---
title: "32 Due Date Quotes"
description: "Due Date is a 2010 American black comedy road film directed by Todd Phillips, who wrote the screenplay with Alan R. Cohen, Alan Freedland, and Adam Szty..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ea/due-date-19667_parenting_why-are-your-father-s-ashes-in-a-coffee_2115291.jpg"
---

# Due Date

 **32** quotes in **22** categories

Rate this collection:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

Due Date is a 2010 American black comedy road film directed by Todd Phillips, who wrote the screenplay with Alan R. Cohen, Alan Freedland, and Adam Sztykiel.

##  Quotes by Due Date

> [Why are your father's ashes in a coffee can? -Peter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/why-are-your-father-s-ashes-in-a-coffee-can-peter/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Ashes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ashes/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ea/due-date-19667_parenting_why-are-your-father-s-ashes-in-a-coffee_2115291.jpg)

> [Dad, you were like a father to me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/dad-you-were-like-a-father-to-me/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Dad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dad/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/438/due-date-19667_dad_dad-you-were-like-a-father-to-me-592065_592065.jpg)

> [If you're allergic to waffles, then don't eat waffles. -Peter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/if-you-re-allergic-to-waffles-then-don-t-eat-waffles-peter/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Food](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/food/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa4/due-date-19667_quote_if-you-re-allergic-to-waffles-then-don-t_1203304.jpg)

> [I can't believe I did that! Sorry, Peter. I'm so sorry. I didn't think it was loaded. I'm so embaressed. Pull over.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/i-can-t-believe-i-did-that-sorry-peter-i-m-so-sorry-i-didn-t-think-it/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Didn Think](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/didn-think/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/874/due-date-19667_quote_i-can-t-believe-i-did-that-sorry-peter-i_1124284.jpg)

> [I got ninety friends on Facebook, twelve of them are pending, but I got ninety friends. -Ethan Tremblay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/i-got-ninety-friends-on-facebook-twelve-of-them-are-pending-but-i-got/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Friendship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friendship/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be9/due-date-19667_friendship_i-got-ninety-friends-on-facebook-twelve_2612394.jpg)

> [It's like...God almighty! Holy moly! It's like traveling with a child. -Ethan Tremblay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/it-s-like-god-almighty-holy-moly-it-s-like-traveling-with-a-child/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bc/due-date-19667_children_it-s-like-god-almighty-holy-moly-it-s-li_3228669.jpg)

> [Okay, you just look really official. And you know if I ask you if you're a cop, and you are cop, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/okay-you-just-look-really-official-and-you-know-if-i-ask-you-if-you/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Official](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/official/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d8/due-date-19667_quote_okay-you-just-look-really-official-and-y_1440186.jpg)

> [Have you ever seen the movie Forrest Gump? He ran across the U.S. and he was pretty stupid. I have faith in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/have-you-ever-seen-the-movie-forrest-gump-he-ran-across-the-u-s-and/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Faith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/faith/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/770/due-date-19667_faith_have-you-ever-seen-the-movie-forrest-gum_2867762.jpg)

> [You Americano's sneak into our country, bring drugs, party. You sleep with our women. -Federali Agent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/you-americano-s-sneak-into-our-country-bring-drugs-party-you-sleep/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Bring Drugs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bring-drugs-2015744/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03d/due-date-19667_quote_you-americano-s-sneak-into-our-country-b_244231.jpg)

> [Wow, I've been called a lot of things, man. But inappropriate...that's some fucked up shit, yo! -Airport Screener](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/wow-i-ve-been-called-a-lot-of-things-man-but-inappropriate-that-s/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Inappropriate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/inappropriate/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cbd/due-date-19667_inappropriate_wow-i-ve-been-called-a-lot-of-things-man_2864195.jpg)

> [No, no, no, no! His dad is the coffee. He passed away and his remains were in the fucking coffee can! -Peter…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/no-no-no-no-his-dad-is-the-coffee-he-passed-away-and-his-remains-were/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Coffee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/coffee/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20c/due-date-19667_dad_no-no-no-no-his-dad-is-the-coffee-he-pas_1834304.jpg)

> [What are you, my fucking boss? You make the hours here? I say we close, close in five minutes. I got reservation…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/what-are-you-my-fucking-boss-you-make-the-hours-here-i-say-we-close/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Hours Say](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hours-say-3694000/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f5/due-date-19667_hours-say_what-are-you-my-fucking-boss-you-make-th_2384738.jpg)

