---
title: "38 World Quotes By Dave Barry"
description: "World quotes by Dave Barry humorously critique tourists, grammar, marriage, and electricity."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/dave-barry-222_grammar_without-good-grammar-the-united-states-w_2621738.png"
---

> [Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/without-good-grammar-the-united-states-would-have-lost-world-war-ii/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/dave-barry-222_grammar_without-good-grammar-the-united-states-w_2621738.png)

> [England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/england-manufactures-most-of-the-world-s-airline-food-as-well-as-all/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/170/dave-barry-222_airline_england-manufactures-most-of-the-world-s_939293.png)

> [The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-world-is-full-of-strange-phenomena-that-cannot-be-explained-by/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/978/dave-barry-222_example_the-world-is-full-of-strange-phenomena-t_2741256.png)

> [Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/today-s-scientific-question-is-what-in-the-world-is-electricity-and/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ca/dave-barry-222_doe_today-s-scientific-question-is-what-in-t_657875.png)

> [Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/scientists-tell-us-that-the-fastest-animal-in-the-world-with-a-speed/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/37f/dave-barry-222_animal_scientists-tell-us-that-the-fastest-anim_1038914.png)

> [Never try to put all the chemicals in the entire world in your body at the same time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/never-try-to-put-all-the-chemicals-in-the-entire-world-in-your-body/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b7/dave-barry-222_body_never-try-to-put-all-the-chemicals-in-th_1208740.png)

> [The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-best-time-to-go-to-disney-world-if-you-want-to-avoid-huge-crowds/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f3f/dave-barry-222_best-time_the-best-time-to-go-to-disney-world-if-y_2107290.png)

> [There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/there-are-two-kinds-of-people-in-this-world-and-i-am-one-of-them/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8fd/dave-barry-222_cocktails_there-are-two-kinds-of-people-in-this-wo_2765697.png)

> [We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/we-americans-live-in-a-nation-where-the-medical-care-system-is-second/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb3/dave-barry-222_america_we-americans-live-in-a-nation-where-the_1925525.png)

> [I also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left behind, spending hundreds of millions…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-also-saw-a-huge-expansion-of-the-internet-with-many-major/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/62c/dave-barry-222_behinds_i-also-saw-a-huge-expansion-of-the-inter_2353155.jpg)

> [A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/a-sense-of-humor-is-a-measurement-of-the-extent-to-which-we-realize/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63e/dave-barry-222_anxiety_a-sense-of-humor-is-a-measurement-of-the_497520.jpg)

> [Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/thanks-to-modern-medical-advances-such-as-antibiotics-nasal-spray-and/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e69/dave-barry-222_age_thanks-to-modern-medical-advances-such-a_1524219.png)

> [The Olympic movement simply cannot allow the Russians to become estranged, because Russia is a vital part of the world sports community,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-olympic-movement-simply-cannot-allow-the-russians-to-become/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2df/dave-barry-222_community_the-olympic-movement-simply-cannot-allow_880772.png)

> [What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/what-a-crock-i-could-easily-overemphasize-the-importance-of-good/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/585/dave-barry-222_america_what-a-crock-i-could-easily-overemphasiz_119311.png)

> [I am a world-class weenie when it comes to letting people stick needles into me. My subconscious mind firmly believes that if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-am-a-world-class-weenie-when-it-comes-to-letting-people-stick/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a3/dave-barry-222_access_i-am-a-world-class-weenie-when-it-comes_2854596.png)

> [The hugely popular Windows 95 operating system revolutionized the software world thanks to its capability of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hugely-popular-windows-95-operating-system-revolutionized-the/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b9/dave-barry-222_bills_the-hugely-popular-windows-95-operating_761600.jpg)

> [SAT tests are designed by huge panels of experts in education and psychology who work for years to design tests in which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/sat-tests-are-designed-by-huge-panels-of-experts-in-education-and/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/824/dave-barry-222_bits_sat-tests-are-designed-by-huge-panels-of_1663160.png)

