--- title: "31 Way Quotes By Demetri Martin" description: "31 Way quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Way sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/564/demetri-martin-511_drinking_there-is-a-fine-line-between-a-sleepover_1033369.jpg" --- > [There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-is-a-fine-line-between-a-sleepover-and-just-drinking-way-too/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/564/demetri-martin-511_drinking_there-is-a-fine-line-between-a-sleepover_1033369.jpg) > [A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-car-alarm-is-a-way-for-a-car-to-tell-everyone-that-its-owner-is-an/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/627/demetri-martin-511_alarm_a-car-alarm-is-a-way-for-a-car-to-tell-e_3137946.jpg) > [I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-used-to-get-bummed-out-when-it-rained-then-i-realized-that-it-s-god/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cce/demetri-martin-511_bummed-out_i-used-to-get-bummed-out-when-it-rained_2361267.jpg) > [A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-sports-bar-is-a-way-to-take-a-bar-and-fill-it-with-even-more/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/57c/demetri-martin-511_annoying_a-sports-bar-is-a-way-to-take-a-bar-and_1416446.jpg) > [The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/the-best-way-to-make-somebody-feel-important-is-to-try-to-assassinate/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/723/demetri-martin-511_best-way_the-best-way-to-make-somebody-feel-impor_1757580.jpg) > [Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/easy-way-to-make-someone-sound-less-powerful-just-put-dj-in-front-of/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/966/demetri-martin-511_abraham_easy-way-to-make-someone-sound-less-powe_790033.jpg) > [The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/the-lord-works-in-mysterious-ways-indeed-and-a-shorter-way-to-say/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6f/demetri-martin-511_god_the-lord-works-in-mysterious-ways-indeed_2755629.jpg) > [You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/you-can-make-a-very-heavy-and-kind-of-dangerous-3-way-shot-glass-out/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/672/demetri-martin-511_balls_you-can-make-a-very-heavy-and-kind-of-da_600678.jpg) > [I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-ve-often-liked-a-girl-made-her-laugh-and-thought-she-liked-me-and/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19e/demetri-martin-511_definitely_i-ve-often-liked-a-girl-made-her-laugh-a_715335.jpg) > [My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/my-family-was-fine-it-s-just-a-different-way-of-going-about-life/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c9/demetri-martin-511_creativity_my-family-was-fine-it-s-just-a-different_1713715.jpg) > [One thing I learned is that it's never OK to walk through a cemetery dressed as a mummy - even if that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/one-thing-i-learned-is-that-it-s-never-ok-to-walk-through-a-cemetery/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/729/demetri-martin-511_cemetery_one-thing-i-learned-is-that-it-s-never-o_1728364.jpg) > [Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/whenever-i-throw-caution-to-the-wind-i-make-sure-i-m-facing-the-right/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1cd/demetri-martin-511_blow_whenever-i-throw-caution-to-the-wind-i-m_2445488.jpg) > [I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-d-love-to-win-trophies-be-in-movies-have-a-body-of-work-i-m-proud/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d2c/demetri-martin-511_along_i-d-love-to-win-trophies-be-in-movies-ha_2936092.jpg) > [And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/and-of-course-i-didn-t-make-any-money-from-stand-up-for-years-so-i/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40c/demetri-martin-511_jobs_and-of-course-i-didn-t-make-any-money-fr_673721.jpg) > [I love Buster Keaton and I love physical comedy when it's done in an emotionally understated way. I just like to play…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-love-buster-keaton-and-i-love-physical-comedy-when-it-s-done-in-an/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/912/demetri-martin-511_attention_i-love-buster-keaton-and-i-love-physical_2884908.jpg) > [When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-kids-it-s-okay-but-when-i-give/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/demetri-martin-511_giving_when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-ki_3159293.jpg) > [Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or so. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/okay-so-when-i-was-a-kid-definitely-the-drawings-and-the-illustration/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d9/demetri-martin-511_artist_okay-so-when-i-was-a-kid-definitely-the_629454.jpg) > [I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-m-very-hip-oriented-i-focus-on-hips-in-my-comedy-probably-more-than/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c6/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-m-very-hip-oriented-i-focus-on-hips-in_2239610.jpg) > [For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come with negativity. I don't really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/for-me-possibility-progress-growth-those-things-are-very-they-feel/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f9/demetri-martin-511_bits_for-me-possibility-progress-growth-those_1215439.jpg) > [When they were naming vitamins they must have thought there were going to be way more vitamins than there ended up being.