---
title: "Best Flying Lotus Sayings"
description: "Steven Ellison, known as Flying Lotus or FlyLo, is an American record producer, DJ, filmmaker, and rapper who has released seven acclaimed albums."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40f/flying-lotus-4151_away_i-wouldn-t-want-to-get-involved-with-a-g_2669075.jpg"
---

# Flying Lotus

(1983)   Musician

 **115** quotes in **394** categories

Rate this collection:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

Flying Lotus is a musician.

## Quick Facts About Flying Lotus

Born October 7, 1983

Profession Musician

## About Flying Lotus

Steven Ellison, better known as Flying Lotus or FlyLo, works as a record producer, DJ, filmmaker, and rapper. He has released seven critically acclaimed albums, including 1983 (2006), Los Angeles (2008), Cosmogramma (2010), Until the Quiet Comes (2012), You’re Dead! (2014) and Flamagra (2019).

##  Quotes by Flying Lotus · Page 3

> [I wouldn't want to get involved with a game that's a stinker - I can smell one of those a mile away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-wouldn-t-want-to-get-involved-with-a-game-that-s-a-stinker-i-can/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Away](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/away/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40f/flying-lotus-4151_away_i-wouldn-t-want-to-get-involved-with-a-g_2669075.jpg)

> [Death is a reality, and one day I'm not going to be here anymore, and whatever's next might not be that bad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/death-is-a-reality-and-one-day-i-m-not-going-to-be-here-anymore-and/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Bad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e34/flying-lotus-4151_bad_death-is-a-reality-and-one-day-i-m-not-g_526025.jpg)

> [When I was in middle school, that's when I first started making beats. I was maybe 14, 16, something like that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/when-i-was-in-middle-school-that-s-when-i-first-started-making-beats/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Beats](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beats/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a43/flying-lotus-4151_beats_when-i-was-in-middle-school-that-s-when_729608.jpg)

> [I'm not the kind of person who's always out at the club if I don't have to be. I like chilling. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-m-not-the-kind-of-person-who-s-always-out-at-the-club-if-i-don-t/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Always](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/always/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d3/flying-lotus-4151_always_i-m-not-the-kind-of-person-who-s-always_1886770.jpg)

> [I don't want to do one of those records where it's like a compilation of a bunch of all sorts of rappers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-don-t-want-to-do-one-of-those-records-where-it-s-like-a-compilation/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Find](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/find/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/55f/flying-lotus-4151_find_i-don-t-want-to-do-one-of-those-records_671186.jpg)

> [I do think your environment really plays into how you create. I lived in San Francisco for a bit, and I felt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-do-think-your-environment-really-plays-into-how-you-create-i-lived/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Create](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/create/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f6/flying-lotus-4151_create_i-do-think-your-environment-really-plays_1553069.jpg)

> [I need to help people to create the best work that they can. It's just something a producer should do anyway.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-need-to-help-people-to-create-the-best-work-that-they-can-it-s-just/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Best](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/best/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/404/flying-lotus-4151_best_i-need-to-help-people-to-create-the-best_846028.jpg)

> [I don't sit around listening to beats all day. There's so many producers, and so much of it is derivative.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-don-t-sit-around-listening-to-beats-all-day-there-s-so-many/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Around](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/around/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb2/flying-lotus-4151_around_i-don-t-sit-around-listening-to-beats-al_65901.jpg)

> [I believe there's more than this - that maybe, when we die, our brains conjure up some kind of shutdown experience, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-believe-there-s-more-than-this-that-maybe-when-we-die-our-brains/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Afterlife](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/afterlife/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87c/flying-lotus-4151_afterlife_i-believe-there-s-more-than-this-that-ma_501741.jpg)

> [I grew up in the San Fernando Valley, which doesn't feel like L.A. It's a bit different. It's still L.A. County, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-grew-up-in-the-san-fernando-valley-which-doesn-t-feel-like-l-a-it-s/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Alone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alone/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/795/flying-lotus-4151_alone_i-grew-up-in-the-san-fernando-valley-whi_2382485.jpg)

> [I wish more artists would do that sort of thing - just focus on one sound on a record instead of "Here's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-wish-more-artists-would-do-that-sort-of-thing-just-focus-on-one/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Albums](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/albums/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d96/flying-lotus-4151_albums_i-wish-more-artists-would-do-that-sort-o_3138063.jpg)

