--- title: "13 Way Quotes By Melissa Febos" description: "13 Way quotes by Melissa Febos. Plus more from Melissa Febos and more Way sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ac/melissa-febos-7449_song_you-can-turn-off-the-song-the-way-you-ca_2839419.png" --- > [You can turn off the song the way you cannot the actual experience.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/you-can-turn-off-the-song-the-way-you-cannot-the-actual-experience/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ac/melissa-febos-7449_song_you-can-turn-off-the-song-the-way-you-ca_2839419.png) > [All our stories are part invention - the way we've decided to make sense of what has happened.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/all-our-stories-are-part-invention-the-way-we-ve-decided-to-make/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63a/melissa-febos-7449_decided_all-our-stories-are-part-invention-the-w_1341435.png) > [I'm always writing to a younger version of myself, or a young woman who is like I was. I want that girl…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-m-always-writing-to-a-younger-version-of-myself-or-a-young-woman/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59c/melissa-febos-7449_girl_i-m-always-writing-to-a-younger-version_1439331.jpg) > [I never think about anything in my brain. I think in very small repetitive circles inside my own brain. That's why I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-never-think-about-anything-in-my-brain-i-think-in-very-small/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc2/melissa-febos-7449_brain_i-never-think-about-anything-in-my-brain_2786485.png) > [I am secretive. Always have been. And one way that secrecy manifested in my early life was that I was adept at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-am-secretive-always-have-been-and-one-way-that-secrecy-manifested/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/melissa-febos-7449_adept_i-am-secretive-always-have-been-and-one_1530675.png) > [My father was raised by a violent alcoholic. There was alcoholism in my mother's family. I'm half-adopted, and my birth father was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/my-father-was-raised-by-a-violent-alcoholic-there-was-alcoholism-in/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25d/melissa-febos-7449_addict_my-father-was-raised-by-a-violent-alcoho_2161557.jpg) > [I think that more so, my wonderful skill of dissociation came in very handy. I care very much what other people think.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-think-that-more-so-my-wonderful-skill-of-dissociation-came-in-very/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c0/melissa-febos-7449_care_i-think-that-more-so-my-wonderful-skill_2127663.png) > [Early in my career as a domme, I both admired and feared becoming one of those career dommes. I saw, in myself,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/early-in-my-career-as-a-domme-i-both-admired-and-feared-becoming-one/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/122/melissa-febos-7449_admiration_early-in-my-career-as-a-domme-i-both-adm_490374.jpg) > [I didn't know enough as a writer to understand why I needed to do this, but I understood in a very gut…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-didn-t-know-enough-as-a-writer-to-understand-why-i-needed-to-do/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d28/melissa-febos-7449_blinders_i-didn-t-know-enough-as-a-writer-to-unde_583977.jpg) > [Because of the irresistible nature of our own Imagos, I think the replication of it in music is a siren song -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/because-of-the-irresistible-nature-of-our-own-imagos-i-think-the/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e2/melissa-febos-7449_enjoy_because-of-the-irresistible-nature-of-ou_2494488.png) > [We often think that "bad" relationships are motivating by self-loathing or a wish for self-destruction, but I think that loving people who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/we-often-think-that-bad-relationships-are-motivating-by-self-loathing/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b2e/melissa-febos-7449_bad-relationship_we-often-think-that-bad-relationships-ar_1490057.jpg) > [You don't know how people are going to respond. But I would add to that, that getting your heart broken is not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/you-don-t-know-how-people-are-going-to-respond-but-i-would-add-to/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/286/melissa-febos-7449_add_you-don-t-know-how-people-are-going-to-r_1276310.png) > [I couldn't have articulated this process at the time; I just sort of did it instinctually. But now when I talk about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-couldn-t-have-articulated-this-process-at-the-time-i-just-sort-of/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/502/melissa-febos-7449_addresses_i-couldn-t-have-articulated-this-process_1539476.png) ## Other authors on Way ## More by Melissa Febos > [Letting go of the cozy stories you've been carrying around is devastating. But there's more room for new stuff after you do it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/letting-go-of-the-cozy-stories-you-ve-been-carrying-around-is/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [When you conceal inner reality, this pressure builds. You often don't expose yourself until it reaches extremity, a breaking point, and what emerges is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/when-you-conceal-inner-reality-this-pressure-builds-you-often-don-t/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [I can only see right in front of me when I'm writing, you know? I never think of it as raw or personal or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-can-only-see-right-in-front-of-me-when-i-m-writing-you-know-i-never/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“I have always been afraid to have children. I didn't want to give them the parts of me--the hurtling hunger, the shame--but now I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-have-always-been-afraid-to-have-children-i-didn-t-want-to-give-them/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“There are still times when he and I fall into our respective labyrinths. I no longer believe that anyone but ourselves can lead us…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/there-are-still-times-when-he-and-i-fall-into-our-respective/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [I think we all are born inside of our parents' narratives. We stay there for a good while. We are taught their narratives about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-think-we-all-are-born-inside-of-our-parents-narratives-we-stay/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“Maybe that's all bravery is: when your hunger is greater than your fear. I resist the implication that bravery is noble. I must face…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/maybe-that-s-all-bravery-is-when-your-hunger-is-greater-than-your/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“I have always enjoyed watching women dress. The appeal isn't sexual. Most girls' first glimpse of private female life is watching their mothers dress…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-have-always-enjoyed-watching-women-dress-the-appeal-isn-t-sexual/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“It was the first time anyone had broken up with me. It was a thing I had successfully avoided for thirty-two years.