--- title: "15 Years Quotes By Steven Wright" description: "15 Years quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Years sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e35/steven-wright-432_four_four-years-ago-no-it-was-yesterday-53319_533198.jpg" --- > [Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/four-years-ago-no-it-was-yesterday/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e35/steven-wright-432_four_four-years-ago-no-it-was-yesterday-53319_533198.jpg) > [Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-year-we-drove-across-the-country-we-had-one-cassette-tape-to/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/steven-wright-432_cassette-tapes_last-year-we-drove-across-the-country-we_1007228.jpg) > [My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-friend-winnie-is-a-procrastinator-he-didn-t-get-his-birth-mark-til/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/553/steven-wright-432_birth_my-friend-winnie-is-a-procrastinator-he_2838077.jpg) > [My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-aunt-gave-me-a-walkie-talkie-for-my-birthday-she-says-if-i-m-good/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d17/steven-wright-432_aunt_my-aunt-gave-me-a-walkie-talkie-for-my-b_1223093.jpg) > [The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/the-other-day-i-went-to-a-tourist-information-booth-and-asked-tell-me/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/15a/steven-wright-432_information_the-other-day-i-went-to-a-tourist-inform_1102207.jpg) > [When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-turned-two-i-was-really-anxious-because-i-d-doubled-my-age-in/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52d/steven-wright-432_age_when-i-turned-two-i-was-really-anxious-b_740212.jpg) > [When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-was-on-tv-in-the-80s-i-wasn-t-thinking-there-s-a-10-year-old/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/785/steven-wright-432_80s_when-i-was-on-tv-in-the-80s-i-wasn-t-thi_726360.jpg) > [I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-was-watching-the-superbowl-with-my-92-year-old-grandfather-the-team/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e19/steven-wright-432_football_i-was-watching-the-superbowl-with-my-92_2354123.jpg) > [I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-ve-been-doing-comedy-longer-than-i-haven-t-been-doing-comedy-as-i/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c2/steven-wright-432_casual_i-ve-been-doing-comedy-longer-than-i-hav_593547.jpg) > [I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-didn-t-tell-any-of-my-friends-that-i-wanted-to-be-a-comedian/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27f/steven-wright-432_comedian_i-didn-t-tell-any-of-my-friends-that-i-w_426039.jpg) > [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/100/steven-wright-432_circumstances_nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship_19719.jpg) > [I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-never-even-thought-of-myself-as-deadpan-until-someone-wrote-an/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/178/steven-wright-432_articles_i-never-even-thought-of-myself-as-deadpa_478652.jpg) > [Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/honestly-i-just-go-to-restaurants-to-eat-so-i-won-t-die-if-there-was/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01e/steven-wright-432_cake_honestly-i-just-go-to-restaurants-to-eat_2747679.jpg) > [When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-was-five-years-old-i-was-on-a-merry-go-round-there-was-a/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d9/steven-wright-432_five_when-i-was-five-years-old-i-was-on-a-mer_1673911.jpg) > [Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/two-babies-were-born-on-the-same-day-at-the-same-hospital-they-lay/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/162/steven-wright-432_baby_two-babies-were-born-on-the-same-day-at_625979.jpg) ## Other authors on Years ## More by Steven Wright > [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-dental-hygienist-is-cute-every-time-i-visit-i-eat-a-whole-package/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-lawyers-are-disbarred-and-clergymen-defrocked-doesn-t-it-follow/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-i-ever-had-twins-i-d-use-one-for-parts/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-intense-to-be-in-front-of-a-live-audience-it-s-just-an/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-got-pulled-over-by-a-cop-and-he-said-do-you-know-the-speed-limit/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/babies-don-t-need-a-vacation-but-i-still-see-them-at-the-beach-it/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speed-reading-accident-i/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-m-on-stage-it-s-really-intense-my-mind-is-going-a-million/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-like-politicians-and-i-don-t-like-politics-i-definitely-don-t/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-isn-t-the-number-11-pronounced-onety-one/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) > [A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-conscience-is-what-hurts-when-all-your-other-parts-feel-so-good/) [Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/steven-wright/#itemlist", "name": "15 Years Quotes By Steven Wright", "numberOfItems": 15, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/four-years-ago-no-it-was-yesterday/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e35/steven-wright-432_four_four-years-ago-no-it-was-yesterday-53319_533198.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e35/steven-wright-432_four_four-years-ago-no-it-was-yesterday-53319_533198.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e35/steven-wright-432_four_four-years-ago-no-it-was-yesterday-53319_533198.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/last-year-we-drove-across-the-country-we-had-one-cassette-tape-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/steven-wright-432_cassette-tapes_last-year-we-drove-across-the-country-we_1007228.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/steven-wright-432_cassette-tapes_last-year-we-drove-across-the-country-we_1007228.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f6/steven-wright-432_cassette-tapes_last-year-we-drove-across-the-country-we_1007228.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-friend-winnie-is-a-procrastinator-he-didn-t-get-his-birth-mark-til/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/553/steven-wright-432_birth_my-friend-winnie-is-a-procrastinator-he_2838077.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/553/steven-wright-432_birth_my-friend-winnie-is-a-procrastinator-he_2838077.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/553/steven-wright-432_birth_my-friend-winnie-is-a-procrastinator-he_2838077.