--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I still remember the moment. I ordered a…" description: "\"“I still remember the moment. I ordered a chicken salad and it tasted like chalk. I knew I was depressed. And I went downhill so fast. That’s when I re..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bd/andrew-solomon-1140_suicide_i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a_2296212.jpg" --- # I still remember the moment. I ordered a chicken salad and… ![“I still remember the moment. I ordered a chicken salad and it tasted like chalk. I knew I was depressed. And I went downhill so fast. That’s when I really started drinking. I just did everything to fuck myself up to the bitter end. I would just black out and drink and black out and drink and black…” quote by Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bd/andrew-solomon-1140_suicide_i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a_2296212.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bd/andrew-solomon-1140_suicide_i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a_2296212.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bd/andrew-solomon-1140_suicide_i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a_2296212.jpg) > ““I still remember the moment. I ordered a chicken salad and it tasted like chalk. I knew I was depressed. And I went downhill so fast. That’s when I really started drinking. I just did everything to fuck myself up to the bitter end. I would just black out and drink and black out and drink and black out and drink. I always left suicide notes: if I don’t wake up, call my mother. I was using alcohol to kill myself. It was the easiest drug I knew; it was cheap; it was accessible. And it is respectable.”” [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Depression can lead to self‑destructive coping, but acknowledging it is a step toward help. **In simple terms:** Depression may cause harmful habits. Key Takeaway Seek help and healthier coping. Themes mental health addiction suicide risk Mood somber hopeful Type cautionary reflective When to use this quote - therapy - support groups - medical treatment Key Concepts self‑destruction coping mechanisms accessibility of substances Questions to Reflect On - What healthier coping can you try? - Who can you trust for support? A Different Perspective Stigma may prevent seeking help. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Drink Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drink-black-499801/) [Kill Myself](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kill-myself/) [Knew Depressed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/knew-depressed-5414369/) [Started Drinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/started-drinking-413784/) [Suicide](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suicide/) [Suicide Notes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suicide-notes-1844724/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) [Wake up call](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wake-up-call/) ## Related quotes > [Black coffee must be strong and very hot; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee. And if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-simon/black-coffee-must-be-strong-and-very-hot-if-strong-coffee-does-not/) [Andre Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-simon/) > [As a rule, I do not approve of messing around with coffee. No sugar, no milk, no chocolate, hazelnuts, cinnamon, no nothing… Just drink…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/klay-thompson/as-a-rule-i-do-not-approve-of-messing-around-with-coffee-no-sugar-no/) [Klay Thompson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/klay-thompson/) > [You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-letterman/you-re-not-really-drinking-coffee-unless-you-drink-it-black-don-t-you/) [David Letterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-letterman/) > [We got a little rule back home: If it's brown, drink it down. If it's black, send it back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/homer/we-got-a-little-rule-back-home-if-it-s-brown-drink-it-down-if-it-s/) [Homer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/homer/) > [So for me, my vice and big challenge is coffee intake. I drink black, organic coffee, but I drink way too much.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabe-kapler/so-for-me-my-vice-and-big-challenge-is-coffee-intake-i-drink-black/) [Gabe Kapler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabe-kapler/) > [Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jilly-cooper/never-drink-black-coffee-at-lunch-it-will-keep-you-awake-all-afternoon/) [Jilly Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jilly-cooper/) > [“Gross! How on earth do people drink black coffee? Outside of pioneer times when they had no other choice?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aven-ellis/gross-how-on-earth-do-people-drink-black-coffee-outside-of-pioneer/) [Aven Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aven-ellis/) > [“The sound was still off. In the movie, the girl and the woman had gotten into a car and were driving somewhere. They were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ford-michael-thomas/the-sound-was-still-off-in-the-movie-the-girl-and-the-woman-had/) [Ford Michael Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ford-michael-thomas/) > [“David Goodis didn’t write novels, he wrote suicide notes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ed-gorman/david-goodis-didn-t-write-novels-he-wrote-suicide-notes/) [Ed Gorman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ed-gorman/) > [The few remaining truths are graffiti, suicide notes, shopping lists.