--- title: "17 Want Quotes By Rita Rudner" description: "17 Want quotes by Rita Rudner. Plus more from Rita Rudner and more Want sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50d/rita-rudner-1679_gain-weight_men-who-can-eat-anything-they-want-and-n_2960560.png" --- > [Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-who-can-eat-anything-they-want-and-not-gain-weight-should-do-it/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50d/rita-rudner-1679_gain-weight_men-who-can-eat-anything-they-want-and-n_2960560.png) > [You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/you-know-it-s-love-when-you-want-to-keep-holding-hands-even-after-you/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59e/rita-rudner-1679_funny-love_you-know-it-s-love-when-you-want-to-keep_1912347.png) > [I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-don-t-want-to-push-the-envelope-let-the-envelope-stay-in-the-middle/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e3/rita-rudner-1679_envelope_i-don-t-want-to-push-the-envelope-let-th_1959353.png) > [I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-never-panic-when-i-get-lost-i-just-change-where-it-is-i-want-to-go/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/61d/rita-rudner-1679_change_i-never-panic-when-i-get-lost-i-just-cha_919466.png) > [If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-it-s-attention-you-want-don-t-get-involved-with-a-man-during-play/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/560/rita-rudner-1679_attention_if-it-s-attention-you-want-don-t-get-inv_538232.png) > [When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/when-men-break-up-they-want-to-remain-friends-why-why-can-t-they-just/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/339/rita-rudner-1679_break_when-men-break-up-they-want-to-remain-fr_1828213.png) > [I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-know-i-want-to-have-children-while-my-parents-are-still-young/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b8d/rita-rudner-1679_care_i-know-i-want-to-have-children-while-my_1510844.png) > [Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-who-consistently-leave-the-toilet-seat-up-secretly-want-women-to/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5f/rita-rudner-1679_bathroom_men-who-consistently-leave-the-toilet-se_230320.png) > [Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/nobody-is-really-happy-with-what-s-on-their-head-people-with-straight/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/303/rita-rudner-1679_blind_nobody-is-really-happy-with-what-s-on-th_245416.png) > [I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-want-to-have-children-but-my-friends-scare-me-one-of-my-friends/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1e6/rita-rudner-1679_children_i-want-to-have-children-but-my-friends-s_757666.jpg) > [I like whomever to come to my shows. I want people who want to see me to come see me. I don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-like-whomever-to-come-to-my-shows-i-want-people-who-want-to-see-me/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/63a/rita-rudner-1679_feels_i-like-whomever-to-come-to-my-shows-i-wa_341403.png) > [Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/marriages-don-t-last-when-i-meet-a-guy-the-first-question-i-ask/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/869/rita-rudner-1679_children_marriages-don-t-last-when-i-meet-a-guy-t_1982075.png) > [All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/all-men-are-afraid-of-eyelash-curlers-they-don-t-understand-them-and/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0d9/rita-rudner-1679_eyelashes_all-men-are-afraid-of-eyelash-curlers-th_2236795.png) > [I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-don-t-do-jewish-stuff-because-i-don-t-want-people-to-be-left-out-if/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c69/rita-rudner-1679_alabama_i-don-t-do-jewish-stuff-because-i-don-t_586980.png) > [I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-get-a-lot-of-return-business-i-think-it-s-all-those-years-i-put-in/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c0/rita-rudner-1679_business_i-get-a-lot-of-return-business-i-think-i_2580949.jpg) > [I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-want-to-have-young-children-although-my-mother-and-father-are-even/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7f/rita-rudner-1679_care_i-want-to-have-young-children-although-m_1308216.png) > [I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-was-going-with-someone-for-a-few-years-but-we-broke-up-it-was-one/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4af/rita-rudner-1679_broke_i-was-going-with-someone-for-a-few-years_2322143.png) ## Other authors on Want ## More by Rita Rudner > [I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-worry-about-las-vegas-schools-i-hear-in-math-they-only-teach-them/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/most-men-are-secretly-still-mad-at-their-mothers-for-throwing-away/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/going-out-to-eat-is-expensive-i-was-out-at-one-restaurant-and-they/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-are-very-confident-people-even-a-sixty-year-old-man-with-no-arms/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/envy-the-kangaroo-that-pouch-setup-is-extraordinary-the-baby-crawls/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/the-way-a-man-looks-at-himself-in-a-mirror-will-tell-you-if-he-can/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/they-usually-have-two-tellers-in-my-local-bank-except-when-it-s-very/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/when-you-re-a-dancer-you-start-with-the-basics-you-don-t-all-of-a/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [My