---
title: "138 Bauvard Quotes"
description: "Bauvard quotes satirically critique misplaced values, dark humor, and quirky observations on everyday life."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-bauvard-3155.jpg"
---

![Portrait of Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-bauvard-3155.jpg)

# Bauvard

 **138** quotes in **217** categories

Bauvard jokes about how society puts the wrong things first, like violent TV shows over real values. He mixes dark humor about death with odd advice on things like dentistry and kids. He also offers strange sayings about motion in night clubs and the meaning of moderation.

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##  Quotes by Bauvard

> [“Don’t take drugs. Asking politely promotes healthy stereotypes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/don-t-take-drugs-asking-politely-promotes-healthy-stereotypes/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Politely](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/politely/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/558/bauvard-3155_quote_don-t-take-drugs-asking-politely-promote_1319659.jpg)

> [“Quote: a banal proverb that is considered profound when uttered by a celebrity.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/quote-a-banal-proverb-that-is-considered-profound-when-uttered-by-a/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Celebrity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/celebrity/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/043/bauvard-3155_celebrity_quote-a-banal-proverb-that-is-considered_873092.jpg)

> [“A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/a-man-is-always-devoted-to-something-more-tangible-than-a-woman-the/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Devoted](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/devoted/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/247/bauvard-3155_devoted_a-man-is-always-devoted-to-something-mor_2388841.jpg)

> [“Just relax. Everyone around you is working too hard.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/just-relax-everyone-around-you-is-working-too-hard/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Funny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f47/bauvard-3155_funny_just-relax-everyone-around-you-is-workin_1696020.jpg)

> [“Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/political-debate-when-charlatans-come-together-to-discuss-their/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Debate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/debate/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67d/bauvard-3155_debate_political-debate-when-charlatans-come-to_745378.jpg)

> [“I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-get-a-lot-of-big-ideas-and-occasionally-i-actually-come-up-with-one/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Big idea](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/big-idea/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/527/bauvard-3155_big-idea_i-get-a-lot-of-big-ideas-and-occasionall_2247563.jpg)

> [“I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-don-t-believe-in-failure-i-m-perseverant-i-believe-in-failing/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Failing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failing/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bdd/bauvard-3155_failure_i-don-t-believe-in-failure-i-m-persevera_1659710.jpg)

> [“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/if-all-women-revealed-their-age-men-would-have-nothing-to-hide-from/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Aging](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/aging/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c06/bauvard-3155_aging_if-all-women-revealed-their-age-men-woul_2336448.jpg)

> [“Water is very bad for one’s health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/water-is-very-bad-for-one-s-health-people-in-third-world-countries/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Bad health](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad-health/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ad/bauvard-3155_health_water-is-very-bad-for-one-s-health-peopl_871335.jpg)

> [“One nation, under God, with consciousness – the practical man serves the highest abstraction with juggling training.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/one-nation-under-god-with-consciousness-the-practical-man-serves-the/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Fitness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fitness/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/858/bauvard-3155_fitness_one-nation-under-god-with-consciousness_2860409.jpg)

> [“I compensate for my debauchery by being brilliant at it. I make sacrifices for it by waking up in a gutter covered…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-compensate-for-my-debauchery-by-being-brilliant-at-it-i-make/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Genius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/genius/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9d/bauvard-3155_genius_i-compensate-for-my-debauchery-by-being_565092.jpg)

> [“Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/every-child-that-receives-life-advice-should-keep-in-mind-that-in/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Child](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/553/bauvard-3155_child_every-child-that-receives-life-advice-sh_2736721.jpg)

> [“Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/experience-the-vehicle-of-history-teenagers-the-driving-force-behind/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Accidents](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/accidents/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/bauvard-3155_accidents_experience-the-vehicle-of-history-teenag_2266953.jpg)

> [“I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-threw-an-etiquette-party-and-served-nothing-but-beans-and-sparkling/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Excuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/excuse/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c61/bauvard-3155_quote_i-threw-an-etiquette-party-and-served-no_1345932.jpg)

