---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Perhaps we were friends first and lovers…"
description: "\"Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.\" — André Aciman"
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/andre-aciman-459_firsts_perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers_1615174.png"
---

#  Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then…

![“Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.” quote by André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/andre-aciman-459_firsts_perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers_1615174.png)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/andre-aciman-459_firsts_perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers_1615174.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/andre-aciman-459_firsts_perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers_1615174.png)

> “Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.”

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

Friendship may precede romance, suggesting love evolves from deep companionship.

**In simple terms:** Love grows from friendship.

Key Takeaway

Nurture deep bonds before expecting romance.

Themes

friendship love evolution

Mood

intimate reflective

Type

literary philosophical

When to use this quote

- dating advice
- relationship counseling
- personal reflection

Key Concepts

relationship dynamics emotional intimacy

Questions to Reflect On

- Can a friendship survive without romance?
- How does friendship shape love?

A Different Perspective

Romantic expectations can complicate pure friendship.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Friends](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friends/) [Friendship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friendship/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Lovers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lovers/)

## Related quotes

> [“I was mistaken—and I don’t think I was—that what we had between us was the total transparency that exists among friends only. Perhaps we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/i-was-mistaken-and-i-don-t-think-i-was-that-what-we-had-between-us/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“Though the trials of life are never easy, someone to stand with you and help you with your burdens is one of the true…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/micheal-rivers/though-the-trials-of-life-are-never-easy-someone-to-stand-with-you/)

[Micheal Rivers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/micheal-rivers/)

> [“Find out how Claude and Kelly end up from being Friends 2 Lovers as you follow them through their disappointing, confusing, loving, shocking,encouraging, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-anthony-burkett/find-out-how-claude-and-kelly-end-up-from-being-friends-2-lovers-as/)

[Jonathan Anthony Burkett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-anthony-burkett/)

> [Just to prove i was right that it's harder to be friends than lovers and you shouldn't try and mix the two, cause if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/liz-phair/just-to-prove-i-was-right-that-it-s-harder-to-be-friends-than-lovers/)

[Liz Phair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/liz-phair/)

> [There are things I can do only for her for we were more than best friends and less than lovers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/raj/there-are-things-i-can-do-only-for-her-for-we-were-more-than-best/)

[Raj](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/raj/)

> [Become friends first before you ever become lovers, Get Jesus as your foundation before you get under the covers. you see when you becomes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jefferson-bethke/become-friends-first-before-you-ever-become-lovers-get-jesus-as-your/)

[Jefferson Bethke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jefferson-bethke/)

> [Better friends than lovers. Sugar can't you see? You need you and I really need me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aretha-franklin/better-friends-than-lovers-sugar-can-t-you-see-you-need-you-and-i/)

[Aretha Franklin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aretha-franklin/)

> [Its funny how, Friends become lovers, lovers become strangers and the people you know become the people you knew.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rashida-rowe/its-funny-how-friends-become-lovers-lovers-become-strangers-and-the/)

[Rashida Rowe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rashida-rowe/)

> [Friends--or lovers--are not always available to each other. Inner turmoils can cause us to be unhearing when someone needs us, to need to receive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madeleine-l-engle/friends-or-lovers-are-not-always-available-to-each-other-inner/)

[Madeleine L'Engle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madeleine-l-engle/)

> [First we were friends, Then we were lovers, but now we act as if we don't know each other..&gt;.&lt;](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jochelle-dimitui/first-we-were-friends-then-we-were-lovers-but-now-we-act-as-if-we-don/)

Jochelle Dimitui

> [MORE than FRIENDS..less than LOVERS.. -is indeed da HARDEST RELATIONSHIP of ALL..¢](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joanne-lobedica/more-than-friends-less-than-lovers-is-indeed-da-hardest-relationship/)

[Joanne Lobedica](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joanne-lobedica/)

> [Eventually you love people - friends or lovers - because of their flaws.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-allen/eventually-you-love-people-friends-or-lovers-because-of-their-flaws/)