Vegas act is how I make my money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/my-vegas-act-is-how-i-make-my-money/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-are-self-confident-because-they-grow-up-identifying-with-super/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/we-ve-begun-to-long-for-the-pitter-patter-of-little-feet-so-we-bought/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/life-is-broken-down-into-these-stages-you-re-born-and-you-don-t-know/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [We live in Los Angeles, where you are expected to move every two to four years, so people can see how well your career…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/we-live-in-los-angeles-where-you-are-expected-to-move-every-two-to/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/a-good-place-to-meet-a-man-is-at-the-dry-cleaner-these-men-usually/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) > [I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-have-been-doing-leg-lifts-faithfully-for-about-fifteen-years-and/) [Rita Rudner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-rudner/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want/rita-rudner/#itemlist", "name": "17 Want Quotes By Rita Rudner", "numberOfItems": 17, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/men-who-can-eat-anything-they-want-and-not-gain-weight-should-do-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50d/rita-rudner-1679_gain-weight_men-who-can-eat-anything-they-want-and-n_2960560.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50d/rita-rudner-1679_gain-weight_men-who-can-eat-anything-they-want-and-n_2960560.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50d/rita-rudner-1679_gain-weight_men-who-can-eat-anything-they-want-and-n_2960560.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're…” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/you-know-it-s-love-when-you-want-to-keep-holding-hands-even-after-you/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59e/rita-rudner-1679_funny-love_you-know-it-s-love-when-you-want-to-keep_1912347.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59e/rita-rudner-1679_funny-love_you-know-it-s-love-when-you-want-to-keep_1912347.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/59e/rita-rudner-1679_funny-love_you-know-it-s-love-when-you-want-to-keep_1912347.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/i-don-t-want-to-push-the-envelope-let-the-envelope-stay-in-the-middle/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e3/rita-rudner-1679_envelope_i-don-t-want-to-push-the-envelope-let-th_1959353.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e3/rita-rudner-1679_envelope_i-don-t-want-to-push-the-envelope-let-th_1959353.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e3/rita-rudner-1679_envelope_i-don-t-want-to-push-the-envelope-let-th_1959353.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. 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I just change where it is I want to go.” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/if-it-s-attention-you-want-don-t-get-involved-with-a-man-during-play/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/560/rita-rudner-1679_attention_if-it-s-attention-you-want-don-t-get-inv_538232.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/560/rita-rudner-1679_attention_if-it-s-attention-you-want-don-t-get-inv_538232.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/560/rita-rudner-1679_attention_if-it-s-attention-you-want-don-t-get-inv_538232.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/when-men-break-up-they-want-to-remain-friends-why-why-can-t-they-just/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/339/rita-rudner-1679_break_when-men-break-up-they-want-to-remain-fr_1828213.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/339/rita-rudner-1679_break_when-men-break-up-they-want-to-remain-fr_1828213.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/339/rita-rudner-1679_break_when-men-break-up-they-want-to-remain-fr_1828213.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? 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People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Rita Rudner" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-rudner/nobody-is-really-happy-with-what-s-on-their-head-people-with-straight/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/303/rita-rudner-1679_blind_nobody-is-really-happy-with-what-s-on-th_245416.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/303/rita-rudner-1679_blind_nobody-is-really-happy-with-what-s-on-th_245416.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/303/rita-rudner-1679_blind_nobody-is-really-happy-with-what-s-on-th_245416.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly…” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. 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I…” — Rita Rudner", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. 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