--- title: "20 Want Quotes By Lewis Black" description: "20 Want quotes by Lewis Black. Plus more from Lewis Black and more Want sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/758/lewis-black-1143_business_you-don-t-want-another-enron-here-s-your_3160097.png" --- > [You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/you-don-t-want-another-enron-here-s-your-law-if-a-company-can-t/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/758/lewis-black-1143_business_you-don-t-want-another-enron-here-s-your_3160097.png) > [I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-do-have-certain-feelings-my-feeling-is-that-whoever-is-in-charge-i/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4a4/lewis-black-1143_certain_i-do-have-certain-feelings-my-feeling-is_2743431.png) > [If you want to get an audience quiet, just say "abortion" and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-want-to-get-an-audience-quiet-just-say-abortion-and-everybody/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a2/lewis-black-1143_abortion_if-you-want-to-get-an-audience-quiet-jus_1305500.png) > [I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-ve-always-been-a-social-network-retard-even-before-there-was-a/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bff/lewis-black-1143_networking_i-ve-always-been-a-social-network-retard_1325150.png) > [When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/when-a-country-wants-television-more-than-they-want-clean-water-they/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/901/lewis-black-1143_clean_when-a-country-wants-television-more-tha_1701642.png) > [If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-stop-eating-donutes-you-will-live-3-years-longer-it-s-just-3/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f56/lewis-black-1143_donut_if-you-stop-eating-donutes-you-will-live_2512778.png) > [If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-the-people-of-new-zealand-want-to-be-part-of-our-world-i-believe/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d2f/lewis-black-1143_australia_if-the-people-of-new-zealand-want-to-be_1736378.png) > [If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-re-going-to-pick-a-book-and-you-want-to-base-a-system-of/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/591/lewis-black-1143_book_if-you-re-going-to-pick-a-book-and-you-w_111296.png) > [What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/what-i-ve-found-in-my-career-is-that-70-to-75-percent-of-comics-are/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/914/lewis-black-1143_careers_what-i-ve-found-in-my-career-is-that-70_289498.png) > [The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/the-thing-that-makes-my-generation-the-greatest-is-our-ability-to/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd9/lewis-black-1143_ability_the-thing-that-makes-my-generation-the-g_1469428.png) > [One of the most important things, especially when you're leaving school, is to realize you're going to be dealing with a lot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/one-of-the-most-important-things-especially-when-you-re-leaving/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fe6/lewis-black-1143_idiot_one-of-the-most-important-things-especia_2125908.png) > [You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/you-want-to-know-what-it-s-like-to-be-on-a-plane-for-22-hours-sit-in/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/784/lewis-black-1143_air_you-want-to-know-what-it-s-like-to-be-on_2606315.png) > [These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/these-ballot-initiatives-remind-us-that-america-is-the-land-where/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b9/lewis-black-1143_america_these-ballot-initiatives-remind-us-that_1536883.png) > [Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. It is the only secret to happiness that I know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/pursue-whatever-it-is-that-you-want-to-do-with-your-life-it-is-the/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/lewis-black-1143_being-true_pursue-whatever-it-is-that-you-want-to-d_264824.png) > [It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/it-s-a-big-thing-now-a-lot-of-people-want-to-be-assistants-to/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/727/lewis-black-1143_assistants_it-s-a-big-thing-now-a-lot-of-people-wan_1771541.png) > [I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-went-to-new-zealand-this-year-and-whew-man-i-know-a-lot-of-people/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/lewis-black-1143_australia_i-went-to-new-zealand-this-year-and-whew_3053801.png) > [I don't care who wins because I go to sporting events to scream. It's the one place on the planet you can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-don-t-care-who-wins-because-i-go-to-sporting-events-to-scream-it-s/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/66f/lewis-black-1143_bother_i-don-t-care-who-wins-because-i-go-to-sp_1831132.png) > [I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-d-like-the-campaigning-to-be-about-all-the-things-they-re-not-going/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ea/lewis-black-1143_able_i-d-like-the-campaigning-to-be-about-all_179303.jpg) > [If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-really-think-there-s-a-santa-why-don-t-you-sit-on-the-front/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e2/lewis-black-1143_chimneys_if-you-really-think-there-s-a-santa-why_850238.png) > [ \[The Weather Channel\] is the most watched cable channel in America. I'll repeat that. It is the most watched cable channel in… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/the-weather-channel-is-the-most-watched-cable-channel-in-america-i-ll/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/lewis-black-1143_america_the-weather-channel-is-the-most-watched_2201685.jpg) ## Other authors on Want ## More by Lewis Black > [I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-think-one-reason-people-play-golf-is-it-allows-them-to-obsess-about/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-re-going-to-vote-for-somebody-because-you-think-they-have-a/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-think-that-i-don-t-panic-as-much-as-the-folks-on-the-left-or-the/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-noticed-but-our-two-party-system-is-a-bowl-of/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/these-ballot-initiatives-against-same-sex-marriage-remind-us-that/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-re-going-to-pick-a-book-and-you-want-to-base-a-system-of/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/no-matter-what-your-parents-are-going-to-worry-about-you-i-had-a-tour/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-m-always-amazed-when-i-hear-people-saying-that-george-bush-he-s-a/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-knew-that-i-d-lived-in-new-york-too-long-when-a-few-years-ago-i-was/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/if-you-re-seeing-a-psychiatrist-you-re-wasting-money-because-all-you/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/well-first-of-all-i-d-just-like-to-say-that-2005-was-a-great-year-if/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-d-like-the-campaigning-to-be-about-all-the-things-they-re-not-going/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/all-food-is-comfort-food-maybe-i-just-like-to-chew/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/johnny-vassilaros-is-the-man-who-has-created-the-finest-cup-of-coffee/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) > [“At seven p.m., hope is sparked again when some new chirpy airline employee announces that a new plane without that nasty mechanical problem -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/at-seven-p-m-hope-is-sparked-again-when-some-new-chirpy-airline/) [Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-black/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want/lewis-black/#itemlist", "name": "20 Want Quotes By Lewis Black", "numberOfItems": 20, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You don't want another Enron? 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People would say, \"You want to go to this party and do some networking?\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-ve-always-been-a-social-network-retard-even-before-there-was-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bff/lewis-black-1143_networking_i-ve-always-been-a-social-network-retard_1325150.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bff/lewis-black-1143_networking_i-ve-always-been-a-social-network-retard_1325150.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bff/lewis-black-1143_networking_i-ve-always-been-a-social-network-retard_1325150.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. 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I don't want to deal with that group.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/what-i-ve-found-in-my-career-is-that-70-to-75-percent-of-comics-are/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/914/lewis-black-1143_careers_what-i-ve-found-in-my-career-is-that-70_289498.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/914/lewis-black-1143_careers_what-i-ve-found-in-my-career-is-that-70_289498.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/914/lewis-black-1143_careers_what-i-ve-found-in-my-career-is-that-70_289498.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. 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If you…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "One of the most important things, especially when you're leaving school, is to realize you're going to be dealing with a lot of idiots. 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It is the only secret to happiness that I know except for maybe true love, that and maybe having the amazing health insurance plan that our congressmen have.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/pursue-whatever-it-is-that-you-want-to-do-with-your-life-it-is-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/lewis-black-1143_being-true_pursue-whatever-it-is-that-you-want-to-d_264824.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/lewis-black-1143_being-true_pursue-whatever-it-is-that-you-want-to-d_264824.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/lewis-black-1143_being-true_pursue-whatever-it-is-that-you-want-to-d_264824.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. 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So, if you have the opportunity, don't.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-went-to-new-zealand-this-year-and-whew-man-i-know-a-lot-of-people/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/lewis-black-1143_australia_i-went-to-new-zealand-this-year-and-whew_3053801.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/lewis-black-1143_australia_i-went-to-new-zealand-this-year-and-whew_3053801.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/lewis-black-1143_australia_i-went-to-new-zealand-this-year-and-whew_3053801.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. 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It's the one place on the planet you can…” — Lewis Black", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't tell me what you're going to do. Just say \"I'd really like to do solar energy but I'm not going to be able to. I really want to dig holes everywhere in the country but I really won't be able to do it because people seem to think that maybe my water will be screwed up.\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/i-d-like-the-campaigning-to-be-about-all-the-things-they-re-not-going/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ea/lewis-black-1143_able_i-d-like-the-campaigning-to-be-about-all_179303.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ea/lewis-black-1143_able_i-d-like-the-campaigning-to-be-about-all_179303.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ea/lewis-black-1143_able_i-d-like-the-campaigning-to-be-about-all_179303.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. 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I'll repeat that. It is the most watched cable channel in America. They were worried about the terrorists immobilizing us, and a portion of our countrymen watch weather. 'Kay, you don't get any more immobile than that... unless you're in a goddamn coma. That means you're saying, \"I'd go to the window, but it's too far.\" If you want to know what the weather is you go to a window and stick your hand out and if you want to know what the temperature is you drive by a bank.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis Black" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-black/the-weather-channel-is-the-most-watched-cable-channel-in-america-i-ll/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/lewis-black-1143_america_the-weather-channel-is-the-most-watched_2201685.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/lewis-black-1143_america_the-weather-channel-is-the-most-watched_2201685.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/356/lewis-black-1143_america_the-weather-channel-is-the-most-watched_2201685.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“[The Weather Channel] is the most watched cable channel in America. I'll repeat that. 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