> [When I can make music and don't have to think about anyone else's ideas or voice - when I'm making something that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/when-i-can-make-music-and-don-t-have-to-think-about-anyone-else-s/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Find](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/find/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bfd/flying-lotus-4151_find_when-i-can-make-music-and-don-t-have-to_271221.jpg)

> [I used to be really into traditional meditation, but I found that creating new music is the best meditation. When I'm able…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-used-to-be-really-into-traditional-meditation-but-i-found-that/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Communication](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/communication/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f9/flying-lotus-4151_communication_i-used-to-be-really-into-traditional-med_3164603.jpg)

> [I feel like part of my journey as a filmmaker is to tell different stories, whether they are just a black perspective…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-feel-like-part-of-my-journey-as-a-filmmaker-is-to-tell-different/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Filmmaker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/filmmaker/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cf/flying-lotus-4151_filmmaker_i-feel-like-part-of-my-journey-as-a-film_700352.jpg)

> [I had the whole 'Ghostbusters' toy set with the firehouse and the car and everything. Sometimes I'd use my grandpa's camera and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-had-the-whole-ghostbusters-toy-set-with-the-firehouse-and-the-car/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Car](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/car/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/823/flying-lotus-4151_car_i-had-the-whole-ghostbusters-toy-set-wit_1042960.jpg)

> [Part of what I like to do with Brainfeeder is to get the younger kids hearing jazz, because they don't know where…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/part-of-what-i-like-to-do-with-brainfeeder-is-to-get-the-younger-kids/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Go](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/go/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/275/flying-lotus-4151_go_part-of-what-i-like-to-do-with-brainfeed_2952164.jpg)

> [Artists are all giving so much of ourselves to the work and the people and the press and the media and Twitter…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/artists-are-all-giving-so-much-of-ourselves-to-the-work-and-the/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Art](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f2/flying-lotus-4151_art_artists-are-all-giving-so-much-of-oursel_800999.jpg)

> [There are things I've seen and experienced in this world - things they don't talk about in too many books.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/there-are-things-i-ve-seen-and-experienced-in-this-world-things-they/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Books](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/books/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a77/flying-lotus-4151_books_there-are-things-i-ve-seen-and-experienc_1278767.jpg)

> [A strong concept is the most important thing in creating a record. When you can listen to it and see a whole…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/a-strong-concept-is-the-most-important-thing-in-creating-a-record/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Beat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beat/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/067/flying-lotus-4151_beat_a-strong-concept-is-the-most-important-t_1848964.jpg)

> [I'm not much of a coffee person, but when I wake up and the sun is shining through the window, I'll get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-m-not-much-of-a-coffee-person-but-when-i-wake-up-and-the-sun-is/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Coffee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/coffee/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c18/flying-lotus-4151_coffee_i-m-not-much-of-a-coffee-person-but-when_3210996.jpg)

> [Here's the thing: if I want to do something, I just have to do it - for real! I'm not gonna pussy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/here-s-the-thing-if-i-want-to-do-something-i-just-have-to-do-it-for/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Moments](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/moments/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0aa/flying-lotus-4151_moments_here-s-the-thing-if-i-want-to-do-somethi_278546.jpg)

> [I'm the kind of person who needs to be challenged all the time. I need my brain to go, or else I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-m-the-kind-of-person-who-needs-to-be-challenged-all-the-time-i-need/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Brain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/brain/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56c/flying-lotus-4151_brain_i-m-the-kind-of-person-who-needs-to-be-c_1686088.jpg)

> [I don't have a great story, but I love Boards of Canada. I didn't get into it when it was happening; I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-don-t-have-a-great-story-but-i-love-boards-of-canada-i-didn-t-get/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Boards](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boards/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/02a/flying-lotus-4151_boards_i-don-t-have-a-great-story-but-i-love-bo_2527050.jpg)

> [People are not able to just make music anymore; we have to do things that don't necessarily make the art any better.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/people-are-not-able-to-just-make-music-anymore-we-have-to-do-things/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Art](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/550/flying-lotus-4151_art_people-are-not-able-to-just-make-music-a_1904534.jpg)

> [I actually really liked the music to the 'Friday the 13th' Nintendo game. I still listen to it all the time. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-actually-really-liked-the-music-to-the-friday-the-13th-nintendo/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Dark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dark/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/219/flying-lotus-4151_dark_i-actually-really-liked-the-music-to-the_1494500.jpg)

