--- title: "14 Wanted Quotes By Mitch Hedberg" description: "14 Wanted quotes by Mitch Hedberg. Plus more from Mitch Hedberg and more Wanted sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/215/mitch-hedberg-695_fillers_i-ve-always-wanted-to-have-a-suitcase-ha_1659221.png" --- > [I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-ve-always-wanted-to-have-a-suitcase-handcuffed-to-my-wrist-that-s/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/215/mitch-hedberg-695_fillers_i-ve-always-wanted-to-have-a-suitcase-ha_1659221.png) > [I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-drank-some-boiling-water-because-i-wanted-to-whistle/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aff/mitch-hedberg-695_boiling_i-drank-some-boiling-water-because-i-wan_56355.png) > [I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-wanted-to-buy-a-candle-holder-but-the-store-didn-t-have-one-so-i/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/34b/mitch-hedberg-695_birthday_i-wanted-to-buy-a-candle-holder-but-the_2940842.png) > [I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-wanted-to-get-a-tape-recorder-but-i-got-a-parrot-instead-i-think-i/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dff/mitch-hedberg-695_backwards_i-wanted-to-get-a-tape-recorder-but-i-go_616787.png) > [I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-rented-a-car-i-didn-t-really-need-one-i-just-wanted-to-make-one/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bfb/mitch-hedberg-695_available_i-rented-a-car-i-didn-t-really-need-one_918032.png) > [I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity!…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-was-going-to-stay-overnight-at-my-friend-s-house-he-said-you-ll/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f0/mitch-hedberg-695_damn_i-was-going-to-stay-overnight-at-my-frie_2662813.png) > [My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/my-sister-wanted-to-be-an-actress-but-she-never-made-it-she-does-live/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/221/mitch-hedberg-695_actress_my-sister-wanted-to-be-an-actress-but-sh_2099430.png) > [I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-have-a-cheese-shredder-at-home-which-is-its-positive-name-they-don/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8db/mitch-hedberg-695_bits_i-have-a-cheese-shredder-at-home-which-i_2849621.png) > [If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/if-you-don-t-know-a-light-bulb-is-a-three-way-light-bulb-it-messes/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/mitch-hedberg-695_break_if-you-don-t-know-a-light-bulb-is-a-thre_2095505.jpg) > [I guess the one-liner kind of comic sounds like a guy who can talk and talk and whatever the subject is, he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-guess-the-one-liner-kind-of-comic-sounds-like-a-guy-who-can-talk/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/150/mitch-hedberg-695_association_i-guess-the-one-liner-kind-of-comic-soun_2327261.png) > [I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-had-an-apartment-and-i-had-a-neighbor-and-whenever-he-would-knock/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/mitch-hedberg-695_angry_i-had-an-apartment-and-i-had-a-neighbor_1966497.png) > [I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-wrote-a-letter-to-my-dad-i-wrote-i-really-enjoy-being-here-but-i/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/133/mitch-hedberg-695_dad_i-wrote-a-letter-to-my-dad-i-wrote-i-rea_2301971.png) > [I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wanted-to-tell-my-smokey-the/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bd/mitch-hedberg-695_asks_i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wa_1568042.png) > [Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/once-i-saw-a-duck-walking-down-the-street-so-i-went-into-subway-and/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bd/mitch-hedberg-695_bread_once-i-saw-a-duck-walking-down-the-stree_1845926.png) ## Other authors on Wanted ## More by Mitch Hedberg > [I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-wear-a-watch-because-i-want-my-arms-to-weigh-the-same-so-if/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/there-was-a-product-on-late-night-tv-that-you-could-attach-to-your/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/imagine-if-you-were-a-drummer-and-you-accidentally-picked-up-two/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-like-wearing-necklaces-because-it-lets-me-know-when-i-m-upside-down/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-m-sick-of-soup-of-the-day-man-it-s-time-we-make-a-decision-i-need/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-have-a-friend-who-is-a-juggler-if-i-m-at-his-house-i-don-t-like-to/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-get-the-regular-aids-test-anymore-i-get-the-roundabout-aids/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-know-how-to-fix-a-car-if-the-car-breaks-down-and-the-gas-tank/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-drank-some-boiling-water-because-i-wanted-to-whistle/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street...…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/what-s-a-sesame-seed-grow-into-i-don-t-know-we-never-give-them-a/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-m-an-ice-sculptor-last-night-i-made-a-cube/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-went-to-a-restaurant-with-my-friend-and-he-said-pass-the-salt-i/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-had-a-bag-of-fritos-they-were-texas-grilled-fritos-these-fritos-had/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-bought-a-house-it-s-a-two-bedroom-house-but-i-think-it-s-up-to-me/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/mr-pibb-is-a-poor-imitation-of-dr-pepper-dude-didn-t-even-get-his/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wanted/mitch-hedberg/#itemlist", "name": "14 Wanted Quotes By Mitch Hedberg", "numberOfItems": 14, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! 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You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-was-going-to-stay-overnight-at-my-friend-s-house-he-said-you-ll/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f0/mitch-hedberg-695_damn_i-was-going-to-stay-overnight-at-my-frie_2662813.