--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Am I pushing or dying? the light up…" description: "\"“Am I pushing or dying? the light up there, the immense round blazing white light is drinking me. It drinks me slowly, inspires me into space. If I do ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e93/anais-nin-288_darkness_am-i-pushing-or-dying-the-light-up-there_438741.jpg" --- # Am I pushing or dying? the light up there, the immense… ![“Am I pushing or dying? the light up there, the immense round blazing white light is drinking me. It drinks me slowly, inspires me into space. If I do not close my eyes, it will drink all of me. I seep upward, in long icy threads, too light, and yet inside me there is a fire too, the nerves are…” quote by Anaïs Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e93/anais-nin-288_darkness_am-i-pushing-or-dying-the-light-up-there_438741.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e93/anais-nin-288_darkness_am-i-pushing-or-dying-the-light-up-there_438741.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e93/anais-nin-288_darkness_am-i-pushing-or-dying-the-light-up-there_438741.jpg) > ““Am I pushing or dying? the light up there, the immense round blazing white light is drinking me. It drinks me slowly, inspires me into space. If I do not close my eyes, it will drink all of me. I seep upward, in long icy threads, too light, and yet inside me there is a fire too, the nerves are twisted, there is no rest from this long tunnel dragging me, or am I pushing myself out of the tunnel, or is the child being pushed out of me, or is the light drinking me. Am I dying? The ice in the veins, the cracking of the bones, this pushing in darkness, with a small shaft of light in the eyes like the edge of the knife, the feeling of a knife cutting the flesh, the flesh somewhere is tearing as if it were burned through by a flame, somewhere my flesh is tearing and the blood is spilling out. I am pushing in the darkness, in utter darkness.”” [Anaïs Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator confronts a blinding light that both consumes and inspires, reflecting inner conflict between surrender and resistance. **In simple terms:** Light as both threat and inspiration, inner struggle. Key Takeaway Accept transformation, balance surrender and will. Themes conflict light transformation Mood intense reflective Type philosophical existential When to use this quote - meditation - creative crisis - spiritual awakening Key Concepts psychic tension death and rebirth Questions to Reflect On - What light are you resisting? - How can you channel the fire within? A Different Perspective The metaphor may obscure practical coping. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Darkness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/darkness/) [Darkness Utter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/darkness-utter-3445478/) [Flesh Tearing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/flesh-tearing-3851390/) [Pushing Darkness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pushing-darkness-2462989/) [Pushing Dying](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pushing-dying-3851389/) [Pushing Myself](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pushing-myself/) [White light](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/white-light/) ## Related quotes > [Poets have to keep pushing, pushing, against the darkness, and write their way out of it as well.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-waldman/poets-have-to-keep-pushing-pushing-against-the-darkness-and-write/) [Anne Waldman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-waldman/) > [“Our lives are so brief and unimportant. The cosmos cares nothing for us. For what we've done; Had we wrought evil instead of good.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/assassins-creed/our-lives-are-so-brief-and-unimportant-the-cosmos-cares-nothing-for/) [Assassins creed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/assassins-creed/) > [Moon, moon, when you leave me alone all the darkness is an utter blackness, a pit of fear, a stench, hands unreasonable never to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-creeley/moon-moon-when-you-leave-me-alone-all-the-darkness-is-an-utter/) [Robert Creeley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-creeley/) > [I'm not sure if I'm most happy when I'm comfortable and content or when I'm pushing myself to the limits. There are such different…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristen-stewart/i-m-not-sure-if-i-m-most-happy-when-i-m-comfortable-and-content-or/) [Kristen Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristen-stewart/) > [I'm getting older and I guess I was pushing myself too hard; we were doing six shows in a row and all that kind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wayne-static/i-m-getting-older-and-i-guess-i-was-pushing-myself-too-hard-we-were/) [Wayne Static](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wayne-static/) > [I don't think I'm generous enough to be the straight guy. I sort of make my own way and make my own statement. Do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pamela-stephenson/i-don-t-think-i-m-generous-enough-to-be-the-straight-guy-i-sort-of/) [Pamela Stephenson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pamela-stephenson/) > [Each time I'm training and sparring, I'm always pushing myself to submit my training partners.