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francesca-da-rimini/the-few-remaining-truths-are-graffiti-suicide-notes-shopping-lists/) [Francesca Da Rimini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francesca-da-rimini/) > [You never can tell, though, with suicide notes, can you? In the planetary aggregate of all life, there are many more suicide notes than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-amis/you-never-can-tell-though-with-suicide-notes-can-you-in-the-planetary/) [Martin Amis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-amis/) > [“In his study of suicide notes titled…Or Not To Be, Marc Etkind contrasts the self-victimizing thinking of the late Kurt Cobain with the ownership…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-chandler/in-his-study-of-suicide-notes-titled-or-not-to-be-marc-etkind/) [Steve Chandler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-chandler/) > [The language of love letters is the same as suicide notes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/courtney-love/the-language-of-love-letters-is-the-same-as-suicide-notes/) [Courtney Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/courtney-love/) > [“It seems that rather than abandon their worldview, many young people are abandoning their lives altogether. I am disturbed to see the number of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-morrison/it-seems-that-rather-than-abandon-their-worldview-many-young-people/) [Jon Morrison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-morrison/) > [“-I have dreamed of escape, a forever -to burn your suicide notes she read in Braille -and the stars of dawn's trousseau”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-stanford/i-have-dreamed-of-escape-a-forever-to-burn-your-suicide-notes-she/) [Frank Stanford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-stanford/) ## More by Andrew Solomon > [“If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes...”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/if-you-banish-the-dragons-you-banish-the-heroes/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [I started traveling out of curiosity, but I have come to believe in travel's political importance, that encouraging a nation's citizenry to travel may…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-started-traveling-out-of-curiosity-but-i-have-come-to-believe-in/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [When I was born, the wisdom was that homosexuality was an illness; that it was caused largely by somebody's mother, and a distorted relationship…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/when-i-was-born-the-wisdom-was-that-homosexuality-was-an-illness-that/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [A lot of people are very political when they are young, and then they outgrow it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/a-lot-of-people-are-very-political-when-they-are-young-and-then-they/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [Having always imagined myself in a fairly slim minority, I suddenly saw that I was in a vast company. Difference unites us. While each…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/having-always-imagined-myself-in-a-fairly-slim-minority-i-suddenly/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [If your love didn't always contain the possibility of loss, it would be very different from human love as we know it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/if-your-love-didn-t-always-contain-the-possibility-of-loss-it-would/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [Antonin Artaud wrote on one of his drawings, "Never real and always true," and that is how depression feels. You know that it is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/antonin-artaud-wrote-on-one-of-his-drawings-never-real-and-always/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [I met people on college campuses who were defining themselves as genderqueer to express revolutionary feelings, or to communicate their individuality; they were gender…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-met-people-on-college-campuses-who-were-defining-themselves-as/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [“In the throws of depression, one reaches a strange point at which it is impossible to see the line between ones own theatricality and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/in-the-throws-of-depression-one-reaches-a-strange-point-at-which-it/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [“Since I am writing a book about depression, I am often asked in social situations to describe my own experiences, and I usually end…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/since-i-am-writing-a-book-about-depression-i-am-often-asked-in-social/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [Loving our own children is an exercise for the imagination.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/loving-our-own-children-is-an-exercise-for-the-imagination/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [One the one hand, the simple fact that there are children and that I do have an effect on them has been one of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/one-the-one-hand-the-simple-fact-that-there-are-children-and-that-i/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [I grew up feeling that to be gay was a tragedy. I didn't grow up thinking that it was morally wrong, but I grew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-grew-up-feeling-that-to-be-gay-was-a-tragedy-i-didn-t-grow-up/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [We need to acknowledge that families come in multiple shapes and sizes, that love is not a finite asset, and that caregiving involves more…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/we-need-to-acknowledge-that-families-come-in-multiple-shapes-and/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) > [I had always wanted to have children, so it caused me a lot of grief when I was younger, and I had supposed that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-had-always-wanted-to-have-children-so-it-caused-me-a-lot-of-grief/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) [Explore all 282 Andrew Solomon quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) ## More Suicide quotes > [I've always been fascinated by the idea that there's no such thing as evil; it's all in your point of view. To one group…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eli-roth/i-ve-always-been-fascinated-by-the-idea-that-there-s-no-such-thing-as/) [Eli Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eli-roth/) > [I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/i-m-catholic-and-i-can-t-commit-suicide-but-i-plan-to-drink-myself-to/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [We hear war called murder. It is not; it is suicide.