> [“Nothing is more attractive than universal appeal. That is what makes androgyny the peacekeeping persuasion.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/nothing-is-more-attractive-than-universal-appeal-that-is-what-makes/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Androgyny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/androgyny/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bfd/bauvard-3155_quote_nothing-is-more-attractive-than-universa_941734.jpg)

> [I am a foreigner, but I like to hide the fact. I'd rather people be prejudiced against my personality.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-am-a-foreigner-but-i-like-to-hide-the-fact-i-d-rather-people-be/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Foreigners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/foreigners/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2fc/bauvard-3155_foreigners_i-am-a-foreigner-but-i-like-to-hide-the_2269319.jpg)

> [“I ran into an old friend on the street and we started up a conversation. Four hours and six bottles of wine…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-ran-into-an-old-friend-on-the-street-and-we-started-up-a/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Communication](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/communication/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a0/bauvard-3155_communication_i-ran-into-an-old-friend-on-the-street-a_358735.jpg)

> [“I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-had-a-dream-about-you-you-were-lost-in-a-daydream-when-i-walked-in/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Daydream](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/daydream/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c1/bauvard-3155_dreaming_i-had-a-dream-about-you-you-were-lost-in_1014595.jpg)

> [“What’s outside my head and what’s inside my head aren’t worth mentioning. What’s worth mentioning is what’s on my head – my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/what-s-outside-my-head-and-what-s-inside-my-head-aren-t-worth/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Hair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hair/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae0/bauvard-3155_war_what-s-outside-my-head-and-what-s-inside_1314780.jpg)

> [“What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/what-is-the-world-coming-to-when-girls-allow-their-hands-to-be-kissed/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Young people](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/young-people/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/459/bauvard-3155_young-people_what-is-the-world-coming-to-when-girls-a_1732761.jpg)

> [“The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/the-problem-with-our-society-is-that-our-values-aren-t-in-the-right/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Funny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da2/bauvard-3155_funny_the-problem-with-our-society-is-that-our_57980.jpg)

> [“A man without debts is a man without anything to live for. Debt is collateral for life. It provides you with obligations…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/a-man-without-debts-is-a-man-without-anything-to-live-for-debt-is/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Debts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/debts/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f3b/bauvard-3155_life_a-man-without-debts-is-a-man-without-any_1516171.jpg)

> [“Usually I am the only subject I care to discuss with company. But when I'm getting reacquainted with an old friend, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/usually-i-am-the-only-subject-i-care-to-discuss-with-company-but-when/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Business](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/business/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e09/bauvard-3155_business_usually-i-am-the-only-subject-i-care-to_3191578.jpg)

> [“I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-had-a-dream-about-you-i-was-a-ventriloquist-trying-to-share-your/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Arrested](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/arrested/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8f6/bauvard-3155_arrested_i-had-a-dream-about-you-i-was-a-ventrilo_772919.jpg)

> [“Einstein’s remark on the limitlessness of human stupidity is made even more disturbing by the discovery that infinity comes in different sizes.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/einstein-s-remark-on-the-limitlessness-of-human-stupidity-is-made/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Bad day](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad-day/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b91/bauvard-3155_bad-day_einstein-s-remark-on-the-limitlessness-o_2129149.jpg)

> [“Artists are the serfs of a leisure society.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/artists-are-the-serfs-of-a-leisure-society/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Art](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ad7/bauvard-3155_art_artists-are-the-serfs-of-a-leisure-socie_2103602.jpg)

> [“Liver failure is the easiest way to say 'no' to alcohol.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/liver-failure-is-the-easiest-way-to-say-no-to-alcohol/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Alcohol](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alcohol/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56a/bauvard-3155_alcohol_liver-failure-is-the-easiest-way-to-say_670528.jpg)

> [“The stoic contemplates fallen leaves; the epicure rakes them into a loveseat.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/the-stoic-contemplates-fallen-leaves-the-epicure-rakes-them-into-a/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Fallen leaves](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fallen-leaves/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52e/bauvard-3155_fallen-leaves_the-stoic-contemplates-fallen-leaves-the_581145.jpg)