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-they-were-naming-vitamins-they-must-have-thought-there-were/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3e/demetri-martin-511_damn_when-they-were-naming-vitamins-they-must_2834072.jpg) > [I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-if-i-pick-the-right-thing-to-spend-my-time-doing-then-time/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e11/demetri-martin-511_alive_i-think-if-i-pick-the-right-thing-to-spe_161105.jpg) > [I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me-in-an-annoyed-tone-of-voice/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/45d/demetri-martin-511_annoyed_i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me_3191367.jpg) > [Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/another-thing-that-i-like-and-that-s-fun-for-me-is-to-try-and-talk/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/demetri-martin-511_bits_another-thing-that-i-like-and-that-s-fun_148102.jpg) > [If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-i-think-of-a-joke-that-s-really-dirty-and-i-think-it-s-funny-i-ll/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee5/demetri-martin-511_coming-out_if-i-think-of-a-joke-that-s-really-dirty_1105658.jpg) > [It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-weird-the-way-finger-puppet-sounds-okay-as-a-noun-ladies/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0a/demetri-martin-511_finger_it-s-weird-the-way-finger-puppet-sounds_500084.jpg) > [My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/my-friend-says-touche-way-too-much-he-s-a-touche-bag/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c92/demetri-martin-511_bags_my-friend-says-touche-way-too-much-he-s_1403954.jpg) > [Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/having-a-beard-is-a-good-way-to-make-your-face-more-susceptible-to/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a26/demetri-martin-511_beard_having-a-beard-is-a-good-way-to-make-you_250930.jpg) > [Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/do-you-have-any-greek-in-you-that-was-just-a-tactful-way-of-asking-if/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/demetri-martin-511_asking_do-you-have-any-greek-in-you-that-was-ju_330579.jpg) > [When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then-someone-does-something-that/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/demetri-martin-511_corpses_when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then_512011.jpg) > [It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-funny-when-people-always-talk-about-the-importance-of-role/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b69/demetri-martin-511_about_it-s-funny-when-people-always-talk-about_2913938.jpg) > [There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes-some-way-or-another-i-don-t/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/demetri-martin-511_hunger_there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes_806400.jpg) ## Other authors on Way ## More by Demetri Martin > [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/way/demetri-martin/#itemlist", "name": "31 Way Quotes By Demetri Martin", "numberOfItems": 31, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-is-a-fine-line-between-a-sleepover-and-just-drinking-way-too/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/564/demetri-martin-511_drinking_there-is-a-fine-line-between-a-sleepover_1033369.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/564/demetri-martin-511_drinking_there-is-a-fine-line-between-a-sleepover_1033369.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/564/demetri-martin-511_drinking_there-is-a-fine-line-between-a-sleepover_1033369.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-car-alarm-is-a-way-for-a-car-to-tell-everyone-that-its-owner-is-an/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/627/demetri-martin-511_alarm_a-car-alarm-is-a-way-for-a-car-to-tell-e_3137946.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/627/demetri-martin-511_alarm_a-car-alarm-is-a-way-for-a-car-to-tell-e_3137946.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/627/demetri-martin-511_alarm_a-car-alarm-is-a-way-for-a-car-to-tell-e_3137946.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I used to get bummed out when it rained; 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I've definitely done time in the friend zone.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-ve-often-liked-a-girl-made-her-laugh-and-thought-she-liked-me-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19e/demetri-martin-511_definitely_i-ve-often-liked-a-girl-made-her-laugh-a_715335.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19e/demetri-martin-511_definitely_i-ve-often-liked-a-girl-made-her-laugh-a_715335.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/19e/demetri-martin-511_definitely_i-ve-often-liked-a-girl-made-her-laugh-a_715335.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. 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Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-d-love-to-win-trophies-be-in-movies-have-a-body-of-work-i-m-proud/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d2c/demetri-martin-511_along_i-d-love-to-win-trophies-be-in-movies-ha_2936092.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d2c/demetri-martin-511_along_i-d-love-to-win-trophies-be-in-movies-ha_2936092.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d2c/demetri-martin-511_along_i-d-love-to-win-trophies-be-in-movies-ha_2936092.