--- title: "11 Years Quotes By Jay Mohr" description: "11 Years quotes by Jay Mohr. Plus more from Jay Mohr and more Years sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb8/jay-mohr-4777_accountant_there-s-not-a-rocket-scientist-not-a-doc_1524321.png" --- > [There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, "Oh, now I'm getting it. Now…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/there-s-not-a-rocket-scientist-not-a-doctor-not-an-accountant-that-30/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb8/jay-mohr-4777_accountant_there-s-not-a-rocket-scientist-not-a-doc_1524321.png) > [I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, "I don't know." It took Showtime two years to put my special on DVD.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just-say-i-don-t-know-it-took/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/jay-mohr-4777_comedy_i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just_2251265.jpg) > [ \[Joan Rivers\] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. If you're a running back and you're 28 they're like, "Oh,… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/joan-rivers-is-fantastic-and-she-s-80-there-s-no-80-year-old-pitcher/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bcb/jay-mohr-4777_careers_joan-rivers-is-fantastic-and-she-s-80-th_2624197.png) > [This happens to me every couple of years. I'll look at someone I respect and I'll realize that he's outworking me. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/this-happens-to-me-every-couple-of-years-i-ll-look-at-someone-i/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d09/jay-mohr-4777_behave_this-happens-to-me-every-couple-of-years_1785873.png) > [I've been doing stand-up 29 years; there is no other career when you're finding your stride 30 years into it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-ve-been-doing-stand-up-29-years-there-is-no-other-career-when-you/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b3/jay-mohr-4777_career_i-ve-been-doing-stand-up-29-years-there_568199.png) > [ \[George Carlin\] was obsessive about time; he was obsessive compulsive about his material and making things shorter and more perfect. He did… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/george-carlin-was-obsessive-about-time-he-was-obsessive-compulsive/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50e/jay-mohr-4777_hbo_george-carlin-was-obsessive-about-time-h_1612309.jpg) > [My act now is completely different. I took two years off when I first got with my wife and it was because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/my-act-now-is-completely-different-i-took-two-years-off-when-i-first/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9c/jay-mohr-4777_angry_my-act-now-is-completely-different-i-too_2062477.jpg) > [What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-of-my-act-has-already-happened/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/jay-mohr-4777_come-up_what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-o_2773816.png) > [After spending the last 15 years guest hosting, I couldn't be happier to get the opportunity to host my own show! I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/after-spending-the-last-15-years-guest-hosting-i-couldn-t-be-happier/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b3/jay-mohr-4777_connecting_after-spending-the-last-15-years-guest-h_771481.png) > [I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-wonder-why-there-is-a-designated-hitter-in-baseball-after-all-these/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0e/jay-mohr-4777_baseball_i-wonder-why-there-is-a-designated-hitte_2182566.png) > [ My wife and I have long discussions about \[George\] Carlin, and we refuse to accept that he died an atheist. It's just,… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-about-george-carlin-and-we-refuse/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/888/jay-mohr-4777_accepting_my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-abou_105382.jpg) ## Other authors on Years ## More by Jay Mohr > [I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-interviewing-people-and-i-ve/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/you-remember-from-watching-the-show-there-are-no-jokes-that-s-why-if/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [ I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, \[George\] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-m-telling-you-i-could-teach-at-a-university-george-carlin-a-whole/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/not-everyone-likes-sports-gandhi-and-malcolm-x-come-to-mind/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [ My wife and I have long discussions about \[George\] Carlin, and we refuse to accept that he died an atheist. It's just, confounding. When… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-about-george-carlin-and-we-refuse/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [I remember I used to go to The Laugh Factory and just goof off onstage, and then I'd see Dane Cook. He did a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-remember-i-used-to-go-to-the-laugh-factory-and-just-goof-off/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [“If you want God to laugh, make plans.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-you-want-god-to-laugh-make-plans/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-didn-t-want-to-fight-a-guy-from-england-what-if-i-lose-not-that/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/all-that-waiting-around-for-a-glimmer-of-stage-time-just-getting/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/first-of-all-my-wife-writes-half-my-act-i-don-t-know-how-i-could/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [If there are 1,500 people in a theater and they're all there to see you, there are no other guys. You're the guy. So…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-there-are-1-500-people-in-a-theater-and-they-re-all-there-to-see/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-m-a-comic-because-i-don-t-want-to-do-the-nine-to-five-i-have-to/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [Comedians are always going to be in the showbiz middle class, you're not Brad Pitt; you're never going to be Sam Rockwell or Shia…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/comedians-are-always-going-to-be-in-the-showbiz-middle-class-you-re/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/when-human-beings-stop-progressing-at-an-endeavor-they-stop-enjoying/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-a-waiter-or-waitress-tells-me-when-gratuity-is-included-they/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/jay-mohr/#itemlist", "name": "11 Years Quotes By Jay Mohr", "numberOfItems": 11, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, \"Oh, now I'm getting it. 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Owning your own content is the single most important thing in the world.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just-say-i-don-t-know-it-took/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/jay-mohr-4777_comedy_i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just_2251265.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/jay-mohr-4777_comedy_i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just_2251265.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/jay-mohr-4777_comedy_i-ve-asked-comedy-central-and-they-just_2251265.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I've asked Comedy Central, and they just say, \"I don't know.