--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: If you don’t define yourself for yourself…" description: "\"If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive\" — Audre Lorde" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/audre-lorde-758_alive_if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yoursel_2993575.jpg" --- # If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be… ![“If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive” quote by Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/audre-lorde-758_alive_if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yoursel_2993575.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/audre-lorde-758_alive_if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yoursel_2993575.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/audre-lorde-758_alive_if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yoursel_2993575.jpg) > “If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive” [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Self-definition prevents others from imposing limiting fantasies that can destroy you. **In simple terms:** Define yourself to avoid being controlled. Key Takeaway Assert your own identity. Themes self‑identity empowerment resilience feminism Mood empowering defiant Type motivational philosophical When to use this quote - career planning - relationships - activism - mental health Key Concepts personal agency boundary setting Questions to Reflect On - What defines you beyond others' expectations? - How can you protect your sense of self? A Different Perspective External pressures can be overwhelming. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Alive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alive/) [Define yourself](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/define-yourself/) [Fantasies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fantasies/) [Fantasy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fantasy/) ## Related quotes > [If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/if-i-didn-t-define-myself-for-myself-i-would-be-crunched-into-other/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [“I reported to work the next morning looking like something the cat dragged in, half eaten yet somehow still alive.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/darynda-jones/i-reported-to-work-the-next-morning-looking-like-something-the-cat/) [Darynda Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/darynda-jones/) > [If you are too nice, you will just get eaten alive. The football world is not always a nice place.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zlatan-ibrahimovic/if-you-are-too-nice-you-will-just-get-eaten-alive-the-football-world/) [Zlatan Ibrahimovic](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zlatan-ibrahimovic/) > [“It...whatever 'it' is, has swallowed me and I lie here in the pit of its cold dark stomach being eaten alive by its bile…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kellie-elmore/it-whatever-it-is-has-swallowed-me-and-i-lie-here-in-the-pit-of-its/) [Kellie Elmore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kellie-elmore/) > [I'll split you open & climb inside Lose myself. Eaten alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/otep/i-ll-split-you-open-climb-inside-lose-myself-eaten-alive/) [Otep](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/otep/) > [“I’ve decided being eaten alive by anything is my last choice of causes of death.” “What’s first choice?” “Kicking it at two hundred and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-d-robb/i-ve-decided-being-eaten-alive-by-anything-is-my-last-choice-of/) [J.D. Robb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-d-robb/) > [“Do I look like I want to be eaten alive after sex?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nalini-singh/do-i-look-like-i-want-to-be-eaten-alive-after-sex/) [Nalini Singh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nalini-singh/) > [I picked up a man from the street, and he was eaten up alive from worms. Nobody could stand him, and he was smelling…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mother-teresa/i-picked-up-a-man-from-the-street-and-he-was-eaten-up-alive-from/) [Mother Teresa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mother-teresa/) > [“The point of the prey being paralysed rather than killed, by the way, is that they don't decay but are eaten alive and are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-dawkins/the-point-of-the-prey-being-paralysed-rather-than-killed-by-the-way/) [Richard Dawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-dawkins/) > [If I went in the cage, I was going to end up eaten alive. That was actually one of my top five ways not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurell-k-hamilton/if-i-went-in-the-cage-i-was-going-to-end-up-eaten-alive-that-was/) [Laurell K. Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurell-k-hamilton/) > [“What women wanted to be eaten alive, choked by a thrusting tongue? Not me, I wanted to be played like a violin, strummed pianissimo,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/v-c-andrews/what-women-wanted-to-be-eaten-alive-choked-by-a-thrusting-tongue-not/) [V.C. Andrews](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/v-c-andrews/) > [“You always do that, you know,” Alec said. I swallowed a gummy bear. “Do what?” “Bite their heads off first.” I shrugged. “It’s the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susanne-winnacker/you-always-do-that-you-know-alec-said-i-swallowed-a-gummy-bear-do/) Susanne Winnacker > [“If ever the difficulties of your life seem overwhelming, consider the prospect of being eaten alive by savage penguins and rejoice that such horrors…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-l-kennedy/if-ever-the-difficulties-of-your-life-seem-overwhelming-consider-the/) [A.L. Kennedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-l-kennedy/) > [I stayed with a family in the bush in Alaska and there were absolutely swarms of mosquitos. The crew were wearing full body nets…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-fogle/i-stayed-with-a-family-in-the-bush-in-alaska-and-there-were/) [Ben Fogle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-fogle/) > [Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-wong/tried-to-escape-to-block-out-the-fact-that-i-was-being-eaten-alive-by/) [David Wong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-wong/) ## More by Audre Lorde > [Every woman I have ever loved has left her print upon me, where I loved some invaluable piece of myself apart from me-so different…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/every-woman-i-have-ever-loved-has-left-her-print-upon-me-where-i/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [There are many kinds of open. . . Love is a word, another kind of open. . . Take my word for jewel in your open light.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/there-are-many-kinds-of-open-love-is-a-word-another-kind-of-open-take/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [Your silence will not protect you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/your-silence-will-not-protect-you/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [I can't really define it in sexual terms alone although our sexuality is so energizing why not enjoy it too?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/i-can-t-really-define-it-in-sexual-terms-alone-although-our-sexuality/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [“For once we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and from our life-pursuits that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/for-once-we-begin-to-feel-deeply-all-the-aspects-of-our-lives-we/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [the fear of death is that you are dying too soon. Nobody wants to, but at the point that you die you can pray…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/the-fear-of-death-is-that-you-are-dying-too-soon-nobody-wants-to-but/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [“There is an important difference between openness and naïveté. Not everyone has good intentions nor means me well. I remind myself I do not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/there-is-an-important-difference-between-openness-and-na-vet-not/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [What are the words you do not yet have? What do you need to say? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/what-are-the-words-you-do-not-yet-have-what-do-you-need-to-say-what/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [I learned to read from Mrs. Augusta Baker, the children's librarian. ... If that was the only good deed that lady ever did in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/i-learned-to-read-from-mrs-augusta-baker-the-children-s-librarian-if/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [Poetry is not only dream and vision; it is the skeleton architecture of our lives. It lays the foundations for a future of change,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/poetry-is-not-only-dream-and-vision-it-is-the-skeleton-architecture/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [“I think that in America there are certain kinds of problems and in Russia there are certain kinds of problems, but basically, when you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/i-think-that-in-america-there-are-certain-kinds-of-problems-and-in/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [Institutionalized rejection of differences is an absolute necessity in a profit economy which needs outsiders as surplus people. As members of such an economy,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/institutionalized-rejection-of-differences-is-an-absolute-necessity/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/the-sharing-of-joy-whether-physical-emotional-psychic-or-intellectual/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [“I forgot what we were celebrating. Because we were always celebrating something, a new job, a new poem, a new love, a new dream.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/i-forgot-what-we-were-celebrating-because-we-were-always-celebrating/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) > [How a diamond comes into a knot of flame How a sound comes into a word, coloured By who pays what for speaking. Some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/how-a-diamond-comes-into-a-knot-of-flame-how-a-sound-comes-into-a/) [Audre Lorde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) [Explore all 377 Audre Lorde quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/) ## More Alive quotes > [I understand that it's the music that keeps me alive... That's my lifeblood. And to give that up for, like, the TV, the cars,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-springsteen/i-understand-that-it-s-the-music-that-keeps-me-alive-that-s-my/) [Bruce Springsteen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-springsteen/) > [I feel very grateful to be alive and well enough to make music.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-ant/i-feel-very-grateful-to-be-alive-and-well-enough-to-make-music/) Adam Ant > [I don't crave applause. I'm not one of those guys who comes alive on stage. I'm much more alive at home, I think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-bowie/i-don-t-crave-applause-i-m-not-one-of-those-guys-who-comes-alive-on/) [David Bowie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-bowie/) > [We must master our egoism, and through this mastery, step outside ourselves and educate ourselves in giving. Fasting requires that we rediscover all that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tariq-ramadan/we-must-master-our-egoism-and-through-this-mastery-step-outside/) [Tariq Ramadan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tariq-ramadan/) > [I can't say that there are 'things' that make me come alive. There are thoughts that make me come alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marianne-williamson/i-can-t-say-that-there-are-things-that-make-me-come-alive-there-are/) [Marianne Williamson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marianne-williamson/) > [We're like the wicked witch. We promise gingerbread, then eat the little brats alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/we-re-like-the-wicked-witch-we-promise-gingerbread-then-eat-the/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [If Jovan Belcher didn't possess a gun, he and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive today.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-costas/if-jovan-belcher-didn-t-possess-a-gun-he-and-kasandra-perkins-would/) [Bob Costas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-costas/) > [Peace is an ongoing process. It begins with the first step and it does not end. We, all of us alive today, are the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-krieger/peace-is-an-ongoing-process-it-begins-with-the-first-step-and-it-does/) [David Krieger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-krieger/) > [I think adoption becomes complicated whenever the biological parents are alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-haven/i-think-adoption-becomes-complicated-whenever-the-biological-parents/) [James Haven](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-haven/) > [The pain of love is the pain of being alive. It is a perpetual wound.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maureen-duffy/the-pain-of-love-is-the-pain-of-being-alive-it-is-a-perpetual-wound/) [Maureen Duffy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maureen-duffy/) > [I have tried to resign myself, and to console myself; and that, I hope, I may have done imperfectly; but what I cannot firmly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-dickens/i-have-tried-to-resign-myself-and-to-console-myself-and-that-i-hope-i/) [Charles Dickens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-dickens/) > [If Melanchthon were alive today, he might not weep because of controversies that surround the Lord's Supper, but he might well sorrow because of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erwin-w-lutzer/if-melanchthon-were-alive-today-he-might-not-weep-because-of/) [Erwin W. Lutzer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erwin-w-lutzer/) > [If you’re alive, don’t move, if you’re dead, don’t worry about it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurell-k-hamilton/if-you-re-alive-don-t-move-if-you-re-dead-don-t-worry-about-it/) [Laurell K. Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurell-k-hamilton/) > [Here Greek and Roman find themselves alive along these crowded shelves; and Shakespeare treads again his stage, and Chaucer paints anew his age.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-greenleaf-whittier/here-greek-and-roman-find-themselves-alive-along-these-crowded/) [John Greenleaf Whittier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-greenleaf-whittier/) > [You're alive!" Fezzik cried. The man in black sat immobile, like a ventriloquist's dummy, just his mouth moving. "That is perhaps the most childishly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-goldman/you-re-alive-fezzik-cried-the-man-in-black-sat-immobile-like-a/) [William Goldman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-goldman/) [Browse all 7,282 Alive quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alive/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Audre Lorde" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yourself-then-you-will-be-crushed/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Alive" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yourself-then-you-will-be-crushed/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/audre-lorde-758_alive_if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yoursel_2993575.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/audre-lorde-758_alive_if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yoursel_2993575.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/audre-lorde-758_alive_if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yoursel_2993575.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten…” — Audre Lorde", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Audre Lorde", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/audre-lorde/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "If you don’t define yourself for...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yourself-then-you-will-be-crushed/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/audre-lorde/if-you-don-t-define-yourself-for-yourself-then-you-will-be-crushed/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```