---
title: "16 Wells Quotes By Jerry Seinfeld"
description: "16 Wells quotes by Jerry Seinfeld. Plus more from Jerry Seinfeld and more Wells sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f1/jerry-seinfeld-880_friendship_sex-to-save-the-friendship-well-if-we-ha_268528.jpg"
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> [Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/sex-to-save-the-friendship-well-if-we-have-to-we-have-to/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f1/jerry-seinfeld-880_friendship_sex-to-save-the-friendship-well-if-we-ha_268528.jpg)

> [The best revenge is living well.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/the-best-revenge-is-living-well/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c28/jerry-seinfeld-880_best_the-best-revenge-is-living-well-2815879_2815879.jpg)

> [Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/well-sometimes-we-do-actually-have-to-get-up-early-but-a-man-will/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/144/jerry-seinfeld-880_early_well-sometimes-we-do-actually-have-to-ge_2474794.jpg)

> [Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/well-howard-stern-has-been-doing-his-impression-of-me-for-years-it/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/332/jerry-seinfeld-880_bother_well-howard-stern-has-been-doing-his-imp_1751958.jpg)

> [I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-always-did-well-on-the-essay-questions-just-put-everything-you-know/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fd/jerry-seinfeld-880_essays_i-always-did-well-on-the-essay-questions_1354446.jpg)

> [You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/you-know-the-message-you-re-sending-out-to-the-world-with-these/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be5/jerry-seinfeld-880_giving_you-know-the-message-you-re-sending-out_1981049.jpg)

> [The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/the-blessing-in-life-is-when-you-find-the-torture-you-are-comfortable/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c2/jerry-seinfeld-880_blessing_the-blessing-in-life-is-when-you-find-th_1305569.jpg)

> [I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-will-never-understand-why-they-cook-on-tv-i-can-t-smell-it-can-t/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/795/jerry-seinfeld-880_cameras_i-will-never-understand-why-they-cook-on_2793610.jpg)

> [I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-do-not-know-why-anyone-would-host-an-awards-show-no-matter-how/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6df/jerry-seinfeld-880_award-shows_i-do-not-know-why-anyone-would-host-an-a_385826.jpg)

> [We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/we-sold-seinfeld-all-over-the-world-but-it-was-a-very-specific-kind/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/832/jerry-seinfeld-880_country_we-sold-seinfeld-all-over-the-world-but_1080237.jpg)

> [I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-was-in-the-drug-store-the-other-day-trying-to-get-a-cold-medication/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/090/jerry-seinfeld-880_acting_i-was-in-the-drug-store-the-other-day-tr_66329.jpg)

> [The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same; so we might as well…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/the-idea-behind-the-tuxedo-is-the-woman-s-point-of-view-that-men-are/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/447/jerry-seinfeld-880_beautiful_the-idea-behind-the-tuxedo-is-the-woman_949332.jpg)

> [Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/well-birthdays-are-merely-symbolic-of-how-another-year-has-gone-by/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/805/jerry-seinfeld-880_another-year_well-birthdays-are-merely-symbolic-of-ho_1857119.jpg)

> [I was in front of an ambulance the other day, and I noticed that the word ambulance was spelled in reverse print…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-was-in-front-of-an-ambulance-the-other-day-and-i-noticed-that-the/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aad/jerry-seinfeld-880_ambulance_i-was-in-front-of-an-ambulance-the-other_220860.jpg)

> [The Olympics is my favourite sporting event. Although I have a problem with that silver medal. When you think about it, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/the-olympics-is-my-favourite-sporting-event-although-i-have-a-problem/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81b/jerry-seinfeld-880_bronze_the-olympics-is-my-favourite-sporting-ev_2785799.jpg)

> [Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion... who cares? Is anyone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/why-is-mcdonalds-still-counting-how-insecure-is-this-company-40/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c9/jerry-seinfeld-880_billions_why-is-mcdonalds-still-counting-how-inse_2257218.jpg)

## Other authors on Wells

## More by Jerry Seinfeld

> [“i chose not to run”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-chose-not-to-run/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/we-re-all-trying-to-get-to-the-same-island-whether-you-swim-fly-surf/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-have-a-nice-bookshelf-in-my-office-but-not-my-house-i-m-crass-but/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/there-s-no-downside-to-fame-and-people-who-whine-about-it-make-me/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/we-re-all-trying-to-get-to-the-same-island-whether-you-swim-fly-surf-2/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-was-in-the-drug-store-the-other-day-trying-to-get-a-cold-medication/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/i-went-up-to-the-camp-and-paul-had-me-eat-my-first-oyster-i-had-never/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/then-finally-the-third-year-begging-the-parents-i-got-the-superman/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/this-is-really-a-crazy-idea-you-know-it-probably-won-t-work-but-that/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/if-you-get-something-right-you-really-feel-it-right-in-your-chest-on/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/people-have-an-infinite-attention-span-if-you-are-entertaining-them/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/it-s-hard-to-do-nothing-because-you-tend-to-do-something-and-then-you/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/a-really-hard-laugh-is-like-sex-one-of-the-ultimate-diversions-of/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [There are many things you can point to as proof that the human is not smart. But my personal favorite would have to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/there-are-many-things-you-can-point-to-as-proof-that-the-human-is-not/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

> [You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-seinfeld/you-know-what-i-never-get-with-the-limo-the-tinted-windows-is-that-so/)

[Jerry Seinfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-seinfeld/)

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                        "text": "I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.",
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                        "text": "We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.",
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                        "text": "I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,\"Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?\"",
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                        "text": "The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same; so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the next guy.",
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                        "text": "Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.",
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                        "text": "I was in front of an ambulance the other day, and I noticed that the word ambulance was spelled in reverse print on the hood of the ambulance. And I thought, Well, isn't that clever. I look in the rear-view mirror; I can read the word ambulance behind me. Of course while you're reading, you don't see where you're going, you crash. You need an ambulance. I think they're trying to drum up some business on the way back from lunch.",
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                        "text": "The Olympics is my favourite sporting event. Although I have a problem with that silver medal. When you think about it, you win the gold - you feel good, you win the bronze - you think, 'Well at least I got something'. But when you win silver, it's like, 'Congratulations, you 'almost' won. Of all the losers, you came in first of that group. You're the number one 'loser.' No one lost ahead of you.",
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                        "text": "Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion... who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied! I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonalds, \"Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonalds: We're Doing Very Well.' We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them.\"",
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