> [I remember Usher came up to me at Coachella once, and it's like, 'Are you sure you're talking to the right person?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-remember-usher-came-up-to-me-at-coachella-once-and-it-s-like-are/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[I am](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/i-am/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63b/flying-lotus-4151_i-am_i-remember-usher-came-up-to-me-at-coache_1347780.jpg)

> [All of the Flying Lotus records are exploring similar themes: These questions in my mind about what's next and what's beyond.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/all-of-the-flying-lotus-records-are-exploring-similar-themes-these/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Beyond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beyond/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b59/flying-lotus-4151_beyond_all-of-the-flying-lotus-records-are-expl_1717417.jpg)

> [Truth be told, I think jazz is a mind-set. It's not necessarily, like, this guy picked up a horn and did this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/truth-be-told-i-think-jazz-is-a-mind-set-it-s-not-necessarily-like/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[I think](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/i-think/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/42d/flying-lotus-4151_i-think_truth-be-told-i-think-jazz-is-a-mind-set_501611.jpg)

> [In high school, I was that guy who was trying to be cool with everybody, but I never really had a core…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/in-high-school-i-was-that-guy-who-was-trying-to-be-cool-with/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Cool](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cool/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/15c/flying-lotus-4151_cool_in-high-school-i-was-that-guy-who-was-tr_220060.jpg)

> [It's okay to not be working all the time and to be gentle on yourself when you're not. When it feels like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/it-s-okay-to-not-be-working-all-the-time-and-to-be-gentle-on-yourself/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Chair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/chair/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f24/flying-lotus-4151_chair_it-s-okay-to-not-be-working-all-the-time_1646023.jpg)

> [I try to convey this feeling of being innocent in a mystical state, being in a place that's new, seeing things with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-try-to-convey-this-feeling-of-being-innocent-in-a-mystical-state/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Beautiful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beautiful/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/715/flying-lotus-4151_beautiful_i-try-to-convey-this-feeling-of-being-in_1577169.jpg)

> [More than ever, I had to analyze my mental state over the past couple of years because of all the things that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/more-than-ever-i-had-to-analyze-my-mental-state-over-the-past-couple/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Couple](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/couple/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c68/flying-lotus-4151_couple_more-than-ever-i-had-to-analyze-my-menta_736130.jpg)

> [I was first inspired to make music by my cousin Oran. He was making music on an old Mac II by himself…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/i-was-first-inspired-to-make-music-by-my-cousin-oran-he-was-making/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Brother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/brother/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c61/flying-lotus-4151_brother_i-was-first-inspired-to-make-music-by-my_895461.jpg)

> [When I made '1983,' there were a bunch of tracks that were in the early drafts that didn't make it because they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/when-i-made-1983-there-were-a-bunch-of-tracks-that-were-in-the-early/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Early](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/early/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/046/flying-lotus-4151_early_when-i-made-1983-there-were-a-bunch-of-t_987184.jpg)

> [When it comes to art in general now, we've become so aware of our influence. We know when people are listening, when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flying-lotus/when-it-comes-to-art-in-general-now-we-ve-become-so-aware-of-our/)

[Flying Lotus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flying-lotus/)

[Art](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20f/flying-lotus-4151_art_when-it-comes-to-art-in-general-now-we-v_771125.jpg)

## Flying Lotus by topic

[Music (26)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/music/flying-lotus/) [Song (15)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/song/flying-lotus/) [People (15)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/flying-lotus/) [Time (11)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/flying-lotus/) [Love (11)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/flying-lotus/) [Like (10)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like/flying-lotus/)

