--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: How many times in the past three months…" description: "\"“How many times in the past three months have I been reminded of Ruby's two selves, the careful courteous young woman who spoke so sweetly to strangers..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/anna-quindlen-467_real-woman_how-many-times-in-the-past-three-months_819304.jpg" --- # How many times in the past three months have I been… ![“How many times in the past three months have I been reminded of Ruby's two selves, the careful courteous young woman who spoke so sweetly to strangers and the person she let loose at home, where she was safe, where she could be spiky and harsh and uncertain and at sea? I have two selves now, too…” quote by Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/anna-quindlen-467_real-woman_how-many-times-in-the-past-three-months_819304.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/anna-quindlen-467_real-woman_how-many-times-in-the-past-three-months_819304.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d69/anna-quindlen-467_real-woman_how-many-times-in-the-past-three-months_819304.jpg) > ““How many times in the past three months have I been reminded of Ruby's two selves, the careful courteous young woman who spoke so sweetly to strangers and the person she let loose at home, where she was safe, where she could be spiky and harsh and uncertain and at sea? I have two selves now, too, the one that goes out in the world and says what sound like the right things and nods and listens and sometimes even smiles, and the real woman, who watches her in wonder, who is nothing but a wound, a wound that will not stop throbbing except when it is anesthetized. I know what the world wants: It wants me to heal. But to heal I would have to forget, and if I forget my family truly dies.”” [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The speaker describes the conflict between a socially acceptable persona and a deeper, wounded self that the world expects to be healed, yet healing may erase essential parts of identity. **In simple terms:** Two selves clash: the polite mask and the raw, hurting self. Key Takeaway Acknowledge and integrate both selves. Themes identity healing self‑acceptance social expectations Mood reflective conflicted Type personal psychological When to use this quote - personal relationships - therapy - career decisions - self‑reflection Key Concepts psychology authenticity trauma Questions to Reflect On - How do you balance societal roles with inner truth? - What parts of yourself are you willing to let go? A Different Perspective Healing may require confronting pain, not erasing it. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Real woman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/real-woman/) [Reminded Ruby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/reminded-ruby-362231/) [Ruby Selves](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ruby-selves-362230/) [Selves Careful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/selves-careful-362232/) [Three months](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/three-months/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) [Wants Heal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wants-heal-362234/) [Woman Spoke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/woman-spoke-362233/) [Young woman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/young-woman/) ## Related quotes > [“I was a young girl buying bubble gum at the corner store when I first really heard the full name bell hooks. 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God wants…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lydia-marshall/there-is-no-disease-no-sickness-no-problem-and-no-circumstance-that/) [Lydia Marshall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lydia-marshall/) > [“…if you have someone who wants to heal, sometime they will respond to the unconventional. Their minds are more open to healing, so their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daisy-whitney-when-you-were-here/if-you-have-someone-who-wants-to-heal-sometime-they-will-respond-to/) [Daisy Whitney 'When You Were Here](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daisy-whitney-when-you-were-here/) > [The Question is not how much are you going to accomplish? Or can you show some results? But are you in love with Jesus?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henri-nouwen/the-question-is-not-how-much-are-you-going-to-accomplish-or-can-you/) [Henri Nouwen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henri-nouwen/) > [“We conceal, but God wants to heal, and to do that, He must first expose.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-l-thomas/we-conceal-but-god-wants-to-heal-and-to-do-that-he-must-first-expose/) [Gary L. Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-l-thomas/) > [“God is alive, real, and wants to heal you in every aspect of your life where you are hurting.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-a-schuller/god-is-alive-real-and-wants-to-heal-you-in-every-aspect-of-your-life/) [Robert A. Schuller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-a-schuller/) > [A girl will tell you that she loves you but a real woman will show it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/km-ii/a-girl-will-tell-you-that-she-loves-you-but-a-real-woman-will-show-it/) [KM II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/km-ii/) > [When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/when-i-first-came-out-i-thought-i-want-to-walk-like-a-real-woman-i/) [Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/) > [Any bitch can spend a mans money, ride in his car, lay in his house, order off the menu and spread her legs. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenya/any-bitch-can-spend-a-mans-money-ride-in-his-car-lay-in-his-house/) [Kenya](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenya/) > [A Real Woman... Appreciates God's design of men and woman, likes being a girl, behaves like a lady, cherishes her femininity and Knows that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/a-real-woman-appreciates-god-s-design-of-men-and-woman-likes-being-a/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) ## More by Anna Quindlen > [I think books in which people are really happy and things are going well are probably the most challenging novels there are to write,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/i-think-books-in-which-people-are-really-happy-and-things-are-going/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [Trying to be perfect may be inevitable for people who are smart and ambitious and interested in the world and its good opinion...What is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/trying-to-be-perfect-may-be-inevitable-for-people-who-are-smart-and/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [Sometimes change came all at once, with a sound like a fire taking hold of dry wood and paper, with a roar that rose…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/sometimes-change-came-all-at-once-with-a-sound-like-a-fire-taking/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [Loss as muse. Loss as character. Loss as life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/loss-as-muse-loss-as-character-loss-as-life/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [knowledge of our own mortality is the greatest gift God ever gives us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/knowledge-of-our-own-mortality-is-the-greatest-gift-god-ever-gives-us/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [You teach your 16-year-old with your heart in your mouth to be a good driver and none of that makes any difference when some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/you-teach-your-16-year-old-with-your-heart-in-your-mouth-to-be-a-good/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [Every reader, I suspect, has a book like this somewhere in his or her past, a book that seemed to hold within it, at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/every-reader-i-suspect-has-a-book-like-this-somewhere-in-his-or-her/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [“I’ve finally recognized my body for what it is: a personality-delivery system, designed expressly to carry my character from place to place, now and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/i-ve-finally-recognized-my-body-for-what-it-is-a-personality-delivery/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [A man who builds his own pedestal had better use strong cement.