--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I wish I'd been accepted sooner and…" description: "\"“I wish I'd been accepted sooner and better. When I was younger, not being accepted made me enraged, but now, I am not inclined to dismantle my history..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/andrew-solomon-1140_acceptance_i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-bett_2263507.jpg" --- # I wish I'd been accepted sooner and better. When I was… ![“I wish I'd been accepted sooner and better. When I was younger, not being accepted made me enraged, but now, I am not inclined to dismantle my history. If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes--and we become attached to the heroic strain in our personal history. We choose our own lives. It…” quote by Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/andrew-solomon-1140_acceptance_i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-bett_2263507.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/andrew-solomon-1140_acceptance_i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-bett_2263507.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/andrew-solomon-1140_acceptance_i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-bett_2263507.jpg) > ““I wish I'd been accepted sooner and better. When I was younger, not being accepted made me enraged, but now, I am not inclined to dismantle my history. If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes--and we become attached to the heroic strain in our personal history. We choose our own lives. It is not simply that we decide on the behaviors that construct our experience; when given our druthers, we elect to be ourselves. Most of us would like to be more successful or more beautiful or wealthier, and most people endure episodes of low self-esteem or even self-hatred. We despair a hundred times a day. But we retain the startling evolutionary imperative for the fact of ourselves, and with that splinter of grandiosity we redeem our flaws. These parents have, by and large, chosen to love their children, and many of them have chosen to value their own lives, even though they carry what much of the world considers an intolerable burden. Children with horizontal identities alter your self painfully; they also illuminate it. They are receptacles for rage and joy-even for salvation. When we love them, we achieve above all else the rapture of privileging what exists over what we have merely imagined. A follower of the Dalai Lama who had been imprisoned by the Chinese for decades was asked if he had ever been afraid in jail, and he said his fear was that he would lose compassion for his captors. Parents often think that they've captured something small and vulnerable, but the parents I've profiled here have been captured, locked up with their children's madness or genius or deformity, and the quest is never to lose compassion. A Buddhist scholar once explained to me that most Westerners mistakenly think that nirvana is what you arrive at when your suffering is over and only an eternity of happiness stretches ahead. But such bliss would always be shadowed by the sorrow of the past and would therefore be imperfect. Nirvana occurs when you not only look forward to rapture, but also gaze back into the times of anguish and find in them the seeds of your joy. You may not have felt that happiness at the time, but in retrospect it is incontrovertible. For some parents of children with horizontal identities, acceptance reaches its apogee when parents conclude that while they supposed that they were pinioned by a great and catastrophic loss of hope, they were in fact falling in love with someone they didn't yet know enough to want. As such parents look back, they see how every stage of loving their child has enriched them in ways they never would have conceived, ways that ar incalculably precious. Rumi said that light enters you at the bandaged place. This book's conundrum is that most of the families described here have ended up grateful for experiences they would have done anything to avoid.”” [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The quote explores how personal acceptance, self‑compassion, and embracing one's flaws are essential for growth, despite societal pressures for success and beauty. **In simple terms:** Accept yourself, flaws and all, to grow. Key Takeaway Cultivate self‑compassion and authenticity. Themes self‑acceptance compassion identity family growth Mood reflective hopeful Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - parenting challenges - mental health work - creative pursuits - spiritual practice Key Concepts psychology evolutionary biology Buddhist philosophy Questions to Reflect On - How can you practice compassion toward your own imperfections? - What societal expectations limit your authenticity? A Different Perspective Self‑acceptance can be hindered by external judgment and internalized shame. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Acceptance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/acceptance/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Falling in love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/falling-in-love/) [History](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/history/) [Identity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/identity/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Personal history](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/personal-history/) ## Related quotes > [When I was younger, not being accepted made me enraged, but now, I am not inclined to dismantle my history. If you banish the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/when-i-was-younger-not-being-accepted-made-me-enraged-but-now-i-am/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [“ . . . Because of a lack of self-confidence and an inability to function independently . . .” It may be easier to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-berent/because-of-a-lack-of-self-confidence-and-an-inability-to-function/) [Jonathan Berent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-berent/) > [“To consider yourself important means to have high self-esteem, as self-esteem is simply your own opinion of yourself-how valuable you deem yourself to be.