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/and-of-course-i-didn-t-make-any-money-from-stand-up-for-years-so-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40c/demetri-martin-511_jobs_and-of-course-i-didn-t-make-any-money-fr_673721.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40c/demetri-martin-511_jobs_and-of-course-i-didn-t-make-any-money-fr_673721.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/40c/demetri-martin-511_jobs_and-of-course-i-didn-t-make-any-money-fr_673721.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. 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I just like to play it, and I need the attention.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-love-buster-keaton-and-i-love-physical-comedy-when-it-s-done-in-an/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/912/demetri-martin-511_attention_i-love-buster-keaton-and-i-love-physical_2884908.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/912/demetri-martin-511_attention_i-love-buster-keaton-and-i-love-physical_2884908.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/912/demetri-martin-511_attention_i-love-buster-keaton-and-i-love-physical_2884908.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I love Buster Keaton and I love physical comedy when it's done in an emotionally understated way. I just…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-kids-it-s-okay-but-when-i-give/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/demetri-martin-511_giving_when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-ki_3159293.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/demetri-martin-511_giving_when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-ki_3159293.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/396/demetri-martin-511_giving_when-people-show-me-pictures-of-their-ki_3159293.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or so. And then I started again when I was in my twenties. I really didn't progress since then, so the way I draw is the way I drew in sixth grade.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/okay-so-when-i-was-a-kid-definitely-the-drawings-and-the-illustration/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d9/demetri-martin-511_artist_okay-so-when-i-was-a-kid-definitely-the_629454.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d9/demetri-martin-511_artist_okay-so-when-i-was-a-kid-definitely-the_629454.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7d9/demetri-martin-511_artist_okay-so-when-i-was-a-kid-definitely-the_629454.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-m-very-hip-oriented-i-focus-on-hips-in-my-comedy-probably-more-than/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c6/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-m-very-hip-oriented-i-focus-on-hips-in_2239610.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c6/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-m-very-hip-oriented-i-focus-on-hips-in_2239610.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c6/demetri-martin-511_comedy_i-m-very-hip-oriented-i-focus-on-hips-in_2239610.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 19, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come with negativity. I don't really mind sucking at something as long as I'm getting a little bit better at it along the way.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/for-me-possibility-progress-growth-those-things-are-very-they-feel/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f9/demetri-martin-511_bits_for-me-possibility-progress-growth-those_1215439.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f9/demetri-martin-511_bits_for-me-possibility-progress-growth-those_1215439.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f9/demetri-martin-511_bits_for-me-possibility-progress-growth-those_1215439.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When they were naming vitamins they must have thought there were going to be way more vitamins than there ended up being. OK let's name these: Vitamin A, Vitamin B... ok man slow down we've got a lot to cover here. B2, B3, B4, B5, B6, B12. Then they got to E and they were like 'We're pretty much done. We've got all those damn B's. This is embarrassing. Let's just skip to K and get the hell out of here.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-they-were-naming-vitamins-they-must-have-thought-there-were/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3e/demetri-martin-511_damn_when-they-were-naming-vitamins-they-must_2834072.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3e/demetri-martin-511_damn_when-they-were-naming-vitamins-they-must_2834072.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a3e/demetri-martin-511_damn_when-they-were-naming-vitamins-they-must_2834072.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When they were naming vitamins they must have thought there were going to be way more vitamins than there…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-if-i-pick-the-right-thing-to-spend-my-time-doing-then-time/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e11/demetri-martin-511_alive_i-think-if-i-pick-the-right-thing-to-spe_161105.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e11/demetri-martin-511_alive_i-think-if-i-pick-the-right-thing-to-spe_161105.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e11/demetri-martin-511_alive_i-think-if-i-pick-the-right-thing-to-spe_161105.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me-in-an-annoyed-tone-of-voice/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/45d/demetri-martin-511_annoyed_i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me_3191367.