--- title: "15 Want Quotes By Craig Ferguson" description: "15 Want quotes by Craig Ferguson. Plus more from Craig Ferguson and more Want sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee0/craig-ferguson-664_allegiance_i-love-the-united-states-i-have-applied_2690533.png" --- > [I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-love-the-united-states-i-have-applied-for-citizenship-i-want-to/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee0/craig-ferguson-664_allegiance_i-love-the-united-states-i-have-applied_2690533.png) > [Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/don-t-ever-rope-me-in-as-a-late-night-talk-show-host-i-don-t-want-to/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3f9/craig-ferguson-664_host_don-t-ever-rope-me-in-as-a-late-night-ta_2168145.png) > [At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/at-cbs-i-m-in-your-house-i-m-mindful-of-that-when-i-do-standup-you-re/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06a/craig-ferguson-664_home_at-cbs-i-m-in-your-house-i-m-mindful-of_1479654.png) > [Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of-the-campaign-i-need-rick/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png) > [If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/if-i-start-giving-people-what-they-like-i-ll-turn-into-one-of-them/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8d9/craig-ferguson-664_giving_if-i-start-giving-people-what-they-like_1270717.png) > [That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/that-s-the-thing-about-terrorism-it-works-especially-for-the/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/craig-ferguson-664_damn_that-s-the-thing-about-terrorism-it-work_592612.png) > [Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/ocean-s-13-is-all-about-cool-people-having-a-good-time-and-who-doesn/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a9/craig-ferguson-664_causes_ocean-s-13-is-all-about-cool-people-havi_2160927.png) > [During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/during-the-cold-war-west-berlin-was-an-exclave-a-tiny-outpost-of/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/94e/craig-ferguson-664_austin_during-the-cold-war-west-berlin-was-an-e_2597976.png) > [Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/director-oliver-stone-says-he-s-going-to-make-a-movie-about-vladimir/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a2/craig-ferguson-664_believe_director-oliver-stone-says-he-s-going-to_2614689.png) > [I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-used-to-psych-myself-up-before-the-show-and-now-i-do-the-complete/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd2/craig-ferguson-664_complete-opposites_i-used-to-psych-myself-up-before-the-sho_1821227.jpg) > [The Danes are causing a bit of trouble. The kingdom of Denmark claimed the North Pole as their own. Hey, you can't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-danes-are-causing-a-bit-of-trouble-the-kingdom-of-denmark-claimed/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fca/craig-ferguson-664_bits_the-danes-are-causing-a-bit-of-trouble-t_248872.png) > [I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-don-t-like-the-whole-blowing-the-candles-out-ritual-blowing-their/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/57c/craig-ferguson-664_birthday_i-don-t-like-the-whole-blowing-the-candl_2940128.jpg) > [Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/donald-trump-showed-his-birth-certificate-to-reporters-who-cares/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/craig-ferguson-664_birth_donald-trump-showed-his-birth-certificat_3233112.jpg) > [BP CEO Tony Hayward said recently, 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. I'd like my life back.' Tony,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/bp-ceo-tony-hayward-said-recently-no-one-wants-this-thing-over-more/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/craig-ferguson-664_ceo_bp-ceo-tony-hayward-said-recently-no-one_2400422.png) > [I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-don-t-want-to-be-poor-i-don-t-want-to-be-rich-to-the-extent-that/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/05d/craig-ferguson-664_ambition_i-don-t-want-to-be-poor-i-don-t-want-to_1669928.jpg) ## Other authors on Want ## More by Craig Ferguson > [“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-was-ambitious-and-desperate-to-direct-my-first-film-so-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/sometimes-people-think-you-re-smart-if-you-question-the-status-quo-if/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/sober-alkies-are-often-asked-when-did-you-hit-rock-bottom-but-a-more/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/remember-the-band-flock-of-seagulls-they-had-their-van-stolen-i-was/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/people-spend-thousands-of-dollars-trying-to-keep-their-teeth-straight/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [Whoever I had become had to die.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/whoever-i-had-become-had-to-die/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/my-pilot-s-license-i-m-proud-of-that/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/people-are-saying-that-anderson-cooper-could-be-the-new-oprah-and/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-think-comedy-comes-more-from-a-low-sense-of-self-esteem-and-i/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-m-so-excited-about-the-new-ipad-i-just-ipeed-my-ipants/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/for-my-birthday-that-year-anne-gave-me-an-inflatable-atlas-globe/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/114-isn-t-as-old-as-it-used-to-be-they-say-its-the-new-104/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-have-to-do-a-show-which-is-of-interest-to-me-or-else-i-m-lost/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-first-ads-for-medical-marijuana-have-started-airing-on-television/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) > [I wanted to be a rock star.