--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I made spasmodic efforts to work…" description: "\"“I made spasmodic efforts to work, assuring myself that once I began working I would forget her. The difficulty was in beginning. There was a feeling o..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd7/alfred-hayes-33168_beginning_i-made-spasmodic-efforts-to-work-assurin_1620313.jpg" --- # I made spasmodic efforts to work, assuring myself that… ![“I made spasmodic efforts to work, assuring myself that once I began working I would forget her. The difficulty was in beginning. There was a feeling of weakness, a sort of powerlessness now, as though I were about to be ill but was never quite ill enough, as though I were about to come down with…” quote by Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd7/alfred-hayes-33168_beginning_i-made-spasmodic-efforts-to-work-assurin_1620313.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd7/alfred-hayes-33168_beginning_i-made-spasmodic-efforts-to-work-assurin_1620313.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd7/alfred-hayes-33168_beginning_i-made-spasmodic-efforts-to-work-assurin_1620313.jpg) > ““I made spasmodic efforts to work, assuring myself that once I began working I would forget her. The difficulty was in beginning. There was a feeling of weakness, a sort of powerlessness now, as though I were about to be ill but was never quite ill enough, as though I were about to come down with something I did not quite come down with. It seemed to me that for the first time in my life I had been in love, and had lost, because of the grudgingness of my heart, the possibility of having what, too late, I now thought I wanted. What was it that all my life I had so carefully guarded myself against? What was it that I had felt so threatened me? My suffering, which seemed to me to be a strict consequence of having guarded myself so long, appeared to me as a kind of punishment, and this moment, which I was now enduring, as something which had been delayed for half a lifetime. I was experincing, apparently, an obscure crisis of some kind. My world acquired a tendency to crumble as easily as a soda cracker. I found myself horribly susceptible to small animals, ribbons in the hair of little girls, songs played late at night over lonely radios. It became particularly dangerous for me to go near movies in which crippled girls were healed by the unselfish love of impoverished bellhops. I had become excessively tender to all the more obvious evidences of the frailness of existence; I was capable of dissolving at the least kind word, and self-pity, in inexhaustible doses, lay close to my outraged surface. I moved painfully, an ambulatory case, mysteriously injured.”” [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator confronts a painful, delayed emotional crisis, feeling fragile and overwhelmed by ordinary sensations. **In simple terms:** A hidden emotional crisis makes everything feel fragile. Key Takeaway Acknowledge and process suppressed emotions. Themes grief vulnerability psychological crisis Mood somber introspective Type literary psychological When to use this quote - therapy - journaling - artistic expression Key Concepts suppressed trauma emotional awakening Questions to Reflect On - What emotions have you been avoiding? - How can you safely explore vulnerability? A Different Perspective Denial may prolong suffering. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Beginning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beginning/) [Crippled](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crippled/) [Crisis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crisis/) [Crumble](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crumble/) [Dangerous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dangerous/) [Delayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/delayed/) [Dissolving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dissolving/) [Efforts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/efforts/) [Enduring](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/enduring/) [Existence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/existence/) [Feeling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feeling/) [Felt Threatened](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/felt-threatened-262121/) [First time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/first-time/) [Forget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forget/) [Frailness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/frailness-67021/) [Guarded](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guarded/) [Healed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healed/) [Healed Unselfish](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healed-unselfish-262122/) [Heart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heart/) [Ill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ill/) [Illness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/illness/) [Injured](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/injured/) [Injury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/injury/) [Kind](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kind/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Lifetime](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lifetime/) [Lonely](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lonely/) [Lost](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lost/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Mysterious](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mysterious/) [Obscure](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/obscure/) [Outrage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/outrage/) [Outraged](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/outraged/) [Pain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pain/) [Painfully](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/painfully/) [Pity Inexhaustible](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pity-inexhaustible-262124/) [Possibility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/possibility/) [Powerlessness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/powerlessness/) [Powerlessness Ill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/powerlessness-ill-262123/) [Punishment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/punishment/) [Self