--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: What matters is not what we seem to a…" description: "\"“What matters is not what we seem to a random group, but what we know we are. In Schopenhauer’s words: ‘Every reproach can hurt only to the extent that..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3cf/alain-de-botton-221_reproach_what-matters-is-not-what-we-seem-to-a-ra_241029.jpg" --- # What matters is not what we seem to a random group, but… ![“What matters is not what we seem to a random group, but what we know we are. In Schopenhauer’s words: ‘Every reproach can hurt only to the extent that it hits the mark. Whoever actually knows that he does not deserve a reproach can and will confidently treat it with contempt.” quote by Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3cf/alain-de-botton-221_reproach_what-matters-is-not-what-we-seem-to-a-ra_241029.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3cf/alain-de-botton-221_reproach_what-matters-is-not-what-we-seem-to-a-ra_241029.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3cf/alain-de-botton-221_reproach_what-matters-is-not-what-we-seem-to-a-ra_241029.jpg) > ““What matters is not what we seem to a random group, but what we know we are. In Schopenhauer’s words: ‘Every reproach can hurt only to the extent that it hits the mark. Whoever actually knows that he does not deserve a reproach can and will confidently treat it with contempt.”” [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Self‑knowledge protects us from unjust criticism; recognizing our unworthiness of reproach lets us dismiss it with confidence. **In simple terms:** Know your worth to ignore false blame. Key Takeaway Cultivate self‑awareness and confidence. Themes self‑esteem criticism philosophy psychology Mood reflective calm Type philosophical motivational When to use this quote - personal relationships - workplace feedback - social media criticism - public speaking Key Concepts Schopenhauer self‑perception resilience Questions to Reflect On - Do you distinguish constructive feedback from baseless reproach? - How does self‑knowledge affect your reactions? A Different Perspective Overconfidence can blind you to legitimate critique. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet ## Related quotes > [A reproach can only hurt if it hits the mark. Whoever knows that he does not deserve a reproach can treat it with contempt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-schopenhauer/a-reproach-can-only-hurt-if-it-hits-the-mark-whoever-knows-that-he/) [Arthur Schopenhauer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-schopenhauer/) > [In their different ways, art and philosophy help us, in Schopenhauer's words, to turn pain into knowledge.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/in-their-different-ways-art-and-philosophy-help-us-in-schopenhauer-s/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [I do not believe in free will. Schopenhauer's words: 'Man can do what he wants, but he cannot will what he wills,' accompany me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-einstein/i-do-not-believe-in-free-will-schopenhauer-s-words-man-can-do-what-he/) [Albert Einstein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-einstein/) > [The conscience of the world is so guilty that it always assumes that people who investigate heresies must be heretics; just as if a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aleister-crowley/the-conscience-of-the-world-is-so-guilty-that-it-always-assumes-that/) [Aleister Crowley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aleister-crowley/) > [The Sting of a reproach, is the Truth of it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-franklin/the-sting-of-a-reproach-is-the-truth-of-it/) [Benjamin Franklin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-franklin/) > [The title of Christian is a reproach to us, if we estrange ourselves from Him after whom we are denominated. The name of Jesus…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-wilberforce/the-title-of-christian-is-a-reproach-to-us-if-we-estrange-ourselves/) [William Wilberforce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-wilberforce/) > [Wisdom and virtue are by no means sufficient, without the supplemental laws of good-breeding, to secure freedom from degenerating into rudeness, or self esteem…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samuel-johnson/wisdom-and-virtue-are-by-no-means-sufficient-without-the-supplemental/) [Samuel Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samuel-johnson/) > [It would be no reproach to a philosopher, that he knew the future better than the past, or even than the present. It is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-david-thoreau/it-would-be-no-reproach-to-a-philosopher-that-he-knew-the-future/) [Henry David Thoreau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-david-thoreau/) > [What praise is implied in the simple epithet useful! What reproach in the contrary.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-hume/what-praise-is-implied-in-the-simple-epithet-useful-what-reproach-in/) [David Hume](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-hume/) > [(Politeness is) a tacit agreement that people's miserable defects, whether moral or intellectual, shall on either side be ignored and not be made the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-schopenhauer/politeness-is-a-tacit-agreement-that-people-s-miserable-defects/) [Arthur Schopenhauer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-schopenhauer/) > [Neither reproaches nor encouragements are able to revive a faith that is waning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nathalie-sarraute/neither-reproaches-nor-encouragements-are-able-to-revive-a-faith-that/) [Nathalie Sarraute](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nathalie-sarraute/) > [A calm despair, without angry convulsions or reproaches directed at heaven, is the essence of wisdom.