--- title: "22 Years Quotes By Craig Ferguson" description: "22 Years quotes by Craig Ferguson. Plus more from Craig Ferguson and more Years sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d3/craig-ferguson-664_canada_it-s-the-time-of-year-when-canadians-mat_2093458.png" --- > [It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/it-s-the-time-of-year-when-canadians-mate/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d3/craig-ferguson-664_canada_it-s-the-time-of-year-when-canadians-mat_2093458.png) > [A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/a-casino-in-south-dakota-was-robbed-by-a-man-dressed-as-a-mummy-the/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63b/craig-ferguson-664_casinos_a-casino-in-south-dakota-was-robbed-by-a_3132489.jpg) > [The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-first-day-of-spring-is-known-as-the-vernal-equinox-the-equinox-is/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0a/craig-ferguson-664_equinox_the-first-day-of-spring-is-known-as-the_2339939.png) > [For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-an-inflatable-atlas-globe/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b72/craig-ferguson-664_atlas_for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-a_54268.png) > [Mark Zuckerberg was named Time's Person of the Year. I'm sorry if you don't recognize the name. A magazine is something people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/mark-zuckerberg-was-named-time-s-person-of-the-year-i-m-sorry-if-you/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff0/craig-ferguson-664_i-m-sorry_mark-zuckerberg-was-named-time-s-person_3175113.png) > [It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/it-s-a-great-day-for-sarah-palin-she-was-hired-as-a-commentator-for/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e8/craig-ferguson-664_commentators_it-s-a-great-day-for-sarah-palin-she-was_3021278.png) > [Pies were invented 12,000 years ago by the Egyptians. It was an easy way to preserve food that would be carried over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/pies-were-invented-12-000-years-ago-by-the-egyptians-it-was-an-easy/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea6/craig-ferguson-664_ancient_pies-were-invented-12-000-years-ago-by-t_2320706.jpg) > [Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don't need any more lawyers. We need more lawyers like we need…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/every-year-law-schools-churn-out-thousands-of-lawyers-we-don-t-need/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ee/craig-ferguson-664_education_every-year-law-schools-churn-out-thousan_2262205.png) > [Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of-the-campaign-i-need-rick/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png) > [Every year there's a jury at the Cannes Film Festival. Getting on the jury is very competitive in France. Not because the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/every-year-there-s-a-jury-at-the-cannes-film-festival-getting-on-the/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf3/craig-ferguson-664_cannes_every-year-there-s-a-jury-at-the-cannes_2964090.png) > [Saudia Arabia takes in half a trillion dollars every year in oil revenue, and the country has a population smaller than New…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/saudia-arabia-takes-in-half-a-trillion-dollars-every-year-in-oil/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f73/craig-ferguson-664_arabia_saudia-arabia-takes-in-half-a-trillion-d_2466342.png) > [Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/rush-limbaugh-says-if-the-health-care-bill-passes-he-will-leave-the/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/craig-ferguson-664_bills_rush-limbaugh-says-if-the-health-care-bi_511548.png) > [Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the presidential candidates need to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/scientists-say-over-the-next-hundred-years-the-coast-of-california/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/056/craig-ferguson-664_california_scientists-say-over-the-next-hundred-yea_233138.jpg) > [A lot of people in their 30's get nostalgic for their teen years. Then they get jobs in TV, become bitter and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/a-lot-of-people-in-their-30-s-get-nostalgic-for-their-teen-years-then/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7af/craig-ferguson-664_bitter_a-lot-of-people-in-their-30-s-get-nostal_2363275.png) > [I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-haven-t-had-a-drink-in-thirteen-years-but-occasionally-i-m-tempted/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f55/craig-ferguson-664_ass_i-haven-t-had-a-drink-in-thirteen-years_2223533.png) > [Clay Aiken ran for Congress in North Carolina. But he didn't make it. Clay Aiken is famous for coming in second in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/clay-aiken-ran-for-congress-in-north-carolina-but-he-didn-t-make-it/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aaf/craig-ferguson-664_american-idol_clay-aiken-ran-for-congress-in-north-car_2169617.png) > [Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/love-at-first-sight-is-not-rare-in-fact-it-is-extremely-common-it/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/352/craig-ferguson-664_common_love-at-first-sight-is-not-rare-in-fact_1648243.png) > [You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/you-know-where-i-come-from-an-antique-to-be-called-an-antique-it-has/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/80f/craig-ferguson-664_acting_you-know-where-i-come-from-an-antique-to_2874191.png) > [Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/alcohol-ruined-me-financially-and-morally-broke-my-heart-and-the/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fcc/craig-ferguson-664_addiction_alcohol-ruined-me-financially-and-morall_487439.jpg) > [An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/an-83-year-old-male-prostitute-was-arrested-police-say-he-only/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47a/craig-ferguson-664_arrested_an-83-year-old-male-prostitute-was-arres_1667494.png) > [I