---
title: "63 Garry Shandling Quotes - Famous Actor (Confessions of a late night talk show host)"
description: "Garry Emmanuel Shandling was an American actor, comedian, writer, director, and producer. Browse 63 Garry Shandling quotes."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-garry-shandling-36894.jpg"
---

![Portrait of Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-garry-shandling-36894.jpg)

# Garry Shandling

(1949–2016)   Actor   United States

 **63** quotes in **387** categories

Rate this collection:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

Garry Shandling was an actor from the United States, best known for *Confessions of a late night talk show host*.

## Quick Facts About Garry Shandling

Born November 29, 1949

Died March 24, 2016

Nationality United States

Profession Actor

Notable works Confessions of a late night talk show host

## About Garry Shandling

Garry Emmanuel Shandling was an American actor, comedian, writer, director, and producer.

## Awards & Honors

Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series

##  Quotes by Garry Shandling

> [I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-m-not-a-party-guy-i-don-t-carouse-very-much/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/757/garry-shandling-10848_guy_i-m-not-a-party-guy-i-don-t-carouse-very_2052450.jpg)

> [I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-practice-safe-sex-i-use-an-airbag/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Practice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/practice/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01a/garry-shandling-10848_practice_i-practice-safe-sex-i-use-an-airbag-2164_2164080.jpg)

> [I'd like to do more acting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-d-like-to-do-more-acting/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Acting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/acting/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d6/garry-shandling-10848_acting_i-d-like-to-do-more-acting-1284273_1284273.jpg)

> [I have such poor vision I can date anybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-have-such-poor-vision-i-can-date-anybody/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Blind](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/blind/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f53/garry-shandling-10848_blind_i-have-such-poor-vision-i-can-date-anybo_2773637.jpg)

> [Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/nice-guys-finish-first-if-you-don-t-know-that-then-you-don-t-know/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e84/garry-shandling-10848_finish_nice-guys-finish-first-if-you-don-t-know_530207.jpg)

> [Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/without-comedy-as-a-defense-mechanism-i-wouldn-t-be-able-to-survive/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ac/garry-shandling-10848_able_without-comedy-as-a-defense-mechanism-i_1162840.jpg)

> [When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/when-i-m-not-in-a-relationship-i-shave-one-leg-that-way-when-i-sleep/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d21/garry-shandling-10848_feels_when-i-m-not-in-a-relationship-i-shave-o_3077012.jpg)

> [My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/my-dog-watches-me-on-tv-so-if-i-may-take-this-opportunity-no-no-no/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Dog](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dog/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/420/garry-shandling-10848_dog_my-dog-watches-me-on-tv-so-if-i-may-take_1233005.jpg)

> [Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/nobody-can-write-better-jokes-putting-me-down-than-me/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/036/garry-shandling-10848_better_nobody-can-write-better-jokes-putting-me_1568411.jpg)

> [Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/dr-phil-is-hiding-something-otherwise-why-wouldn-t-he-use-his-last/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/578/garry-shandling-10848_dr-phil_dr-phil-is-hiding-something-otherwise-wh_3042404.jpg)

> [They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/they-should-put-expiration-dates-on-clothing-so-we-men-will-know-when/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/94d/garry-shandling-10848_clothings_they-should-put-expiration-dates-on-clot_3075219.jpg)

> [I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-am-pretty-tenacious-as-a-perfectionist-in-terms-of-getting/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Beauty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beauty/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/garry-shandling-10848_beauty_i-am-pretty-tenacious-as-a-perfectionist_757226.jpg)

> [Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/oysters-are-supposed-to-enhance-your-sexual-performance-but-they-don/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f6/garry-shandling-10848_oysters_oysters-are-supposed-to-enhance-your-sex_2013934.jpg)

> [I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-like-to-talk-on-the-cell-when-i-do-interviews-that-way-i-double-my/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Brain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/brain/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af3/garry-shandling-10848_brain_i-like-to-talk-on-the-cell-when-i-do-int_1150879.jpg)

> [Yes, I'm a nice man and I enjoy babies. I'm a sensitive guy. I held a baby the other day and it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/yes-i-m-a-nice-man-and-i-enjoy-babies-i-m-a-sensitive-guy-i-held-a/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Babies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/babies/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b1e/garry-shandling-10848_babies_yes-i-m-a-nice-man-and-i-enjoy-babies-i_11840.jpg)

> [The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/the-only-way-i-would-go-back-to-hosting-would-be-if-it-were-something/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fae/garry-shandling-10848_host_the-only-way-i-would-go-back-to-hosting_2855542.jpg)

> [But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/but-i-really-like-hosting-i-think-it-s-a-strength-of-mine-it-allows/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/85f/garry-shandling-10848_behinds_but-i-really-like-hosting-i-think-it-s-a_2416426.jpg)

> [I once saw an elaborate landscape in a gallery, drawn in pencil, that took my breath away. Then I realized the artist…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-once-saw-an-elaborate-landscape-in-a-gallery-drawn-in-pencil-that/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Art](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/413/garry-shandling-10848_art_i-once-saw-an-elaborate-landscape-in-a-g_1967057.jpg)

> [I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-play-basketball-on-sundays-and-i-m-a-very-spiritual-guy-i-read-a/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Basketball](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/basketball/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c73/garry-shandling-10848_basketball_i-play-basketball-on-sundays-and-i-m-a-v_528537.jpg)

> [I don't talk about my hair anymore because I've matured. I matured and realized it doesn't matter what you look like. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-don-t-talk-about-my-hair-anymore-because-i-ve-matured-i-matured-and/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Comedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c07/garry-shandling-10848_comedy_i-don-t-talk-about-my-hair-anymore-becau_1501134.jpg)