> [“If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/if-you-want-to-change-the-world-just-change-yourself-the-world-needs/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/bauvard-3155_change_if-you-want-to-change-the-world-just-cha_2525915.jpg)

> [“Rioter: a person who wants dinner, and needs a TV to eat it with.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/rioter-a-person-who-wants-dinner-and-needs-a-tv-to-eat-it-with/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Food](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/food/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40a/bauvard-3155_quote_rioter-a-person-who-wants-dinner-and-nee_1304466.jpg)

> [“Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/night-clubs-are-where-americans-learn-the-laws-of-motion/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Clubs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/clubs/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ba/bauvard-3155_clubs_night-clubs-are-where-americans-learn-th_82950.jpg)

> [“When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/when-it-s-not-enough-to-veto-your-children-s-tendencies-you-must-in/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Child](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6d6/bauvard-3155_child_when-it-s-not-enough-to-veto-your-childr_164418.jpg)

> [“Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/education-learning-to-find-your-purpose-upon-finding-your-purpose/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Education](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/education/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41b/bauvard-3155_education_education-learning-to-find-your-purpose_1475515.jpg)

> [“The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/the-idealist-hopes-the-romantic-sees-doom-the-postmodernist-sees-doom/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Hope](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hope/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d73/bauvard-3155_hope_the-idealist-hopes-the-romantic-sees-doo_2247135.jpg)

> [“The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/the-only-way-to-be-completely-self-consistent-is-to-be-constantly/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Consistency](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/consistency/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27c/bauvard-3155_consistency_the-only-way-to-be-completely-self-consi_3118615.jpg)

> [“Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/welcome-to-telepathics-anonymous-don-t-bother-introducing-yourself/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anonymous/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b73/bauvard-3155_anonymous_welcome-to-telepathics-anonymous-don-t-b_2957347.jpg)

> [“Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/bragging-about-your-compassion-is-the-first-step-towards-feeling-a/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Boasting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boasting/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/926/bauvard-3155_boasting_bragging-about-your-compassion-is-the-fi_725466.jpg)

> [“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/seize-something-wonderful-don-t-lose-your-chance-waiting-for-it-to/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Funny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ff/bauvard-3155_funny_seize-something-wonderful-don-t-lose-you_1903889.jpg)

> [“Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/pure-joy-is-rare-that-s-why-for-every-meal-i-eat-a-really-bloody-steak/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Bloody](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bloody/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/761/bauvard-3155_bloody_pure-joy-is-rare-that-s-why-for-every-me_2587499.jpg)

> [“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/i-lost-something-magical-in-the-process-of-growing-up-my/)

[Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/)

[Childhood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/childhood/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c2/bauvard-3155_childhood_i-lost-something-magical-in-the-process_3187084.jpg)

## Bauvard by topic

[Humor (39)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/bauvard/) [Funny (38)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/bauvard/) [Life (12)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/bauvard/)

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                        "text": "“I compensate for my debauchery by being brilliant at it. I make sacrifices for it by waking up in a gutter covered in the fruits of my genius.”",
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                        "text": "“What’s outside my head and what’s inside my head aren’t worth mentioning. What’s worth mentioning is what’s on my head – my hair. Whatever happens, I’ll still be as fashionably coiffed as I was before the war broke out and I got dementia.”",
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                        "text": "“Einstein’s remark on the limitlessness of human stupidity is made even more disturbing by the discovery that infinity comes in different sizes. Answering ‘How much stupider?’ or trying to measure the minimal idiocy bounded by an IQ test are mysteries which are themselves infinitely less alarming than simply attempting to tally the anti-savant population. One can count all the natural idiots (they’re the same as the even number of idiots – twice as many), but the number of real idiots continues forever: all the counting idiots (finger reckoners) plus all the fractional idiots (geniuses on a bad day) plus all the irrational idiots (they go on and on and on) add up to a world in which the approaching upper limit of our set of natural resources has its complement in the inexhaustible lower limit of our set of mental ones.”",
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