--- title: "14 Wells Quotes By David Sedaris" description: "14 Wells quotes by David Sedaris. Plus more from David Sedaris and more Wells sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/david-sedaris-333_clever_if-you-aren-t-cute-you-may-as-well-be-cl_2059710.png" --- > [If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/if-you-aren-t-cute-you-may-as-well-be-clever/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/david-sedaris-333_clever_if-you-aren-t-cute-you-may-as-well-be-cl_2059710.png) > [They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/they-re-hungry-for-something-they-know-nothing-about-but-we-we-know/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/038/david-sedaris-333_cybersecurity_they-re-hungry-for-something-they-know-n_1388297.png) > [I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. A lot of magazines want to send you somewhere to do something.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-don-t-really-do-very-well-when-i-m-sent-somewhere-a-lot-of/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/501/david-sedaris-333_magazines_i-don-t-really-do-very-well-when-i-m-sen_356158.png) > [My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/my-family-isn-t-really-all-that-different-from-anyone-else-s-well/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1b/david-sedaris-333_different_my-family-isn-t-really-all-that-differen_1266053.png) > [We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/we-were-not-a-hugging-people-in-terms-of-emotional-comfort-it-was-our/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/551/david-sedaris-333_affection_we-were-not-a-hugging-people-in-terms-of_2369812.png) > [My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/my-first-semester-i-had-only-nine-students-hoping-they-might-view-me/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1d0/david-sedaris-333_firsts_my-first-semester-i-had-only-nine-studen_914639.png) > [I think it's good to have the alone time. Well, I kind of have to, because I have to be alone in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-think-it-s-good-to-have-the-alone-time-well-i-kind-of-have-to/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b51/david-sedaris-333_alone-time_i-think-it-s-good-to-have-the-alone-time_3135484.png) > [I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-can-t-seem-to-fathom-that-the-things-important-to-me-are-not/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/294/david-sedaris-333_fathom_i-can-t-seem-to-fathom-that-the-things-i_228603.png) > [Of course, the diary helps me as well. 'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour after…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/of-course-the-diary-helps-me-as-well-that-wasn-t-your-position-on/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b26/david-sedaris-333_diaries_of-course-the-diary-helps-me-as-well-tha_1640336.jpg) > [I mean, I'm always happy if I have, like, humiliating asshole things that I did. I think: Oh good, that's a good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-mean-i-m-always-happy-if-i-have-like-humiliating-asshole-things/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/673/david-sedaris-333_always-happy_i-mean-i-m-always-happy-if-i-have-like-h_2569855.png) > [When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had nothing to talk about.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/when-her-muzzle-grew-more-white-than-brown-the-chipmunk-forgot-that/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a60/david-sedaris-333_appreciate_when-her-muzzle-grew-more-white-than-bro_1051987.jpg) > [It's funny how certain objects convey a message - my washer and dryer, for example. They can't speak, of course, but whenever…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/it-s-funny-how-certain-objects-convey-a-message-my-washer-and-dryer/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b91/david-sedaris-333_bathroom_it-s-funny-how-certain-objects-convey-a_231050.jpg) > [I think I became a better writer after I started writing for the New Yorker. Well, I know I did. And part…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-think-i-became-a-better-writer-after-i-started-writing-for-the-new/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/david-sedaris-333_audience_i-think-i-became-a-better-writer-after-i_1536499.png) > [Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/cover-your-glass-in-france-or-germany-even-worse-in-england-and-in/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aca/david-sedaris-333_drink_cover-your-glass-in-france-or-germany-ev_1933804.jpg) ## Other authors on Wells ## More by David Sedaris > [“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/plenty-of-animals-had-pets-but-few-were-more-devoted-than-the-mouse/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/never-fall-asleep-in-a-dumpster-never-underestimate-a-bee-never-drive/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/it-was-a-father-one-hand-resting-teapot-style-on-his-hip-and-the/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/a-japanese-woman-we-d-met-in-paris-came-to-the-apartment-yesterday/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/one-thing-i-like-about-the-united-states-and-i-kind-of-miss-about-the/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/when-you-read-comic-material-and-people-aren-t-laughing-how-do-you/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/you-have-how-many-children-in-your-family-the-teacher-would-ask-i-m/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/like-most-seasoned-phonies-i-roundly-suspect-that-everyone-is-as/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/as-a-child-i-assumed-that-when-i-reached-adulthood-i-would-have-grown/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/you-just-take-and-take-don-t-you-out-there-with-your-thumb-in-the-air/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/in-other-parts-of-the-country-people-tried-to-stay-together-for-the/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/my-boyfriend-got-me-a-computer-three-years-ago-i-ll-admit-it-does/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [I spent months searching for some secret code before I realized that common sense has nothing to do with it. Hysteria, psychosis, torture, depression:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-spent-months-searching-for-some-secret-code-before-i-realized-that/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [I hated leaving a hole in the smoking world, and so I recruited someone to take my place. People have given me a lot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-hated-leaving-a-hole-in-the-smoking-world-and-so-i-recruited/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [Write relentlessly, until you find your voice. Then, use it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/write-relentlessly-until-you-find-your-voice-then-use-it/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wells/david-sedaris/#itemlist", "name": "14 Wells Quotes By David Sedaris", "numberOfItems": 14, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Sedaris" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/if-you-aren-t-cute-you-may-as-well-be-clever/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/david-sedaris-333_clever_if-you-aren-t-cute-you-may-as-well-be-cl_2059710.