\" It took Showtime two years to put my special…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "[Joan Rivers] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. If you're a running back and you're 28 they're like, \"Oh, here he goes, turning the corner on his career, he's on the downswing...\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/joan-rivers-is-fantastic-and-she-s-80-there-s-no-80-year-old-pitcher/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bcb/jay-mohr-4777_careers_joan-rivers-is-fantastic-and-she-s-80-th_2624197.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bcb/jay-mohr-4777_careers_joan-rivers-is-fantastic-and-she-s-80-th_2624197.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bcb/jay-mohr-4777_careers_joan-rivers-is-fantastic-and-she-s-80-th_2624197.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“[Joan Rivers] is fantastic. AND SHE'S 80! There's no 80-year-old pitcher. 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It changes the way I behave for the next half decade.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/this-happens-to-me-every-couple-of-years-i-ll-look-at-someone-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d09/jay-mohr-4777_behave_this-happens-to-me-every-couple-of-years_1785873.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d09/jay-mohr-4777_behave_this-happens-to-me-every-couple-of-years_1785873.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d09/jay-mohr-4777_behave_this-happens-to-me-every-couple-of-years_1785873.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“This happens to me every couple of years. 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He did an HBO hour every other year. It's live; you have to be off-stage at 55 minutes. It's a network; you've got to be off. And it's perfect.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/george-carlin-was-obsessive-about-time-he-was-obsessive-compulsive/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50e/jay-mohr-4777_hbo_george-carlin-was-obsessive-about-time-h_1612309.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50e/jay-mohr-4777_hbo_george-carlin-was-obsessive-about-time-h_1612309.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50e/jay-mohr-4777_hbo_george-carlin-was-obsessive-about-time-h_1612309.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“[George Carlin] was obsessive about time; he was obsessive compulsive about his material and making things…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My act now is completely different. I took two years off when I first got with my wife and it was because my old act was all about \"Where's the party after this?\" I was humping the stool and it's all so disgusting and I was miserable, miserable in a lifeless angry marriage. Then I met my wife and I was completely happy. Like a snake that sheds its skin. I just got rid of all of that negativity.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/my-act-now-is-completely-different-i-took-two-years-off-when-i-first/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9c/jay-mohr-4777_angry_my-act-now-is-completely-different-i-too_2062477.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9c/jay-mohr-4777_angry_my-act-now-is-completely-different-i-too_2062477.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9c/jay-mohr-4777_angry_my-act-now-is-completely-different-i-too_2062477.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My act now is completely different. I took two years off when I first got with my wife and it was because my…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell the story at a party or to a friend or it comes up on the podcast that you, I don't know why I'm not doing that onstage!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-of-my-act-has-already-happened/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/jay-mohr-4777_come-up_what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-o_2773816.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/jay-mohr-4777_come-up_what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-o_2773816.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/jay-mohr-4777_come-up_what-i-ve-realized-in-the-last-year-80-o_2773816.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What I've realized in the last year, 80% of my act has already happened to me, and it's not until you retell…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "After spending the last 15 years guest hosting, I couldn't be happier to get the opportunity to host my own show! I'm looking forward to talking sports, connecting with listeners, and interviewing amazing guests every day, while being a part of the FOX Sports Radio family. It was worth the wait.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/after-spending-the-last-15-years-guest-hosting-i-couldn-t-be-happier/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b3/jay-mohr-4777_connecting_after-spending-the-last-15-years-guest-h_771481.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b3/jay-mohr-4777_connecting_after-spending-the-last-15-years-guest-h_771481.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2b3/jay-mohr-4777_connecting_after-spending-the-last-15-years-guest-h_771481.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“After spending the last 15 years guest hosting, I couldn't be happier to get the opportunity to host my own…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-wonder-why-there-is-a-designated-hitter-in-baseball-after-all-these/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0e/jay-mohr-4777_baseball_i-wonder-why-there-is-a-designated-hitte_2182566.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0e/jay-mohr-4777_baseball_i-wonder-why-there-is-a-designated-hitte_2182566.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0e/jay-mohr-4777_baseball_i-wonder-why-there-is-a-designated-hitte_2182566.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My wife and I have long discussions about [George] Carlin, and we refuse to accept that he died an atheist. It's just, confounding. When I talked to Kelly [George Carlin's daughter] about it, she said that George Carlin once took her at about 12 years old and said, \"I've figured it out.\" And he says it in one of his specials sort of - he goes, \"We're all energy and we're all connected. That goldfish you have, you, me, that boot laying in the street, we're all pieces of light to a giant electron.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jay Mohr" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-about-george-carlin-and-we-refuse/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/888/jay-mohr-4777_accepting_my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-abou_105382.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/888/jay-mohr-4777_accepting_my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-abou_105382.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/888/jay-mohr-4777_accepting_my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-abou_105382.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My wife and I have long discussions about [George] Carlin, and we refuse to accept that he died an atheist…” — Jay Mohr", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/jay-mohr/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/jay-mohr/", "name": "Years Quotes by Jay Mohr", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/jay-mohr/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cb8/jay-mohr-4777_accountant_there-s-not-a-rocket-scientist-not-a-doc_1524321.png" }, "description": "11 Years quotes by Jay Mohr. 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