--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It is the suffering of ambivalence: the…" description: "\"It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged nerves, and blissful gratification and tenderness..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/adrienne-rich-803_ambivalence_it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-m_2131114.png" --- # It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous… ![“It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged nerves, and blissful gratification and tenderness” quote by Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/adrienne-rich-803_ambivalence_it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-m_2131114.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/adrienne-rich-803_ambivalence_it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-m_2131114.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/adrienne-rich-803_ambivalence_it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-m_2131114.png) > “It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged nerves, and blissful gratification and tenderness” [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The quote describes the painful conflict of feeling both deep resentment and tender joy, highlighting how ambivalence can be emotionally exhausting. **In simple terms:** Mixed feelings cause inner turmoil and occasional peace. Key Takeaway Accept and explore both sides of conflict. Themes conflict emotion ambivalence psychology Mood reflective melancholy Type poetic philosophical When to use this quote - personal relationships - creative work - mental health coping - conflict resolution Key Concepts dualism emotional regulation self-awareness Questions to Reflect On - How do you navigate opposing emotions? - What practices help you integrate resentment and gratitude? A Different Perspective Balancing extremes may be impossible without external support. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Ambivalence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ambivalence/) [Ambivalence Murderous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ambivalence-murderous-2394725/) [Anger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anger/) [Bitter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bitter/) [Bitter Resentment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bitter-resentment-3987542/) [Gratification](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gratification/) [Gratification Tenderness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gratification-tenderness-4393028/) [Nerves](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/nerves/) [Resentment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/resentment/) [Suffering](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suffering/) [Suffering Ambivalence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suffering-ambivalence-2394724/) [Tenderness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tenderness/) ## Related quotes > [“In her insightful Of Woman Born (1976), Adrienne Rich said it very eloquently: “My children cause me the most exquisite suffering of which I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ina-may-gaskin/in-her-insightful-of-woman-born-1976-adrienne-rich-said-it-very/) [Ina May Gaskin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ina-may-gaskin/) > [My children cause me the most exquisite suffering of which I have any experience. It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/my-children-cause-me-the-most-exquisite-suffering-of-which-i-have-any/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [“He also discovered that he was bitter and full of resentment, that he oozed resentment, and that he might easily kill someone, anyone, if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roberto-bola-o/he-also-discovered-that-he-was-bitter-and-full-of-resentment-that-he/) [Roberto Bolaño](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roberto-bola-o/) > [“I remember that night fondly. And by fondly, I mean with bitter resentment toward all things alcoholic and with a penis.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-sivec/i-remember-that-night-fondly-and-by-fondly-i-mean-with-bitter/) [Tara Sivec](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tara-sivec/) > [“At the micro-sociological level, most humans are doing better than ever. Yet there is so much confusion, suffering and bitter resentment. How many beautiful,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hanzi-freinacht/at-the-micro-sociological-level-most-humans-are-doing-better-than/) [Hanzi Freinacht](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hanzi-freinacht/) > [Prudence is not hesitation, procrastination, or moderation. It is not driving in the middle of the road. It is not the way of ambivalence,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-ortberg/prudence-is-not-hesitation-procrastination-or-moderation-it-is-not/) [John Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-ortberg/) > [I think we have deluded ourselves into believing that people don't know that abortion is killing. So any pretense that abortion is not killing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/faye-wattleton/i-think-we-have-deluded-ourselves-into-believing-that-people-don-t/) [Faye Wattleton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/faye-wattleton/) > ['The Simpsons' is about alienation and the ambivalence of living with a family who you love but who drive you completely crazy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-groening/the-simpsons-is-about-alienation-and-the-ambivalence-of-living-with-a/) [Matt Groening](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-groening/) > [“The problem is that when you’re not fighting for survival, it’s easy to stop making decisions and fall into the trap of thinking you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-ryder-howe/the-problem-is-that-when-you-re-not-fighting-for-survival-it-s-easy/) [Ben Ryder Howe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-ryder-howe/) > [We don't do ambivalence well in America. We do courage of our convictions. We do might makes right. Ambivalence is French. Certainty is American.