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/to-consider-yourself-important-means-to-have-high-self-esteem-as-self/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Material esteem is not self esteem. One allows A person to feel good because of earthly possessions. The other allows a person to feel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terrance-battle/material-esteem-is-not-self-esteem-one-allows-a-person-to-feel-good/) Terrance Battle > [You can't let someone else lower your self-esteem, because that's what it is - self-esteem. You need to first love yourself before you have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/winnie-harlow/you-can-t-let-someone-else-lower-your-self-esteem-because-that-s-what/) [Winnie Harlow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/winnie-harlow/) > [“The massive interest in self-esteem and self-worth exists because it is trying to help us with a real problem. The problem is that we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-t-welch/the-massive-interest-in-self-esteem-and-self-worth-exists-because-it/) [Edward T. Welch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-t-welch/) > [In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-haddam/in-my-day-we-didn-t-have-self-esteem-we-had-self-respect-and-no-more/) [Jane Haddam](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-haddam/) > [You life changes when you focus on self-love, self-esteem, and self-confidence. Only your opinions of self matter. Respect yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-life-changes-when-you-focus-on-self-love-self-esteem-and-self/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Self-esteem and self-love are the opposites of fear; the more you like yourself, the less you fear anything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-tracy/self-esteem-and-self-love-are-the-opposites-of-fear-the-more-you-like/) [Brian Tracy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-tracy/) > [Be there for others but not at the cost your committed way of living.Be yourself & never allow to define your life by others.Never…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dranil-kr-sinha/be-there-for-others-but-not-at-the-cost-your-committed-way-of-living/) [DrAnil Kr Sinha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dranil-kr-sinha/) > [“Encouraging others will help you achieve success, because happy people with high self-esteem and self-confidence are more willing to work harder. Also, they would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-taskinsoy/encouraging-others-will-help-you-achieve-success-because-happy-people/) [JOHN TASKINSOY](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-taskinsoy/) > [Self esteem is not the same as being self centered, self absorbed or selfish. Self esteem is also not complacency or overconfidence, both of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glenn-r-schiraldi/self-esteem-is-not-the-same-as-being-self-centered-self-absorbed-or/) Glenn R. Schiraldi > [“Self care, self love. Self esteem, self confidence”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/self-care-self-love-self-esteem-self-confidence/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [“Encouraging others will help you achieve own success. It is scientifically proven that happy people with high self-esteem and self-confidence are more willing to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-taskinsoy/encouraging-others-will-help-you-achieve-own-success-it-is/) [JOHN TASKINSOY](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-taskinsoy/) > [The prettiest girl could have low self-esteem because self-esteem is based on what SHE thinks of herself and not what others think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-parker/the-prettiest-girl-could-have-low-self-esteem-because-self-esteem-is/) [Sonya Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-parker/) ## More by Andrew Solomon > [“If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes...”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/if-you-banish-the-dragons-you-banish-the-heroes/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [I started traveling out of curiosity, but I have come to believe in travel's political importance, that encouraging a nation's citizenry to travel may…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-started-traveling-out-of-curiosity-but-i-have-come-to-believe-in/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [When I was born, the wisdom was that homosexuality was an illness; that it was caused largely by somebody's mother, and a distorted relationship…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/when-i-was-born-the-wisdom-was-that-homosexuality-was-an-illness-that/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [A lot of people are very political when they are young, and then they outgrow it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/a-lot-of-people-are-very-political-when-they-are-young-and-then-they/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [Having always imagined myself in a fairly slim minority, I suddenly saw that I was in a vast company. Difference unites us. While each…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/having-always-imagined-myself-in-a-fairly-slim-minority-i-suddenly/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [If your love didn't always contain the possibility of loss, it would be very different from human love as we know