--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I had spent so much time secretly scared…" description: "\"“I had spent so much time secretly scared of rape that in that moment I was hardly even afraid anymore. Or rather I had moved on to my next fear—what h..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/777/amber-dawn-32462_fear_i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared_3128890.jpg" --- # I had spent so much time secretly scared of rape that in… ![“I had spent so much time secretly scared of rape that in that moment I was hardly even afraid anymore. Or rather I had moved on to my next fear—what happens when it’s over? Would I be left there, alone? Injured? Or worse?” quote by Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/777/amber-dawn-32462_fear_i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared_3128890.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/777/amber-dawn-32462_fear_i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared_3128890.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/777/amber-dawn-32462_fear_i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared_3128890.jpg) > ““I had spent so much time secretly scared of rape that in that moment I was hardly even afraid anymore. Or rather I had moved on to my next fear—what happens when it’s over? Would I be left there, alone? Injured? Or worse?”” [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. A survivor reflects on the lingering dread after escaping sexual violence, fearing isolation and further harm once the immediate threat ends. **In simple terms:** Fear shifts from assault to aftermath. Key Takeaway Address post‑trauma isolation. Themes trauma fear recovery loneliness Mood vulnerable hopeful Type psychological reflective When to use this quote - counseling - support groups - community safety - self‑care Key Concepts psychology survivor narrative post‑trauma coping Questions to Reflect On - What resources help survivors rebuild after trauma? - How can communities reduce post‑event fear? A Different Perspective Recovery can be hindered without social support. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) [Rape](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/rape/) [Rape-culture](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/rape-culture/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [A lot of us are secretly scared, for whatever reason, and so we get in our own way. But if you really want something,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-downs-colaizzo/a-lot-of-us-are-secretly-scared-for-whatever-reason-and-so-we-get-in/) [Paul Downs Colaizzo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-downs-colaizzo/) > [“A quick and brutal fuck from behind usually served as an effective reminder of where you stood in the pack hierarchy.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nenia-campbell/a-quick-and-brutal-fuck-from-behind-usually-served-as-an-effective/) [Nenia Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nenia-campbell/) > [“I don’t care if men accused of assault have good relationships with their wives or daughters or women they deem valuable. How do you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tavi-gevinson/i-don-t-care-if-men-accused-of-assault-have-good-relationships-with/) [Tavi Gevinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tavi-gevinson/) > [“John was still making comments regarding violent things that he shouldn't, but I hoped he was just being a big mouth. Nobody was going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sierra-d-waters/john-was-still-making-comments-regarding-violent-things-that-he/) [Sierra D. Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sierra-d-waters/) > [“I don’t care that it has been going on since the Old Testament. Rape is wrong and I will keep fighting violent men. Everything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-r-miller/i-don-t-care-that-it-has-been-going-on-since-the-old-testament-rape/) [Dennis R. Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-r-miller/) > [“The heated public discourse about the frequency of false rape allegations often makes no reference to actual research. When the discourse does make reference…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-lisak/the-heated-public-discourse-about-the-frequency-of-false-rape/) David Lisak > [“It’s estimated that $55 million dollars is spent on aftercare in Kenya alone every year. This model is not practical or sustainable and does…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-cole/it-s-estimated-that-55-million-dollars-is-spent-on-aftercare-in-kenya/) Lisa Cole > [“Today I wore a pair of faded old jeans and a plain grey baggy shirt. I hadn't even taken a shower, and I did…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sierra-d-waters/today-i-wore-a-pair-of-faded-old-jeans-and-a-plain-grey-baggy-shirt-i/) [Sierra D. Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sierra-d-waters/) > [“How come there's no commandment that says "Thou shalt not rape"? Did God ask Mary for consent before he put a baby in her?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-markus-malloy/how-come-there-s-no-commandment-that-says-thou-shalt-not-rape-did-god/) [Oliver Markus Malloy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oliver-markus-malloy/) > [“And there’s one other matter I must raise. The epidemic of domestic sexual violence that lacerates the soul of South Africa is mirrored in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-lewis/and-there-s-one-other-matter-i-must-raise-the-epidemic-of-domestic/) [Stephen Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-lewis/) > [“She was so upset about a blog that maybe a total of six people read yet had no compassion for her granddaughters who had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erin-merryn/she-was-so-upset-about-a-blog-that-maybe-a-total-of-six-people-read/) [Erin Merryn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erin-merryn/) > [“Young girls frequently report that their early sexual experiences were coerced. In a study in South Africa, 30 percent of girls report that their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/njovana-watts/young-girls-frequently-report-that-their-early-sexual-experiences/) Njovana Watts > [“They say rape is the practice of sexual intercourse without consent but in my case, I did consent. I knew it wasn’t him. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lunga-no-lia-izata/they-say-rape-is-the-practice-of-sexual-intercourse-without-consent/) [Lunga Noélia Izata](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lunga-no-lia-izata/) > [“I lived through this horror, and no one can tell me I have to stay quiet. "I have been silenced long enough, and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erin-merryn/i-lived-through-this-horror-and-no-one-can-tell-me-i-have-to-stay/) [Erin Merryn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erin-merryn/) > [All men are rapists and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-french/all-men-are-rapists-and-that-s-all-they-are-they-rape-us-with-their/) [Marilyn French](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilyn-french/) ## More by Amber Dawn > [“Is desecration teaching? Is violence knowledge? Is haunting a kind of life? I had no model for rebirth. No second coming blueprint.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/is-desecration-teaching-is-violence-knowledge-is-haunting-a-kind-of/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“and I loved long drives how you can close your eyes, then open, and everything around you has changed.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/and-i-loved-long-drives-how-you-can-close-your-eyes-then-open-and/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [ “\[This\] story ...is the one I recount to remind myself that I survived and that the worth of my life can be paid back… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/this-story-is-the-one-i-recount-to-remind-myself-that-i-survived-and/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“I...believe that passively reading about or otherwise witnessing injustice injures us--it widens the disconnect. The part of us that is hurting does not heal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/i-believe-that-passively-reading-about-or-otherwise-witnessing/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“When I was thinking about How Poetry Saved My Life entering the “big literary world” I more so viewed it as sub genre or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/when-i-was-thinking-about-how-poetry-saved-my-life-entering-the-big/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“When he did appear his eyes were as brown as I remembered, pupils flecked with gold like beach pebbles.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/when-he-did-appear-his-eyes-were-as-brown-as-i-remembered-pupils/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“I’m jealous – not of their money to spend, but jealous that, for them, going home is a simple matter of turning down the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/i-m-jealous-not-of-their-money-to-spend-but-jealous-that-for-them/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“Morning came in through the blinds cutting everything into ribbons.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/morning-came-in-through-the-blinds-cutting-everything-into-ribbons/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“When this paragraph ends, this story is all yours.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/when-this-paragraph-ends-this-story-is-all-yours/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“Lying is the work of people who are told their truths have no value. The labour of survival is laden with myth and misunderstanding.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/lying-is-the-work-of-people-who-are-told-their-truths-have-no-value/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“...I learned the power of identity--the idea that even an uneducated woman, like myself, who hadn't read Mary Wollstonecraft or bell hooks, could be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/i-learned-the-power-of-identity-the-idea-that-even-an-uneducated/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“He has always been a silent gargoyle sitting at the head of our family table. I've pieced together his story from what little my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/he-has-always-been-a-silent-gargoyle-sitting-at-the-head-of-our/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“What would Samuel Becket say if he knew that Broadway musicals are all that survived of the theatre world?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/what-would-samuel-becket-say-if-he-knew-that-broadway-musicals-are/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) > [“I swung my hips around like I unscrewed at the waist.