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/45d/demetri-martin-511_annoyed_i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me_3191367.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/45d/demetri-martin-511_annoyed_i-am-sometimes-referred-to-as-excuse-me_3191367.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it; it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/another-thing-that-i-like-and-that-s-fun-for-me-is-to-try-and-talk/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/demetri-martin-511_bits_another-thing-that-i-like-and-that-s-fun_148102.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/demetri-martin-511_bits_another-thing-that-i-like-and-that-s-fun_148102.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e4/demetri-martin-511_bits_another-thing-that-i-like-and-that-s-fun_148102.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 24, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-i-think-of-a-joke-that-s-really-dirty-and-i-think-it-s-funny-i-ll/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee5/demetri-martin-511_coming-out_if-i-think-of-a-joke-that-s-really-dirty_1105658.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee5/demetri-martin-511_coming-out_if-i-think-of-a-joke-that-s-really-dirty_1105658.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee5/demetri-martin-511_coming-out_if-i-think-of-a-joke-that-s-really-dirty_1105658.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 25, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It's weird the way \"finger puppet\" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-weird-the-way-finger-puppet-sounds-okay-as-a-noun-ladies/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0a/demetri-martin-511_finger_it-s-weird-the-way-finger-puppet-sounds_500084.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0a/demetri-martin-511_finger_it-s-weird-the-way-finger-puppet-sounds_500084.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0a/demetri-martin-511_finger_it-s-weird-the-way-finger-puppet-sounds_500084.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's weird the way \"finger puppet\" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 26, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/my-friend-says-touche-way-too-much-he-s-a-touche-bag/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c92/demetri-martin-511_bags_my-friend-says-touche-way-too-much-he-s_1403954.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c92/demetri-martin-511_bags_my-friend-says-touche-way-too-much-he-s_1403954.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c92/demetri-martin-511_bags_my-friend-says-touche-way-too-much-he-s_1403954.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 27, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/having-a-beard-is-a-good-way-to-make-your-face-more-susceptible-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a26/demetri-martin-511_beard_having-a-beard-is-a-good-way-to-make-you_250930.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a26/demetri-martin-511_beard_having-a-beard-is-a-good-way-to-make-you_250930.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a26/demetri-martin-511_beard_having-a-beard-is-a-good-way-to-make-you_250930.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 28, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/do-you-have-any-greek-in-you-that-was-just-a-tactful-way-of-asking-if/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/demetri-martin-511_asking_do-you-have-any-greek-in-you-that-was-ju_330579.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/demetri-martin-511_asking_do-you-have-any-greek-in-you-that-was-ju_330579.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/demetri-martin-511_asking_do-you-have-any-greek-in-you-that-was-ju_330579.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 29, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then-someone-does-something-that/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/demetri-martin-511_corpses_when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then_512011.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/demetri-martin-511_corpses_when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then_512011.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bad/demetri-martin-511_corpses_when-there-s-someone-who-s-dead-and-then_512011.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 30, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/it-s-funny-when-people-always-talk-about-the-importance-of-role/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b69/demetri-martin-511_about_it-s-funny-when-people-always-talk-about_2913938.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b69/demetri-martin-511_about_it-s-funny-when-people-always-talk-about_2913938.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b69/demetri-martin-511_about_it-s-funny-when-people-always-talk-about_2913938.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so…” — Demetri Martin", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 31, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Demetri Martin" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes-some-way-or-another-i-don-t/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/demetri-martin-511_hunger_there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes_806400.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/demetri-martin-511_hunger_there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes_806400.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c87/demetri-martin-511_hunger_there-s-an-old-russian-saying-that-goes_806400.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. 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