it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/if-your-love-didn-t-always-contain-the-possibility-of-loss-it-would/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [Antonin Artaud wrote on one of his drawings, "Never real and always true," and that is how depression feels. You know that it is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/antonin-artaud-wrote-on-one-of-his-drawings-never-real-and-always/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [I met people on college campuses who were defining themselves as genderqueer to express revolutionary feelings, or to communicate their individuality; they were gender…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-met-people-on-college-campuses-who-were-defining-themselves-as/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [“In the throws of depression, one reaches a strange point at which it is impossible to see the line between ones own theatricality and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/in-the-throws-of-depression-one-reaches-a-strange-point-at-which-it/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [“Since I am writing a book about depression, I am often asked in social situations to describe my own experiences, and I usually end…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/since-i-am-writing-a-book-about-depression-i-am-often-asked-in-social/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [Loving our own children is an exercise for the imagination.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/loving-our-own-children-is-an-exercise-for-the-imagination/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [One the one hand, the simple fact that there are children and that I do have an effect on them has been one of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/one-the-one-hand-the-simple-fact-that-there-are-children-and-that-i/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [I grew up feeling that to be gay was a tragedy. I didn't grow up thinking that it was morally wrong, but I grew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-grew-up-feeling-that-to-be-gay-was-a-tragedy-i-didn-t-grow-up/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [We need to acknowledge that families come in multiple shapes and sizes, that love is not a finite asset, and that caregiving involves more…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/we-need-to-acknowledge-that-families-come-in-multiple-shapes-and/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [I had always wanted to have children, so it caused me a lot of grief when I was younger, and I had supposed that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-had-always-wanted-to-have-children-so-it-caused-me-a-lot-of-grief/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) [Explore all 282 Andrew Solomon quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) ## More Acceptance quotes > [We only enter into the full life if our faith gives thanks. Because how else do we accept His free gift of salvation if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-voskamp/we-only-enter-into-the-full-life-if-our-faith-gives-thanks-because/) [Ann Voskamp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ann-voskamp/) > [You dont choose your life; it chooses you. Theres no point asking why life has reserved certain joys or griefs, you just accept them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/you-dont-choose-your-life-it-chooses-you-theres-no-point-asking-why/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [Losing someone is easy, but accepting it is hard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/losing-someone-is-easy-but-accepting-it-is-hard/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [When one fib becomes due as it were, you must forge another to take up the old acceptance; and so the stock of your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-makepeace-thackeray/when-one-fib-becomes-due-as-it-were-you-must-forge-another-to-take-up/) [William Makepeace Thackeray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-makepeace-thackeray/) > [Acceptance of death when it arrives is one thing, but to allow it to upstage the joys of living is ingratitude.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ronald-blythe/acceptance-of-death-when-it-arrives-is-one-thing-but-to-allow-it-to/) [Ronald Blythe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ronald-blythe/) > [“Loving someone who does not love you back hurts, alot, i know. It is liking seeing these pair of shoes at the retail store…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nomthandazo-tsembeni/loving-someone-who-does-not-love-you-back-hurts-alot-i-know-it-is/) [Nomthandazo Tsembeni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nomthandazo-tsembeni/) > [Take responsibily for your past, the bad memories of poor decisions you took were your choices once, and you liked them for the moment…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aruho-marvin/take-responsibily-for-your-past-the-bad-memories-of-poor-decisions/) [Aruho Marvin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aruho-marvin/) > [Let us learn to accept and appreciate things now, and we'll find more happiness in every moment we live. Happiness comes when we stop…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glen-rambharack/let-us-learn-to-accept-and-appreciate-things-now-and-we-ll-find-more/) [Glen Rambharack](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glen-rambharack/) > [“Love first; ask questions later.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-courtney/love-first-ask-questions-later/) [Jeremy Courtney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-courtney/) > [“There was beauty in chaos, she'd just never known it before.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amanda-linsmeier/there-was-beauty-in-chaos-she-d-just-never-known-it-before/) [Amanda Linsmeier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amanda-linsmeier/) > [Accepting the challenges in life makes it interesting and overcoming them makes it eloquent.