pity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-pity/) [Songs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/songs/) [Suffering](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suffering/) [Tendency](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tendency/) [Tender](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tender/) [Tenderness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tenderness/) [Threaten](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/threaten/) [Threatened Suffering](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/threatened-suffering-262120/) [Too late](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/too-late/) [Unselfish](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/unselfish/) [Unselfish love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/unselfish-love/) [Wanted](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wanted/) [Weakness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/weakness/) [Work](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/work/) [World](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/world/) ## Related quotes > [Your frailness will only be noticed through your reaction to downfalls.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/raji-yekinni/your-frailness-will-only-be-noticed-through-your-reaction-to-downfalls/) [Raji Yekinni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/raji-yekinni/) > [Our possibilities of happiness are already restricted by our constitution. Unhappiness is much less difficult to experience. We are threatened with suffering from three…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sigmund-freud/our-possibilities-of-happiness-are-already-restricted-by-our/) [Sigmund Freud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sigmund-freud/) > [“we are threatened with suffering from three directions: from our body, which is doomed to decay..., from the external world which may rage against…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sigmund-freud/we-are-threatened-with-suffering-from-three-directions-from-our-body/) [Sigmund Freud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sigmund-freud/) > [As a human being with notoriety and a big mouth, I've felt most threatened during the first Bush Administration. Whenever there's a Bush in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jello-biafra/as-a-human-being-with-notoriety-and-a-big-mouth-i-ve-felt-most/) [Jello Biafra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jello-biafra/) > [I was constantly being sought after for money. And the vitriol that came my way from many who felt threatened by controversial aspects of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ntozake-shange/i-was-constantly-being-sought-after-for-money-and-the-vitriol-that/) [Ntozake Shange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ntozake-shange/) > [Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-ivins/margaret-atwood-the-canadian-novelist-once-asked-a-group-of-women-at/) [Molly Ivins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-ivins/) > [“It’s not that he disliked Tommy or felt threatened by the man who sat looking at”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christy-hayes/it-s-not-that-he-disliked-tommy-or-felt-threatened-by-the-man-who-sat/) [Christy Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christy-hayes/) > [I want to put out music I really believe in, and when I felt that was threatened, I lashed out at everybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-arthur/i-want-to-put-out-music-i-really-believe-in-and-when-i-felt-that-was/) [James Arthur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-arthur/) ## More by Alfred Hayes > [“She inhabited a world from which I was excluded, and she had left me in an immense empty space.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-hayes/she-inhabited-a-world-from-which-i-was-excluded-and-she-had-left-me/) [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) > [“Yes, the man said, I've often wondered why I impress people as being altogether sad, and yet I insist I am not sad, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-hayes/yes-the-man-said-i-ve-often-wondered-why-i-impress-people-as-being/) [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) > [“I had no idea what a delicious feeling it was, to be free, to be absolutely unconcerned about whether one loved or didn't love.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-hayes/i-had-no-idea-what-a-delicious-feeling-it-was-to-be-free-to-be/) [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) > [“We go from disappointment to disappointment, from hope to denial, from expectation to surrender, as we grow older, thinking or coming to think that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-hayes/we-go-from-disappointment-to-disappointment-from-hope-to-denial-from/) [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) > [“The sick constriction of the heart was undeniable; there was a melancholy truth in the fact that it was suffering which made me, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-hayes/the-sick-constriction-of-the-heart-was-undeniable-there-was-a/) [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) > [“There were times when I would forget her, though they were rare, and it would be for a time as though she had never…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-hayes/there-were-times-when-i-would-forget-her-though-they-were-rare-and-it/) [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) > [“Your only vice is yourself. The worst of all. The really incurable one.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-hayes/your-only-vice-is-yourself-the-worst-of-all-the-really-incurable-one/) [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) > [“Why didn't I go back to New York? New York, New York; she'd never had any luck with anybody from New York. I was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-hayes/why-didn-t-i-go-back-to-new-york-new-york-new-york-she-d-never-had/) [Alfred Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) [Explore all 9 Alfred Hayes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-hayes/) ## More Beginning quotes > [At the very beginning, I was a page at Letterman, and I freelanced for any place that would let me write any word. