--- title: "13 Way Quotes By Dana Gould" description: "13 Way quotes by Dana Gould. Plus more from Dana Gould and more Way sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/dana-gould-1290_like_i-don-t-really-like-myself-but-i-m-way-i_1691926.png" --- > [I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-don-t-really-like-myself-but-i-m-way-into-me-physically/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/dana-gould-1290_like_i-don-t-really-like-myself-but-i-m-way-i_1691926.png) > [A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-great-way-to-be-left-alone-on-the-subway-is-to-appear-to-be-deep-in/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/923/dana-gould-1290_communication_a-great-way-to-be-left-alone-on-the-subw_1878179.png) > [We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/we-would-have-never-gotten-mace-had-someone-not-thought-there-must-be/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a63/dana-gould-1290_burn_we-would-have-never-gotten-mace-had-some_1614468.png) > [A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-lot-of-people-are-looking-for-their-soul-mates-along-the-way-it-s/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8fb/dana-gould-1290_bumps_a-lot-of-people-are-looking-for-their-so_2215416.png) > [I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-like-my-coffee-the-way-i-like-my-women-after-waiting-impatiently-in/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f2e/dana-gould-1290_coffee_i-like-my-coffee-the-way-i-like-my-women_1722778.png) > [A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-big-blizzard-proves-there-s-no-global-warming-in-the-same-way-being/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bed/dana-gould-1290_bigs_a-big-blizzard-proves-there-s-no-global_2432603.png) > [There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/there-must-be-a-way-to-get-more-of-these-in-me-faster-thought-the/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/980/dana-gould-1290_eating_there-must-be-a-way-to-get-more-of-these_892605.png) > [What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/what-s-a-farmer-s-market-without-some-guy-singing-here-comes-the-sun/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/634/dana-gould-1290_farmers_what-s-a-farmer-s-market-without-some-gu_2735320.png) > [I'm so weird with women. I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't take…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-so-weird-with-women-i-couldn-t-go-up-to-a-gorgeous-woman-and-tell/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/dana-gould-1290_building_i-m-so-weird-with-women-i-couldn-t-go-up_620328.jpg) > [We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/we-all-enter-this-world-in-the-same-way-naked-screaming-soaked-in/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3f/dana-gould-1290_blood_we-all-enter-this-world-in-the-same-way_3116871.png) > [I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-wanted-to-be-a-comedian-i-wanted-to-meet-waitresses-and-felt-that/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aa1/dana-gould-1290_best-way_i-wanted-to-be-a-comedian-i-wanted-to-me_3212196.png) > [One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/one-great-way-to-mess-with-devout-christians-and-atheists-would-be-if/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e95/dana-gould-1290_atheist_one-great-way-to-mess-with-devout-christ_3151952.png) > [We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/we-broke-up-and-my-first-reaction-was-fine-i-ve-been-through-this-too/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d08/dana-gould-1290_broke_we-broke-up-and-my-first-reaction-was-fi_1370813.jpg) ## Other authors on Way ## More by Dana Gould > [As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/as-hard-as-i-try-to-live-with-some-degree-of-faith-in-my-life-i-just/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/the-older-i-get-the-more-i-look-like-my-favorite-shoes/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/somewhere-there-s-someone-who-s-masturbation-ritual-ends-with-them/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-feel-very-uncomfortable-when-i-eat-in-restaurants-i-m-obnoxiously/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/cowboy-boots-with-a-suit-you-re-a-rough-tough-businessman-chaps-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/despite-a-primitive-brain-the-octopus-possesses-an-intricate-system/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-got-mugged-about-six-months-ago-the-oddest-thing-about-the-entire/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-the-forrest-gump-of-comedy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/it-s-gonna-be-awesome-a-suspected-pedophile-dunks-my-kids-head-in-a/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-i-ever-go-into-a-coma-one-of-you-has-to-promise-to-come-by/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/they-say-that-god-is-in-the-details-then-again-they-also-say-that-the/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-have-one-phobia-snakes-and-by-snakes-i-mean-intimacy/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/my-whole-approach-to-marriage-is-simple-my-wife-will-do-something/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/wrote-a-science-fiction-novel-about-a-man-who-wins-an-argument-with/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) > [If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/if-life-begins-at-conception-but-you-can-be-born-again-later-only-to/) [Dana Gould](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dana-gould/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/way/dana-gould/#itemlist", "name": "13 Way Quotes By Dana Gould", "numberOfItems": 13, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-don-t-really-like-myself-but-i-m-way-into-me-physically/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/dana-gould-1290_like_i-don-t-really-like-myself-but-i-m-way-i_1691926.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/dana-gould-1290_like_i-don-t-really-like-myself-but-i-m-way-i_1691926.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/248/dana-gould-1290_like_i-don-t-really-like-myself-but-i-m-way-i_1691926.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/a-great-way-to-be-left-alone-on-the-subway-is-to-appear-to-be-deep-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/923/dana-gould-1290_communication_a-great-way-to-be-left-alone-on-the-subw_1878179.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/923/dana-gould-1290_communication_a-great-way-to-be-left-alone-on-the-subw_1878179.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/923/dana-gould-1290_communication_a-great-way-to-be-left-alone-on-the-subw_1878179.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/we-would-have-never-gotten-mace-had-someone-not-thought-there-must-be/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a63/dana-gould-1290_burn_we-would-have-never-gotten-mace-had-some_1614468.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a63/dana-gould-1290_burn_we-would-have-never-gotten-mace-had-some_1614468.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a63/dana-gould-1290_burn_we-would-have-never-gotten-mace-had-some_1614468.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. 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I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't take this the wrong way, uh. I don't mean to be weird and I'm not trying to be creepy, but the building's on fire.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/i-m-so-weird-with-women-i-couldn-t-go-up-to-a-gorgeous-woman-and-tell/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/dana-gould-1290_building_i-m-so-weird-with-women-i-couldn-t-go-up_620328.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/dana-gould-1290_building_i-m-so-weird-with-women-i-couldn-t-go-up_620328.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/97c/dana-gould-1290_building_i-m-so-weird-with-women-i-couldn-t-go-up_620328.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'm so weird with women. I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't…” — Dana Gould", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dana Gould" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dana-gould/we-all-enter-this-world-in-the-same-way-naked-screaming-soaked-in/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3f/dana-gould-1290_blood_we-all-enter-this-world-in-the-same-way_3116871.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3f/dana-gould-1290_blood_we-all-enter-this-world-in-the-same-way_3116871.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c3f/dana-gould-1290_blood_we-all-enter-this-world-in-the-same-way_3116871.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. 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