality-television-gave-me-an-amazing-feeling-of-moral-and/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dfa/jen-lancaster-6189_amazing-feeling_reality-television-gave-me-an-amazing-fe_2972202.jpg) > [“So now I'm getting my gown made by an exclusive seamstress, and all thos anorexic whores on Michigan Avenue and Oak Street…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/so-now-i-m-getting-my-gown-made-by-an-exclusive-seamstress-and-all/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/887/jen-lancaster-6189_anorexic-whores_so-now-i-m-getting-my-gown-made-by-an-ex_2717469.png) > [As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/as-a-reader-i-notice-political-views-regardless-of-whether-or-not-the/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4e/jen-lancaster-6189_annoying_as-a-reader-i-notice-political-views-reg_2205231.jpg) > [“I bet if I spent less time with the television and more time pursuing activities that enhance my life and expand my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-bet-if-i-spent-less-time-with-the-television-and-more-time-pursuing/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Business](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/business/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jen-lancaster-6189_business_i-bet-if-i-spent-less-time-with-the-tele_2605362.png) > [“You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finally weed out all the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/you-know-what-we-need-a-recession-in-this-country-because-that-would-2/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Recession](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/recession/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdd/jen-lancaster-6189_recession_you-know-what-we-need-a-recession-in-thi_1395958.png) > [“I feel like my takeaway from tonight is that it's okay to love shitty television, provided that you make an effort to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-feel-like-my-takeaway-from-tonight-is-that-it-s-okay-to-love-shitty/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Television](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/television/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebf/jen-lancaster-6189_television_i-feel-like-my-takeaway-from-tonight-is_232729.jpg) > [This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/this-is-terrific-what-fun-maybe-tomorrow-i-can-go-to-the-prom-with-my/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Brother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/brother/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ee/jen-lancaster-6189_brother_this-is-terrific-what-fun-maybe-tomorrow_1943467.jpg) > [I’m instantly mortified by my fat, uncontrollable mouth, but that’s when it occurs to me that my humor is a self-defense mechanism.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-m-instantly-mortified-by-my-fat-uncontrollable-mouth-but-that-s/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Ability](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ability/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44e/jen-lancaster-6189_ability_i-m-instantly-mortified-by-my-fat-uncont_1598697.png) > [When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes. Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/when-i-hug-her-i-notice-she-s-still-wearing-yesterday-s-false/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db6/jen-lancaster-6189_cotton_when-i-hug-her-i-notice-she-s-still-wear_2469568.jpg) > [Seriously, our nation is never going to be on the same page on issues like gun control, welfare, the economy, the environment,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/seriously-our-nation-is-never-going-to-be-on-the-same-page-on-issues/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Doubt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doubt/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cd/jen-lancaster-6189_doubt_seriously-our-nation-is-never-going-to-b_706848.png) > [“If I were a lesbian and had a thing for narcissistic ex-sorority girls? I’d totally do me." Bitter is the New Black:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/if-i-were-a-lesbian-and-had-a-thing-for-narcissistic-ex-sorority/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Lesbian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lesbian/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27f/jen-lancaster-6189_lesbian_if-i-were-a-lesbian-and-had-a-thing-for_228743.jpg) > [“But ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds-way less easy than it sounds, by the way-I've become obsessed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/but-ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-drop-a-few-pounds-way-less-easy/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_but-ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-dr_2326380.png) > [“I love the French and Italian church paintings from the Middle Ages. But I'm also interested to learn more about who was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-love-the-french-and-italian-church-paintings-from-the-middle-ages/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Art](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b1/jen-lancaster-6189_art_i-love-the-french-and-italian-church-pai_295660.jpg) > [“If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong." I swat him with a dish towel. "No, no, I mean anorexics look in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/if-you-re-anorexic-you-re-doing-it-wrong-i-swat-him-with-a-dish-towel/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/125/jen-lancaster-6189_anorexic_if-you-re-anorexic-you-re-doing-it-wrong_2061201.jpg) > [“...Ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds—way less easy than it sounds, by the way—I’ve become obsessed with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-drop-a-few-pounds-way-less-easy/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b8/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-drop-a_2341847.jpg) > [For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/for-the-record-i-have-never-been-her-baby-in-fact-i-reject-the-notion/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Baby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/baby/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/649/jen-lancaster-6189_baby_for-the-record-i-have-never-been-her-bab_991760.png) > [“You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to "bite you" and threatening to kick them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/you-want-to-change-lose-the-bitch-be-nicer-to-people-stop-telling/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/169/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_you-want-to-change-lose-the-bitch-be-nic_1591215.png) > [“Life is unfair and there are winners and losers, regardless of how much overprotective parents attempt to shield their offspring from reality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/life-is-unfair-and-there-are-winners-and-losers-regardless-of-how/) [Jen Lancaster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/) [Fair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fair/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6d/jen-lancaster-6189_fair_life-is-unfair-and-there-are-winners-and_955998.png) ## Jen Lancaster by topic [Humor (13)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/jen-lancaster/) [Life (12)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/jen-lancaster/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/#itemlist", "name": "Jen Lancaster Quotes", "numberOfItems": 19, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I can't believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don't feel like walking to the bathroom.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-can-t-believe-anyone-would-voluntarily-run-26-miles-sometimes-i-sit/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe2/jen-lancaster-6189_bathroom_i-can-t-believe-anyone-would-voluntarily_2042492.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe2/jen-lancaster-6189_bathroom_i-can-t-believe-anyone-would-voluntarily_2042492.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe2/jen-lancaster-6189_bathroom_i-can-t-believe-anyone-would-voluntarily_2042492.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I can't believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Reality television gave me an amazing feeling of moral and intellectual superiority without actually requiring any effort past moving the dogs to find the remote.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/reality-television-gave-me-an-amazing-feeling-of-moral-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dfa/jen-lancaster-6189_amazing-feeling_reality-television-gave-me-an-amazing-fe_2972202.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dfa/jen-lancaster-6189_amazing-feeling_reality-television-gave-me-an-amazing-fe_2972202.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dfa/jen-lancaster-6189_amazing-feeling_reality-television-gave-me-an-amazing-fe_2972202.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Reality television gave me an amazing feeling of moral and intellectual superiority without actually…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“So now I'm getting my gown made by an exclusive seamstress, and all thos anorexic whores on Michigan Avenue and Oak Street who made me feel like the Goodyear blimp can kiss the very fattest part of my ass.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/so-now-i-m-getting-my-gown-made-by-an-exclusive-seamstress-and-all/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/887/jen-lancaster-6189_anorexic-whores_so-now-i-m-getting-my-gown-made-by-an-ex_2717469.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/887/jen-lancaster-6189_anorexic-whores_so-now-i-m-getting-my-gown-made-by-an-ex_2717469.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/887/jen-lancaster-6189_anorexic-whores_so-now-i-m-getting-my-gown-made-by-an-ex_2717469.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“So now I'm getting my gown made by an exclusive seamstress, and all thos anorexic whores on Michigan Avenue…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/as-a-reader-i-notice-political-views-regardless-of-whether-or-not-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4e/jen-lancaster-6189_annoying_as-a-reader-i-notice-political-views-reg_2205231.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4e/jen-lancaster-6189_annoying_as-a-reader-i-notice-political-views-reg_2205231.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4e/jen-lancaster-6189_annoying_as-a-reader-i-notice-political-views-reg_2205231.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I bet if I spent less time with the television and more time pursuing activities that enhance my life and expand my knowledge, I won't freeze up in business or social situations.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-bet-if-i-spent-less-time-with-the-television-and-more-time-pursuing/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jen-lancaster-6189_business_i-bet-if-i-spent-less-time-with-the-tele_2605362.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jen-lancaster-6189_business_i-bet-if-i-spent-less-time-with-the-tele_2605362.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jen-lancaster-6189_business_i-bet-if-i-spent-less-time-with-the-tele_2605362.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I bet if I spent less time with the television and more time pursuing activities that enhance my life and…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finally weed out all the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile people in this workforce.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/you-know-what-we-need-a-recession-in-this-country-because-that-would-2/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdd/jen-lancaster-6189_recession_you-know-what-we-need-a-recession-in-thi_1395958.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdd/jen-lancaster-6189_recession_you-know-what-we-need-a-recession-in-thi_1395958.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdd/jen-lancaster-6189_recession_you-know-what-we-need-a-recession-in-thi_1395958.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finally weed out all the subnormal…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I feel like my takeaway from tonight is that it's okay to love shitty television, provided that you make an effort to appreciate other kinds of entertainment.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-feel-like-my-takeaway-from-tonight-is-that-it-s-okay-to-love-shitty/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebf/jen-lancaster-6189_television_i-feel-like-my-takeaway-from-tonight-is_232729.