was 15 years old when I was in this band; we were called Stag. We used to wear spandex pants and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-was-15-years-old-when-i-was-in-this-band-we-were-called-stag-we/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c9/craig-ferguson-664_band_i-was-15-years-old-when-i-was-in-this-ba_1846708.png) > [My father had a very unusual psychic ability, he could detect water. It's called divining. He would use a Y-shaped U-branch, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/my-father-had-a-very-unusual-psychic-ability-he-could-detect-water-it/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e44/craig-ferguson-664_ability_my-father-had-a-very-unusual-psychic-abi_2796227.png) ## Other authors on Years ## More by Craig Ferguson > [“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-was-ambitious-and-desperate-to-direct-my-first-film-so-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/sometimes-people-think-you-re-smart-if-you-question-the-status-quo-if/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/sober-alkies-are-often-asked-when-did-you-hit-rock-bottom-but-a-more/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/remember-the-band-flock-of-seagulls-they-had-their-van-stolen-i-was/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/people-spend-thousands-of-dollars-trying-to-keep-their-teeth-straight/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Whoever I had become had to die.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/whoever-i-had-become-had-to-die/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/my-pilot-s-license-i-m-proud-of-that/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/people-are-saying-that-anderson-cooper-could-be-the-new-oprah-and/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-think-comedy-comes-more-from-a-low-sense-of-self-esteem-and-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-m-so-excited-about-the-new-ipad-i-just-ipeed-my-ipants/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-an-inflatable-atlas-globe/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/114-isn-t-as-old-as-it-used-to-be-they-say-its-the-new-104/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-have-to-do-a-show-which-is-of-interest-to-me-or-else-i-m-lost/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-first-ads-for-medical-marijuana-have-started-airing-on-television/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I wanted to be a rock star.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-wanted-to-be-a-rock-star/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years/craig-ferguson/#itemlist", "name": "22 Years Quotes By Craig Ferguson", "numberOfItems": 22, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/it-s-the-time-of-year-when-canadians-mate/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d3/craig-ferguson-664_canada_it-s-the-time-of-year-when-canadians-mat_2093458.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d3/craig-ferguson-664_canada_it-s-the-time-of-year-when-canadians-mat_2093458.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d3/craig-ferguson-664_canada_it-s-the-time-of-year-when-canadians-mat_2093458.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. 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Have fun blowing it up.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-an-inflatable-atlas-globe/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b72/craig-ferguson-664_atlas_for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-a_54268.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b72/craig-ferguson-664_atlas_for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-a_54268.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b72/craig-ferguson-664_atlas_for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-a_54268.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Mark Zuckerberg was named Time's Person of the Year. I'm sorry if you don't recognize the name. A magazine is something people used to read.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/mark-zuckerberg-was-named-time-s-person-of-the-year-i-m-sorry-if-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff0/craig-ferguson-664_i-m-sorry_mark-zuckerberg-was-named-time-s-person_3175113.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff0/craig-ferguson-664_i-m-sorry_mark-zuckerberg-was-named-time-s-person_3175113.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ff0/craig-ferguson-664_i-m-sorry_mark-zuckerberg-was-named-time-s-person_3175113.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Mark Zuckerberg was named Time's Person of the Year. I'm sorry if you don't recognize the name. 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She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/it-s-a-great-day-for-sarah-palin-she-was-hired-as-a-commentator-for/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e8/craig-ferguson-664_commentators_it-s-a-great-day-for-sarah-palin-she-was_3021278.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e8/craig-ferguson-664_commentators_it-s-a-great-day-for-sarah-palin-she-was_3021278.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e8/craig-ferguson-664_commentators_it-s-a-great-day-for-sarah-palin-she-was_3021278.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. 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