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/it-was-the-first-time-anyone-had-broken-up-with-me-it-was-a-thing-i/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [I can still discern people's weaknesses, but it doesn't make me want to exploit them; it makes me want to hug them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-can-still-discern-people-s-weaknesses-but-it-doesn-t-make-me-want/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“There is a moment in your 20s when you know what it means to love rightly, but not how to do it, and then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/there-is-a-moment-in-your-20s-when-you-know-what-it-means-to-love/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“The labyrinth, after all, is Sarah's creation. She calls upon the Goblin King. And this is the biggest difference between my brother's afflictions and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/the-labyrinth-after-all-is-sarah-s-creation-she-calls-upon-the-goblin/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“I want to tell her that darkness is not bad. It is only the place we can't see yet.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-want-to-tell-her-that-darkness-is-not-bad-it-is-only-the-place-we/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [I made a conscious decision when I was writing that book to depict in real time how I treated it, and how I thought…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-made-a-conscious-decision-when-i-was-writing-that-book-to-depict-in/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) > [“I only wanted to know where I ended and everything else began, and I still do, in these oceanic days.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-only-wanted-to-know-where-i-ended-and-everything-else-began-and-i/) [Melissa Febos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-febos/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/way/melissa-febos/#itemlist", "name": "13 Way Quotes By Melissa Febos", "numberOfItems": 13, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You can turn off the song the way you cannot the actual experience.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/you-can-turn-off-the-song-the-way-you-cannot-the-actual-experience/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ac/melissa-febos-7449_song_you-can-turn-off-the-song-the-way-you-ca_2839419.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ac/melissa-febos-7449_song_you-can-turn-off-the-song-the-way-you-ca_2839419.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ac/melissa-febos-7449_song_you-can-turn-off-the-song-the-way-you-ca_2839419.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You can turn off the song the way you cannot the actual experience.” — Melissa Febos", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "All our stories are part invention - the way we've decided to make sense of what has happened.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/all-our-stories-are-part-invention-the-way-we-ve-decided-to-make/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63a/melissa-febos-7449_decided_all-our-stories-are-part-invention-the-w_1341435.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63a/melissa-febos-7449_decided_all-our-stories-are-part-invention-the-w_1341435.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63a/melissa-febos-7449_decided_all-our-stories-are-part-invention-the-w_1341435.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“All our stories are part invention - the way we've decided to make sense of what has happened.” — Melissa Febos", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm always writing to a younger version of myself, or a young woman who is like I was. 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And one way that secrecy manifested in my early life was that I was adept at juggling multiple social realities: I could get by no problem in many social arenas (including that of high school), but also felt alienated and totally uninspired by everything that happened there.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-am-secretive-always-have-been-and-one-way-that-secrecy-manifested/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/melissa-febos-7449_adept_i-am-secretive-always-have-been-and-one_1530675.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/melissa-febos-7449_adept_i-am-secretive-always-have-been-and-one_1530675.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/melissa-febos-7449_adept_i-am-secretive-always-have-been-and-one_1530675.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I am secretive. Always have been. 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So that occurred to me very early on.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-think-that-more-so-my-wonderful-skill-of-dissociation-came-in-very/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c0/melissa-febos-7449_care_i-think-that-more-so-my-wonderful-skill_2127663.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c0/melissa-febos-7449_care_i-think-that-more-so-my-wonderful-skill_2127663.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c0/melissa-febos-7449_care_i-think-that-more-so-my-wonderful-skill_2127663.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think that more so, my wonderful skill of dissociation came in very handy. I care very much what other…” — Melissa Febos", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Early in my career as a domme, I both admired and feared becoming one of those career dommes. I saw, in myself, and in some other women in that industry, the way that sex work could eclipse the other parts of your personality, the way that I started to feel as if I wasn't qualified to do anything else. I had always known that I wanted to be a writer, and I stopped writing for a time while I was domming; the experience subsumed my other interests, and it scared me. Now, however, I have nothing but admiration for them.