--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Looking at Kathy's troubled face, I…" description: "\"“Looking at Kathy's troubled face, I reflected on the fact that I never know what to say to people when they get into this sort of state. I have come t..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7e/adrian-plass-91975_real-friendship_looking-at-kathy-s-troubled-face-i-refle_2540946.jpg" --- # Looking at Kathy's troubled face, I reflected on the fact… ![“Looking at Kathy's troubled face, I reflected on the fact that I never know what to say to people when they get into this sort of state. I have come to believe, however, that this 'not knowing' is a significant advance on thinking you know what to say. There was a time when I responded to other…” quote by Adrian Plass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7e/adrian-plass-91975_real-friendship_looking-at-kathy-s-troubled-face-i-refle_2540946.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7e/adrian-plass-91975_real-friendship_looking-at-kathy-s-troubled-face-i-refle_2540946.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7e/adrian-plass-91975_real-friendship_looking-at-kathy-s-troubled-face-i-refle_2540946.jpg) > ““Looking at Kathy's troubled face, I reflected on the fact that I never know what to say to people when they get into this sort of state. I have come to believe, however, that this 'not knowing' is a significant advance on thinking you know what to say. There was a time when I responded to other people's difficulties with a sort of bullying exasperation, probably because I secretly thought that no one could have problems as mountainous as mine. Why should I waste more energy than was absolutely necessary on the trivial little blips that interrupted their smooth-running lives? The tendency to react like that was still in me, but nowadays I tried to kick it out as soon as it appeared. I have to be honest and say that Kathy's earlier complaints about the pressures of motherhood had provoked a little 'What about me?' cry in some back chamber of my heart, but stronger than that response was the gritty knowledge that real friendship means accepting the whole package, not just the bits that appeal to you.”” [Adrian Plass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrian-plass/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Acknowledging uncertainty in supporting friends is wiser than offering forced advice, revealing true empathy. **In simple terms:** Accept uncertainty when friends struggle. Key Takeaway Embrace listening over fixing. Themes friendship empathy self-awareness motherhood communication Mood reflective compassionate Type friendship:1 Motherhood Provoked:0 Kathy Troubled:0 Looking Kathy:0 Kathy Earlier:0 Responded People:0 When to use this quote - supporting a grieving mother - conversing with a distressed friend - reflecting on personal bias - managing inner judgments - cultivating authentic connection Key Concepts active listening humility psychological safety Questions to Reflect On - How can you sit with discomfort for a friend? - What does “whole package” acceptance look like in daily life? A Different Perspective Assuming you know the right words can still cause harm. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Kathy Earlier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kathy-earlier-1432314/) [Kathy Troubled](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kathy-troubled-1432312/) [Looking Kathy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/looking-kathy-1432313/) [Motherhood Provoked](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/motherhood-provoked-1432311/) [Real friendship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/real-friendship/) [Responded People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/responded-people-1432315/) ## Related quotes > [It's been like that my whole life. AAU to high school to college, I've always responded when people get on me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donovan-mitchell/it-s-been-like-that-my-whole-life-aau-to-high-school-to-college-i-ve/) [Donovan Mitchell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donovan-mitchell/) > [You don't have to write to me if you don't feel like it. There's no real friendship without absolute freedom.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-sand/you-don-t-have-to-write-to-me-if-you-don-t-feel-like-it-there-s-no/) [George Sand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-sand/) > [A real friendship is a light thing. A real friend holds you loosely.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-rivers-siddons/a-real-friendship-is-a-light-thing-a-real-friend-holds-you-loosely/) [Anne Rivers Siddons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-rivers-siddons/) > [Real friendship, like real poetry, is extremely rare - and precious as a pearl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tahar-ben-jelloun/real-friendship-like-real-poetry-is-extremely-rare-and-precious-as-a/) [Tahar Ben Jelloun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tahar-ben-jelloun/) > [An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-wilde/an-acquaintance-that-begins-with-a-compliment-is-sure-to-develop-into/) [Oscar Wilde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-wilde/) > [In real friendship the judgment, the genius, the prudence of each party become the common property of both.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-edgeworth/in-real-friendship-the-judgment-the-genius-the-prudence-of-each-party/) [Maria Edgeworth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-edgeworth/) > [One Day u will realized what is the real meaning of a real friendship !! I will let you do ur thing so u…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/valeska-glez/one-day-u-will-realized-what-is-the-real-meaning-of-a-real-friendship/) [Valeska Glez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/valeska-glez/) > [I learned that a real friendship is not about what you can get, but what you can give. Real friendship is about making sacrifices…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-thomas/i-learned-that-a-real-friendship-is-not-about-what-you-can-get-but/) [Eric Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-thomas/) > [I spent a good portion of my life being unable to honor my feelings. When I started the process of having real friendships it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bonnie-st-john/i-spent-a-good-portion-of-my-life-being-unable-to-honor-my-feelings/) [Bonnie St. John](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bonnie-st-john/) > [It's not a real friendship if you can't crack on each other without catching feelings.