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/david-sedaris-333_clever_if-you-aren-t-cute-you-may-as-well-be-cl_2059710.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/david-sedaris-333_clever_if-you-aren-t-cute-you-may-as-well-be-cl_2059710.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.” — David Sedaris", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Sedaris" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/they-re-hungry-for-something-they-know-nothing-about-but-we-we-know/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/038/david-sedaris-333_cybersecurity_they-re-hungry-for-something-they-know-n_1388297.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/038/david-sedaris-333_cybersecurity_they-re-hungry-for-something-they-know-n_1388297.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/038/david-sedaris-333_cybersecurity_they-re-hungry-for-something-they-know-n_1388297.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is…” — David Sedaris", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't really do very well when I'm sent somewhere. 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'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour after we've had a fight. I'd have loved to rebut him sooner, but it takes awhile to look these things up.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Sedaris" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/of-course-the-diary-helps-me-as-well-that-wasn-t-your-position-on/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b26/david-sedaris-333_diaries_of-course-the-diary-helps-me-as-well-tha_1640336.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b26/david-sedaris-333_diaries_of-course-the-diary-helps-me-as-well-tha_1640336.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b26/david-sedaris-333_diaries_of-course-the-diary-helps-me-as-well-tha_1640336.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Of course, the diary helps me as well. 'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour…” — David Sedaris", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I mean, I'm always happy if I have, like, humiliating asshole things that I did. I think: Oh good, that's a good story. Because if you write about humiliating asshole things other people do it doesn't work as well. I mean, you can, but you can get away with it better if you talk about what an asshole you are. It's much easier.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Sedaris" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-mean-i-m-always-happy-if-i-have-like-humiliating-asshole-things/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/673/david-sedaris-333_always-happy_i-mean-i-m-always-happy-if-i-have-like-h_2569855.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/673/david-sedaris-333_always-happy_i-mean-i-m-always-happy-if-i-have-like-h_2569855.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/673/david-sedaris-333_always-happy_i-mean-i-m-always-happy-if-i-have-like-h_2569855.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I mean, I'm always happy if I have, like, humiliating asshole things that I did. I think: Oh good, that's a…” — David Sedaris", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had nothing to talk about. She forgot the definition of \"jazz\" as well and came to think of it as every beautiful thing she had ever failed to appreciate: the taste of warm rain; the smell of a baby; the din of a swollen river, rushing past her tree and onward to infinity.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Sedaris" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/when-her-muzzle-grew-more-white-than-brown-the-chipmunk-forgot-that/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a60/david-sedaris-333_appreciate_when-her-muzzle-grew-more-white-than-bro_1051987.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a60/david-sedaris-333_appreciate_when-her-muzzle-grew-more-white-than-bro_1051987.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a60/david-sedaris-333_appreciate_when-her-muzzle-grew-more-white-than-bro_1051987.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had nothing to…” — David Sedaris", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It's funny how certain objects convey a message - my washer and dryer, for example. They can't speak, of course, but whenever I pass them they remind me that I'm doing fairly well. \"No more laundromat for you,\" they hum. My stove, a downer, tells me every day that I can't cook, and before I can defend myself my scale jumps in, shouting from the bathroom, \"Well, he must be doing _something - _my numbers is off the charts.\" The skeleton has a much more limited vocabulary, and says only one thing: \"You are going to die.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Sedaris" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/it-s-funny-how-certain-objects-convey-a-message-my-washer-and-dryer/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b91/david-sedaris-333_bathroom_it-s-funny-how-certain-objects-convey-a_231050.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b91/david-sedaris-333_bathroom_it-s-funny-how-certain-objects-convey-a_231050.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b91/david-sedaris-333_bathroom_it-s-funny-how-certain-objects-convey-a_231050.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's funny how certain objects convey a message - my washer and dryer, for example. They can't speak, of…” — David Sedaris", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think I became a better writer after I started writing for the New Yorker. Well, I know I did. And part of it was having my New Yorker editor and part of it is that was when I started really going on tour and reading things in front of an audience 30 times and then going back in the room and rewriting it and reading it and rewriting it. So you really get the rhythm of the sentences down and you really get the flow down and you get rid of stuff that's not important.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "David Sedaris" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-think-i-became-a-better-writer-after-i-started-writing-for-the-new/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/david-sedaris-333_audience_i-think-i-became-a-better-writer-after-i_1536499.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/david-sedaris-333_audience_i-think-i-became-a-better-writer-after-i_1536499.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/478/david-sedaris-333_audience_i-think-i-became-a-better-writer-after-i_1536499.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think I became a better writer after I started writing for the New Yorker. Well, I know I did. And part of…” — David Sedaris", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you're not drinking. 'Oh, I just don't feel like it this morning.' 'Why not?' 'I guess I'm not in the mood?' 'Well, this'll put you in the mood. Here. Drink up.' 'No, really, I'm OK.' 'Just taste it.' 'Actually, I'm sort of...well, I sort of have a problem with it.' 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