> [Yeah, there's plenty of him still in here. Darryl, he made three cups of coffee, I think there's about eight cups of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/yeah-there-s-plenty-of-him-still-in-here-darryl-he-made-three-cups-of/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Coffee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/coffee/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/758/due-date-19667_quote_yeah-there-s-plenty-of-him-still-in-here_1786768.jpg)

> [Okay guys, we need to get out there. Really need to get going. Paul what are you doing? You acted like a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/okay-guys-we-need-to-get-out-there-really-need-to-get-going-paul-what/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Guys](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guys/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03a/due-date-19667_quote_okay-guys-we-need-to-get-out-there-reall_1989880.jpg)

> [Why? Because, it's a picture of yourself. Anyone can take a picture in a beautiful turtle neck with their hands crossed and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/why-because-it-s-a-picture-of-yourself-anyone-can-take-a-picture-in-a/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Photography](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/photography/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4dd/due-date-19667_picture-of-yourself_why-because-it-s-a-picture-of-yourself-a_1610203.jpg)

> [Ethan, you broke the seal when you poured out the coffee, then you poured your father's remains in there and then you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/ethan-you-broke-the-seal-when-you-poured-out-the-coffee-then-you/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Coffee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/coffee/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/266/due-date-19667_quote_ethan-you-broke-the-seal-when-you-poured_440102.jpg)

> [Fine. But in the future when we're hanging out as buddies, if we get into a fight, don't got for my face!…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/fine-but-in-the-future-when-we-re-hanging-out-as-buddies-if-we-get/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Buddies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/buddies/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f65/due-date-19667_life_fine-but-in-the-future-when-we-re-hangin_1838355.jpg)

> [Sorry. I'm a deep sleeper, it's a condition. You know when they say; 'I think I can sleep through and earthquake.' Well,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/sorry-i-m-a-deep-sleeper-it-s-a-condition-you-know-when-they-say-i/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Job interview](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/job-interview/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a9/due-date-19667_job-interview_sorry-i-m-a-deep-sleeper-it-s-a-conditio_2056433.jpg)

> [Oh, that's me. I'm just masturbating. Well, if you keep interrupting me it will take a little bit longer. But usually it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/oh-that-s-me-i-m-just-masturbating-well-if-you-keep-interrupting-me/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Interrupting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/interrupting/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e40/due-date-19667_quote_oh-that-s-me-i-m-just-masturbating-well_891508.jpg)

> [You know, I just wanna offer an explanation, sir, as to why you wound up on the side of state 20. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/you-know-i-just-wanna-offer-an-explanation-sir-as-to-why-you-wound-up/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Explanation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/explanation/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7a/due-date-19667_explanation_you-know-i-just-wanna-offer-an-explanati_3123228.jpg)

> [Unfortunately, I need you to drive. I can't because I'm on vicodin, I'm not supposed to operate heavy machinery. I will tell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/unfortunately-i-need-you-to-drive-i-can-t-because-i-m-on-vicodin-i-m/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Drive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drive/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/60f/due-date-19667_drive_unfortunately-i-need-you-to-drive-i-can_2713084.jpg)

> [Sonny, you will be sorely missed, you little bat-faced piece of shit! -Peter Highman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/sonny-you-will-be-sorely-missed-you-little-bat-faced-piece-of-shit/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Sonny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sonny/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6bb/due-date-19667_quote_sonny-you-will-be-sorely-missed-you-litt_1255944.jpg)

> [Let me give you a little bit of friendly advice, nobody who calls themselves Hollywood has ever made it in Hollywood! -Peter…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/let-me-give-you-a-little-bit-of-friendly-advice-nobody-who-calls/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Friendship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friendship/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81e/due-date-19667_friendship_let-me-give-you-a-little-bit-of-friendly_2576117.jpg)

> [You better change yourself before you wreck yourself. -Ethan Tremblay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/you-better-change-yourself-before-you-wreck-yourself-ethan-tremblay/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Better](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/better/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0bd/due-date-19667_change_you-better-change-yourself-before-you-wr_236340.jpg)

> [You were like a fucking commando! You were a comanche warrior. -Peter Highman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/you-were-like-a-fucking-commando-you-were-a-comanche-warrior-peter/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Comanche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comanche/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72d/due-date-19667_quote_you-were-like-a-fucking-commando-you-wer_29130.jpg)

> [Ethan, I know you made it up. It's your fucking stage name. Why did you have my wife wire money to your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/ethan-i-know-you-made-it-up-it-s-your-fucking-stage-name-why-did-you/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Money](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/money/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0a3/due-date-19667_money_ethan-i-know-you-made-it-up-it-s-your-fu_596841.jpg)

