--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We teach people that they upset…" description: "\"We teach people that they upset themselves. We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.\" — Albert Ellis" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0a/albert-ellis-3379_can-t-change_we-teach-people-that-they-upset-themselv_2282966.jpg" --- # We teach people that they upset themselves. We can't… ![“We teach people that they upset themselves. We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.” quote by Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0a/albert-ellis-3379_can-t-change_we-teach-people-that-they-upset-themselv_2282966.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0a/albert-ellis-3379_can-t-change_we-teach-people-that-they-upset-themselv_2282966.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a0a/albert-ellis-3379_can-t-change_we-teach-people-that-they-upset-themselv_2282966.jpg) > “We teach people that they upset themselves. We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.” [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People often blame themselves for past events; instead, focus on changing present thoughts, feelings, and actions. **In simple terms:** Stop blaming yourself; change now. Key Takeaway Shift focus to present behavior. Themes self‑blame mindset growth Mood reflective motivational Type psychological self‑help When to use this quote - therapy sessions - personal coaching - daily journaling Key Concepts Cognitive‑behavioral therapy self‑regulation Questions to Reflect On - How can you reframe past regrets? - What present actions can you take today? A Different Perspective Changing mindset can be hard without support. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Can't change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/can-t-change/) [Can't change the past](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/can-t-change-the-past/) [Feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feelings/) [Past](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/past/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) [Today](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/today/) ## Related quotes > [We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/we-can-t-change-the-past-so-we-change-how-people-are-thinking-feeling/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [Don't ever think that you can't change the past.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-bush/don-t-ever-think-that-you-can-t-change-the-past/) [Kate Bush](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-bush/) > [You can’t change the past, it just is](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alyson-noel/you-can-t-change-the-past-it-just-is/) [Alyson Noel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alyson-noel/) > [You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/isak-dinesen/you-can-t-change-the-past-but-you-can-ruin-the-present-by-worrying/) [Isak Dinesen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/isak-dinesen/) > [You can't change the past but you can change everything else. Take your first step toward making a significant change in your life, today.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hal-elrod/you-can-t-change-the-past-but-you-can-change-everything-else-take/) [Hal Elrod](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hal-elrod/) > [You can't pick when you're touched. You can't pick the time. It just is. It's the reality. What it is, is. I can't change…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-mooney/you-can-t-pick-when-you-re-touched-you-can-t-pick-the-time-it-just-is/) [Paul Mooney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-mooney/) > [I can't change the past, but one person can change the future - anything can happen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-mooney/i-can-t-change-the-past-but-one-person-can-change-the-future-anything/) [Paul Mooney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-mooney/) > [You cant change the past. You cant even change the future, in the sense that you can only change the present one moment at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/larry-wall/you-cant-change-the-past-you-cant-even-change-the-future-in-the-sense/) [Larry Wall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/larry-wall/) > [You can't change the past so change something you can. the future!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erin-merryn/you-can-t-change-the-past-so-change-something-you-can-the-future/) [Erin Merryn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erin-merryn/) > [This is what I say: I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, you don't have to worry, you can't change…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-yu/this-is-what-i-say-i-ve-got-good-news-and-bad-news-the-good-news-is/) [Charles Yu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-yu/) > [We can't change the past, but we can look to the future, and we can - we can hold ourselves accountable, to our -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-erickson/we-can-t-change-the-past-but-we-can-look-to-the-future-and-we-can-we/) [Rodney Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-erickson/) > [You can't change the past so don't let it haunt you. You can change the future but first you've got to want to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pat-benatar/you-can-t-change-the-past-so-don-t-let-it-haunt-you-you-can-change/) [Pat Benatar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pat-benatar/) > [I know I can't change the past, but I change the future. I can change, too. And I will.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicholas-sparks/i-know-i-can-t-change-the-past-but-i-change-the-future-i-can-change/) [Nicholas Sparks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicholas-sparks/) > [You can't go back, Ever. You can't change the past. It just is." I squint, having no idea what she's talking about. But just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alyson-noel/you-can-t-go-back-ever-you-can-t-change-the-past-it-just-is-i-squint/) [Alyson Noel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alyson-noel/) > [And all the things that break you are all the things that make you strong. You can't change the past 'Cause it's gone, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carrie-underwood/and-all-the-things-that-break-you-are-all-the-things-that-make-you/) [Carrie Underwood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carrie-underwood/) ## More by Albert Ellis > [The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/the-best-years-of-your-life-are-the-ones-in-which-you-decide-your/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [“REBT’s Insight No. 1 holds that you have both healthy and unhealthy emotions”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/rebt-s-insight-no-1-holds-that-you-have-both-healthy-and-unhealthy/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [Failure doesn't have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/failure-doesn-t-have-anything-to-do-with-your-intrinsic-value-as-a/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [So I'd better stop my whining and help myself cope better with even the worst Adversities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/so-i-d-better-stop-my-whining-and-help-myself-cope-better-with-even/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [I'm one of the best-loved psychologists in the United States, but I'm also probably the most hated one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/i-m-one-of-the-best-loved-psychologists-in-the-united-states-but-i-m/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [I thought foolishly that Freudian psychoanalysis was deeper and more intensive than other, more directive forms of therapy, so I was trained in it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/i-thought-foolishly-that-freudian-psychoanalysis-was-deeper-and-more/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [I'm very happy. I like my work and I like the various aspects of it - going around the world, teaching the gospel according…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/i-m-very-happy-i-like-my-work-and-i-like-the-various-aspects-of-it/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [Let's suppose somebody abused you sexually. You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/let-s-suppose-somebody-abused-you-sexually-you-still-had-a-choice/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/people-don-t-just-get-upset-they-contribute-to-their-upsetness/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [“The concept of deservingness for one’s “sins” implies that certain acts are unquestionably under all conditions “sinful.” And this is impossible to prove.