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebf/jen-lancaster-6189_television_i-feel-like-my-takeaway-from-tonight-is_232729.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ebf/jen-lancaster-6189_television_i-feel-like-my-takeaway-from-tonight-is_232729.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I feel like my takeaway from tonight is that it's okay to love shitty television, provided that you make an…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can wear white pants and unexpectedly get my period.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/this-is-terrific-what-fun-maybe-tomorrow-i-can-go-to-the-prom-with-my/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ee/jen-lancaster-6189_brother_this-is-terrific-what-fun-maybe-tomorrow_1943467.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ee/jen-lancaster-6189_brother_this-is-terrific-what-fun-maybe-tomorrow_1943467.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ee/jen-lancaster-6189_brother_this-is-terrific-what-fun-maybe-tomorrow_1943467.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I’m instantly mortified by my fat, uncontrollable mouth, but that’s when it occurs to me that my humor is a self-defense mechanism. Even though I may come off like a stark raving asshat, being funny is the most important tool I have to stay sane. The ability to say what I think is the key to allowing me to feel in control.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-m-instantly-mortified-by-my-fat-uncontrollable-mouth-but-that-s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44e/jen-lancaster-6189_ability_i-m-instantly-mortified-by-my-fat-uncont_1598697.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44e/jen-lancaster-6189_ability_i-m-instantly-mortified-by-my-fat-uncont_1598697.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/44e/jen-lancaster-6189_ability_i-m-instantly-mortified-by-my-fat-uncont_1598697.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I’m instantly mortified by my fat, uncontrollable mouth, but that’s when it occurs to me that my humor is a…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes. Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup remover and a cotton pad?\" I'm not taking them off.\" Why not?\" I spent $180 on that makeup job and I refuse to wash my face until I get my money's worth.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/when-i-hug-her-i-notice-she-s-still-wearing-yesterday-s-false/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db6/jen-lancaster-6189_cotton_when-i-hug-her-i-notice-she-s-still-wear_2469568.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db6/jen-lancaster-6189_cotton_when-i-hug-her-i-notice-she-s-still-wear_2469568.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db6/jen-lancaster-6189_cotton_when-i-hug-her-i-notice-she-s-still-wear_2469568.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes. Mom? You know those come off with…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Seriously, our nation is never going to be on the same page on issues like gun control, welfare, the economy, the environment, etc. I doubt we'll ever come to terms on tastes great or less filling and hybrids versus Hummers, and there will always be Yankees fans and Red Sox fans, and never the 'twain shall meet. Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/seriously-our-nation-is-never-going-to-be-on-the-same-page-on-issues/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cd/jen-lancaster-6189_doubt_seriously-our-nation-is-never-going-to-b_706848.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cd/jen-lancaster-6189_doubt_seriously-our-nation-is-never-going-to-b_706848.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cd/jen-lancaster-6189_doubt_seriously-our-nation-is-never-going-to-b_706848.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Seriously, our nation is never going to be on the same page on issues like gun control, welfare, the…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“If I were a lesbian and had a thing for narcissistic ex-sorority girls? I’d totally do me.\" Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass, or Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office: A Memoir”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/if-i-were-a-lesbian-and-had-a-thing-for-narcissistic-ex-sorority/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27f/jen-lancaster-6189_lesbian_if-i-were-a-lesbian-and-had-a-thing-for_228743.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27f/jen-lancaster-6189_lesbian_if-i-were-a-lesbian-and-had-a-thing-for_228743.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27f/jen-lancaster-6189_lesbian_if-i-were-a-lesbian-and-had-a-thing-for_228743.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If I were a lesbian and had a thing for narcissistic ex-sorority girls? I’d totally do me.\" Bitter is the…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“But ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds-way less easy than it sounds, by the way-I've become obsessed with my size and in so doing I've inadvertently allowed my inner critic to have a voice. And you know what? She's a bitch. Like now when I see my underpants in the laundry, I no longer think Soft! Cotton! Sensible! Instead I hear her say Damn, girl, these panties be huge.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/but-ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-drop-a-few-pounds-way-less-easy/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_but-ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-dr_2326380.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_but-ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-dr_2326380.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_but-ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-dr_2326380.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“But ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds-way less easy than it sounds, by the way-I've become…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I love the French and Italian church paintings from the Middle Ages. But I'm also interested to learn more about who was the first to make the leap from religious art to secular. That couldn't have been a small feat. Who was brave enough to say, \" You know what? Enough of Jesus. I'mma paint me this here bowl of fruit and then I'mma paint my girlfriend... naked!”