> [Nothin' he loved more than jazz music and womens titties. -Ethan Tremblay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/nothin-he-loved-more-than-jazz-music-and-womens-titties-ethan-tremblay/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Jazz music](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/jazz-music/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d01/due-date-19667_jazz-music_nothin-he-loved-more-than-jazz-music-and_671827.jpg)

> [Let me talk to her. Do you have a hairdresser out west? I just go this perm and it needs some major…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/let-me-talk-to-her-do-you-have-a-hairdresser-out-west-i-just-go-this/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Hair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hair/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a5/due-date-19667_quote_let-me-talk-to-her-do-you-have-a-hairdre_1710151.jpg)

> [I kept some. I kept a little bit of it and put it in my wallet. It's good for sore ankles and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/i-kept-some-i-kept-a-little-bit-of-it-and-put-it-in-my-wallet-it-s/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Ankles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ankles/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/caa/due-date-19667_quote_i-kept-some-i-kept-a-little-bit-of-it-an_589741.jpg)

> [What about the dog? Does he have glycoma? Cause his eyes are glassy as fuck. -Border Security Guard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/what-about-the-dog-does-he-have-glycoma-cause-his-eyes-are-glassy-as/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Border security](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/border-security/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/abb/due-date-19667_border-security_what-about-the-dog-does-he-have-glycoma_2079030.jpg)

> [You sound like Jason Bourne, man. You don't know where you're going, no ID. -Peter Highman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/you-sound-like-jason-bourne-man-you-don-t-know-where-you-re-going-no/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Jason Bourne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/jason-bourne/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba5/due-date-19667_jason-bourne_you-sound-like-jason-bourne-man-you-don_2316954.jpg)

> [Yeah. Well, I was in stealth mode. Still got the scarf on my head and everything. -Ethan Tremblay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/due-date/yeah-well-i-was-in-stealth-mode-still-got-the-scarf-on-my-head-and/)

[Due Date](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/due-date/)

[Stealth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/stealth/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/09a/due-date-19667_quote_yeah-well-i-was-in-stealth-mode-still-go_1552282.jpg)

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                        "text": "I can't believe I did that! Sorry, Peter. I'm so sorry. I didn't think it was loaded. I'm so embaressed. Pull over. -Ethan Tremblay",
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                        "text": "It's like...God almighty! Holy moly! It's like traveling with a child. -Ethan Tremblay",
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                        "text": "Okay, you just look really official. And you know if I ask you if you're a cop, and you are cop, you have to say yes. -Heidi",
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                        "text": "You Americano's sneak into our country, bring drugs, party. You sleep with our women. -Federali Agent",
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                        "text": "Wow, I've been called a lot of things, man. But inappropriate...that's some fucked up shit, yo! -Airport Screener",
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                        "text": "No, no, no, no! His dad is the coffee. He passed away and his remains were in the fucking coffee can! -Peter Highman",
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                        "text": "What are you, my fucking boss? You make the hours here? I say we close, close in five minutes. I got reservation at Chili's, I'm meetin' my boys. -Lonnie",
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                        "text": "Yeah, there's plenty of him still in here. Darryl, he made three cups of coffee, I think there's about eight cups of my dad left in here. -Ethan Tremblay",
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                        "text": "Okay guys, we need to get out there. Really need to get going. Paul what are you doing? You acted like a girl out there! What are you a girl or somethin'? Jackson, come on man! You gotta get yourself together, this is...what are you a girl or somethin? -Ethan Tremblay",
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                        "text": "Why? Because, it's a picture of yourself. Anyone can take a picture in a beautiful turtle neck with their hands crossed and whatever name they want. -Lonnie",
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                        "text": "Ethan, you broke the seal when you poured out the coffee, then you poured your father's remains in there and then you closed it. That didn't reseal it! - Peter Highman",
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                        "text": "Fine. But in the future when we're hanging out as buddies, if we get into a fight, don't got for my face! You know that's how I make a living, okay? -Ethan Tremblay",
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                        "text": "Sorry. I'm a deep sleeper, it's a condition. You know when they say; 'I think I can sleep through and earthquake.' Well, I've actually slept through an earthquake. I also fell asleep through a job interview at Made for America. -Ethan Tremblay",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "Oh, that's me. I'm just masturbating. Well, if you keep interrupting me it will take a little bit longer. But usually it just takes about thirty five minutes. -Ethan Tremblay",
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                        "text": "You know, I just wanna offer an explanation, sir, as to why you wound up on the side of state 20. It's not your fault, it's your kid. He's an incredibly difficult person to travel with. In fact I don't know how or why you didn't just strangle him in the fucking crib. -Peter Highman",
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