---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: And then I understood that she had no…"
description: "\"And then I understood that she had no idea what she'd done to my family. She thought love and hatred were equal.\" — Alice Hoffman"
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/691/alice-hoffman-427_done_and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-id_1735755.png"
---

#  And then I understood that she had no idea what she'd done…

![“And then I understood that she had no idea what she'd done to my family. She thought love and hatred were equal.” quote by Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/691/alice-hoffman-427_done_and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-id_1735755.png)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/691/alice-hoffman-427_done_and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-id_1735755.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/691/alice-hoffman-427_done_and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-id_1735755.png)

> “And then I understood that she had no idea what she'd done to my family. She thought love and hatred were equal.”

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

She realizes that the person she blames cannot grasp the impact of her actions, and equates love with hatred.

**In simple terms:** She sees that love and hatred are treated the same by someone unaware of their harm.

Key Takeaway

Recognize how ignorance can blur moral distinctions.

Themes

family responsibility misunderstanding

Mood

reflective somber

Type

analytical philosophical

When to use this quote

- family conflict
- personal reflection
- relationship counseling

Key Concepts

empathy moral perception family dynamics

Questions to Reflect On

- How does misunderstanding affect family relationships?
- Can love and hatred truly be equal?

A Different Perspective

The statement may oversimplify complex emotional dynamics.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Done](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/done/) [Equal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/equal/) [Family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family/) [Family Thought](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family-thought-565597/) [Hatred](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hatred/) [Hatred and love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hatred-and-love/) [Hatred Equal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hatred-equal-1472945/) [Ideas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ideas/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Love and hatred](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-and-hatred/) [Love Hatred](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-hatred/) [My family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/my-family/) [Understood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/understood/)

## Related quotes

> [Love and hatred don't take turns; they exist side by side at the same time. And one's duty, one's obligation every day, is to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jamaica-kincaid/love-and-hatred-don-t-take-turns-they-exist-side-by-side-at-the-same/)

[Jamaica Kincaid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jamaica-kincaid/)

> [Though love and hatred are as opposites as fire and water, yet do they sometimes subsist in the breast together towards the same person;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fulke-greville-1st-baron-brooke/though-love-and-hatred-are-as-opposites-as-fire-and-water-yet-do-they/)

[Fulke Greville, 1st Baron Brooke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fulke-greville-1st-baron-brooke/)

> [I like to hear songs which can lay it all on, songs which can look at the dark side as well as the bright…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-capaldi/i-like-to-hear-songs-which-can-lay-it-all-on-songs-which-can-look-at/)

[Jim Capaldi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-capaldi/)

> [Love and hatred are not blind, but are blinded by the fire they bear within themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/friedrich-nietzsche/love-and-hatred-are-not-blind-but-are-blinded-by-the-fire-they-bear/)

[Friedrich Nietzsche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/friedrich-nietzsche/)

> [We fluctuate long between love and hatred before we can arrive at tranquillity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/heloise/we-fluctuate-long-between-love-and-hatred-before-we-can-arrive-at/)

[Heloise](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/heloise/)

> [As man's love or hatred, so he. Love and hatred exist only personified.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/johann-kaspar-lavater/as-man-s-love-or-hatred-so-he-love-and-hatred-exist-only-personified/)

[Johann Kaspar Lavater](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johann-kaspar-lavater/)

> [Could you understand the meaning of light if there were no darkness to point the contrast? Day and night, life and death, love and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-goudge/could-you-understand-the-meaning-of-light-if-there-were-no-darkness/)

[Elizabeth Goudge](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-goudge/)

> [Out of love and hatred, out of earnings and borrowings and leadings and losses; out of sickness and pain; out of wooing and worshipping;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ralph-waldo-emerson/out-of-love-and-hatred-out-of-earnings-and-borrowings-and-leadings/)

[Ralph Waldo Emerson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ralph-waldo-emerson/)

> [Religion, media and schools tell us to disregard animals, view them as commodities, property and resources, and convince us that animals cannot think clearly,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-yourofsky/religion-media-and-schools-tell-us-to-disregard-animals-view-them-as/)

[Gary Yourofsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-yourofsky/)