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/i-swung-my-hips-around-like-i-unscrewed-at-the-waist/) [Amber Dawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) [Explore all 15 Amber Dawn quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/) ## More Fear quotes > [This may sound strange, but although I feel like I know everything about my characters, the brand of shampoo they use, how many cavities…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gail-honeyman/this-may-sound-strange-but-although-i-feel-like-i-know-everything/) [Gail Honeyman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gail-honeyman/) > [“That horrible stinging sensation returned, the muscles behind my eyes straining as the first tear began to fall. “I’m scared, too. For eighteen months…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/devon-ashley/that-horrible-stinging-sensation-returned-the-muscles-behind-my-eyes/) [Devon Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/devon-ashley/) > [“...Often that which most we fear births the resolve that spurs us on to altitudes we could not have achieved, had we continued walking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-t-anderson/often-that-which-most-we-fear-births-the-resolve-that-spurs-us-on-to/) [M.T. Anderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-t-anderson/) > [What an incredible drug fear is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-lamott/what-an-incredible-drug-fear-is/) [Anne Lamott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-lamott/) > [“Anything that you find yourself worrying about regularly may find you suddenly wanting unrealistic changes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nagisa-tatsumi/anything-that-you-find-yourself-worrying-about-regularly-may-find-you/) Nagisa Tatsumi > [“We all know how the thing we secretly fear is not a secret at all but the open and eternal thing that predicts its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/don-delillo/we-all-know-how-the-thing-we-secretly-fear-is-not-a-secret-at-all-but/) [Don DeLillo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/don-delillo/) > [When you're scared - and I mean really scared, not just hearing a noise in the night, or standing toe to toe with someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexander-gordon-smith/when-you-re-scared-and-i-mean-really-scared-not-just-hearing-a-noise/) [Alexander Gordon Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexander-gordon-smith/) > [“I had nowhere to go and did not wish to be seen by anyone for fear they would recognize my sadness and so for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-dewitt/i-had-nowhere-to-go-and-did-not-wish-to-be-seen-by-anyone-for-fear/) [Patrick deWitt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-dewitt/) > [It's easier to change a law than an age-old mentality. Deep down, many prejudices, many hostilities, many fears persist. But if we take a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dacia-maraini/it-s-easier-to-change-a-law-than-an-age-old-mentality-deep-down-many/) [Dacia Maraini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dacia-maraini/) > [“Snip off the little worries and expressions of worry” like little branches atop a tall tree.28 If you are truly worried, sharing your concerns…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-sanders/snip-off-the-little-worries-and-expressions-of-worry-like-little/) [Tim Sanders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-sanders/) > [“Fear and desire for pleasure. Aggressiveness comes out of fear, predominantly, and sexuality predominantly out of the other. But they mix in the middle.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-french/fear-and-desire-for-pleasure-aggressiveness-comes-out-of-fear/) [Marilyn French](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilyn-french/) > [“Carrie Fisher. “Stay afraid, but do it anyway.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabrielle-union/carrie-fisher-stay-afraid-but-do-it-anyway/) [Gabrielle Union](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabrielle-union/) > [“Yes, the issue was courage. It always had been, even as a kid. Things scared him. He couldn't help it. Noise scared him, dark…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-o-brien/yes-the-issue-was-courage-it-always-had-been-even-as-a-kid-things/) [Tim O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-o-brien/) > [Don't be afraid of hard work. Nothing worthwhile comes easily. Don't let others discourage you or tell you that you can't do it. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gertrude-b-elion/don-t-be-afraid-of-hard-work-nothing-worthwhile-comes-easily-don-t/) [Gertrude B. Elion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gertrude-b-elion/) > [Let me tell you that atheism has never painted a masterpiece. Atheism has never dispelled fear. Atheism has never healed a disease; faith in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-hagee/let-me-tell-you-that-atheism-has-never-painted-a-masterpiece-atheism/) [John Hagee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-hagee/) [Browse all 35,569 Fear quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I had spent so much time secretly scared of rape that in that moment I was hardly even afraid anymore. Or rather I had moved on to my next fear—what happens when it’s over? Would I be left there, alone? Injured? Or worse?”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Amber Dawn" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared-of-rape-that-in-that-moment/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Fear" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared-of-rape-that-in-that-moment/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/777/amber-dawn-32462_fear_i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared_3128890.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/777/amber-dawn-32462_fear_i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared_3128890.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/777/amber-dawn-32462_fear_i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared_3128890.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I had spent so much time secretly scared of rape that in that moment I was hardly even afraid anymore. Or…” — Amber Dawn", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Amber Dawn", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amber-dawn/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“I had spent so much time...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared-of-rape-that-in-that-moment/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amber-dawn/i-had-spent-so-much-time-secretly-scared-of-rape-that-in-that-moment/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```