> [I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-still-think-of-myself-as-a-newspaper-guy-and-you-live-by-deadlines/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/390/dave-barry-222_deadline_i-still-think-of-myself-as-a-newspaper-g_504434.png)

> [The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-thing-i-have-learned-especially-in-the-internet-age-probably-the/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c32/dave-barry-222_age_the-thing-i-have-learned-especially-in-t_1630722.jpg)

> [You can't have a bad time at Disney World. It's not allowed. They have hidden electronic surveillance cameras everywhere, and if they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/you-can-t-have-a-bad-time-at-disney-world-it-s-not-allowed-they-have/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0d/dave-barry-222_bad-time_you-can-t-have-a-bad-time-at-disney-worl_1098353.png)

> [You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/you-men-out-there-probably-think-you-already-know-how-to-dress-for/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d52/dave-barry-222_belts_you-men-out-there-probably-think-you-alr_745550.jpg)

> [For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read "American Caesar" by William Manchester, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/for-a-while-i-got-into-the-south-pacific-theater-of-world-war-ii-i/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f45/dave-barry-222_biographies_for-a-while-i-got-into-the-south-pacific_3075967.png)

> [Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/speaking-of-food-english-cuisine-has-received-a-lot-of-unfair/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/488/dave-barry-222_airline_speaking-of-food-english-cuisine-has-rec_2166001.png)

> [If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-women-were-in-charge-of-all-the-world-s-nations-there-would-be/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6a/dave-barry-222_awful_if-women-were-in-charge-of-all-the-world_2465854.png)

> [Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/don-t-get-me-wrong-i-like-disney-world-the-rest-rooms-are-clean/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/761/dave-barry-222_cheerful_don-t-get-me-wrong-i-like-disney-world-t_2195296.png)

> [Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/alan-zweibel-is-the-funniest-writer-in-the-world-he-might-be-even/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59e/dave-barry-222_funniest_alan-zweibel-is-the-funniest-writer-in-t_505465.png)

> [To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/to-an-adolescent-there-is-nothing-in-the-world-more-embarrassing-than/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/10e/dave-barry-222_adolescent_to-an-adolescent-there-is-nothing-in-the_2497223.png)

> [San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/san-francisco-leads-the-world-in-the-category-of-most-people-on-the/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4be/dave-barry-222_categories_san-francisco-leads-the-world-in-the-cat_2993337.png)

> [You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/you-should-definitely-visit-the-louvre-a-world-famous-art-museum/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/504/dave-barry-222_art_you-should-definitely-visit-the-louvre-a_371598.png)

> [What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/what-women-want-to-be-loved-to-be-listened-to-to-be-desired-to-be/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d43/dave-barry-222_desired_what-women-want-to-be-loved-to-be-listen_1884440.png)

> [I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/i-love-the-olympics-because-they-enable-people-from-all-over-the/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/330/dave-barry-222_accuse_i-love-the-olympics-because-they-enable_1589883.png)

> [What's happened to marriage? The wedding-industrial complex. Brides get swept up in this world of obsession - it has to be your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/what-s-happened-to-marriage-the-wedding-industrial-complex-brides-get/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c2f/dave-barry-222_brides_what-s-happened-to-marriage-the-wedding_713272.png)

> [The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-beer-sold-here-in-the-united-states-is-sweet-and-watery-and/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/503/dave-barry-222_america_the-beer-sold-here-in-the-united-states_2375605.png)

> [Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/disney-resort-and-world-and-compound-a-place-where-your-dreams-really/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dce/dave-barry-222_animal_disney-resort-and-world-and-compound-a-p_2826868.png)

> [Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can using only their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/karate-is-a-form-of-martial-arts-in-which-people-who-have-had-years/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/203/dave-barry-222_art_karate-is-a-form-of-martial-arts-in-whic_2327418.png)

> [We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/we-have-been-flooded-with-postal-cards-from-all-over-the-united/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/516/dave-barry-222_america_we-have-been-flooded-with-postal-cards-f_495241.png)