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/i-love-the-french-and-italian-church-paintings-from-the-middle-ages/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b1/jen-lancaster-6189_art_i-love-the-french-and-italian-church-pai_295660.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b1/jen-lancaster-6189_art_i-love-the-french-and-italian-church-pai_295660.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b1/jen-lancaster-6189_art_i-love-the-french-and-italian-church-pai_295660.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I love the French and Italian church paintings from the Middle Ages. But I'm also interested to learn more…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong.\" I swat him with a dish towel. \"No, no, I mean anorexics look in the mirror, and even if they're eighty pounds, they still see a fat girl. I'm a hundred pounds heavier than I was in high school, my veins are full of creme fraiche, and yet I look in the mirror, take in the hair and makeup, and think, Damn, baby, you fiiine.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/if-you-re-anorexic-you-re-doing-it-wrong-i-swat-him-with-a-dish-towel/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/125/jen-lancaster-6189_anorexic_if-you-re-anorexic-you-re-doing-it-wrong_2061201.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/125/jen-lancaster-6189_anorexic_if-you-re-anorexic-you-re-doing-it-wrong_2061201.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/125/jen-lancaster-6189_anorexic_if-you-re-anorexic-you-re-doing-it-wrong_2061201.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you're anorexic, you're doing it wrong.\" I swat him with a dish towel. \"No, no, I mean anorexics look in…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“...Ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds—way less easy than it sounds, by the way—I’ve become obsessed with my size, and in so doing I’ve inadvertently allowed my inner critic to have a voice. And you know what? She’s a bitch. Like now when I see my underpants in the laundry, I no longer think Soft! Cotton! Sensible! Instead I hear her say Damn, girl, these panties be huge.” “Your inner critic has terrible grammar.” “I know, it’s the only way I can take away some of her power over me...”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-drop-a-few-pounds-way-less-easy/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b8/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-drop-a_2341847.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b8/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-drop-a_2341847.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b8/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_ever-since-i-made-the-decision-to-drop-a_2341847.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“...Ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds—way less easy than it sounds, by the way—I’ve become…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer to believe I was hatched, or perhaps purchased.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/for-the-record-i-have-never-been-her-baby-in-fact-i-reject-the-notion/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/649/jen-lancaster-6189_baby_for-the-record-i-have-never-been-her-bab_991760.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/649/jen-lancaster-6189_baby_for-the-record-i-have-never-been-her-bab_991760.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/649/jen-lancaster-6189_baby_for-the-record-i-have-never-been-her-bab_991760.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to \"bite you\" and threatening to kick them until they're dead.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/you-want-to-change-lose-the-bitch-be-nicer-to-people-stop-telling/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/169/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_you-want-to-change-lose-the-bitch-be-nic_1591215.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/169/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_you-want-to-change-lose-the-bitch-be-nic_1591215.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/169/jen-lancaster-6189_bitch_you-want-to-change-lose-the-bitch-be-nic_1591215.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to \"bite you\" and threatening to…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Life is unfair and there are winners and losers, regardless of how much overprotective parents attempt to shield their offspring from reality.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jen Lancaster" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jen-lancaster/life-is-unfair-and-there-are-winners-and-losers-regardless-of-how/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6d/jen-lancaster-6189_fair_life-is-unfair-and-there-are-winners-and_955998.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6d/jen-lancaster-6189_fair_life-is-unfair-and-there-are-winners-and_955998.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6d/jen-lancaster-6189_fair_life-is-unfair-and-there-are-winners-and_955998.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Life is unfair and there are winners and losers, regardless of how much overprotective parents attempt to…” — Jen Lancaster", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "Person", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/#person", "name": "Jen Lancaster", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/", "image": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b190/author-jen-lancaster-6189.jpg" }, { "@type": "ProfilePage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/page/3/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/page/3/", "name": "Jen Lancaster", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/#person" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe2/jen-lancaster-6189_bathroom_i-can-t-believe-anyone-would-voluntarily_2042492.png" }, "description": "Jennifer (\"Jen\") Lancaster is an American author whose titles have appeared on The New York Times Best Seller list. Browse 99 Jen Lancaster quotes.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/page/3/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/page/3/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Authors", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/authors/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Jen Lancaster", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jen-lancaster/page/3/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```