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/accepting-the-challenges-in-life-makes-it-interesting-and-overcoming/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Acceptance is the only thing you should teach. Be it Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Dalit, you must inculcate acceptance, not tolerance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kamal-haasan/acceptance-is-the-only-thing-you-should-teach-be-it-christian-muslim/) [Kamal Haasan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kamal-haasan/) > [There just seems to be more acceptance now of other kinds of British films, than the picture-postcard ones.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-roth/there-just-seems-to-be-more-acceptance-now-of-other-kinds-of-british/) [Tim Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-roth/) > [You should never hate anyone, even your worst enemies. Everyone has something good about them. You have to find the redeeming quality and love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeannette-walls/you-should-never-hate-anyone-even-your-worst-enemies-everyone-has/) [Jeannette Walls](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeannette-walls/) > [The sense that in this universe we are treated as strangers, the longing to be acknowledged, to meet with some response, to bridge some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-sense-that-in-this-universe-we-are-treated-as-strangers-the/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) [Browse all 3,960 Acceptance quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/acceptance/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I wish I'd been accepted sooner and better. When I was younger, not being accepted made me enraged, but now, I am not inclined to dismantle my history. If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes--and we become attached to the heroic strain in our personal history. We choose our own lives. It is not simply that we decide on the behaviors that construct our experience; when given our druthers, we elect to be ourselves. Most of us would like to be more successful or more beautiful or wealthier, and most people endure episodes of low self-esteem or even self-hatred. We despair a hundred times a day. But we retain the startling evolutionary imperative for the fact of ourselves, and with that splinter of grandiosity we redeem our flaws. These parents have, by and large, chosen to love their children, and many of them have chosen to value their own lives, even though they carry what much of the world considers an intolerable burden. Children with horizontal identities alter your self painfully; they also illuminate it. They are receptacles for rage and joy-even for salvation. When we love them, we achieve above all else the rapture of privileging what exists over what we have merely imagined. A follower of the Dalai Lama who had been imprisoned by the Chinese for decades was asked if he had ever been afraid in jail, and he said his fear was that he would lose compassion for his captors. Parents often think that they've captured something small and vulnerable, but the parents I've profiled here have been captured, locked up with their children's madness or genius or deformity, and the quest is never to lose compassion. A Buddhist scholar once explained to me that most Westerners mistakenly think that nirvana is what you arrive at when your suffering is over and only an eternity of happiness stretches ahead. But such bliss would always be shadowed by the sorrow of the past and would therefore be imperfect. Nirvana occurs when you not only look forward to rapture, but also gaze back into the times of anguish and find in them the seeds of your joy. You may not have felt that happiness at the time, but in retrospect it is incontrovertible. For some parents of children with horizontal identities, acceptance reaches its apogee when parents conclude that while they supposed that they were pinioned by a great and catastrophic loss of hope, they were in fact falling in love with someone they didn't yet know enough to want. As such parents look back, they see how every stage of loving their child has enriched them in ways they never would have conceived, ways that ar incalculably precious. Rumi said that light enters you at the bandaged place. This book's conundrum is that most of the families described here have ended up grateful for experiences they would have done anything to avoid.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Andrew Solomon" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-better-when-i-was-younger-not/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Acceptance" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-better-when-i-was-younger-not/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/andrew-solomon-1140_acceptance_i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-bett_2263507.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/andrew-solomon-1140_acceptance_i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-bett_2263507.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/158/andrew-solomon-1140_acceptance_i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-bett_2263507.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wish I'd been accepted sooner and better. When I was younger, not being accepted made me enraged, but now…” — Andrew Solomon", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Andrew Solomon", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“I wish I'd been accepted sooner...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-better-when-i-was-younger-not/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-wish-i-d-been-accepted-sooner-and-better-when-i-was-younger-not/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```