> [I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-met-a-new-girl-at-a-barbecue-very-pretty-a-blond-i-think-i-don-t/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e23/garry-shandling-10848_barbecue_i-met-a-new-girl-at-a-barbecue-very-pret_2181545.jpg)

> [I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-ve-never-had-anyone-put-on-a-puppet-show-to-convince-me-of-anything/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b0a/garry-shandling-10848_convince_i-ve-never-had-anyone-put-on-a-puppet-sh_927658.jpg)

> ['The Larry Sanders Show,' it's actually about love, which would sound like a paradox at first. But if that love didn't exist,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/the-larry-sanders-show-it-s-actually-about-love-which-would-sound/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa1/garry-shandling-10848_about_the-larry-sanders-show-it-s-actually-abo_712058.jpg)

> [Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/because-i-am-afraid-of-commitment-this-movie-certainly-has-some/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Movie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/movie/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/70b/garry-shandling-10848_movie_because-i-am-afraid-of-commitment-this-m_2630506.jpg)

> [I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-remember-learning-to-drive-on-my-dad-s-lap-did-you-guys-ever-do/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b2/garry-shandling-10848_brake_i-remember-learning-to-drive-on-my-dad-s_1830333.jpg)

> [Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/here-s-the-thing-i-m-single-i-haven-t-been-married-i-don-t-have-kids/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9e/garry-shandling-10848_be-kind_here-s-the-thing-i-m-single-i-haven-t-be_3033246.jpg)

> [I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-actually-think-i-m-more-of-a-turtle-than-verne-is-where-verne-is-up/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a8/garry-shandling-10848_five_i-actually-think-i-m-more-of-a-turtle-th_2136789.jpg)

> [You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/you-know-it-s-funny-that-none-of-the-regular-late-night-shows-now-use/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25c/garry-shandling-10848_curious_you-know-it-s-funny-that-none-of-the-reg_1155077.jpg)

> [It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/it-s-not-the-hair-on-your-head-that-matters-it-s-the-kind-of-hair-you/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Hair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hair/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/00c/garry-shandling-10848_hair_it-s-not-the-hair-on-your-head-that-matt_1853448.jpg)

> [I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-don-t-know-how-to-ground-myself-without-the-other-actor-present/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Actor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/actor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/08c/garry-shandling-10848_actor_i-don-t-know-how-to-ground-myself-withou_2256543.jpg)

> [I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-sold-my-house-this-week-i-got-a-pretty-good-price-for-it-but-it/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Good life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/good-life/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a04/garry-shandling-10848_good-life_i-sold-my-house-this-week-i-got-a-pretty_299609.jpg)

> [I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-once-made-love-for-an-hour-and-fifteen-minutes-but-it-was-the-night/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/576/garry-shandling-10848_clocks_i-once-made-love-for-an-hour-and-fifteen_659998.jpg)

> [I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-m-dating-a-woman-now-who-evidently-is-unaware-of-it/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Dating](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dating/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/665/garry-shandling-10848_dating_i-m-dating-a-woman-now-who-evidently-is_3220293.jpg)

> [In the year 2525, that song will be even less popular than when it first came out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/in-the-year-2525-that-song-will-be-even-less-popular-than-when-it/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e19/garry-shandling-10848_firsts_in-the-year-2525-that-song-will-be-even_1143591.jpg)

> [My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/my-first-appearance-as-a-guest-on-the-tonight-show-was-in-81/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d44/garry-shandling-10848_appearance_my-first-appearance-as-a-guest-on-the-to_408411.jpg)

> [I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-m-too-shy-to-express-my-sexual-needs-except-over-the-phone-to/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/369/garry-shandling-10848_needs_i-m-too-shy-to-express-my-sexual-needs-e_1134729.jpg)

> [First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/first-of-all-i-m-not-the-kind-of-guy-that-likes-to-rehash-the-show/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/804/garry-shandling-10848_firsts_first-of-all-i-m-not-the-kind-of-guy-tha_1714185.jpg)

> [I am interested in how human beings react to crisis and conflict.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/i-am-interested-in-how-human-beings-react-to-crisis-and-conflict/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b16/garry-shandling-10848_am_i-am-interested-in-how-human-beings-reac_2521236.jpg)

> [Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I dont know.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/im-too-shy-to-express-my-sexual-needs-except-over-the-phone-to-people/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Being single](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/being-single/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ecc/garry-shandling-10848_being-single_im-too-shy-to-express-my-sexual-needs-ex_2669865.jpg)

> [Everyone at a party is uncomfortable. Knowing that makes me more comfortable.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garry-shandling/everyone-at-a-party-is-uncomfortable-knowing-that-makes-me-more/)

[Garry Shandling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garry-shandling/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/549/garry-shandling-10848_comfortable_everyone-at-a-party-is-uncomfortable-kno_1849621.jpg)

## Garry Shandling by topic

[Thinking (11)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/garry-shandling/)

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                        "text": "I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.",
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                        "text": "I don't talk about my hair anymore because I've matured. I matured and realized it doesn't matter what you look like. It's what kind of hair you have inside that counts.",
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                        "text": "I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?",
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                        "text": "I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad.",
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                        "text": "'The Larry Sanders Show,' it's actually about love, which would sound like a paradox at first. But if that love didn't exist, the darker attitudes would not play. You would have a one-dimensional, cynical show, which I don't think the show was.",
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                        "text": "Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think?",
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                        "text": "I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the wheel. Then I went to take the driver's test and sat on the examiner's lap. I failed the exam. But he still writes to me. That's the really nice part.",
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                        "text": "Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.",
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                        "text": "I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session.",
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                        "text": "You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.",
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                        "text": "It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.",
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                        "text": "I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.",
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                        "text": "I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell",
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                        "text": "I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.",
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                        "text": "I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.",
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