--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Negative feelings are in you, not in…" description: "\"Negative feelings are in you, not in reality. Stop trying to change reality. That's crazy! Stop trying to change the other person. We spend all our tim..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6c/anthony-de-mello-1331_boss_negative-feelings-are-in-you-not-in-real_2835750.png" --- # Negative feelings are in you, not in reality. Stop trying… ![“Negative feelings are in you, not in reality. Stop trying to change reality. That's crazy! Stop trying to change the other person. We spend all our time and energy trying to change external circumstances, trying to change our spouses, our bosses, our friends, our enemies, and everybody else. We…” quote by Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6c/anthony-de-mello-1331_boss_negative-feelings-are-in-you-not-in-real_2835750.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6c/anthony-de-mello-1331_boss_negative-feelings-are-in-you-not-in-real_2835750.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6c/anthony-de-mello-1331_boss_negative-feelings-are-in-you-not-in-real_2835750.png) > “Negative feelings are in you, not in reality. Stop trying to change reality. That's crazy! Stop trying to change the other person. We spend all our time and energy trying to change external circumstances, trying to change our spouses, our bosses, our friends, our enemies, and everybody else. We don't have to change anything. Negative feelings are in you.” [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Emphasizes that negative emotions originate internally, not from external circumstances, urging acceptance over control. **In simple terms:** Negative feelings are internal, not caused by outside events. Key Takeaway Accept feelings, stop trying to control others. Themes mindfulness acceptance inner peace psychology relationships Mood reflective calming Type philosophical self-help When to use this quote - personal counseling - conflict resolution - stress management - relationship counseling Key Concepts Emotional intelligence cognitive reframing self-awareness Questions to Reflect On - How can you observe feelings without judgment? - What internal beliefs fuel your negativity? 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Its all in how you carry it. Thats what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-feel-your-strength-in-the-experience-of-pain-its-all-in-how-you/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Life is a compromise between your feelings and your reality. At every stage you have to quit your feelings and accept the reality.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/life-is-a-compromise-between-your-feelings-and-your-reality-at-every/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Sentimentality is a basking in feelings that in reality you don't take seriously enough to make the slightest sacrifice to or ever translate into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hermann-hesse/sentimentality-is-a-basking-in-feelings-that-in-reality-you-don-t/) [Hermann Hesse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hermann-hesse/) > [Anytime you have a negative feeling toward anyone, you're living in an illusion. There's something seriously wrong with you. You're not seeing reality. Something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/anytime-you-have-a-negative-feeling-toward-anyone-you-re-living-in-an/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [Let’s suppose that rain washes out a picnic. Who is feeling negative? The rain? Or you? What’s causing the negative feeling? The rain or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/let-s-suppose-that-rain-washes-out-a-picnic-who-is-feeling-negative/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [Instead of relying on a situation to turn around on its own, be the positive spark that a situation needs to change from negative…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anurag-prakash-ray/instead-of-relying-on-a-situation-to-turn-around-on-its-own-be-the/) [Anurag Prakash Ray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anurag-prakash-ray/) > [Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/woody-allen/change-is-almost-always-negative-things-degenerate/) [Woody Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/woody-allen/) > [If you change your negative beliefs and substitute them with positive ones , it'll delete a lot of problems in your life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/senora-roy/if-you-change-your-negative-beliefs-and-substitute-them-with-positive/) [Senora Roy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/senora-roy/) > [The solution is to change from the negative to the positive and one way to do that is to remember that failure is an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zig-ziglar/the-solution-is-to-change-from-the-negative-to-the-positive-and-one/) [Zig Ziglar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zig-ziglar/) > [Ignore the negative things you can't change, but change the negative things you can't ignore.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/faze-temperr/ignore-the-negative-things-you-can-t-change-but-change-the-negative/) [FaZe Temperr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/faze-temperr/) > [People who don't know me are so negative about me. When they finally meet me, they change that negative into a positive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/snoop-dogg/people-who-don-t-know-me-are-so-negative-about-me-when-they-finally/) [Snoop Dogg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/snoop-dogg/) > [You can't change a negative situation with bad feelings. If you keep reacting negatively, your bad feelings will magnify and multiply the negativity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rhonda-byrne/you-can-t-change-a-negative-situation-with-bad-feelings-if-you-keep/) [Rhonda Byrne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rhonda-byrne/) > [“Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, change your thoughts to what could go right. When you change the negative thought into a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roy-t-bennett/instead-of-worrying-about-what-could-go-wrong-change-your-thoughts-to/) [Roy T. Bennett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roy-t-bennett/) ## More by Anthony de Mello > [The poor think they will be happy when they become rich. The rich think they will be happy when they are rid of their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/the-poor-think-they-will-be-happy-when-they-become-rich-the-rich/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [You only change what you understand. What you do not understand and are not aware of, you repress. You dont change. But when you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/you-only-change-what-you-understand-what-you-do-not-understand-and/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [A zealous disciple expressed a desire to teach others the Truth and asked the Master what he thought about this. 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They hate us; they are not interested in having…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/and-increasingly-you-know-this-and-so-do-i-we-re-losing-the-youth/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [Spirituality practiced in the state of activity is incomparably superior to that practiced in a state of withdrawel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/spirituality-practiced-in-the-state-of-activity-is-incomparably/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [You know, all mystics - Catholic, Christian, non-Christian, no matter what their theology, no matter what their religion - are unanimous on one thing:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/you-know-all-mystics-catholic-christian-non-christian-no-matter-what/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [There were rules in the monastery, but the Master always warned against the tyranny of the law. 'Obedience keeps the rules,' he would say.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/there-were-rules-in-the-monastery-but-the-master-always-warned/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [A disciple, in his reverence for the Master, looked upon him as God incarnate. "Tell me, O Master," he said, "why you have come…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-de-mello/a-disciple-in-his-reverence-for-the-master-looked-upon-him-as-god/) [Anthony de Mello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-de-mello/) > [“And how about you? 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