[Karen Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-allen/)

> [More than friends but less than lovers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank/more-than-friends-but-less-than-lovers/)

[Frank](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank/)

> [Friends, Lovers Come &amp; Goes But Candies Are Always Sweet -](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/km-ii/friends-lovers-come-goes-but-candies-are-always-sweet/)

[KM II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/km-ii/)

> [Friends, lovers, or nothing, we can really only ever be one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-mayer/friends-lovers-or-nothing-we-can-really-only-ever-be-one/)

[John Mayer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-mayer/)

## More by André Aciman

> [Don't all writers have a hidden nerve, call it a secret chamber, something irreducibly theirs, which stirs their prose and makes it tick and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/don-t-all-writers-have-a-hidden-nerve-call-it-a-secret-chamber/)

[Andre Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“I wanted him to remember the morning on Monet's berm when I'd kissed him not the first but the second time and given him…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/i-wanted-him-to-remember-the-morning-on-monet-s-berm-when-i-d-kissed/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [Rituals are how we step into our private field of dreams, a small Elysium all our own. Rituals are made not just for us,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/rituals-are-how-we-step-into-our-private-field-of-dreams-a-small/)

[Andre Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“I desperately wanted to give him something. By contrast, taking seemed so bland, so facile, so mechanical.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/i-desperately-wanted-to-give-him-something-by-contrast-taking-seemed/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“The man who'll lay the last stone here isn't even born yet.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/the-man-who-ll-lay-the-last-stone-here-isn-t-even-born-yet/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [Proust is interested in minutiae because life, as he sees it, is seldom ever about things but about our impression of things, not about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/proust-is-interested-in-minutiae-because-life-as-he-sees-it-is-seldom/)

[Andre Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“Well, since you're not going to do anything with me—can you at least read me a story? I'd settle for that. I wanted him…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/well-since-you-re-not-going-to-do-anything-with-me-can-you-at-least/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“This is heaven.” And I wouldn’t hear him say another word for at least an hour. There was nothing I loved more in life…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/this-is-heaven-and-i-wouldn-t-hear-him-say-another-word-for-at-least/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“He loved the sticky taste. What had I done? I told him and pointed to the bruised evidence sitting on my desk. “Let me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/he-loved-the-sticky-taste-what-had-i-done-i-told-him-and-pointed-to/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“When had they separated us, you and me, Oliver? And why did I know it, and why didn't you?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/when-had-they-separated-us-you-and-me-oliver-and-why-did-i-know-it/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“As we were swimming back, he asked as though it were an afterthought, “Are you going to hold last night against me?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/as-we-were-swimming-back-he-asked-as-though-it-were-an-afterthought/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“To be with you. To be with you, Oliver. With or without my bathing suit. To be with you on my bed. In your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/to-be-with-you-to-be-with-you-oliver-with-or-without-my-bathing-suit/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“I thought I could ever want another living soul, gently, softly, and, with the kindness one Jew extends to another, work his way into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/i-thought-i-could-ever-want-another-living-soul-gently-softly-and/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [“Oliver: But there's the catch: you're still twenty years younger than those gathered around you, which is why I can be twenty-four in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/oliver-but-there-s-the-catch-you-re-still-twenty-years-younger-than/)

[André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

> [I cannot write if there is a sense of plenitude. I have to hypothesize that there is a loss.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/i-cannot-write-if-there-is-a-sense-of-plenitude-i-have-to-hypothesize/)

[Andre Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

[Explore all 527 André Aciman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/)

## More Firsts quotes

> [I always say there are two things to be successful. The first is decide exactly what you want - set your goals - and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-tracy/i-always-say-there-are-two-things-to-be-successful-the-first-is/)

[Brian Tracy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-tracy/)

> [My first ever job after college was as a flight attendant. I wanted to travel and could not afford it, so I decided to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacqueline-winspear/my-first-ever-job-after-college-was-as-a-flight-attendant-i-wanted-to/)