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                        "text": "When I was in middle school, that's when I first started making beats. I was maybe 14, 16, something like that.",
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                        "text": "I'm not the kind of person who's always out at the club if I don't have to be. I like chilling. I think that comes across in my music.",
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                        "text": "I don't want to do one of those records where it's like a compilation of a bunch of all sorts of rappers on my beats. I don't find those to be focused albums.",
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                        "text": "I do think your environment really plays into how you create. I lived in San Francisco for a bit, and I felt like I lived in the Matrix - so my music had that paranoid-of-the-outside sound to it.",
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                        "text": "I need to help people to create the best work that they can. It's just something a producer should do anyway.",
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                        "text": "I don't sit around listening to beats all day. There's so many producers, and so much of it is derivative.",
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                        "text": "I believe there's more than this - that maybe, when we die, our brains conjure up some kind of shutdown experience, and that's what people try to sum up as the afterlife.",
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                        "text": "I grew up in the San Fernando Valley, which doesn't feel like L.A. It's a bit different. It's still L.A. County, but it's not the same, it's not the kind of place where they embrace you for being a weirdo. You were just left alone with your Nintendo, and that was my life.",
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                        "text": "I wish more artists would do that sort of thing - just focus on one sound on a record instead of \"Here's my club banger, here's my metro booming track, and then here's my Americana song.\" I like albums to feel like a world. That's just me.",
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                        "text": "When I can make music and don't have to think about anyone else's ideas or voice - when I'm making something that only I can make - it feels good. It's nice when you can find a sound that only you can make. No one else can make 'Cosmogramma.' No one else can make 'Until the Quiet Comes.'",
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                        "text": "I used to be really into traditional meditation, but I found that creating new music is the best meditation. When I'm able to get into that space, nothing else matters, and I'm just a vessel for whatever the message is; I feel like I'm not in control. It's like this organic communication, and I feel like that is the quiet, in a way.",
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                        "text": "I feel like part of my journey as a filmmaker is to tell different stories, whether they are just a black perspective on things that aren't necessarily hood movies, or Tyler Perry movies or Ava DuVernay movies. Love all those people, but that whole thing has been sowed up already.",
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                        "text": "I had the whole 'Ghostbusters' toy set with the firehouse and the car and everything. Sometimes I'd use my grandpa's camera and make little stop-motion cartoons with those toys - I was definitely a weird kid.",
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                        "text": "Part of what I like to do with Brainfeeder is to get the younger kids hearing jazz, because they don't know where to go to really hear it. Brainfeeder gives me a platform to put out people like Kamasi Washington or Austin Peralta.",
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                        "text": "Artists are all giving so much of ourselves to the work and the people and the press and the media and Twitter and all that now. For me, being able to create from a genuine place is really difficult lately because there's so much going on all the time, but when all that stuff gets quiet, you can explore your ideas without any ego or mental chatter.",
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                        "text": "I'm the kind of person who needs to be challenged all the time. I need my brain to go, or else I just end up playing video games all day, you know? That's cool too, I guess, at times.",
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                        "text": "I don't have a great story, but I love Boards of Canada. I didn't get into it when it was happening; I got into it later on.",
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                        "text": "People are not able to just make music anymore; we have to do things that don't necessarily make the art any better. But that's just how it is.",
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                        "text": "I actually really liked the music to the 'Friday the 13th' Nintendo game. I still listen to it all the time. I sampled it in a couple records, too. It's hypnotic and dark but also really pretty.",
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                        "text": "I remember Usher came up to me at Coachella once, and it's like, 'Are you sure you're talking to the right person? How do you even know what I look like? You're not supposed to know who I am.'",
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                        "text": "All of the Flying Lotus records are exploring similar themes: These questions in my mind about what's next and what's beyond.",
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                        "text": "Truth be told, I think jazz is a mind-set. It's not necessarily, like, this guy picked up a horn and did this or whatever.",
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                        "text": "In high school, I was that guy who was trying to be cool with everybody, but I never really had a core group of friends.",
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                        "text": "It's okay to not be working all the time and to be gentle on yourself when you're not. When it feels like you're losing that inspiration - or you're in a rut, not making stuff, and your head gets all weird - be gentle on yourself. Just ease into things naturally. But you still have to ease into it: you still have to sit in the chair.",
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                        "text": "I try to convey this feeling of being innocent in a mystical state, being in a place that's new, seeing things with brand new eyes, for better or worse. I just imagine this little kid floating on a beautiful king-size bed over the city at night, seeing all sorts of crazy stuff happening in the world. To me, half the fun is all the stories other people have.",
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                        "text": "More than ever, I had to analyze my mental state over the past couple of years because of all the things that happened since the last album came out. Just being surrounded by lots of noise - good and bad - and still being able to try to hold onto some kind of identity for myself.",
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                        "text": "I was first inspired to make music by my cousin Oran. He was making music on an old Mac II by himself in his little lab, and I just started taking up after him. He was the first person to put a machine in front of me to work on. He was like my big brother, someone who I looked up to.",
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