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-wanted-to-be-a-rock-star/) [Craig Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-ferguson/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want/craig-ferguson/#itemlist", "name": "15 Want Quotes By Craig Ferguson", "numberOfItems": 15, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. 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When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/at-cbs-i-m-in-your-house-i-m-mindful-of-that-when-i-do-standup-you-re/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06a/craig-ferguson-664_home_at-cbs-i-m-in-your-house-i-m-mindful-of_1479654.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06a/craig-ferguson-664_home_at-cbs-i-m-in-your-house-i-m-mindful-of_1479654.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06a/craig-ferguson-664_home_at-cbs-i-m-in-your-house-i-m-mindful-of_1479654.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. 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I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of-the-campaign-i-need-rick/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e2/craig-ferguson-664_campaigns_personally-i-hope-he-doesn-t-get-out-of_587194.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. 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Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/that-s-the-thing-about-terrorism-it-works-especially-for-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/craig-ferguson-664_damn_that-s-the-thing-about-terrorism-it-work_592612.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/craig-ferguson-664_damn_that-s-the-thing-about-terrorism-it-work_592612.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b71/craig-ferguson-664_damn_that-s-the-thing-about-terrorism-it-work_592612.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“That's the thing about terrorism - it works. 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Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/ocean-s-13-is-all-about-cool-people-having-a-good-time-and-who-doesn/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a9/craig-ferguson-664_causes_ocean-s-13-is-all-about-cool-people-havi_2160927.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a9/craig-ferguson-664_causes_ocean-s-13-is-all-about-cool-people-havi_2160927.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7a9/craig-ferguson-664_causes_ocean-s-13-is-all-about-cool-people-havi_2160927.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/during-the-cold-war-west-berlin-was-an-exclave-a-tiny-outpost-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/94e/craig-ferguson-664_austin_during-the-cold-war-west-berlin-was-an-e_2597976.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/94e/craig-ferguson-664_austin_during-the-cold-war-west-berlin-was-an-e_2597976.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/94e/craig-ferguson-664_austin_during-the-cold-war-west-berlin-was-an-e_2597976.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with that insane communist. And Putin is a little crazy as well.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/director-oliver-stone-says-he-s-going-to-make-a-movie-about-vladimir/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a2/craig-ferguson-664_believe_director-oliver-stone-says-he-s-going-to_2614689.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a2/craig-ferguson-664_believe_director-oliver-stone-says-he-s-going-to_2614689.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a2/craig-ferguson-664_believe_director-oliver-stone-says-he-s-going-to_2614689.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/i-used-to-psych-myself-up-before-the-show-and-now-i-do-the-complete/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd2/craig-ferguson-664_complete-opposites_i-used-to-psych-myself-up-before-the-sho_1821227.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd2/craig-ferguson-664_complete-opposites_i-used-to-psych-myself-up-before-the-sho_1821227.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dd2/craig-ferguson-664_complete-opposites_i-used-to-psych-myself-up-before-the-sho_1821227.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's…” — Craig Ferguson", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The Danes are causing a bit of trouble. The kingdom of Denmark claimed the North Pole as their own. Hey, you can't just reach out and take something if you want it, Denmark. That's Russia's job.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/the-danes-are-causing-a-bit-of-trouble-the-kingdom-of-denmark-claimed/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fca/craig-ferguson-664_bits_the-danes-are-causing-a-bit-of-trouble-t_248872.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fca/craig-ferguson-664_bits_the-danes-are-causing-a-bit-of-trouble-t_248872.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fca/craig-ferguson-664_bits_the-danes-are-causing-a-bit-of-trouble-t_248872.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Danes are causing a bit of trouble. The kingdom of Denmark claimed the North Pole as their own. 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I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that too and make me clean it up.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Craig Ferguson" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-ferguson/bp-ceo-tony-hayward-said-recently-no-one-wants-this-thing-over-more/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/craig-ferguson-664_ceo_bp-ceo-tony-hayward-said-recently-no-one_2400422.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/craig-ferguson-664_ceo_bp-ceo-tony-hayward-said-recently-no-one_2400422.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/craig-ferguson-664_ceo_bp-ceo-tony-hayward-said-recently-no-one_2400422.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“BP CEO Tony Hayward said recently, 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. 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