---
title: "17 Want Quotes By Anthony Jeselnik"
description: "17 Want quotes by Anthony Jeselnik. Plus more from Anthony Jeselnik and more Want sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/anthony-jeselnik-1838_comedian_i-m-not-a-comedy-writer-i-m-a-comedian-s_2386226.png"
---

> [I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-m-not-a-comedy-writer-i-m-a-comedian-so-i-only-write-stuff-that-i/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/anthony-jeselnik-1838_comedian_i-m-not-a-comedy-writer-i-m-a-comedian-s_2386226.png)

> [When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/when-i-die-i-want-to-be-cremated-with-everybody/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/795/anthony-jeselnik-1838_dies_when-i-die-i-want-to-be-cremated-with-ev_503621.png)

> [My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/my-girlfriend-makes-me-want-to-be-a-better-person-so-i-can-get-a/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f8f/anthony-jeselnik-1838_being-a-better-perso_my-girlfriend-makes-me-want-to-be-a-bett_2175040.png)

> [I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-want-to-get-a-tattoo-of-the-word-irony-only-misspelled/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b7/anthony-jeselnik-1838_irony_i-want-to-get-a-tattoo-of-the-word-irony_678925.png)

> [I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-don-t-want-to-wake-up-with-cops-surrounding-my-bed-tonight/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/436/anthony-jeselnik-1838_bed_i-don-t-want-to-wake-up-with-cops-surrou_367567.png)

> [I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-was-always-fascinated-by-forbidden-things-people-didn-t-want-to/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aba/anthony-jeselnik-1838_death_i-was-always-fascinated-by-forbidden-thi_1213397.png)

> [I don't ever want to have kids of my own. But I do want a lot of kids.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-don-t-ever-want-to-have-kids-of-my-own-but-i-do-want-a-lot-of-kids/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d23/anthony-jeselnik-1838_children_i-don-t-ever-want-to-have-kids-of-my-own_2793756.png)

> [I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-want-to-marry-the-kind-of-girl-that-walks-out-of-an-abortion-clinic/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed8/anthony-jeselnik-1838_abortion_i-want-to-marry-the-kind-of-girl-that-wa_2117692.png)

> [My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/my-sister-is-going-to-have-a-simple-wedding-just-immediate-family-and/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/260/anthony-jeselnik-1838_family_my-sister-is-going-to-have-a-simple-wedd_806154.png)

> [My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/my-girlfriend-wants-an-open-relationship-i-said-no-way-what-kind-of/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d6e/anthony-jeselnik-1838_date_my-girlfriend-wants-an-open-relationship_1228379.png)

> [My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/my-ultimate-goal-is-to-do-whatever-i-want-whenever-i-want-to-do-it/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bb1/anthony-jeselnik-1838_goal_my-ultimate-goal-is-to-do-whatever-i-wan_1056493.jpg)

> [It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/it-was-important-to-me-to-be-cool-as-a-comedian-i-didn-t-want-to-be-a/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd6/anthony-jeselnik-1838_audience_it-was-important-to-me-to-be-cool-as-a-c_1680502.png)

> [I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-want-people-to-just-be-paying-attention-even-if-they-re-not/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e23/anthony-jeselnik-1838_attention_i-want-people-to-just-be-paying-attentio_14579.jpg)

> [I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-that-need-in-me-i-want-everyone-to-love-me-but-i-m-embarrassed/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/980/anthony-jeselnik-1838_able_i-have-that-need-in-me-i-want-everyone-t_1356.jpg)

> [Yeah we're not together anymore. She has got - she has got a new boyfriend now. They just moved into together. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/yeah-we-re-not-together-anymore-she-has-got-she-has-got-a-new/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/75c/anthony-jeselnik-1838_abusive_yeah-we-re-not-together-anymore-she-has_2609740.png)

> [A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/a-couple-of-months-ago-i-gave-my-girlfriend-some-fancy-lingerie-and/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c7/anthony-jeselnik-1838_couple_a-couple-of-months-ago-i-gave-my-girlfri_1914078.jpg)

> [Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/do-whatever-you-want-to-do-whenever-you-want-to-do-it/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6fc/anthony-jeselnik-1838_ability_do-whatever-you-want-to-do-whenever-you_1439062.png)

## Other authors on Want

## More by Anthony Jeselnik

> [I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-that-need-in-me-i-want-everyone-to-love-me-but-i-m-embarrassed/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-want-people-to-just-be-paying-attention-even-if-they-re-not/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-a-twelve-year-old-sex-doll-brand-new/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/perhaps-i-m-being-too-optimistic-but-i-think-this-country-is-finally/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/father-s-day-makes-me-wish-i-could-talk-to-my-dad-just-one-more-time/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/about-a-year-after-i-moved-to-los-angeles-i-decided-i-wanted-to-be-a/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/when-i-was-little-i-would-burn-ants-with-a-magnifying-glass-but-now/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-m-fascinated-by-offensive-subject-matter-always-have-been-it-is/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-got-into-comedy-because-i-wanted-to-get-into-writing/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-actually-never-acted-on-deadwood-i-have-meetings-all-the-time-where/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-was-a-weird-kid-because-i-liked-to-be-alone-but-i-craved-attention/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-know-her-in-the-biblical-senseand-when-i-say-that-i-mean-i-don-t/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-love-pittsburgh-most-of-my-family-still-lives-there-and-i-try-to/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-think-brilliant-stuff-comes-out-of-working-with-limitations-one/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

> [I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-love-anyone-who-surprises-me-and-makes-me-laugh/)

[Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/)

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