--- title: "27 Years Quotes By Jon Stewart" description: "27 Years quotes by Jon Stewart. Plus more from Jon Stewart and more Years sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/547/jon-stewart-455_affected_war-that-hasn-t-affected-us-here-in-the_358151.jpg" --- > [War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/war-that-hasn-t-affected-us-here-in-the-way-that-you-would-imagine-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/547/jon-stewart-455_affected_war-that-hasn-t-affected-us-here-in-the_358151.jpg) > [Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/ahh-earth-day-the-only-day-of-the-year-where-being-able-to-hacky-sack/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b5/jon-stewart-455_able_ahh-earth-day-the-only-day-of-the-year-w_1166337.jpg) > [Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/senior-year-is-supposed-to-be-about-being-mentally-done/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30a/jon-stewart-455_being-me_senior-year-is-supposed-to-be-about-bein_183664.jpg) > [Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/everyone-knows-if-a-republican-comes-out-of-the-closet-and-sees-a-gay/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/499/jon-stewart-455_administration_everyone-knows-if-a-republican-comes-out_1792814.jpg) > [Julie Christie was absolutely amazing in Away From Her. Brilliant movie. It was the moving story of a woman who forgets her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/julie-christie-was-absolutely-amazing-in-away-from-her-brilliant/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/235/jon-stewart-455_brilliant_julie-christie-was-absolutely-amazing-in_3029636.jpg) > [ Don't confuse \[Father's Day\] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentine-s-day-and-here-s-why-boy/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/128/jon-stewart-455_boys_don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentin_3112645.jpg) > [ \[John McCain\] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight minutes… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/john-mccain-didn-t-believe-me-i-think-anybody-who-s-been-in-a-pow/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3bf/jon-stewart-455_believe_john-mccain-didn-t-believe-me-i-think-an_2768070.jpg) > [The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-oscars-is-the-one-night-of-the-year-when-you-can-see-all-your/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/jon-stewart-455_democratic_the-oscars-is-the-one-night-of-the-year_968736.jpg) > [The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-seven-marvels-that-best-represent-man-s-achievements-over-the/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/jon-stewart-455_achievement_the-seven-marvels-that-best-represent-ma_2651539.jpg) > [We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/we-ve-come-from-the-same-history-2000-years-of-persecution-we-ve-just/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/687/jon-stewart-455_history_we-ve-come-from-the-same-history-2000-ye_2336393.jpg) > [Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/despite-his-infirmities-strom-thurmond-showed-up-to-work-every-day/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63d/jon-stewart-455_bingo_despite-his-infirmities-strom-thurmond-s_2143447.jpg) > [Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy-five-locations-around-the/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/jon-stewart-455_around-the-world_planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy_1950273.jpg) > [Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/yon-kippur-greatest-jewish-holiday-ever-the-jewish-day-of-attonement/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc6/jon-stewart-455_absolution_yon-kippur-greatest-jewish-holiday-ever_2364744.jpg) > [The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a-shot-for-every-year-i-was-so/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/jon-stewart-455_balls_the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a_1001334.jpg) > [Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/senator-john-mccain-who-spent-over-five-years-in-a-vietnamese-pow/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56e/jon-stewart-455_camps_senator-john-mccain-who-spent-over-five_133714.jpg) > [Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_57639.jpg) > [You can have all the muskets you want! You can even have assault muskets!...Their (the NRA's) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-can-have-all-the-muskets-you-want-you-can-even-have-assault/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/808/jon-stewart-455_addresses_you-can-have-all-the-muskets-you-want-yo_975778.jpg) > [Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a-2/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_2587884.jpg) > [The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating -- allegedly -- the fraud that led…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilling-and-ken-lay-began-four-and/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/jon-stewart-455_american-history_the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilli_1739298.jpg) > [The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-white-house-released-documents-it-claims-validates-the-president/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/jon-stewart-455_active_the-white-house-released-documents-it-cl_204512.jpg) > [Some people have criticized the United States and the United States military for guarding oil fields and not guarding the Iraqi National…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/some-people-have-criticized-the-united-states-and-the-united-states/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b4/jon-stewart-455_antiquity_some-people-have-criticized-the-united-s_2272538.jpg) > [The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-jews-celebrate-passover-by-eating-unpalatable-food-to-remind-them/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d76/jon-stewart-455_angel_the-jews-celebrate-passover-by-eating-un_1622374.jpg) > [That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/that-s-what-it-s-like-to-be-a-comedian-you-basically-stand-and-stare/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/jon-stewart-455_causes_that-s-what-it-s-like-to-be-a-comedian-y_2191733.jpg) > [What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square ... It's a lot quieter than the regular…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/what-you-do-for-jewish-new-year-is-you-go-down-to-times-square-it-s-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/211/jon-stewart-455_funny-happy-new-year_what-you-do-for-jewish-new-year-is-you-g_2373930.jpg) > [We have standards. Anybody with the kind of journalism experience and professionalism that you have displayed over these years can not work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/we-have-standards-anybody-with-the-kind-of-journalism-experience-and/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b3c/jon-stewart-455_can-not_we-have-standards-anybody-with-the-kind_2563525.jpg) > [I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-remember-having-a-grade-school-teacher-i-thought-was-a-hard-ass/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59a/jon-stewart-455_age_i-remember-having-a-grade-school-teacher_3023787.jpg) > [The