--- title: "11 Years Quotes By Phyllis Diller" description: "11 Years quotes by Phyllis Diller. Plus more from Phyllis Diller and more Years sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/phyllis-diller-1622_bicycle_my-eight-year-old-bought-a-bicycle-with_1586410.png" --- > [My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-eight-year-old-bought-a-bicycle-with-the-money-he-saved-by-not/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/phyllis-diller-1622_bicycle_my-eight-year-old-bought-a-bicycle-with_1586410.png) > [I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5c/phyllis-diller-1622_eighteen_i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing_1428021.png) > [I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-will-never-give-up-i-am-in-my-14th-year-of-a-10-day-beauty-plan/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f2b/phyllis-diller-1622_beauty_i-will-never-give-up-i-am-in-my-14th-yea_1554391.png) > [In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/in-most-states-you-can-get-a-driver-s-license-when-you-re-sixteen/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd9/phyllis-diller-1622_drivers_in-most-states-you-can-get-a-driver-s-li_2245284.jpg) > [I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing-there-s-no-use-doing-it-now/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/715/phyllis-diller-1622_behinds_i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing_3095607.png) > [ ... if they \[your children\] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-they-your-children-write-their-names-in-the-dust-on-the-furniture/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/246/phyllis-diller-1622_child_if-they-your-children-write-their-names_2694747.png) > [It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/it-s-true-fang-and-i-fight-but-we-ve-never-gone-to-bed-mad-of-course/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/430/phyllis-diller-1622_bed_it-s-true-fang-and-i-fight-but-we-ve-nev_2640613.png) > [When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/when-you-play-spin-the-bottle-if-they-don-t-want-to-kiss-you-they/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/phyllis-diller-1622_bottles_when-you-play-spin-the-bottle-if-they-do_1533393.png) > [When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/when-you-hire-a-person-to-plan-your-wedding-this-does-not-include/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9b/phyllis-diller-1622_beautiful_when-you-hire-a-person-to-plan-your-wedd_2584429.png) > [A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/a-friend-told-me-the-longer-you-keep-romano-cheese-the-better-it-gets/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/199/phyllis-diller-1622_cheese_a-friend-told-me-the-longer-you-keep-rom_573231.png) > [The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/the-constants-all-through-the-centuries-will-be-the-same-wine-women/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb0/phyllis-diller-1622_accepting_the-constants-all-through-the-centuries_3198590.png) ## Other authors on Years ## More by Phyllis Diller > [My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-mother-in-law-must-be-the-probation-officer-i-got-for-the-crime-i/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-don-t-know-how-you-feel-about-old-age-but-in-my-case-i-didn-t-even/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-it-weren-t-for-baseball-many-kids-wouldn-t-know-what-a-millionaire/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-m-the-only-woman-who-can-walk-in-central-park-at-night-and-reduce/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-was-the-world-s-ugliest-baby-when-i-was-born-the-doctor-slapped/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/by-far-the-most-common-craving-of-pregnant-women-is-not-to-be-pregnant/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/for-fang-getting-out-of-bed-in-the-morning-is-a-career-move/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/women-want-men-careers-money-children-friends-luxury-comfort/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-admit-i-have-a-tremendous-sex-drive-my-boyfriend-lives-forty-miles/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/the-reason-women-don-t-play-football-is-because-11-of-them-would/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-you-don-t-have-wrinkles-you-haven-t-laughed-enough/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [“A smile is a curve that sets things right.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/a-smile-is-a-curve-that-sets-things-right/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/every-time-i-go-near-the-stove-the-dog-howls/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/some-wives-have-model-husbands-i-got-one-that-needed-remodeling/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) > [My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-idea-of-exercise-is-a-good-brisk-sit/) [Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/phyllis-diller/#itemlist", "name": "11 Years Quotes By Phyllis Diller", "numberOfItems": 11, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Phyllis Diller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-eight-year-old-bought-a-bicycle-with-the-money-he-saved-by-not/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/phyllis-diller-1622_bicycle_my-eight-year-old-bought-a-bicycle-with_1586410.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/phyllis-diller-1622_bicycle_my-eight-year-old-bought-a-bicycle-with_1586410.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e0/phyllis-diller-1622_bicycle_my-eight-year-old-bought-a-bicycle-with_1586410.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.” — Phyllis Diller", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Phyllis Diller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5c/phyllis-diller-1622_eighteen_i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing_1428021.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5c/phyllis-diller-1622_eighteen_i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing_1428021.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c5c/phyllis-diller-1622_eighteen_i-m-eighteen-years-behind-in-my-ironing_1428021.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.” — Phyllis Diller", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I will never give up. 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Of course, one year we were up for three months.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Phyllis Diller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/it-s-true-fang-and-i-fight-but-we-ve-never-gone-to-bed-mad-of-course/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/430/phyllis-diller-1622_bed_it-s-true-fang-and-i-fight-but-we-ve-nev_2640613.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/430/phyllis-diller-1622_bed_it-s-true-fang-and-i-fight-but-we-ve-nev_2640613.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/430/phyllis-diller-1622_bed_it-s-true-fang-and-i-fight-but-we-ve-nev_2640613.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.” — Phyllis Diller", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Phyllis Diller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/when-you-play-spin-the-bottle-if-they-don-t-want-to-kiss-you-they/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/phyllis-diller-1622_bottles_when-you-play-spin-the-bottle-if-they-do_1533393.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/phyllis-diller-1622_bottles_when-you-play-spin-the-bottle-if-they-do_1533393.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/phyllis-diller-1622_bottles_when-you-play-spin-the-bottle-if-they-do_1533393.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell…” — Phyllis Diller", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday the 13th. In years to come this will make it much easier to explain why things turned out badly. To look beautiful at your wedding, take time to plan it. It took me a long time to find two ugly bridesmaids and a frumpy little flower girl.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Phyllis Diller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/when-you-hire-a-person-to-plan-your-wedding-this-does-not-include/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9b/phyllis-diller-1622_beautiful_when-you-hire-a-person-to-plan-your-wedd_2584429.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9b/phyllis-diller-1622_beautiful_when-you-hire-a-person-to-plan-your-wedd_2584429.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9b/phyllis-diller-1622_beautiful_when-you-hire-a-person-to-plan-your-wedd_2584429.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married…” — Phyllis Diller", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this thing turned mean. Now and then I'd open the refrigerator door and throw it some food. I'd have to walk it now and then. And then it grew this one leg. And it's got this ugly fuzz all over it. And the dogs won't run with it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Phyllis Diller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/a-friend-told-me-the-longer-you-keep-romano-cheese-the-better-it-gets/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/199/phyllis-diller-1622_cheese_a-friend-told-me-the-longer-you-keep-rom_573231.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/199/phyllis-diller-1622_cheese_a-friend-told-me-the-longer-you-keep-rom_573231.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/199/phyllis-diller-1622_cheese_a-friend-told-me-the-longer-you-keep-rom_573231.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this…” — Phyllis Diller", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Phyllis Diller" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/the-constants-all-through-the-centuries-will-be-the-same-wine-women/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb0/phyllis-diller-1622_accepting_the-constants-all-through-the-centuries_3198590.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb0/phyllis-diller-1622_accepting_the-constants-all-through-the-centuries_3198590.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb0/phyllis-diller-1622_accepting_the-constants-all-through-the-centuries_3198590.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. 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