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/the-concept-of-deservingness-for-one-s-sins-implies-that-certain-acts/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [The art of love is largely the art of persistence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/the-art-of-love-is-largely-the-art-of-persistence/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [I teach people to be flexible, scientific and logical in their thinking and therefore to be less prone to brainwashing by the therapist.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/i-teach-people-to-be-flexible-scientific-and-logical-in-their/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [For that again, is what all manner of religion essentially is: childish dependency. If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/for-that-again-is-what-all-manner-of-religion-essentially-is-childish/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [Thinking rationally is often different from "positive thinking," in that it is a realistic assessment of the situation, with a view towards rectifying the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/thinking-rationally-is-often-different-from-positive-thinking-in-that/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [People are terrified of other people or difficult projects because they tell themselves that they could fail or be rejected. Failure can lead to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/people-are-terrified-of-other-people-or-difficult-projects-because/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) [Explore all 132 Albert Ellis quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) ## More Can't change quotes > [Donʹt worry now about what you canʹt change. Rest when you can so youʹll be ready for tomorrowʹs battles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richelle-mead/don-t-worry-now-about-what-you-can-t-change-rest-when-you-can-so-you/) [Richelle Mead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richelle-mead/) > [You can't change your life. This mode in literature goes against the more middle-brown mode, which is about shaping your destiny, changing it. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tommy-mccarthy/you-can-t-change-your-life-this-mode-in-literature-goes-against-the/) Tommy McCarthy > [You can't change a man, no-ways. By the time his mummy turns him loose and he takes up with some innocent woman and marries…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marjorie-kinnan-rawlings/you-can-t-change-a-man-no-ways-by-the-time-his-mummy-turns-him-loose/) [Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marjorie-kinnan-rawlings/) > [I don't worry about the things I can't change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ferran-adria/i-don-t-worry-about-the-things-i-can-t-change/) [Ferran Adria](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ferran-adria/) > [Congress decides who becomes a citizen and how. To automatically say the 14th Amendment grants birthright citizenship, no, we can't change that. Amending the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rush-limbaugh/congress-decides-who-becomes-a-citizen-and-how-to-automatically-say/) [Rush Limbaugh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rush-limbaugh/) > [Though I can't change what happened, I can choose how to react. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tori-amos/though-i-can-t-change-what-happened-i-can-choose-how-to-react-and-i/) [Tori Amos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tori-amos/) > [When a poem is really finished, you can't change anything. You can't move words around. You can't say, 'In other words, you mean.' No,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/w-s-merwin/when-a-poem-is-really-finished-you-can-t-change-anything-you-can-t/) [W. S. Merwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/w-s-merwin/) > [The only thing one can usually change in one's situation is oneself. And yet one can't change that either-only ask Our Lord to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-s-lewis/the-only-thing-one-can-usually-change-in-one-s-situation-is-oneself/) [C. S. Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-s-lewis/) > [I can't change my gender, and I refuse to stop making movies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathryn-bigelow/i-can-t-change-my-gender-and-i-refuse-to-stop-making-movies/) [Kathryn Bigelow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathryn-bigelow/) > [But I think it's more that when you're young, you're invincible, you're immortal - or at least you think you are. The possibilities are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/damien-hirst/but-i-think-it-s-more-that-when-you-re-young-you-re-invincible-you-re/) [Damien Hirst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/damien-hirst/) > [You can't change t he wor ld f rom t he rear view mir ror.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anita-roddick/you-can-t-change-t-he-wor-ld-f-rom-t-he-rear-view-mir-ror/) [Anita Roddick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anita-roddick/) > [You can't change your attitude because you're the champion. I've always kept my feet on the ground and never wanted to change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/renan-barao/you-can-t-change-your-attitude-because-you-re-the-champion-i-ve/) Renan Barao > [By the time you're 30, you know who you are inside. You learn to laugh at things you can't change; you learn to be yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kajol/by-the-time-you-re-30-you-know-who-you-are-inside-you-learn-to-laugh/) [Kajol](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kajol/) > [Those that can't change even their toothbrush and pyjamas are trying to change the world! Let us be serious!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mehmet-murat-ildan/those-that-can-t-change-even-their-toothbrush-and-pyjamas-are-trying/) [Mehmet Murat Ildan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mehmet-murat-ildan/) > [The message I'm sending to myself - I can't change the world until I change myself first.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kendrick-lamar/the-message-i-m-sending-to-myself-i-can-t-change-the-world-until-i/) [Kendrick Lamar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kendrick-lamar/) [Browse all 311 Can't change quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/can-t-change/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We teach people that they upset themselves. 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