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetrious-johnson/each-time-i-m-training-and-sparring-i-m-always-pushing-myself-to/) [Demetrious Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetrious-johnson/) > [“Pushing myself, I knew, would cause me serious discomfort. It's a Secret of Adulthood: Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy. When I thought…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gretchen-rubin/pushing-myself-i-knew-would-cause-me-serious-discomfort-it-s-a-secret/) [Gretchen Rubin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gretchen-rubin/) > [You say you know me but you really don't know, With the way I feel its no other way I can let my emotions…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/she-s-gone/you-say-you-know-me-but-you-really-don-t-know-with-the-way-i-feel-its/) [She's\_gone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/she-s-gone/) > [I'm constantly pushing myself to evolve and be a better person and the best that I can be and that pushes me in my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/liz-carmouche/i-m-constantly-pushing-myself-to-evolve-and-be-a-better-person-and/) [Liz Carmouche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/liz-carmouche/) > [I'm capable of just putting my butt in a chair and spending nine hours a day studying poker. I took it as a full…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-konnikova/i-m-capable-of-just-putting-my-butt-in-a-chair-and-spending-nine/) [Maria Konnikova](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-konnikova/) > [Although we often assume that feelings inspire actions, in fact, actions also inspire feelings. By pushing myself to act happier, I make myself feel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gretchen-rubin/although-we-often-assume-that-feelings-inspire-actions-in-fact/) [Gretchen Rubin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gretchen-rubin/) > [People ask why it is I do these things, But they don't know what its like to go to bed and not be able…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/im-nothing/people-ask-why-it-is-i-do-these-things-but-they-don-t-know-what-its/) [Im Nothing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/im-nothing/) > [For me, my career has never been about what I've done. But it's been about becoming, achieving, and pushing myself further.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-crowell/for-me-my-career-has-never-been-about-what-i-ve-done-but-it-s-been/) [Rodney Crowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-crowell/) > [ I just have to deal with it \[injuries\] if and when problems happen. It's obviously a concern and I've been very careful with my… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-james/i-just-have-to-deal-with-it-injuries-if-and-when-problems-happen-it-s/) [Greg James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-james/) ## More by Anaïs Nin > [I wanted to remember in order to be able to return.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/i-wanted-to-remember-in-order-to-be-able-to-return/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [“…For love it is never the same. What goes on inside is never the same just like this music which changes every instant. For…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/for-love-it-is-never-the-same-what-goes-on-inside-is-never-the-same/) [Anaïs Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [Jazz is the music of the body. The breath comes through brass. It is the body's breath, and the strings' wails and moans are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/jazz-is-the-music-of-the-body-the-breath-comes-through-brass-it-is/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [I have so strong a sense of creation, of tomorrow, that I cannot get drunk, knowing I will be less alive, less well, less…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/i-have-so-strong-a-sense-of-creation-of-tomorrow-that-i-cannot-get/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [We don't have a language for the senses. Feelings are images, sensations are like musical sounds.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/we-don-t-have-a-language-for-the-senses-feelings-are-images/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [Strange, isn't it, that no chemical will give a human being the iridescence that illusions have given them? Give me your hat.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/strange-isn-t-it-that-no-chemical-will-give-a-human-being-the/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [The personal, if it is deep enough, becomes universal, mythical, symbolic.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/the-personal-if-it-is-deep-enough-becomes-universal-mythical-symbolic/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [Introspection is a devouring monster. You have to feed it with much material, much experience, many people, many places, many loves, many creations, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/introspection-is-a-devouring-monster-you-have-to-feed-it-with-much/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [In each studio there is a human being dressed in the full regalia of his myth fearing to expore a vulnerable opening, spreading not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/in-each-studio-there-is-a-human-being-dressed-in-the-full-regalia-of/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/i-don-t-mind-working-holding-my-ground-intellectually-artistically/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [“Laughter and tears are not separate experiences, with intervals of rest: they rush out together and it is like walking with a sword between…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/laughter-and-tears-are-not-separate-experiences-with-intervals-of/) [Anaïs Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [The basis of insincerity is the idealized image we hold of ourselves and wish to impose on others.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/the-basis-of-insincerity-is-the-idealized-image-we-hold-of-ourselves/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [I write emotional algebra.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/i-write-emotional-algebra/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say. Most of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/the-role-of-the-writer-is-not-to-say-what-we-can-all-say-but-what-we/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [I say quotations are literary. They are good only when dealing with ideas, not with experience. Experience should be pure, unique.