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f0/mitch-hedberg-695_damn_i-was-going-to-stay-overnight-at-my-frie_2662813.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2f0/mitch-hedberg-695_damn_i-was-going-to-stay-overnight-at-my-frie_2662813.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, \"you'll have to sleep on the floor.\" Damn…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/my-sister-wanted-to-be-an-actress-but-she-never-made-it-she-does-live/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/221/mitch-hedberg-695_actress_my-sister-wanted-to-be-an-actress-but-sh_2099430.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/221/mitch-hedberg-695_actress_my-sister-wanted-to-be-an-actress-but-sh_2099430.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/221/mitch-hedberg-695_actress_my-sister-wanted-to-be-an-actress-but-sh_2099430.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-have-a-cheese-shredder-at-home-which-is-its-positive-name-they-don/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8db/mitch-hedberg-695_bits_i-have-a-cheese-shredder-at-home-which-i_2849621.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8db/mitch-hedberg-695_bits_i-have-a-cheese-shredder-at-home-which-i_2849621.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8db/mitch-hedberg-695_bits_i-have-a-cheese-shredder-at-home-which-i_2849621.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/if-you-don-t-know-a-light-bulb-is-a-three-way-light-bulb-it-messes/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/mitch-hedberg-695_break_if-you-don-t-know-a-light-bulb-is-a-thre_2095505.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/mitch-hedberg-695_break_if-you-don-t-know-a-light-bulb-is-a-thre_2095505.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a39/mitch-hedberg-695_break_if-you-don-t-know-a-light-bulb-is-a-thre_2095505.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I guess the one-liner kind of comic sounds like a guy who can talk and talk and whatever the subject is, he can pull out a one-liner, but I couldn't do that. I didn't like the association. I mean, I love Steven Wright, but so many people started saying \"Steven Wright\" to me, and I would get mad, because I never wanted to be thought of as copying anybody.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-guess-the-one-liner-kind-of-comic-sounds-like-a-guy-who-can-talk/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/150/mitch-hedberg-695_association_i-guess-the-one-liner-kind-of-comic-soun_2327261.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/150/mitch-hedberg-695_association_i-guess-the-one-liner-kind-of-comic-soun_2327261.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/150/mitch-hedberg-695_association_i-guess-the-one-liner-kind-of-comic-soun_2327261.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I guess the one-liner kind of comic sounds like a guy who can talk and talk and whatever the subject is, he…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say Go around I cannot open the wall I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-had-an-apartment-and-i-had-a-neighbor-and-whenever-he-would-knock/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/mitch-hedberg-695_angry_i-had-an-apartment-and-i-had-a-neighbor_1966497.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/mitch-hedberg-695_angry_i-had-an-apartment-and-i-had-a-neighbor_1966497.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a1e/mitch-hedberg-695_angry_i-had-an-apartment-and-i-had-a-neighbor_1966497.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, \"I really enjoy being here,\" but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I wrote, \"I rarely drive steamboats, Dad - there's a lot of stuff you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.\" This letter took a harsh turn right away.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-wrote-a-letter-to-my-dad-i-wrote-i-really-enjoy-being-here-but-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/133/mitch-hedberg-695_dad_i-wrote-a-letter-to-my-dad-i-wrote-i-rea_2301971.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/133/mitch-hedberg-695_dad_i-wrote-a-letter-to-my-dad-i-wrote-i-rea_2301971.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/133/mitch-hedberg-695_dad_i-wrote-a-letter-to-my-dad-i-wrote-i-rea_2301971.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I wrote a letter to my Dad - I wrote, \"I really enjoy being here,\" but I accidentally wrote rarely instead…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, \"Man, I better play dead!\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wanted-to-tell-my-smokey-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bd/mitch-hedberg-695_asks_i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wa_1568042.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bd/mitch-hedberg-695_asks_i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wa_1568042.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8bd/mitch-hedberg-695_asks_i-went-to-england-to-tell-jokes-and-i-wa_1568042.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care, it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mitch Hedberg" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/once-i-saw-a-duck-walking-down-the-street-so-i-went-into-subway-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bd/mitch-hedberg-695_bread_once-i-saw-a-duck-walking-down-the-stree_1845926.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bd/mitch-hedberg-695_bread_once-i-saw-a-duck-walking-down-the-stree_1845926.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1bd/mitch-hedberg-695_bread_once-i-saw-a-duck-walking-down-the-stree_1845926.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they…” — Mitch Hedberg", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wanted/mitch-hedberg/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wanted/mitch-hedberg/", "name": "Wanted Quotes by Mitch Hedberg", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wanted/mitch-hedberg/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/215/mitch-hedberg-695_fillers_i-ve-always-wanted-to-have-a-suitcase-ha_1659221.png" }, "description": "14 Wanted quotes by Mitch Hedberg. 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