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-aunt-gave-me-a-walkie-talkie-for-my-birthday-she-says-if-i-m-good/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d17/steven-wright-432_aunt_my-aunt-gave-me-a-walkie-talkie-for-my-b_1223093.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d17/steven-wright-432_aunt_my-aunt-gave-me-a-walkie-talkie-for-my-b_1223093.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d17/steven-wright-432_aunt_my-aunt-gave-me-a-walkie-talkie-for-my-b_1223093.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/the-other-day-i-went-to-a-tourist-information-booth-and-asked-tell-me/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/15a/steven-wright-432_information_the-other-day-i-went-to-a-tourist-inform_1102207.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/15a/steven-wright-432_information_the-other-day-i-went-to-a-tourist-inform_1102207.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/15a/steven-wright-432_information_the-other-day-i-went-to-a-tourist-inform_1102207.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-turned-two-i-was-really-anxious-because-i-d-doubled-my-age-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52d/steven-wright-432_age_when-i-turned-two-i-was-really-anxious-b_740212.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52d/steven-wright-432_age_when-i-turned-two-i-was-really-anxious-b_740212.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/52d/steven-wright-432_age_when-i-turned-two-i-was-really-anxious-b_740212.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-was-on-tv-in-the-80s-i-wasn-t-thinking-there-s-a-10-year-old/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/785/steven-wright-432_80s_when-i-was-on-tv-in-the-80s-i-wasn-t-thi_726360.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/785/steven-wright-432_80s_when-i-was-on-tv-in-the-80s-i-wasn-t-thi_726360.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/785/steven-wright-432_80s_when-i-was-on-tv-in-the-80s-i-wasn-t-thi_726360.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-was-watching-the-superbowl-with-my-92-year-old-grandfather-the-team/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e19/steven-wright-432_football_i-was-watching-the-superbowl-with-my-92_2354123.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e19/steven-wright-432_football_i-was-watching-the-superbowl-with-my-92_2354123.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e19/steven-wright-432_football_i-was-watching-the-superbowl-with-my-92_2354123.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it; it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-ve-been-doing-comedy-longer-than-i-haven-t-been-doing-comedy-as-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c2/steven-wright-432_casual_i-ve-been-doing-comedy-longer-than-i-hav_593547.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c2/steven-wright-432_casual_i-ve-been-doing-comedy-longer-than-i-hav_593547.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2c2/steven-wright-432_casual_i-ve-been-doing-comedy-longer-than-i-hav_593547.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-didn-t-tell-any-of-my-friends-that-i-wanted-to-be-a-comedian/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27f/steven-wright-432_comedian_i-didn-t-tell-any-of-my-friends-that-i-w_426039.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27f/steven-wright-432_comedian_i-didn-t-tell-any-of-my-friends-that-i-w_426039.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27f/steven-wright-432_comedian_i-didn-t-tell-any-of-my-friends-that-i-w_426039.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/100/steven-wright-432_circumstances_nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship_19719.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/100/steven-wright-432_circumstances_nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship_19719.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/100/steven-wright-432_circumstances_nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship_19719.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-never-even-thought-of-myself-as-deadpan-until-someone-wrote-an/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/178/steven-wright-432_articles_i-never-even-thought-of-myself-as-deadpa_478652.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/178/steven-wright-432_articles_i-never-even-thought-of-myself-as-deadpa_478652.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/178/steven-wright-432_articles_i-never-even-thought-of-myself-as-deadpa_478652.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/honestly-i-just-go-to-restaurants-to-eat-so-i-won-t-die-if-there-was/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01e/steven-wright-432_cake_honestly-i-just-go-to-restaurants-to-eat_2747679.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01e/steven-wright-432_cake_honestly-i-just-go-to-restaurants-to-eat_2747679.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/01e/steven-wright-432_cake_honestly-i-just-go-to-restaurants-to-eat_2747679.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-was-five-years-old-i-was-on-a-merry-go-round-there-was-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d9/steven-wright-432_five_when-i-was-five-years-old-i-was-on-a-mer_1673911.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d9/steven-wright-432_five_when-i-was-five-years-old-i-was-on-a-mer_1673911.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9d9/steven-wright-432_five_when-i-was-five-years-old-i-was-on-a-mer_1673911.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Steven Wright" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/two-babies-were-born-on-the-same-day-at-the-same-hospital-they-lay/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/162/steven-wright-432_baby_two-babies-were-born-on-the-same-day-at_625979.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/162/steven-wright-432_baby_two-babies-were-born-on-the-same-day-at_625979.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/162/steven-wright-432_baby_two-babies-were-born-on-the-same-day-at_625979.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their…” — Steven Wright", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/steven-wright/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/steven-wright/", "name": "Years Quotes by Steven Wright", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/steven-wright/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e35/steven-wright-432_four_four-years-ago-no-it-was-yesterday-53319_533198.jpg" }, "description": "15 Years quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Years sayings from other authors.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/steven-wright/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/steven-wright/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Years", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "name": "Steven Wright", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/steven-wright/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```