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/i-say-quotations-are-literary-they-are-good-only-when-dealing-with/) [Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) [Explore all 715 Anaïs Nin quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) ## More Darkness quotes > [“Narrative cannot sustain formlessness any more than light can sustain darkness - it is the antithesis of formlessness, and so it can never truly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicole-krauss/narrative-cannot-sustain-formlessness-any-more-than-light-can-sustain/) [Nicole Krauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicole-krauss/) > [“Wait here, wait here!" he cried and jumped up and began to run for help toward a cluster of lights he saw in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flannery-o-connor/wait-here-wait-here-he-cried-and-jumped-up-and-began-to-run-for-help/) [Flannery O'Connor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flannery-o-connor/) > [Strange - is it not? That of the myriads who Before us passed the door of Darkness through, Not one returns to tell us…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/horace/strange-is-it-not-that-of-the-myriads-who-before-us-passed-the-door/) [Horace](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/horace/) > [When you're scared - and I mean really scared, not just hearing a noise in the night, or standing toe to toe with someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexander-gordon-smith/when-you-re-scared-and-i-mean-really-scared-not-just-hearing-a-noise/) [Alexander Gordon Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexander-gordon-smith/) > [Clear moments are so short. There is much more darkness. More ocean than terra firma. More shadow than form.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-zagajewski/clear-moments-are-so-short-there-is-much-more-darkness-more-ocean/) [Adam Zagajewski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-zagajewski/) > [I even see the cinema itself as a woman, with its alternation of light and darkness, of appearing and disappearing images](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/federico-fellini/i-even-see-the-cinema-itself-as-a-woman-with-its-alternation-of-light/) [Federico Fellini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/federico-fellini/) > [I guess he'll have to figure out someday that he is supposed to have this dark side, that it is part of what it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-lamott/i-guess-he-ll-have-to-figure-out-someday-that-he-is-supposed-to-have/) [Anne Lamott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-lamott/) > [“I promise to respect and protect your aloneness, knowing that everything created must have its period of darkness: child and bulb, poem and personality.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-morrow-lindbergh/i-promise-to-respect-and-protect-your-aloneness-knowing-that/) [anne morrow lindbergh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-morrow-lindbergh/) > [The beauty of darkness is how it lets you see.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/the-beauty-of-darkness-is-how-it-lets-you-see/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [“Even in darkness your lips taste of sunshine”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francesca-lia-block/even-in-darkness-your-lips-taste-of-sunshine/) [Francesca Lia Block](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francesca-lia-block/) > [“Defy me not for gleam can only shine in my existence" said Darkness.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/defy-me-not-for-gleam-can-only-shine-in-my-existence-said-darkness/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“What does he look like? The question was soft- tentative. I knew who he meant. I interlaced my fingers through Rhysand's and squeezed tightly.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-j-maas/what-does-he-look-like-the-question-was-soft-tentative-i-knew-who-he/) [Sarah J. Maas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-j-maas/) > [The dream of coming back is becoming a reality. A lot of the uncertainty about the future has been cleared up. A lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tagliabue/the-dream-of-coming-back-is-becoming-a-reality-a-lot-of-the/) [Paul Tagliabue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tagliabue/) > [“Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ankita-singhal/life-is-like-coffee-the-darker-it-gets-the-more-it-energizes/) [Ankita Singhal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ankita-singhal/) > [Twinking tears in a sea of black. Soft light in a world of darkness. Tiny wishes in a place of dreams. Do you see…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicole-gentile/twinking-tears-in-a-sea-of-black-soft-light-in-a-world-of-darkness/) [Nicole Gentile](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicole-gentile/) [Browse all 8,219 Darkness quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/darkness/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Am I pushing or dying? the light up there, the immense round blazing white light is drinking me. It drinks me slowly, inspires me into space. If I do not close my eyes, it will drink all of me. I seep upward, in long icy threads, too light, and yet inside me there is a fire too, the nerves are twisted, there is no rest from this long tunnel dragging me, or am I pushing myself out of the tunnel, or is the child being pushed out of me, or is the light drinking me. Am I dying? The ice in the veins, the cracking of the bones, this pushing in darkness, with a small shaft of light in the eyes like the edge of the knife, the feeling of a knife cutting the flesh, the flesh somewhere is tearing as if it were burned through by a flame, somewhere my flesh is tearing and the blood is spilling out. 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