> [It is an essential part of the interpretive work that it should keep in step with fluctuations between love and hatred, between happiness and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melanie-klein/it-is-an-essential-part-of-the-interpretive-work-that-it-should-keep/)

[Melanie Klein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melanie-klein/)

> [To live one's love and hatred, to live that which one is means defeat, resignation, and death. The crimes of society, the hell that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/herbert-marcuse/to-live-one-s-love-and-hatred-to-live-that-which-one-is-means-defeat/)

[Herbert Marcuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/herbert-marcuse/)

> [I am the beast with a contorted grin, contracting down to illusion and dilating toward infinity, both growing and dying, delightfully suspended between hope…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-am-the-beast-with-a-contorted-grin-contracting-down-to-illusion-and/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [Could you understand the meaning of light if there were no darkness to point the contrast? Day and night, life and death, love and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-goudge/could-you-understand-the-meaning-of-light-if-there-were-no-darkness-2/)

[Elizabeth Goudge](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-goudge/)

> [There are some works which the authors must consign unpublished to posterity, however uncertain be the event, however hopeless be the trust. He that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samuel-johnson/there-are-some-works-which-the-authors-must-consign-unpublished-to/)

[Samuel Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samuel-johnson/)

> [The path of self-purification is hard and steep. One has to become absolutely passion-free in thought, speech and action to rise above the opposing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mahatma-gandhi/the-path-of-self-purification-is-hard-and-steep-one-has-to-become/)

[Mahatma Gandhi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mahatma-gandhi/)

## More by Alice Hoffman

> [Women know things that men will never know. We keep the best secrets. We tell the best stories.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/women-know-things-that-men-will-never-know-we-keep-the-best-secrets/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [“All of the quarters in his hand were tarnished. He had no idea that the silver in a man’s pockets always turns black if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/all-of-the-quarters-in-his-hand-were-tarnished-he-had-no-idea-that/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [But most important of all, she explained that it was all right to say 'No. I disagree.' that was a gift. I understood it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/but-most-important-of-all-she-explained-that-it-was-all-right-to-say/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [“It was after dark when the woods were most filled with magic, when there were fireflies and the mist was rising from the streams.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/it-was-after-dark-when-the-woods-were-most-filled-with-magic-when/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [“Never look back, that's what she's told herself. Don't think about swans or being alone in the dark. Don't think of storms, or lightning…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/never-look-back-that-s-what-she-s-told-herself-don-t-think-about/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [This was what it meant to be human, to know that time moved and all things changed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/this-was-what-it-meant-to-be-human-to-know-that-time-moved-and-all/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [“She preferred cats to human beings and turned down every offer from the men who fell in love with her.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/she-preferred-cats-to-human-beings-and-turned-down-every-offer-from/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [I'm a really eclectic reader.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/i-m-a-really-eclectic-reader/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [It's not the lie that's the problem; it's the distance the lie forges between you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/it-s-not-the-lie-that-s-the-problem-it-s-the-distance-the-lie-forges/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [“Her vision was going, but she could see him, the way people see clouds-beautiful, racing by, casting shadows.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/her-vision-was-going-but-she-could-see-him-the-way-people-see-clouds/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [That's why there are ten gates to pass through before you reach the garden. If life were easy there would be one gate. There…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/that-s-why-there-are-ten-gates-to-pass-through-before-you-reach-the/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [“...the summer of the gypsy moths when all the trees in their yard were bare, the leaves chewed by caterpillars. You could hear crunching…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/the-summer-of-the-gypsy-moths-when-all-the-trees-in-their-yard-were/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [“The best way to die is when you're living.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/the-best-way-to-die-is-when-you-re-living/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [“Haylin was given a good talking-to by the headmaster and made to write a paper about workers’ rights, which he considered a privilege rather…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/haylin-was-given-a-good-talking-to-by-the-headmaster-and-made-to/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

> [My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/my-darling-girl-when-are-you-going-to-realize-that-being-normal-is/)

[Alice Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

[Explore all 571 Alice Hoffman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/)

## More Done quotes

> [Entertainment is a sacred pursuit when done well. When done well, it raises the quality of human life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-chabon/entertainment-is-a-sacred-pursuit-when-done-well-when-done-well-it/)