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/we-hear-war-called-murder-it-is-not-it-is-suicide/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [If I died If I died tonight would you notice? Would you even care? If I died tonight would you find it humorous? Would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-i-died-if-i-died-tonight-would-you-notice-would-you-even-care-if-i/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [My bodies cold lips are blue why did I do this because of you? I feel the earth below me like a pillow under…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nik-is-dead/my-bodies-cold-lips-are-blue-why-did-i-do-this-because-of-you-i-feel/) [Nik Is Dead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nik-is-dead/) > [When people are suicidal, their thinking is paralyzed, their options appear spare or nonexistent, their mood is despairing, and hopelessness permeates their entire mental…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kay-redfield-jamison/when-people-are-suicidal-their-thinking-is-paralyzed-their-options/) [Kay Redfield Jamison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kay-redfield-jamison/) > [“The walls of the cell fell away, the sky came down, I saw the big yellow bird.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/truman-capote/the-walls-of-the-cell-fell-away-the-sky-came-down-i-saw-the-big/) [Truman Capote](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/truman-capote/) > [I lay on my floor crying again¦ shaking. Searching for inner strength and coming up empty. My eyes burned and my mouth was dry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nathan-daniels/i-lay-on-my-floor-crying-again-shaking-searching-for-inner-strength/) [Nathan Daniels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nathan-daniels/) > [“Why do people kill themselves? I think they do it when they can no longer find a reason to keep going. When nothing in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-beth-miller/why-do-people-kill-themselves-i-think-they-do-it-when-they-can-no/) [Mary Beth Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-beth-miller/) > [“No," I say. "I didn't know that," and as I say it I feel flooded with bitterness at all the things Ingrid kept secret…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nina-lacour/no-i-say-i-didn-t-know-that-and-as-i-say-it-i-feel-flooded-with/) [Nina LaCour](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nina-lacour/) > [You don't have to be Sigmund Freud to surmise that war has a perverse appeal for the human race, nor is the attraction limited…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ellen-willis/you-don-t-have-to-be-sigmund-freud-to-surmise-that-war-has-a-perverse/) [Ellen Willis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ellen-willis/) > [“And thus they form a perfect group; he walks back two or three paces, selects his point of sight, and begins to sketch a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-elizabeth-braddon/and-thus-they-form-a-perfect-group-he-walks-back-two-or-three-paces/) [Mary Elizabeth Braddon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-elizabeth-braddon/) > [Why don't you pass the gun around and give everyone a shot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-cooper/why-don-t-you-pass-the-gun-around-and-give-everyone-a-shot/) [Alice Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-cooper/) > [ The question is whether \[suicide\] is the way out, or the way in. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ralph-waldo-emerson/the-question-is-whether-suicide-is-the-way-out-or-the-way-in/) [Ralph Waldo Emerson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ralph-waldo-emerson/) > [“I want him to live if HE wants to live. If he doesn't, then by forcing him to carry on, you, me… we become…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jojo-moyes/i-want-him-to-live-if-he-wants-to-live-if-he-doesn-t-then-by-forcing/) [Jojo Moyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jojo-moyes/) [Browse all 3,631 Suicide quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suicide/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I still remember the moment. I ordered a chicken salad and it tasted like chalk. I knew I was depressed. And I went downhill so fast. That’s when I really started drinking. I just did everything to fuck myself up to the bitter end. I would just black out and drink and black out and drink and black out and drink. I always left suicide notes: if I don’t wake up, call my mother. I was using alcohol to kill myself. It was the easiest drug I knew; it was cheap; it was accessible. And it is respectable.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Andrew Solomon" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a-chicken-salad-and-it-tasted/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Suicide" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a-chicken-salad-and-it-tasted/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bd/andrew-solomon-1140_suicide_i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a_2296212.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bd/andrew-solomon-1140_suicide_i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a_2296212.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bd/andrew-solomon-1140_suicide_i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a_2296212.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I still remember the moment. I ordered a chicken salad and it tasted like chalk. I knew I was depressed. And…” — Andrew Solomon", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Andrew Solomon", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“I still remember the moment. I...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a-chicken-salad-and-it-tasted/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/i-still-remember-the-moment-i-ordered-a-chicken-salad-and-it-tasted/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```