---
title: "31 Want Quotes By Demetri Martin"
description: "31 Want quotes by Demetri Martin. Plus more from Demetri Martin and more Want sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aed/demetri-martin-511_stranger_don-t-talk-to-strangers-sure-unless-you_1446313.jpg"
---

> [Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/don-t-talk-to-strangers-sure-unless-you-want-to-meet-anyone-ever/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aed/demetri-martin-511_stranger_don-t-talk-to-strangers-sure-unless-you_1446313.jpg)

> [As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/as-a-creative-person-you-want-to-have-a-foothold-and-sense-of-progress/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7dd/demetri-martin-511_creative_as-a-creative-person-you-want-to-have-a_1700285.jpg)

> [When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-shows-you-a-picture-of-their-kids-what-they-don-t-want/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/adb/demetri-martin-511_children_when-someone-shows-you-a-picture-of-thei_1350187.jpg)

> [My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/my-friend-named-his-car-and-i-don-t-want-to-be-judgemental-but-what-a/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/87d/demetri-martin-511_car_my-friend-named-his-car-and-i-don-t-want_1314872.jpg)

> [I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wear-dark-sunglasses-when-i-want-my-head-to-look-more-like-a/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bc/demetri-martin-511_dark_i-wear-dark-sunglasses-when-i-want-my-he_2350717.jpg)

> [If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-want-to-feel-less-sexy-put-scotch-tape-on-your-nipples/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/713/demetri-martin-511_feels_if-you-want-to-feel-less-sexy-put-scotch_278227.jpg)

> [Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/cottonballs-are-an-example-of-something-i-d-want-to-buy-but-not-have/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a4d/demetri-martin-511_example_cottonballs-are-an-example-of-something_1713225.jpg)

> [I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-have-fun-acting-and-i-want-to-do-more-of-it-and-i-want-to-direct-my/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/480/demetri-martin-511_acting_i-have-fun-acting-and-i-want-to-do-more_3204423.jpg)

> [I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-ve-met-a-few-people-who-were-passive-aggressive-but-i-ve-never-met/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a5/demetri-martin-511_aggressive_i-ve-met-a-few-people-who-were-passive-a_2303556.jpg)

> [If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-want-to-make-a-mythical-creature-just-take-a-regular-animal/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7f6/demetri-martin-511_add_if-you-want-to-make-a-mythical-creature_1586099.jpg)

> [Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/cotton-balls-is-an-example-of-something-i-would-buy-but-not-want-to/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/171/demetri-martin-511_ass_cotton-balls-is-an-example-of-something_3071816.jpg)

> [I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-wrapped-my-christmas-presents-early-this-year-but-i-used-the-wrong/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/demetri-martin-511_birthday_i-wrapped-my-christmas-presents-early-th_1830549.jpg)

> [“Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/fact-the-plastic-knife-is-perfect-for-when-a-person-just-wants-to/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/099/demetri-martin-511_food_fact-the-plastic-knife-is-perfect-for-wh_741172.jpg)

> [I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-want-to-get-the-joke-to-work-without-having-to-put-any-words-or-to/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b60/demetri-martin-511_brain_i-want-to-get-the-joke-to-work-without-h_1519706.jpg)

> [Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/man-is-the-most-powerful-creature-on-the-planet-and-we-re-arrogant-i/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/649/demetri-martin-511_animals_man-is-the-most-powerful-creature-on-the_362870.jpg)

> [There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-and-there-s-sort-of-a-rough/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78d/demetri-martin-511_audience_there-are-jokes-i-know-i-want-to-tell-an_3023221.jpg)

> [I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-set-a-personal-record-on-christmas-i-got-my-shopping-done-three/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30f/demetri-martin-511_ahead-of-time_i-set-a-personal-record-on-christmas-i-g_2297865.jpg)

> [I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-stand-up-but-i-d-also-like-a-family-and-house-and-a-yard-i/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/49a/demetri-martin-511_also_i-like-stand-up-but-i-d-also-like-a-fami_561421.jpg)

> [I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-of-famous-pizzerias-in-my/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce0/demetri-martin-511_delicious_i-live-in-new-york-and-there-are-a-lot-o_1064201.jpg)