next four years, though, you still have to abide by the oversight process that is there to prevent this kind of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-next-four-years-though-you-still-have-to-abide-by-the-oversight/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/486/jon-stewart-455_accepting_the-next-four-years-though-you-still-hav_1426620.jpg) ## Other authors on Years ## More by Jon Stewart > [Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/clearly-i-m-way-older-than-everyone/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-don-t-know-how-people-feel-that-s-the-beauty-of-tv-is-they-can-see/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [I don't think marijuana should be illegal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-don-t-think-marijuana-should-be-illegal/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-reject-the-idea-there-are-just-two-sides-i-think-that-with-the/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/megachurches-i-can-t-be-the-only-one-frightened-when-our-houses-of/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/while-opponents-label-howard-dean-a-throwback-liberal-the-new-york/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-just-have-to-keep-trying-to-do-good-work-and-hope-that-it-leads/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-know-in-saudi-arabia-you-re-innocent-until-proven-jewish-female/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-unfortunate-yet-truly-exciting-thing-about-your-life-is-that/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/a-guy-who-says-what-people-who-aren-t-thinking-are-thinking/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/do-you-guys-have-to-sell-everything-i-d-like-to-buy-the-earth-s-core/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/we-re-going-to-do-a-challenge-i-m-going-to-try-and-download-every/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/our-culture-is-just-a-series-of-checks-and-balances-the-whole-idea/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/for-me-it-was-just-exciting-to-see-fake-news-catching-on-like-that-we/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/jon-stewart/#itemlist", "name": "27 Years Quotes By Jon Stewart", "numberOfItems": 27, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/war-that-hasn-t-affected-us-here-in-the-way-that-you-would-imagine-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/547/jon-stewart-455_affected_war-that-hasn-t-affected-us-here-in-the_358151.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/547/jon-stewart-455_affected_war-that-hasn-t-affected-us-here-in-the_358151.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/547/jon-stewart-455_affected_war-that-hasn-t-affected-us-here-in-the_358151.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/ahh-earth-day-the-only-day-of-the-year-where-being-able-to-hacky-sack/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b5/jon-stewart-455_able_ahh-earth-day-the-only-day-of-the-year-w_1166337.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b5/jon-stewart-455_able_ahh-earth-day-the-only-day-of-the-year-w_1166337.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b5/jon-stewart-455_able_ahh-earth-day-the-only-day-of-the-year-w_1166337.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/senior-year-is-supposed-to-be-about-being-mentally-done/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30a/jon-stewart-455_being-me_senior-year-is-supposed-to-be-about-bein_183664.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30a/jon-stewart-455_being-me_senior-year-is-supposed-to-be-about-bein_183664.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30a/jon-stewart-455_being-me_senior-year-is-supposed-to-be-about-bein_183664.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/everyone-knows-if-a-republican-comes-out-of-the-closet-and-sees-a-gay/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/499/jon-stewart-455_administration_everyone-knows-if-a-republican-comes-out_1792814.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/499/jon-stewart-455_administration_everyone-knows-if-a-republican-comes-out_1792814.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/499/jon-stewart-455_administration_everyone-knows-if-a-republican-comes-out_1792814.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Julie Christie was absolutely amazing in Away From Her. Brilliant movie. It was the moving story of a woman who forgets her own husband. Hillary Clinton calls it the feel good movie of the year.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/julie-christie-was-absolutely-amazing-in-away-from-her-brilliant/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/235/jon-stewart-455_brilliant_julie-christie-was-absolutely-amazing-in_3029636.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/235/jon-stewart-455_brilliant_julie-christie-was-absolutely-amazing-in_3029636.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/235/jon-stewart-455_brilliant_julie-christie-was-absolutely-amazing-in_3029636.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Julie Christie was absolutely amazing in Away From Her. Brilliant movie. It was the moving story of a woman…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentine-s-day-and-here-s-why-boy/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/128/jon-stewart-455_boys_don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentin_3112645.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/128/jon-stewart-455_boys_don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentin_3112645.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/128/jon-stewart-455_boys_don-t-confuse-father-s-day-with-valentin_3112645.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "[John McCain] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight minutes on The Daily Show.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/john-mccain-didn-t-believe-me-i-think-anybody-who-s-been-in-a-pow/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3bf/jon-stewart-455_believe_john-mccain-didn-t-believe-me-i-think-an_2768070.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3bf/jon-stewart-455_believe_john-mccain-didn-t-believe-me-i-think-an_2768070.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3bf/jon-stewart-455_believe_john-mccain-didn-t-believe-me-i-think-an_2768070.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“[John McCain] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-oscars-is-the-one-night-of-the-year-when-you-can-see-all-your/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/jon-stewart-455_democratic_the-oscars-is-the-one-night-of-the-year_968736.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/jon-stewart-455_democratic_the-oscars-is-the-one-night-of-the-year_968736.