--- title: "15 Years Quotes By Erma Bombeck" description: "15 Years quotes by Erma Bombeck. Plus more from Erma Bombeck and more Years sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/373/erma-bombeck-780_answering-machines_last-year-i-gave-seventy-four-phone-hour_2132497.png" --- > [Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/last-year-i-gave-seventy-four-phone-hours-to-soliciting-baked-goods/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/373/erma-bombeck-780_answering-machines_last-year-i-gave-seventy-four-phone-hour_2132497.png) > [I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/i-take-a-very-practical-view-of-raising-children-i-put-a-sign-in-each/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b28/erma-bombeck-780_children_i-take-a-very-practical-view-of-raising_647568.png) > [What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/what-does-it-profit-a-78-year-old-woman-to-sit-around-the-pool-in-a/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef1/erma-bombeck-780_bikinis_what-does-it-profit-a-78-year-old-woman_1269950.png) > [For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/for-years-my-husband-and-i-have-advocated-separate-vacations-but-the/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a8a/erma-bombeck-780_findings_for-years-my-husband-and-i-have-advocate_578082.png) > [If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/if-compliments-were-food-i-d-have-starved-to-death-28-years-ago/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/097/erma-bombeck-780_compliment_if-compliments-were-food-i-d-have-starve_790587.png) > [Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/remember-you-can-lead-a-fifty-seven-year-old-body-to-motherhood-but/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/675/erma-bombeck-780_awake_remember-you-can-lead-a-fifty-seven-year_3150925.png) > [Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/friends-are-annuals-that-need-seasonal-nurturing-to-bear-blossoms/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6ed/erma-bombeck-780_absence_friends-are-annuals-that-need-seasonal-n_963753.png) > [For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/for-the-first-two-years-of-a-child-s-life-we-spend-every-waking-hour/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b4/erma-bombeck-780_baby_for-the-first-two-years-of-a-child-s-lif_2099047.png) > [When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/when-it-comes-to-cooking-five-years-ago-i-felt-guilty-just-adding/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a4/erma-bombeck-780_bangs_when-it-comes-to-cooking-five-years-ago_3227780.png) > [Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/throughout-the-years-i-have-set-up-my-own-rules-about-eating-food/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/412/erma-bombeck-780_chicken_throughout-the-years-i-have-set-up-my-ow_1276974.png) > [I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/i-didn-t-fear-old-age-i-was-just-becoming-increasingly-aware-of-the/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd8/erma-bombeck-780_age_i-didn-t-fear-old-age-i-was-just-becomin_175376.png) > [Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/kids-have-little-computer-bodies-with-disks-that-store-information/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c24/erma-bombeck-780_body_kids-have-little-computer-bodies-with-di_2204301.png) > [Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/adults-are-always-telling-young-people-these-are-the-best-years-of/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/010/erma-bombeck-780_adolescence_adults-are-always-telling-young-people-t_2434660.png) > [For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/for-years-my-wedding-ring-has-done-its-job-it-has-led-me-not-into/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6bd/erma-bombeck-780_companion_for-years-my-wedding-ring-has-done-its-j_761720.jpg) > [Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/mothers-are-not-the-nameless-faceless-stereotypes-who-appear-once-a/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/788/erma-bombeck-780_ambivalence_mothers-are-not-the-nameless-faceless-st_1412821.png) ## Other authors on Years ## More by Erma Bombeck > [Cats invented self-esteem.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/cats-invented-self-esteem/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/to-my-way-of-thinking-the-american-family-started-to-decline-when/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/the-woman-who-says-my-kids-are-all-speaking-to-one-another-and-they/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [The term 'working mother' is redundant.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/the-term-working-mother-is-redundant/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/to-say-well-i-write-when-i-really-get-into-it-is-a-bunch-of-bull-put/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [I used everything you gave me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/i-used-everything-you-gave-me/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/just-think-of-all-those-women-on-the-titanic-who-said-no-thank-you-to/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/the-mole-rat-is-the-only-rodent-born-without-a-fur-coat-with-a-good/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [God created man, but I could do better.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/god-created-man-but-i-could-do-better/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/if-the-nest-is-truly-empty-who-owns-all-this-junk/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/housework-if-it-is-done-properly-can-cause-brain-damage/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/making-coffee-has-become-the-great-compromise-of-the-decade-it-s-the/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/i-have-a-friend-who-lives-by-a-three-word-philosophy-seize-the-moment/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/when-i-stand-before-god-at-the-end-of-my-life-i-would-hope-that-i/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/before-we-sent-kids-to-computer-camps-and-told-them-they-were-having/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/erma-bombeck/#itemlist", "name": "15 Years Quotes By Erma Bombeck", "numberOfItems": 15, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. 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Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Erma Bombeck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/for-the-first-two-years-of-a-child-s-life-we-spend-every-waking-hour/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b4/erma-bombeck-780_baby_for-the-first-two-years-of-a-child-s-lif_2099047.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b4/erma-bombeck-780_baby_for-the-first-two-years-of-a-child-s-lif_2099047.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5b4/erma-bombeck-780_baby_for-the-first-two-years-of-a-child-s-lif_2099047.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to…” — Erma Bombeck", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty \"just adding water.\" Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Erma Bombeck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/when-it-comes-to-cooking-five-years-ago-i-felt-guilty-just-adding/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a4/erma-bombeck-780_bangs_when-it-comes-to-cooking-five-years-ago_3227780.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a4/erma-bombeck-780_bangs_when-it-comes-to-cooking-five-years-ago_3227780.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a4/erma-bombeck-780_bangs_when-it-comes-to-cooking-five-years-ago_3227780.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty \"just adding water.\" Now I want to bang the tube…” — Erma Bombeck", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. 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I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Erma Bombeck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/i-didn-t-fear-old-age-i-was-just-becoming-increasingly-aware-of-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd8/erma-bombeck-780_age_i-didn-t-fear-old-age-i-was-just-becomin_175376.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd8/erma-bombeck-780_age_i-didn-t-fear-old-age-i-was-just-becomin_175376.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd8/erma-bombeck-780_age_i-didn-t-fear-old-age-i-was-just-becomin_175376.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I didn't fear old age. 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They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Erma Bombeck" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/kids-have-little-computer-bodies-with-disks-that-store-information/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c24/erma-bombeck-780_body_kids-have-little-computer-bodies-with-di_2204301.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c24/erma-bombeck-780_body_kids-have-little-computer-bodies-with-di_2204301.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c24/erma-bombeck-780_body_kids-have-little-computer-bodies-with-di_2204301.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. 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