---
title: "17 Wells Quotes By Eddie Izzard"
description: "17 Wells quotes by Eddie Izzard. Plus more from Eddie Izzard and more Wells sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/752/eddie-izzard-1732_attack_well-comedy-is-a-great-weapon-of-attack_521536.jpg"
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> [Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/well-comedy-is-a-great-weapon-of-attack-it-s-not-a-great-weapon-of/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/752/eddie-izzard-1732_attack_well-comedy-is-a-great-weapon-of-attack_521536.jpg)

> [They say the Universe started with a big bang. I hope everybody stood well back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/they-say-the-universe-started-with-a-big-bang-i-hope-everybody-stood/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ea/eddie-izzard-1732_bangs_they-say-the-universe-started-with-a-big_1938805.jpg)

> [I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/i-wanted-to-be-less-well-known-in-comedy/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d9/eddie-izzard-1732_comedy_i-wanted-to-be-less-well-known-in-comedy_319672.jpg)

> [Well, if you don't have a flag, then you can't have a country. Those are the rules... that I just made up!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/well-if-you-don-t-have-a-flag-then-you-can-t-have-a-country-those-are/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f6/eddie-izzard-1732_country_well-if-you-don-t-have-a-flag-then-you-c_2265558.jpg)

> [If you get too well-known, you can never be a comedian's comedian, it just won't sit well. But I'm fine with that.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/if-you-get-too-well-known-you-can-never-be-a-comedian-s-comedian-it/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/743/eddie-izzard-1732_comedian_if-you-get-too-well-known-you-can-never_1178794.jpg)

> [If you get too well-known in comedy, I do believe it blocks people from taking you in drama.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/if-you-get-too-well-known-in-comedy-i-do-believe-it-blocks-people/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f99/eddie-izzard-1732_believe_if-you-get-too-well-known-in-comedy-i-do_3235939.jpg)

> [But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/but-puberty-was-well-before-puberty-at-school-i-didn-t-tell-kids-i/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ea/eddie-izzard-1732_causes_but-puberty-was-well-before-puberty-at-s_1762799.jpg)

> [That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/that-s-no-good-i-can-t-steal-from-the-fairly-well-off-and-give-to-the/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cb/eddie-izzard-1732_giving_that-s-no-good-i-can-t-steal-from-the-fa_2942711.jpg)

> [Makeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh ... well, until…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/makeup-s-just-crazy-anyways-native-americans-used-to-wear-it-and-it/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d9b/eddie-izzard-1732_comedy_makeup-s-just-crazy-anyways-native-ameri_2094013.jpg)

> [They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/they-say-that-guns-don-t-kill-people-people-kill-people-well-i-think/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/634/eddie-izzard-1732_amendment_they-say-that-guns-don-t-kill-people-peo_329442.jpg)

> [There's a thing about trying too hard, which I think is in all forms, which is if you really try to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/there-s-a-thing-about-trying-too-hard-which-i-think-is-in-all-forms/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9d/eddie-izzard-1732_creativity_there-s-a-thing-about-trying-too-hard-wh_1055514.jpg)

> [If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/if-you-re-choking-in-a-restaurant-you-can-just-say-the-magic-words/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c4/eddie-izzard-1732_choke_if-you-re-choking-in-a-restaurant-you-ca_1337530.jpg)

> [Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, "Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning!…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/someone-s-killed-100-000-people-we-re-almost-going-well-done-you/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/391/eddie-izzard-1732_afternoon_someone-s-killed-100-000-people-we-re-al_353593.jpg)

> [We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. "I claim India…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/we-stole-countries-with-the-cunning-use-of-flags-just-sail-around-the/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/186/eddie-izzard-1732_around-the-world_we-stole-countries-with-the-cunning-use_2651015.jpg)

> [But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/but-with-dogs-we-do-have-bad-dog-bad-dog-exists-bad-dog-bad-dog-stole/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a3/eddie-izzard-1732_animal_but-with-dogs-we-do-have-bad-dog-bad-dog_2818624.jpg)

> [Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/cause-jesus-i-do-think-did-exist-and-he-was-i-think-a-guy-who-had/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d1a/eddie-izzard-1732_areas_cause-jesus-i-do-think-did-exist-and-he_655178.jpg)

> [You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/you-notice-how-they-always-put-the-fruit-and-veg-at-the-entrance-to/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b6/eddie-izzard-1732_brushes_you-notice-how-they-always-put-the-fruit_1353606.jpg)

## Other authors on Wells

## More by Eddie Izzard

> [When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/when-i-first-came-out-i-thought-i-want-to-walk-like-a-real-woman-i/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [“You know, I don't believe that religions are religions. No, I believe they are philosophies with some good ideas and some fuckin' weird ones.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/you-know-i-don-t-believe-that-religions-are-religions-no-i-believe/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/if-you-ve-never-seen-an-elephant-ski-then-you-ve-never-been-on-acid/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [I don't believe in God. I believe gods and devils are within us. It's our own battle. Our life's battle is to appeal to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/i-don-t-believe-in-god-i-believe-gods-and-devils-are-within-us-it-s/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [“If you are an LGBT+ person and you come out, you have to go through your knight’s quest to create ground for yourself, to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/if-you-are-an-lgbt-person-and-you-come-out-you-have-to-go-through/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [America is the new Roman Empire. Remember what happened to Rome.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/america-is-the-new-roman-empire-remember-what-happened-to-rome/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/i-wanna-live-til-i-die-no-more-no-less/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/i-try-to-just-talk-about-human-stories-and-what-i-think-about/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight...one, from...here to there. We'll be cruising at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/this-is-your-captain-speaking-welcome-aboard-flight-one-from-here-to/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/you-have-the-american-dream-the-dream-is-to-be-born-in-a-gutter-and/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [Because we all know one of the main factors of war is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/because-we-all-know-one-of-the-main-factors-of-war-is-the-element-of/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won't!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/we-have-two-hundred-languages-in-europe-two-hundred-languages-count/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [I don't believe that competitions are important.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/i-don-t-believe-that-competitions-are-important/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [“Have you got a flag?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/have-you-got-a-flag/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

> [Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no; gay men have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-izzard/cause-if-you-re-a-transvestite-you-re-actually-a-male-tomboy-that-s/)

[Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-izzard/)

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                        "text": "That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?",
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                        "text": "Makeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh ... well, until you killed them all, I suppose.",
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                        "text": "Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, \"Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym. Your diary must look odd: 'Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death - lunch - death, death, death - afternoon tea - death, death, death - quick shower ...' \"",
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                        "text": "We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. \"I claim India for Britain!\" They're going \"You can't claim us, we live here! Five hundred million of us!\" \"Do you have a flag …? \"No...\" \"Well, if you don't have a flag, then you can't have a country. Those are the rules... that I just made up!",
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                        "text": "But with dogs, we do have \"bad dog.\" Bad dog exists. \"Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!\" The dog is saying, \"Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!\" \"Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.",
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                        "text": "Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy; and the Romans thought, Relaxed and groovy?! No, no, no, no, no! So they murdered him. And kids eat chocolate eggs, because of the color of the chocolate, and the color of the... wood on the cross. Well, you tell me! It's got nothing to do with it, has it?",
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                        "text": "You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here'. You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!",
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