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/jon-stewart-455_democratic_the-oscars-is-the-one-night-of-the-year_968736.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-seven-marvels-that-best-represent-man-s-achievements-over-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/jon-stewart-455_achievement_the-seven-marvels-that-best-represent-ma_2651539.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/jon-stewart-455_achievement_the-seven-marvels-that-best-represent-ma_2651539.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/jon-stewart-455_achievement_the-seven-marvels-that-best-represent-ma_2651539.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues. Jews complained, we just never thought of putting it to music.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/we-ve-come-from-the-same-history-2000-years-of-persecution-we-ve-just/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/687/jon-stewart-455_history_we-ve-come-from-the-same-history-2000-ye_2336393.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/687/jon-stewart-455_history_we-ve-come-from-the-same-history-2000-ye_2336393.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/687/jon-stewart-455_history_we-ve-come-from-the-same-history-2000-ye_2336393.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted 'Bingo!' counted as a yea or a nay.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/despite-his-infirmities-strom-thurmond-showed-up-to-work-every-day/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63d/jon-stewart-455_bingo_despite-his-infirmities-strom-thurmond-s_2143447.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63d/jon-stewart-455_bingo_despite-his-infirmities-strom-thurmond-s_2143447.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63d/jon-stewart-455_bingo_despite-his-infirmities-strom-thurmond-s_2143447.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet Hollywoods are opening, which in turn has caused a 100 percent decline in opportunities for Bruce Willis to play the harmonica.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy-five-locations-around-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/jon-stewart-455_around-the-world_planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy_1950273.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/jon-stewart-455_around-the-world_planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy_1950273.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/jon-stewart-455_around-the-world_planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy_1950273.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the year are wiped clean. Beat that with your little Lent. What is Lent? Forty days of absolution. Forty days to one day. Even in sin you're paying retail.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/yon-kippur-greatest-jewish-holiday-ever-the-jewish-day-of-attonement/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc6/jon-stewart-455_absolution_yon-kippur-greatest-jewish-holiday-ever_2364744.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc6/jon-stewart-455_absolution_yon-kippur-greatest-jewish-holiday-ever_2364744.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc6/jon-stewart-455_absolution_yon-kippur-greatest-jewish-holiday-ever_2364744.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a-shot-for-every-year-i-was-so/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/jon-stewart-455_balls_the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a_1001334.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/jon-stewart-455_balls_the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a_1001334.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/jon-stewart-455_balls_the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a_1001334.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only open nagging questions: what kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/senator-john-mccain-who-spent-over-five-years-in-a-vietnamese-pow/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56e/jon-stewart-455_camps_senator-john-mccain-who-spent-over-five_133714.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56e/jon-stewart-455_camps_senator-john-mccain-who-spent-over-five_133714.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/56e/jon-stewart-455_camps_senator-john-mccain-who-spent-over-five_133714.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have sh*t to do.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_57639.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_57639.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_57639.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You can have all the muskets you want! You can even have assault muskets!...Their (the NRA's) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present. We can't even begin to address 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, happening in this country every year because a few of us must remain vigilant against the rise of an imaginary Hitler.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-can-have-all-the-muskets-you-want-you-can-even-have-assault/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/808/jon-stewart-455_addresses_you-can-have-all-the-muskets-you-want-yo_975778.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/808/jon-stewart-455_addresses_you-can-have-all-the-muskets-you-want-yo_975778.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/808/jon-stewart-455_addresses_you-can-have-all-the-muskets-you-want-yo_975778.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You can have all the muskets you want! You can even have assault muskets!...Their (the NRA's) paranoid fear…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use of the letter \"S.\" Now, I suppose you could say \"Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year\" but you probably have sh*t to do.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a-2/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_2587884.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_2587884.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_2587884.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating -- allegedly -- the fraud that led to the second largest bankruptcy in American history. Why four-and-a-half years? Because apparently it's harder to bring Ken Lay to trial than it is to invade two countries.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilling-and-ken-lay-began-four-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/jon-stewart-455_american-history_the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilli_1739298.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/jon-stewart-455_american-history_the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilli_1739298.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/jon-stewart-455_american-history_the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilli_1739298.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a one-year period, 1972 and 1973, Bush received credit for nine days of active National Guard service. The traditional term of service then and now for the National Guard is one weekend a month and two full weeks a year, meaning that Bush's nine-day stint qualifies him only for the National Guard's National Guard. That's the National Guard's National Guard, an Army of None.