> [You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/you-can-be-the-smartest-person-in-the-world-which-bill-clinton-is-and/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d5/dave-barry-222_bills_you-can-be-the-smartest-person-in-the-wo_2955599.jpg)

> [The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-that-women-don-t-accept-that/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1a/dave-barry-222_accepting_the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-t_12314.jpg)

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## More by Dave Barry

> [This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-is-true-virtually-all-edible-substances-and-many-automotive/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/this-ball-was-so-crowded-that-it-took-me-a-trained-professional/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-guy-is-that-women-don-t-accept-that/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-ultimate-camping-trip-was-the-lewis-and-clark-expedition/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/although-golf-was-originally-restricted-to-wealthy-overweight/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/entire-new-continent-can-emerge-from-the-ocean-in-the-time-it-takes/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/he-was-distracted-by-a-giggle-and-turned-to-see-a-rare-sight-a-girl/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/the-major-parties-could-conduct-live-human-sacrifices-on-their/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/if-you-look-at-any-list-of-great-modern-writers-such-as-ernest/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/don-t-you-wish-you-had-a-job-like-mine-all-you-have-to-do-is-think-up/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/despite-the-gulf-physical-and-cultural-between-the-united-states-and/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/before-going-on-a-diet-you-should-consult-your-doctor-or-at-least/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Never trust anything you read in a travel article.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/never-trust-anything-you-read-in-a-travel-article/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/in-the-old-days-it-was-not-called-the-holiday-season-the-christians/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

> [Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-barry/always-remember-that-if-editors-were-so-damned-smart-they-would-know/)

[Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-barry/)

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                        "text": "Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?",
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                        "text": "The hugely popular Windows 95 operating system revolutionized the software world thanks to its capability of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of making Bill Gates even richer than he already was.",
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                        "text": "SAT tests are designed by huge panels of experts in education and psychology who work for years to design tests in which not one single question measures any bit of knowledge that anyone might actually need in the real world. We should applaud kids for getting lower scores.",
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                        "text": "I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really give you any excuses. At the paper they never say, \"Well, we just won't have Tuesday's paper come out, we'll just bring Tuesday's paper out on Wednesday, so go ahead, take all the time you need.\" They come out with that paper regardless.",
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                        "text": "The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something is not funny. I mean it's not actually humor to say something is not funny, but it is viewed by a lot of people - and by that I mean mainly snarky young Internet men - as a kind of humor in and of itself is putting down other people's efforts at humor. And I don't care that much anymore about that because I know how easy that is to do.",
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                        "text": "You can't have a bad time at Disney World. It's not allowed. They have hidden electronic surveillance cameras everywhere, and if they catch you failing to laugh with childlike wonder, they lock you inside a costume representing a beloved Disney character such as Goofy and make you walk about in the Florida heat getting grabbed and leaped on by violently excited children until you have learned your lesson.",
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                        "text": "You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.",
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                        "text": "For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read \"American Caesar\" by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading \"Tales of the South Pacific\" by James Michener and then because of that reading his \"Hawaii.\" That is what happens.",
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                        "text": "Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can be a very pleasant surprise to the connoisseur of severely overcooked livestock organs served in lukewarm puddles of congealed grease. England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.",
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                        "text": "If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when there WAS a military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon",
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                        "text": "Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like \"Howdy, folks!\" and actually seem to mean it. You wonder: Where do they get these people? My guess: 1952. I think old Walt realized, way back then, that there would eventually be a shortage of cheerful people, so he put all the residents of south western Nebraska into a giant freezer with a huge picture of Jiminy Cricket on the outside, and the corporation has been thawing them out as needed ever since.",
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                        "text": "Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find out.",
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                        "text": "To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.",
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                        "text": "San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.",
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                        "text": "You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.",
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                        "text": "What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.",
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                        "text": "I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.",
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                        "text": "Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing enormous cartoon-animal heads come around to your restaurant table and act whimsical and refuse to go away until you laugh with delight.",
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                        "text": "Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can using only their hands and feet make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.",
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                        "text": "We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.",
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