[Jacqueline Winspear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacqueline-winspear/)

> [Since I worked with Danny Boyle before on Slumdog Millionaire, we have great success and everything. So, when I first got the script and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-r-rahman/since-i-worked-with-danny-boyle-before-on-slumdog-millionaire-we-have/)

[A. R. Rahman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-r-rahman/)

> [You sort of can't talk about the post production unless you talk about what comes first.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-greengrass/you-sort-of-can-t-talk-about-the-post-production-unless-you-talk/)

[Paul Greengrass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-greengrass/)

> [I'm a business first and foremost so whatever my business is, it's separate from my personal. It's like whatever I do business wise, it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/snoop-dogg/i-m-a-business-first-and-foremost-so-whatever-my-business-is-it-s/)

[Snoop Dogg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/snoop-dogg/)

> [A man walks down the street. It's a street in a strange world. Maybe it's the third world. Maybe it's his first time around.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-simon/a-man-walks-down-the-street-it-s-a-street-in-a-strange-world-maybe-it/)

[Paul Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-simon/)

> [I did not know that the planning for biological and chemical warfare was so widespread in England, and even in France before France fell.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicholson-baker/i-did-not-know-that-the-planning-for-biological-and-chemical-warfare/)

[Nicholson Baker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicholson-baker/)

> [The biggest change for me as a mom was realizing I needed to put someone else before me. Now the hardest part about the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kim-alexis/the-biggest-change-for-me-as-a-mom-was-realizing-i-needed-to-put/)

[Kim Alexis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kim-alexis/)

> [When I first started, my message was about joy, but I didn't really have the vocabulary and life experience to fully deliver it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jason-mraz/when-i-first-started-my-message-was-about-joy-but-i-didn-t-really/)

[Jason Mraz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jason-mraz/)

> [I'm very used to working with first time actors - you can just look back at 'E.T.' with Drew Barrymore, and Christian Bale from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-spielberg/i-m-very-used-to-working-with-first-time-actors-you-can-just-look/)

[Steven Spielberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-spielberg/)

> [I have lifted my plane . . . for perhaps a thousand flights and I have never felt her wheels glide from the Earth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beryl-markham/i-have-lifted-my-plane-for-perhaps-a-thousand-flights-and-i-have/)

[Beryl Markham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beryl-markham/)

> [We need a system that serves our needs, not the needs of others. Remember, under a Trump administration it's called America first. Remember that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-trump/we-need-a-system-that-serves-our-needs-not-the-needs-of-others/)

[Donald Trump](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-trump/)

> [The U.S.-Mexican border es un herida abierta where the Third World grates against the first and bleeds. And before a scab forms it hemorrhages…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gloria-e-anzald-a/the-u-s-mexican-border-es-un-herida-abierta-where-the-third-world/)

[Gloria E. Anzaldúa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gloria-e-anzald-a/)

> [Meanwhile someone is shining my head to get it dry to attach my top-hat to my head with toupee tape. I get into microphone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tituss-burgess/meanwhile-someone-is-shining-my-head-to-get-it-dry-to-attach-my-top/)

[Tituss Burgess](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tituss-burgess/)

> [Peace is the first thing the angels sang. Peace is the mark of the children of God. Peace is the nurse of love. Peace…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-leo-i/peace-is-the-first-thing-the-angels-sang-peace-is-the-mark-of-the/)

[Pope Leo I](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-leo-i/)

Browse all 32,432 Firsts quotes

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "André Aciman"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers-second-but-then-perhaps-this/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Firsts"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers-second-but-then-perhaps-this/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/andre-aciman-459_firsts_perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers_1615174.png",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/andre-aciman-459_firsts_perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers_1615174.png",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f18/andre-aciman-459_firsts_perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers_1615174.png",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.” — André Aciman",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "André Aciman",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "Perhaps we were friends first and...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers-second-but-then-perhaps-this/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/perhaps-we-were-friends-first-and-lovers-second-but-then-perhaps-this/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