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-de-vigny/a-calm-despair-without-angry-convulsions-or-reproaches-directed-at/) [Alfred de Vigny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-de-vigny/) > [In Minnesota, we hold our leaders to a higher standard. We demand that the men and women we send to Washington stand above reproach…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kurt-bills/in-minnesota-we-hold-our-leaders-to-a-higher-standard-we-demand-that/) [Kurt Bills](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kurt-bills/) > [I only asked my friends to be friendly and polite, I found them indifferent and censorious; The one I left to silence, the other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stevie-smith/i-only-asked-my-friends-to-be-friendly-and-polite-i-found-them/) [Stevie Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stevie-smith/) > [One's conscience reproaches one much more stingingly for one's follies than one's crimes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geraldine-jewsbury/one-s-conscience-reproaches-one-much-more-stingingly-for-one-s/) [Geraldine Jewsbury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/geraldine-jewsbury/) ## More by Alain de Botton > [“To be mature is, we're told, to move beyond possessiveness. Jealousy is for babies. The mature person knows that no one owns anyone.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/to-be-mature-is-we-re-told-to-move-beyond-possessiveness-jealousy-is/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [“He feared that by leaving her he would ruin her life - so he stayed, and did just that.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/he-feared-that-by-leaving-her-he-would-ruin-her-life-so-he-stayed-and/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [You have to be quite heavily invested in someone to do them the honour of telling them you're annoyed with them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/you-have-to-be-quite-heavily-invested-in-someone-to-do-them-the/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [“The Anxiety of Sunday afternoon: your unlived lives and infinite possibility pressing upon the constraints of reality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/the-anxiety-of-sunday-afternoon-your-unlived-lives-and-infinite/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [Those who divorce aren't necessarily the most unhappy, just those neatly able to believe their misery is caused by one other person.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/those-who-divorce-aren-t-necessarily-the-most-unhappy-just-those/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [“We could not be fulfilled if we weren't inauthentic some of the time—inauthentic, that is, in relation to such things as our passing desires…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/we-could-not-be-fulfilled-if-we-weren-t-inauthentic-some-of-the-time/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [“Insofar as we appreciate order, it is when we perceive it as being accompanied by complexity, when we feel that a variety of elements…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/insofar-as-we-appreciate-order-it-is-when-we-perceive-it-as-being/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [I like the values associated with a medical family - common sense, being practical but also thoughtful.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/i-like-the-values-associated-with-a-medical-family-common-sense-being/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [“Anyone who urgently needs us deserves, in the true book of love, to be our friend.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/anyone-who-urgently-needs-us-deserves-in-the-true-book-of-love-to-be/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [“We can then recognize that we invented religions to serve two central needs which continue to this day and which secular society has not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/we-can-then-recognize-that-we-invented-religions-to-serve-two-central/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [“Half the ingratitude and complacency in the world down to how slowly and imperceptibly most good and bad things unfold.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/half-the-ingratitude-and-complacency-in-the-world-down-to-how-slowly/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [It is perhaps when our lives are at their most problematic that we are likely to be most receptive to beautiful things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/it-is-perhaps-when-our-lives-are-at-their-most-problematic-that-we/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [“Does what is praised becomes better? Does an emerald become worse if it isn't praised? And what a gold, ivory, a flower or a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/does-what-is-praised-becomes-better-does-an-emerald-become-worse-if/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [The bourgeois thinkers of the eighteenth century thus turned Aristotle's formula on its head: satisfactions which the Greek philosopher had identified with leisure were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/the-bourgeois-thinkers-of-the-eighteenth-century-thus-turned/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) > [Reputation