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/it-s-not-a-real-friendship-if-you-can-t-crack-on-each-other-without/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“I think that real friendship always makes us feel such sweet gratitude, because the world almost always seems like a very hard desert, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/i-think-that-real-friendship-always-makes-us-feel-such-sweet/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) > [True friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eyes. True friendship is not measured in days or decades. Real friendship is shown…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/true-friendship-is-seen-through-the-heart-not-through-the-eyes-true/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [“I suppose that means you don’t want any band-aids, either,” I said, a touch more bitterly than I’d meant to.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-m-richards/i-suppose-that-means-you-don-t-want-any-band-aids-either-i-said-a/) [J.M. Richards](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-m-richards/) > [Why you were born and why you are living depend entirely on what you are getting out of this world and what you are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-hammerstein-ii/why-you-were-born-and-why-you-are-living-depend-entirely-on-what-you/) [Oscar Hammerstein II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-hammerstein-ii/) > [Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-o-donohue/real-friendship-or-love-is-not-manufactured-or-achieved-by-an-act-of/) [John O'Donohue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-o-donohue/) ## More by Adrian Plass > [“In my dreams I have lived a promise that no waking day has ever kept.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrian-plass/in-my-dreams-i-have-lived-a-promise-that-no-waking-day-has-ever-kept/) [Adrian Plass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrian-plass/) [Explore all 2 Adrian Plass quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrian-plass/) ## More Real friendship quotes > [Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-o-donohue/real-friendship-or-love-is-not-manufactured-or-achieved-by-an-act-of/) [John O'Donohue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-o-donohue/) > [Why you were born and why you are living depend entirely on what you are getting out of this world and what you are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-hammerstein-ii/why-you-were-born-and-why-you-are-living-depend-entirely-on-what-you/) [Oscar Hammerstein II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-hammerstein-ii/) > [“I suppose that means you don’t want any band-aids, either,” I said, a touch more bitterly than I’d meant to.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-m-richards/i-suppose-that-means-you-don-t-want-any-band-aids-either-i-said-a/) [J.M. Richards](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-m-richards/) > [True friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eyes. True friendship is not measured in days or decades. Real friendship is shown…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/true-friendship-is-seen-through-the-heart-not-through-the-eyes-true/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [“I think that real friendship always makes us feel such sweet gratitude, because the world almost always seems like a very hard desert, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/i-think-that-real-friendship-always-makes-us-feel-such-sweet/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) > [It's not a real friendship if you can't crack on each other without catching feelings.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/it-s-not-a-real-friendship-if-you-can-t-crack-on-each-other-without/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I spent a good portion of my life being unable to honor my feelings. When I started the process of having real friendships it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bonnie-st-john/i-spent-a-good-portion-of-my-life-being-unable-to-honor-my-feelings/) [Bonnie St. John](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bonnie-st-john/) > [I learned that a real friendship is not about what you can get, but what you can give. Real friendship is about making sacrifices…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-thomas/i-learned-that-a-real-friendship-is-not-about-what-you-can-get-but/) [Eric Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-thomas/) > [One Day u will realized what is the real meaning of a real friendship !! I will let you do ur thing so u…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/valeska-glez/one-day-u-will-realized-what-is-the-real-meaning-of-a-real-friendship/) [Valeska Glez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/valeska-glez/) > [In real friendship the judgment, the genius, the prudence of each party become the common property of both.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-edgeworth/in-real-friendship-the-judgment-the-genius-the-prudence-of-each-party/) [Maria Edgeworth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-edgeworth/) > [An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-wilde/an-acquaintance-that-begins-with-a-compliment-is-sure-to-develop-into/) [Oscar Wilde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-wilde/) > [Real friendship, like real poetry, is extremely rare - and precious as a pearl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tahar-ben-jelloun/real-friendship-like-real-poetry-is-extremely-rare-and-precious-as-a/) [Tahar Ben Jelloun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tahar-ben-jelloun/) > [A real friendship is a light thing. A real friend holds you loosely.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-rivers-siddons/a-real-friendship-is-a-light-thing-a-real-friend-holds-you-loosely/) [Anne Rivers Siddons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-rivers-siddons/) > [You don't have to write to me if you don't feel like it. There's no real friendship without absolute freedom.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-sand/you-don-t-have-to-write-to-me-if-you-don-t-feel-like-it-there-s-no/) [George Sand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-sand/) > [Closeness doesn't always conveys real friendship, oftentimes genuine friendship comes not in being together but by lavished loyalty and love when both are in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jervil-abegail-alferez/closeness-doesn-t-always-conveys-real-friendship-oftentimes-genuine/) [Jervil Abegail Alferez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jervil-abegail-alferez/) [Browse all 107 Real friendship quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/real-friendship/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Looking at Kathy's troubled face, I reflected on the fact that I never know what to say to people when they get into this sort of state. 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