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/we-don-t-do-ambivalence-well-in-america-we-do-courage-of-our/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [“Raising a child is the very definition of ambivalence. I am overwhelmed at times by how something can simultaneously be so awful and so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/raising-a-child-is-the-very-definition-of-ambivalence-i-am/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [We British play an important role in Europe, even if we have a traditional and historical ambivalence towards the continent.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lionel-barber/we-british-play-an-important-role-in-europe-even-if-we-have-a/) [Lionel Barber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lionel-barber/) > [The base of artistic pursuit is ambivalence and complexity. And that's what I try to do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fernando-perez/the-base-of-artistic-pursuit-is-ambivalence-and-complexity-and-that-s/) [Fernando Perez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fernando-perez/) > [“In starlit nights I saw you, So cruelly you kissed me. Your lips a magic world, Your sky all hung with jewels. The killing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/echo-and-the-bunnymen/in-starlit-nights-i-saw-you-so-cruelly-you-kissed-me-your-lips-a/) [Echo and the Bunnymen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/echo-and-the-bunnymen/) > [The less obvious hurdle is that of preparing parents emotionally and putting forward realistic images of parenthood and motherhood. There also needs to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jessica-valenti/the-less-obvious-hurdle-is-that-of-preparing-parents-emotionally-and/) [Jessica Valenti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jessica-valenti/) ## More by Adrienne Rich > [Only to have a grief equal to all these tears!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/only-to-have-a-grief-equal-to-all-these-tears/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [“Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you...it means that you do not treat your body…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/responsibility-to-yourself-means-refusing-to-let-others-do-your/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [The beauty of darkness is how it lets you see.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/the-beauty-of-darkness-is-how-it-lets-you-see/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [What I search for continuously in my art is adequate language, language I hope can stand beyond any particular occasion. What I'm finding is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/what-i-search-for-continuously-in-my-art-is-adequate-language/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [“Well, she's long about her coming, who must be more merciless to herself than history. Her mind full to the wind, I see her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/well-she-s-long-about-her-coming-who-must-be-more-merciless-to/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [I think my work comes out of both an intense desire for connection and what it means to feel isolated. There's always going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/i-think-my-work-comes-out-of-both-an-intense-desire-for-connection/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [Popular culture entered my life as Shirley Temple, who was exactly my age and wrotea letter in the newspapers telling how her mother fixed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/popular-culture-entered-my-life-as-shirley-temple-who-was-exactly-my/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [... in a history of spiritual rupture, a social compact built on fantasy and collective secrets, poetry becomes more necessary than ever: it keeps…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/in-a-history-of-spiritual-rupture-a-social-compact-built-on-fantasy/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [It's as if, in the mother's eyes, her smile, her stroking touch, the child first reads the message:'You are there!'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/it-s-as-if-in-the-mother-s-eyes-her-smile-her-stroking-touch-the/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [The women's movement appeared at a very crucial moment in my life. There was a whole political movement asking such questions and others I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/the-women-s-movement-appeared-at-a-very-crucial-moment-in-my-life/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [The word revolution itself has become not only a dead relic of Leftism, but a key to the deadendedness of male politics: the revolution…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/the-word-revolution-itself-has-become-not-only-a-dead-relic-of/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [The decision to feed the world is the real decision. No revolution has chosen it. For that choice requires that women shall be free.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/the-decision-to-feed-the-world-is-the-real-decision-no-revolution-has/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [The necessity of poetry has to be stated over and over, but only to those who have reason to fear its power, or those…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/the-necessity-of-poetry-has-to-be-stated-over-and-over-but-only-to/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [I think many poets, including myself, write both for the voice and for the page. I certainly write for the person alone in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/i-think-many-poets-including-myself-write-both-for-the-voice-and-for/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [If I cling to circumstances I could feel not responsible. Only she who says she did not choose, is the loser in the end.