> [Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/laborers-want-their-kids-to-be-merchants-or-business-people-business/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a20/demetri-martin-511_art_laborers-want-their-kids-to-be-merchants_373243.jpg)

> [I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-video-games-but-they-are-very-violent-i-want-to-create-a-video/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f03/demetri-martin-511_busy_i-like-video-games-but-they-are-very-vio_548414.jpg)

> [When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-asks-you-the-question-are-you-ticklish-it-doesn-t-matter/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/338/demetri-martin-511_asks_when-someone-asks-you-the-question-are-y_630265.jpg)

> [Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someone-s-attention-i-ll-start-a/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7eb/demetri-martin-511_attention_sometimes-if-i-really-want-to-get-someon_1226330.jpg)

> [A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-musical-is-the-same-as-a-burlap-sack-i-would-not-want-to-be-in/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/324/demetri-martin-511_burlap_a-musical-is-the-same-as-a-burlap-sack-i_139301.jpg)

> [Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/don-t-forget-to-turn-your-clocks-back-today-if-you-don-t-want-your/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0fb/demetri-martin-511_clock_don-t-forget-to-turn-your-clocks-back-to_1641833.jpg)

> [I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-don-t-want-to-be-my-own-boss-i-want-to-be-my-own-colleague/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/29b/demetri-martin-511_boss_i-don-t-want-to-be-my-own-boss-i-want-to_1547814.jpg)

> [If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-want-to-dry-hump-someone-you-don-t-know-just-act-like-they/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/165/demetri-martin-511_choke_if-you-want-to-dry-hump-someone-you-don_505399.jpg)

> [I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-want-to-commit-a-crime-during-a-reenactment-and-turn-it-into-an/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f70/demetri-martin-511_commit_i-want-to-commit-a-crime-during-a-reenac_2736808.jpg)

> [I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-want-to-make-a-revolving-door-that-says-pull-on-it-just-see-how/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/46e/demetri-martin-511_doors_i-want-to-make-a-revolving-door-that-say_254293.jpg)

> [I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-want-to-launch-a-globe-into-space-just-to-mess-with-the-astronauts/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a41/demetri-martin-511_astronaut_i-want-to-launch-a-globe-into-space-just_2265378.jpg)

> [When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-i-trip-i-feel-like-that-s-the-world-saying-come-here-for-a/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/demetri-martin-511_come_when-i-trip-i-feel-like-that-s-the-world_2361084.jpg)

## Other authors on Want

## More by Demetri Martin

> [I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-hair-gel-was-invented-to-make-it-easier-to-identify-assholes/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/tic-tacs-are-the-maracas-of-breath-mints/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/when-someone-describes-themself-as-a-taxpayer-they-re-about-to-be-an/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I think they named the orange before the carrot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-they-named-the-orange-before-the-carrot/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-like-to-go-to-concerts-because-i-love-to-see-my-favorite-band/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/how-fast-does-a-zebra-have-to-run-before-it-looks-gray/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/skiing-is-my-favorite-sport-because-that-s-the-only-sport-that-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/never-be-less-interesting-than-your-refrigerator-magnets/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-bought-a-cactus-a-week-later-it-died-and-i-got-depressed-because-i/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/a-wednesday-with-no-rain-is-a-dry-hump-day/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/thing-to-try-if-you-are-asked-to-describe-a-suspect-to-a-police/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/if-you-happen-to-catch-on-fire-during-the-show-do-not-panic-or-wave/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/they-say-that-structure-is-freedom-and-in-a-sense-it-is-when-you-re/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

> [I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-think-my-favorite-sound-is-the-sound-of-someone-not-playing-the/)

[Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/)

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                        "text": "If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.",
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                        "text": "Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and want to have as a nickname. 'Are you Cinnamon Buns?' 'You bet your sweet ass I am.'",
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                        "text": "“Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.”",
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                        "text": "Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.",
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                        "text": "There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring.",
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                        "text": "I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.",
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                        "text": "I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues; and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.",
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                        "text": "Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, \"I'm not racist, but...\" I say, \"I'm not racist, but you look great today.\" They say, \"That wasn't racist at all.\" I said, \"I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.\"",
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                        "text": "Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.",
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                        "text": "When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.",
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