matters so much only because people so seldom think for themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alain-de-botton/reputation-matters-so-much-only-because-people-so-seldom-think-for/) [Alain de Botton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) [Explore all 850 Alain de Botton quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alain-de-botton/) ## More Reproach quotes > [One's conscience reproaches one much more stingingly for one's follies than one's crimes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geraldine-jewsbury/one-s-conscience-reproaches-one-much-more-stingingly-for-one-s/) [Geraldine Jewsbury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/geraldine-jewsbury/) > [I only asked my friends to be friendly and polite, I found them indifferent and censorious; The one I left to silence, the other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stevie-smith/i-only-asked-my-friends-to-be-friendly-and-polite-i-found-them/) [Stevie Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stevie-smith/) > [In Minnesota, we hold our leaders to a higher standard. We demand that the men and women we send to Washington stand above reproach…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kurt-bills/in-minnesota-we-hold-our-leaders-to-a-higher-standard-we-demand-that/) [Kurt Bills](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kurt-bills/) > [A calm despair, without angry convulsions or reproaches directed at heaven, is the essence of wisdom.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-de-vigny/a-calm-despair-without-angry-convulsions-or-reproaches-directed-at/) [Alfred de Vigny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-de-vigny/) > [Neither reproaches nor encouragements are able to revive a faith that is waning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nathalie-sarraute/neither-reproaches-nor-encouragements-are-able-to-revive-a-faith-that/) [Nathalie Sarraute](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nathalie-sarraute/) > [(Politeness is) a tacit agreement that people's miserable defects, whether moral or intellectual, shall on either side be ignored and not be made the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-schopenhauer/politeness-is-a-tacit-agreement-that-people-s-miserable-defects/) [Arthur Schopenhauer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-schopenhauer/) > [What praise is implied in the simple epithet useful! What reproach in the contrary.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-hume/what-praise-is-implied-in-the-simple-epithet-useful-what-reproach-in/) [David Hume](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-hume/) > [It would be no reproach to a philosopher, that he knew the future better than the past, or even than the present. It is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-david-thoreau/it-would-be-no-reproach-to-a-philosopher-that-he-knew-the-future/) [Henry David Thoreau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-david-thoreau/) > [Wisdom and virtue are by no means sufficient, without the supplemental laws of good-breeding, to secure freedom from degenerating into rudeness, or self esteem…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/samuel-johnson/wisdom-and-virtue-are-by-no-means-sufficient-without-the-supplemental/) [Samuel Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/samuel-johnson/) > [The title of Christian is a reproach to us, if we estrange ourselves from Him after whom we are denominated. The name of Jesus…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-wilberforce/the-title-of-christian-is-a-reproach-to-us-if-we-estrange-ourselves/) [William Wilberforce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-wilberforce/) > [The Sting of a reproach, is the Truth of it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-franklin/the-sting-of-a-reproach-is-the-truth-of-it/) [Benjamin Franklin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-franklin/) > [The conscience of the world is so guilty that it always assumes that people who investigate heresies must be heretics; just as if a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aleister-crowley/the-conscience-of-the-world-is-so-guilty-that-it-always-assumes-that/) [Aleister Crowley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aleister-crowley/) > [There are no normal people, there are just different kinds of weird, all of it is human and all humanity is better than everything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harmon/there-are-no-normal-people-there-are-just-different-kinds-of-weird/) [Dan Harmon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harmon/) > [The object isn't to be perfect. The goal isn't to hold back until you've created something beyond reproach. I believe the opposite is true.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/seth-godin/the-object-isn-t-to-be-perfect-the-goal-isn-t-to-hold-back-until-you/) [Seth Godin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/seth-godin/) > [Do not bandy words with your father, nor treat him as a dotard, nor reproach the old man, who has cherished you, with his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aristophanes/do-not-bandy-words-with-your-father-nor-treat-him-as-a-dotard-nor/) [Aristophanes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aristophanes/) Browse all 222 Reproach quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“What matters is not what we seem to a random group, but what we know we are. In Schopenhauer’s words: ‘Every reproach can hurt only to the extent that it hits the mark. 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