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-schwartz/at-the-very-beginning-i-was-a-page-at-letterman-and-i-freelanced-for/) [Ben Schwartz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-schwartz/) > [People pay far too much attention to the television and they're quite literal in some ways. At the beginning, when I was playing very…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ardal-o-hanlon/people-pay-far-too-much-attention-to-the-television-and-they-re-quite/) [Ardal O'Hanlon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ardal-o-hanlon/) > [Every Finish Line is the beginning of a new race](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/every-finish-line-is-the-beginning-of-a-new-race/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Always keep the smile, because the smile is the beginning of love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-imad/always-keep-the-smile-because-the-smile-is-the-beginning-of-love/) [Adam Imad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-imad/) > [We are beginning to see intimations of this in the implantation of computer devices into the human body.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-kurzweil/we-are-beginning-to-see-intimations-of-this-in-the-implantation-of/) [Ray Kurzweil](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-kurzweil/) > [The only vocal training I had was playing with a tape recorder as a kid, and you know, doing the beginning of the 'Lone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-buffer/the-only-vocal-training-i-had-was-playing-with-a-tape-recorder-as-a/) [Michael Buffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-buffer/) > [January is the beginning of a new year for us in the Western world. Let us give to God what belongs to him: the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paula-white/january-is-the-beginning-of-a-new-year-for-us-in-the-western-world/) [Paula White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paula-white/) > [In the beginning, if you look at those early label albums of the Chicks, we didn't write all that much. We had an A&R…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martie-maguire/in-the-beginning-if-you-look-at-those-early-label-albums-of-the/) [Martie Maguire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martie-maguire/) > [You need more than a beginning if you're going to start a book. If all you have is a beginning, then once you've written…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-gaiman/you-need-more-than-a-beginning-if-you-re-going-to-start-a-book-if-all/) [Neil Gaiman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-gaiman/) > [When there is a mission before you, you see it from its beginning to its conclusion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jesse-white/when-there-is-a-mission-before-you-you-see-it-from-its-beginning-to/) [Jesse White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jesse-white/) > [When God made the world, all things began with him. Life, death, it all began when he said so. That includes you and me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/manae-poet-of-carisis/when-god-made-the-world-all-things-began-with-him-life-death-it-all/) [Manae Poet Of Carisis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/manae-poet-of-carisis/) > [From the beginning at Intel, we planned on being big.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-noyce/from-the-beginning-at-intel-we-planned-on-being-big/) [Robert Noyce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-noyce/) > [In the very beginning, Yelp started as a service where we really didn't think people would write reviews for fun. The whole concept of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-stoppelman/in-the-very-beginning-yelp-started-as-a-service-where-we-really-didn/) [Jeremy Stoppelman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-stoppelman/) > [Some projects feel like the stars are aligning for them from the very beginning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gregory-smith/some-projects-feel-like-the-stars-are-aligning-for-them-from-the-very/) [Gregory Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gregory-smith/) > [Do not judge me by my beginning, Only by my end, Nor by the path I took, But where it led me](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacklyn-h-lucas/do-not-judge-me-by-my-beginning-only-by-my-end-nor-by-the-path-i-took/) [Jacklyn H Lucas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacklyn-h-lucas/) [Browse all 3,566 Beginning quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/beginning/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I made spasmodic efforts to work, assuring myself that once I began working I would forget her. The difficulty was in beginning. There was a feeling of weakness, a sort of powerlessness now, as though I were about to be ill but was never quite ill enough, as though I were about to come down with something I did not quite come down with. It seemed to me that for the first time in my life I had been in love, and had lost, because of the grudgingness of my heart, the possibility of having what, too late, I now thought I wanted. What was it that all my life I had so carefully guarded myself against? What was it that I had felt so threatened me? My suffering, which seemed to me to be a strict consequence of having guarded myself so long, appeared to me as a kind of punishment, and this moment, which I was now enduring, as something which had been delayed for half a lifetime. I was experincing, apparently, an obscure crisis of some kind. My world acquired a tendency to crumble as easily as a soda cracker. I found myself horribly susceptible to small animals, ribbons in the hair of little girls, songs played late at night over lonely radios. It became particularly dangerous for me to go near movies in which crippled girls were healed by the unselfish love of impoverished bellhops. I had become excessively tender to all the more obvious evidences of the frailness of existence; I was capable of dissolving at the least kind word, and self-pity, in inexhaustible doses, lay close to my outraged surface. 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