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/early-in-my-career-as-a-domme-i-both-admired-and-feared-becoming-one/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/122/melissa-febos-7449_admiration_early-in-my-career-as-a-domme-i-both-adm_490374.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/122/melissa-febos-7449_admiration_early-in-my-career-as-a-domme-i-both-adm_490374.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/122/melissa-febos-7449_admiration_early-in-my-career-as-a-domme-i-both-adm_490374.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Early in my career as a domme, I both admired and feared becoming one of those career dommes. I saw, in…” — Melissa Febos", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I didn't know enough as a writer to understand why I needed to do this, but I understood in a very gut way that I could not entertain those thoughts of pleasing people and write this book - that it would be a very different book. Without really sort of investigating that instinct, which I'm glad for, I just made a conscious decision to put blinders on and not think about anything and put it all in. And I did. I put everything in. I had to look at the whole picture to see what I needed.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-didn-t-know-enough-as-a-writer-to-understand-why-i-needed-to-do/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d28/melissa-febos-7449_blinders_i-didn-t-know-enough-as-a-writer-to-unde_583977.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d28/melissa-febos-7449_blinders_i-didn-t-know-enough-as-a-writer-to-unde_583977.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d28/melissa-febos-7449_blinders_i-didn-t-know-enough-as-a-writer-to-unde_583977.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I didn't know enough as a writer to understand why I needed to do this, but I understood in a very gut way…” — Melissa Febos", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Because of the irresistible nature of our own Imagos, I think the replication of it in music is a siren song - we love those tormented songs, and we listen to them over and over and over the way that we smash ourselves into our lovers, or the same kind of lover, over and over. That drive is tireless, until it is resolved. And we can \"enjoy\" it safely through music, which is a simulacrum we have power over.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/because-of-the-irresistible-nature-of-our-own-imagos-i-think-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e2/melissa-febos-7449_enjoy_because-of-the-irresistible-nature-of-ou_2494488.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e2/melissa-febos-7449_enjoy_because-of-the-irresistible-nature-of-ou_2494488.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e2/melissa-febos-7449_enjoy_because-of-the-irresistible-nature-of-ou_2494488.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Because of the irresistible nature of our own Imagos, I think the replication of it in music is a siren song…” — Melissa Febos", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We often think that \"bad\" relationships are motivating by self-loathing or a wish for self-destruction, but I think that loving people who hurt us is more tied to a profound and earnest wish to soothe ourselves and recover from older hurts. And I've also found that having empathy for that urge is the best way to move through it, and beyond it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/we-often-think-that-bad-relationships-are-motivating-by-self-loathing/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b2e/melissa-febos-7449_bad-relationship_we-often-think-that-bad-relationships-ar_1490057.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b2e/melissa-febos-7449_bad-relationship_we-often-think-that-bad-relationships-ar_1490057.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b2e/melissa-febos-7449_bad-relationship_we-often-think-that-bad-relationships-ar_1490057.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We often think that \"bad\" relationships are motivating by self-loathing or a wish for self-destruction, but…” — Melissa Febos", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You don't know how people are going to respond. But I would add to that, that getting your heart broken is not the worst thing and it's actually quite unavoidable. I think in some ways I had to break my father's heart and then face that in order to have a real relationship with him.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/you-don-t-know-how-people-are-going-to-respond-but-i-would-add-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/286/melissa-febos-7449_add_you-don-t-know-how-people-are-going-to-r_1276310.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/286/melissa-febos-7449_add_you-don-t-know-how-people-are-going-to-r_1276310.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/286/melissa-febos-7449_add_you-don-t-know-how-people-are-going-to-r_1276310.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You don't know how people are going to respond. But I would add to that, that getting your heart broken is…” — Melissa Febos", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I couldn't have articulated this process at the time; I just sort of did it instinctually. But now when I talk about this with my students all the time, it's one of the first things I address in memoir classes - that you have to put it all in because you're writing your way into the ending of your own story. Even if you think you know what the story is, you don't until you write it. If you start leaving things out you could leave out vital organs and not know it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melissa Febos" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-febos/i-couldn-t-have-articulated-this-process-at-the-time-i-just-sort-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/502/melissa-febos-7449_addresses_i-couldn-t-have-articulated-this-process_1539476.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/502/melissa-febos-7449_addresses_i-couldn-t-have-articulated-this-process_1539476.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/502/melissa-febos-7449_addresses_i-couldn-t-have-articulated-this-process_1539476.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I couldn't have articulated this process at the time; I just sort of did it instinctually. 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