[Michael Chabon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-chabon/)

> [Usually male directors have to use foul language to get the job done. But I never came down to that level as being a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/divya-khosla-kumar/usually-male-directors-have-to-use-foul-language-to-get-the-job-done/)

[Divya Khosla Kumar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/divya-khosla-kumar/)

> [You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-ll-seldom-experience-regret-for-anything-that-you-ve-done-it-is/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [Forcing modern speakers of English to not - whoops, not to split an infinitive because it isn't done in Latin makes about as much…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-pinker/forcing-modern-speakers-of-english-to-not-whoops-not-to-split-an/)

[Steven Pinker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-pinker/)

> [When you step out and do a song in a musical, the easier thing to do is make it funny. But when those transitions…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kelli-o-hara/when-you-step-out-and-do-a-song-in-a-musical-the-easier-thing-to-do/)

[Kelli O'Hara](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kelli-o-hara/)

> [Against his own will, almost, Will felt himself understanding; he would have done anything, he thought, told any lie, taken any risk, to make…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/against-his-own-will-almost-will-felt-himself-understanding-he-would/)

[Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/)

> [Failures happen. You can't cry over them. You just take it in your stride because you know that you have done your best... Sometimes,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/divya-dutta/failures-happen-you-can-t-cry-over-them-you-just-take-it-in-your/)

[Divya Dutta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/divya-dutta/)

> [If the members of parliament no longer consider themselves mandatories of the taxpayers but deputies of those receiving salaries, wages, subsidies, doles, and other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ludwig-von-mises/if-the-members-of-parliament-no-longer-consider-themselves/)

[Ludwig von Mises](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ludwig-von-mises/)

> [I'm a business first and foremost so whatever my business is, it's separate from my personal. It's like whatever I do business wise, it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/snoop-dogg/i-m-a-business-first-and-foremost-so-whatever-my-business-is-it-s/)

[Snoop Dogg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/snoop-dogg/)

> [It's like the query letter problem that I just mentioned, magnified a hundredfold. You might be good at telling a story, but that doesn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-rothfuss/it-s-like-the-query-letter-problem-that-i-just-mentioned-magnified-a/)

[Patrick Rothfuss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-rothfuss/)

> [I've used the Phoenix Centrifuge to replicate what the body's going to go through on the flight up. I've also done some gravity tests…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-branson/i-ve-used-the-phoenix-centrifuge-to-replicate-what-the-body-s-going/)

[Richard Branson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-branson/)

> [I always watch my matches back 100 times afterwards because that's how I improve. This is something I've always done, even in NXT.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mandy-rose/i-always-watch-my-matches-back-100-times-afterwards-because-that-s/)

[Mandy Rose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mandy-rose/)

> [In the future, I would like to do more films with contemporary themes. Perhaps comedy, which is something I have done in theater but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/luke-evans/in-the-future-i-would-like-to-do-more-films-with-contemporary-themes/)

[Luke Evans](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/luke-evans/)

> [I don't enjoy killing, but when done righteously, it's just a chore, like any other.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joshua/i-don-t-enjoy-killing-but-when-done-righteously-it-s-just-a-chore/)

[Joshua](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joshua/)

> [Of everything I have done, 'The Archers' always gets the most excitement; there's a sort of uncontrollable joy from fans of the program.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/felicity-jones/of-everything-i-have-done-the-archers-always-gets-the-most-excitement/)

[Felicity Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/felicity-jones/)

[Browse all 25,653 Done quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/done/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "And then I understood that she had no idea what she'd done to my family. She thought love and hatred were equal.",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "Alice Hoffman"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-idea-what-she-d-done-to-my/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Done"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-idea-what-she-d-done-to-my/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/691/alice-hoffman-427_done_and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-id_1735755.png",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/691/alice-hoffman-427_done_and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-id_1735755.png",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/691/alice-hoffman-427_done_and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-id_1735755.png",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“And then I understood that she had no idea what she'd done to my family. She thought love and hatred were…” — Alice Hoffman",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Alice Hoffman",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-hoffman/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "And then I understood that she...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-idea-what-she-d-done-to-my/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-hoffman/and-then-i-understood-that-she-had-no-idea-what-she-d-done-to-my/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
