---
title: "10 Want Quotes By Phyllis Diller"
description: "10 Want quotes by Phyllis Diller. Plus more from Phyllis Diller and more Want sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/267/phyllis-diller-1622_believe-in-santa_christmas-is-a-time-when-everybody-wants_327086.png"
---

> [Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/christmas-is-a-time-when-everybody-wants-his-past-forgotten-and-his/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/267/phyllis-diller-1622_believe-in-santa_christmas-is-a-time-when-everybody-wants_327086.png)

> [If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-your-husband-wants-to-lick-the-beaters-on-the-mixer-shut-them-off/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/608/phyllis-diller-1622_giving_if-your-husband-wants-to-lick-the-beater_3187407.png)

> [I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-want-my-children-to-have-all-the-things-i-couldn-t-afford-then-i/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26e/phyllis-diller-1622_afford_i-want-my-children-to-have-all-the-thing_1525400.png)

> [You want to look younger... rent smaller children.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/you-want-to-look-younger-rent-smaller-children/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f01/phyllis-diller-1622_child_you-want-to-look-younger-rent-smaller-ch_894661.png)

> [I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-still-take-the-pill-i-don-t-want-any-more-grandchildren/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae0/phyllis-diller-1622_birth_i-still-take-the-pill-i-don-t-want-any-m_948152.png)

> [This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/this-woman-goes-into-a-gun-shop-and-says-i-want-to-buy-a-gun-for-my/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a0/phyllis-diller-1622_clerks_this-woman-goes-into-a-gun-shop-and-says_394465.png)

> [I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-don-t-want-to-sound-like-i-m-on-dope-but-that-hour-is-a-high-it-s/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92d/phyllis-diller-1622_dope_i-don-t-want-to-sound-like-i-m-on-dope-b_1470376.png)

> [When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/when-i-go-to-the-beach-my-grandchildren-try-to-make-words-out-of-the/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc5/phyllis-diller-1622_beach_when-i-go-to-the-beach-my-grandchildren_339866.jpg)

> [Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/once-my-husband-said-to-me-i-m-going-to-have-some-coffee-do-you-want/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ef/phyllis-diller-1622_birth_once-my-husband-said-to-me-i-m-going-to_1966814.jpg)

> [When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/when-you-play-spin-the-bottle-if-they-don-t-want-to-kiss-you-they/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b3/phyllis-diller-1622_bottles_when-you-play-spin-the-bottle-if-they-do_1533393.png)

## Other authors on Want

## More by Phyllis Diller

> [My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-mother-in-law-must-be-the-probation-officer-i-got-for-the-crime-i/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-don-t-know-how-you-feel-about-old-age-but-in-my-case-i-didn-t-even/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-it-weren-t-for-baseball-many-kids-wouldn-t-know-what-a-millionaire/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-m-the-only-woman-who-can-walk-in-central-park-at-night-and-reduce/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-was-the-world-s-ugliest-baby-when-i-was-born-the-doctor-slapped/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/by-far-the-most-common-craving-of-pregnant-women-is-not-to-be-pregnant/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/for-fang-getting-out-of-bed-in-the-morning-is-a-career-move/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/women-want-men-careers-money-children-friends-luxury-comfort/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/i-admit-i-have-a-tremendous-sex-drive-my-boyfriend-lives-forty-miles/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/the-reason-women-don-t-play-football-is-because-11-of-them-would/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/if-you-don-t-have-wrinkles-you-haven-t-laughed-enough/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [“A smile is a curve that sets things right.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/a-smile-is-a-curve-that-sets-things-right/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/every-time-i-go-near-the-stove-the-dog-howls/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/some-wives-have-model-husbands-i-got-one-that-needed-remodeling/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

> [My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phyllis-diller/my-idea-of-exercise-is-a-good-brisk-sit/)

[Phyllis Diller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phyllis-diller/)

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