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/if-i-cling-to-circumstances-i-could-feel-not-responsible-only-she-who/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) [Explore all 364 Adrienne Rich quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) ## More Ambivalence quotes > [The less obvious hurdle is that of preparing parents emotionally and putting forward realistic images of parenthood and motherhood. There also needs to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jessica-valenti/the-less-obvious-hurdle-is-that-of-preparing-parents-emotionally-and/) [Jessica Valenti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jessica-valenti/) > [“In starlit nights I saw you, So cruelly you kissed me. Your lips a magic world, Your sky all hung with jewels. The killing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/echo-and-the-bunnymen/in-starlit-nights-i-saw-you-so-cruelly-you-kissed-me-your-lips-a/) [Echo and the Bunnymen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/echo-and-the-bunnymen/) > [The base of artistic pursuit is ambivalence and complexity. And that's what I try to do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fernando-perez/the-base-of-artistic-pursuit-is-ambivalence-and-complexity-and-that-s/) [Fernando Perez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fernando-perez/) > [We British play an important role in Europe, even if we have a traditional and historical ambivalence towards the continent.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lionel-barber/we-british-play-an-important-role-in-europe-even-if-we-have-a/) [Lionel Barber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lionel-barber/) > [“Raising a child is the very definition of ambivalence. I am overwhelmed at times by how something can simultaneously be so awful and so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/raising-a-child-is-the-very-definition-of-ambivalence-i-am/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [We don't do ambivalence well in America. We do courage of our convictions. We do might makes right. Ambivalence is French. Certainty is American.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-quindlen/we-don-t-do-ambivalence-well-in-america-we-do-courage-of-our/) [Anna Quindlen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-quindlen/) > [“The problem is that when you’re not fighting for survival, it’s easy to stop making decisions and fall into the trap of thinking you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-ryder-howe/the-problem-is-that-when-you-re-not-fighting-for-survival-it-s-easy/) [Ben Ryder Howe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-ryder-howe/) > ['The Simpsons' is about alienation and the ambivalence of living with a family who you love but who drive you completely crazy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-groening/the-simpsons-is-about-alienation-and-the-ambivalence-of-living-with-a/) [Matt Groening](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-groening/) > [I think we have deluded ourselves into believing that people don't know that abortion is killing. So any pretense that abortion is not killing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/faye-wattleton/i-think-we-have-deluded-ourselves-into-believing-that-people-don-t/) [Faye Wattleton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/faye-wattleton/) > [Prudence is not hesitation, procrastination, or moderation. It is not driving in the middle of the road. It is not the way of ambivalence,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-ortberg/prudence-is-not-hesitation-procrastination-or-moderation-it-is-not/) [John Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-ortberg/) > [From the beginning, there have been some religious leaders who greeted the funding of faith-based social services by government with ambivalence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-campolo/from-the-beginning-there-have-been-some-religious-leaders-who-greeted/) [Tony Campolo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-campolo/) > [Real love, the kind you have with a person, must go through ambivalence.There is simply no way around it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kumar-anupam/real-love-the-kind-you-have-with-a-person-must-go-through-ambivalence/) [Kumar Anupam](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kumar-anupam/) > [My children cause me the most exquisite suffering of which I have any experience. It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/my-children-cause-me-the-most-exquisite-suffering-of-which-i-have-any/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [“Life had this unmoored quality, full of voids and barely acknowledged yearnings, and if I'd made a list of things I wanted desperately at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caroline-knapp/life-had-this-unmoored-quality-full-of-voids-and-barely-acknowledged/) [Caroline Knapp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caroline-knapp/) > [Horizontality is a desire to give up, to sleep. Verticality is an attempt to escape. Hanging and floating are states of ambivalence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-bourgeois/horizontality-is-a-desire-to-give-up-to-sleep-verticality-is-an/) [Louise Bourgeois](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-bourgeois/) [Browse all 121 Ambivalence quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ambivalence/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged nerves, and blissful gratification and tenderness", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Adrienne Rich" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-murderous-alternation-between/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Ambivalence" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-murderous-alternation-between/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/adrienne-rich-803_ambivalence_it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-m_2131114.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/adrienne-rich-803_ambivalence_it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-m_2131114.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/adrienne-rich-803_ambivalence_it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-m_2131114.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged…” — Adrienne Rich", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Adrienne Rich", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "It is the suffering of ambivalence:...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-murderous-alternation-between/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/it-is-the-suffering-of-ambivalence-the-murderous-alternation-between/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```