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/a-man-who-builds-his-own-pedestal-had-better-use-strong-cement/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [“In England I am always madam; I arrived too late to ever be a miss. In New York I have only been madamed once,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/in-england-i-am-always-madam-i-arrived-too-late-to-ever-be-a-miss-in/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [“Yet there was always in me, even when I was very small, the sense that I ought to be somewhere else. And wander I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/yet-there-was-always-in-me-even-when-i-was-very-small-the-sense-that/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [I can't think of a single downside to motherhood now.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/i-can-t-think-of-a-single-downside-to-motherhood-now/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [It would take a helluva man to replace no man at all.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/it-would-take-a-helluva-man-to-replace-no-man-at-all/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [Not writing at all leads to nothing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/not-writing-at-all-leads-to-nothing/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [Reading has always been my home, my sustenance, my great invincible companion. "Book love," Trollope called it. "It will make your hours pleasant to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/reading-has-always-been-my-home-my-sustenance-my-great-invincible/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) [Explore all 538 Anna Quindlen quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) ## More Real woman quotes > [A Real Woman... Appreciates God's design of men and woman, likes being a girl, behaves like a lady, cherishes her femininity and Knows that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/a-real-woman-appreciates-god-s-design-of-men-and-woman-likes-being-a/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [A girl will tell you that she loves you but a real woman will show it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/km-ii/a-girl-will-tell-you-that-she-loves-you-but-a-real-woman-will-show-it/) [KM II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/km-ii/) > [When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/when-i-first-came-out-i-thought-i-want-to-walk-like-a-real-woman-i/) [Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/) > [Any bitch can spend a mans money, ride in his car, lay in his house, order off the menu and spread her legs. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenya/any-bitch-can-spend-a-mans-money-ride-in-his-car-lay-in-his-house/) [Kenya](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenya/) > [You can break down a real woman temporarily but a real woman will always pick up the pieces, rebuild herself and come back even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-can-break-down-a-real-woman-temporarily-but-a-real-woman-will/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Classy and classic women are the women to go for .](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/classy-and-classic-women-are-the-women-to-go-for/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Classy women speak kind, encouraging words the trashy women. To have class is to have confidence. If the other women isn't going to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/classy-women-speak-kind-encouraging-words-the-trashy-women-to-have/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I understood that menstruation - the indication that you're a real woman - stopped if you grew weak from illness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aya-kito/i-understood-that-menstruation-the-indication-that-you-re-a-real/) [Aya Kito](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aya-kito/) > [When I got my braces removed, I felt more like a real woman, any traces of my childhood were stripped, just like the cold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christy-carlson-romano/when-i-got-my-braces-removed-i-felt-more-like-a-real-woman-any-traces/) [Christy Carlson Romano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christy-carlson-romano/) > [“There were some children round him playing in the dust on the paths. They had long fair hair, and with very earnest faces and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/guy-de-maupassant/there-were-some-children-round-him-playing-in-the-dust-on-the-paths/) [Guy de Maupassant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/guy-de-maupassant/) > [Real men cook, clean, wash dishes, do the laundry, fold the laundry, bathe the kids, & take out the trash.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/surgeo-bell/real-men-cook-clean-wash-dishes-do-the-laundry-fold-the-laundry-bathe/) [Surgeo Bell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/surgeo-bell/) > [Im real inside and out- I will never talk behind your back always to your face- I will never disrespect you just tell the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/megan-sartin/im-real-inside-and-out-i-will-never-talk-behind-your-back-always-to/) [Megan Sartin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/megan-sartin/) > [A real woman avoids drama, she knows her time is precious and she's not wasting it on unimportant people or things...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/a-real-woman-avoids-drama-she-knows-her-time-is-precious-and-she-s/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I dont need a girl 2 hold me down...i need a woman that can hold me up…FoodForThought](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lilgoodeye/i-dont-need-a-girl-2-hold-me-down-i-need-a-woman-that-can-hold-me-up/) [LiLGoodEye](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lilgoodeye/) > [“a real woman doesn't help u spend your money she helps u to make more money”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/blanco-vandam/a-real-woman-doesn-t-help-u-spend-your-money-she-helps-u-to-make-more/) [blanco vandam](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/blanco-vandam/) [Browse all 260 Real woman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/real-woman/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“How many times in the past three months have I been reminded of Ruby's two selves, the careful courteous young woman who spoke so sweetly to strangers and the person she let loose at home, where she was safe, where she could be spiky and harsh and uncertain and at sea? I have two selves now, too, the one that goes out in the world and says what sound like the right things and nods and listens and sometimes even smiles, and the real woman, who watches her in wonder, who is nothing but a wound, a wound that will not stop throbbing except when it is anesthetized. I know what the world wants: It wants me to heal. 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