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-white-house-released-documents-it-claims-validates-the-president/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/jon-stewart-455_active_the-white-house-released-documents-it-cl_204512.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/jon-stewart-455_active_the-white-house-released-documents-it-cl_204512.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/jon-stewart-455_active_the-white-house-released-documents-it-cl_204512.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Some people have criticized the United States and the United States military for guarding oil fields and not guarding the Iraqi National Museum which had priceless antiquities in it. They say that this shows a fundamental lack of respect for Iraqi history. I want to remind those people of this: The oldest relics in the museum, 5,000 or 6,000 years old. That oil is 65 million years old. You had to guard that. ... Those antiquities will only last another 5,000 or 6,000 years. When we burn that oil, those fumes will linger long after.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/some-people-have-criticized-the-united-states-and-the-united-states/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b4/jon-stewart-455_antiquity_some-people-have-criticized-the-united-s_2272538.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b4/jon-stewart-455_antiquity_some-people-have-criticized-the-united-s_2272538.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b4/jon-stewart-455_antiquity_some-people-have-criticized-the-united-s_2272538.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Some people have criticized the United States and the United States military for guarding oil fields and not…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City. The traditional meal often includes gefilte fish. For those of you who don't know what gefilte fish is, it strongly resembles a ball of tuna fish that has been passed nasally. It's not good. During Passover, the angel of death passed over the Jews - an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-jews-celebrate-passover-by-eating-unpalatable-food-to-remind-them/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d76/jon-stewart-455_angel_the-jews-celebrate-passover-by-eating-un_1622374.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d76/jon-stewart-455_angel_the-jews-celebrate-passover-by-eating-un_1622374.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d76/jon-stewart-455_angel_the-jews-celebrate-passover-by-eating-un_1622374.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/that-s-what-it-s-like-to-be-a-comedian-you-basically-stand-and-stare/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/jon-stewart-455_causes_that-s-what-it-s-like-to-be-a-comedian-y_2191733.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/jon-stewart-455_causes_that-s-what-it-s-like-to-be-a-comedian-y_2191733.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/jon-stewart-455_causes_that-s-what-it-s-like-to-be-a-comedian-y_2191733.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 24, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square ... It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, \"sup?\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/what-you-do-for-jewish-new-year-is-you-go-down-to-times-square-it-s-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/211/jon-stewart-455_funny-happy-new-year_what-you-do-for-jewish-new-year-is-you-g_2373930.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/211/jon-stewart-455_funny-happy-new-year_what-you-do-for-jewish-new-year-is-you-g_2373930.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/211/jon-stewart-455_funny-happy-new-year_what-you-do-for-jewish-new-year-is-you-g_2373930.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square ... It's a lot quieter than the regular New…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 25, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We have standards. Anybody with the kind of journalism experience and professionalism that you have displayed over these years can not work for my program.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/we-have-standards-anybody-with-the-kind-of-journalism-experience-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b3c/jon-stewart-455_can-not_we-have-standards-anybody-with-the-kind_2563525.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b3c/jon-stewart-455_can-not_we-have-standards-anybody-with-the-kind_2563525.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b3c/jon-stewart-455_can-not_we-have-standards-anybody-with-the-kind_2563525.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We have standards. Anybody with the kind of journalism experience and professionalism that you have…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 26, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-remember-having-a-grade-school-teacher-i-thought-was-a-hard-ass/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59a/jon-stewart-455_age_i-remember-having-a-grade-school-teacher_3023787.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59a/jon-stewart-455_age_i-remember-having-a-grade-school-teacher_3023787.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59a/jon-stewart-455_age_i-remember-having-a-grade-school-teacher_3023787.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 27, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The next four years, though, you still have to abide by the oversight process that is there to prevent this kind of bizarre sort of cult-like atmosphere that falls along. I mean, I accept that kind of veil of secrecy around Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, but I don't accept that around our government.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-next-four-years-though-you-still-have-to-abide-by-the-oversight/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/486/jon-stewart-455_accepting_the-next-four-years-though-you-still-hav_1426620.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/486/jon-stewart-455_accepting_the-next-four-years-though-you-still-hav_1426620.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/486/jon-stewart-455_accepting_the-next-four-years-though-you-still-hav_1426620.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The next four years, though, you still have to abide by the oversight process that is there to prevent this…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/jon-stewart/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/jon-stewart/", "name": "Years Quotes by Jon Stewart", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/jon-stewart/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/547/jon-stewart-455_affected_war-that-hasn-t-affected-us-here-in-the_358151.jpg" }, "description": "27 Years quotes by Jon Stewart. 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