---
title: "13 Used Quotes By Steven Wright"
description: "13 Used quotes by Steven Wright. Plus more from Steven Wright and more Used sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6cc/steven-wright-432_mime_i-used-to-be-a-narrator-for-bad-mimes-25_2526342.jpg"
---

> [I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-used-to-be-a-narrator-for-bad-mimes/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6cc/steven-wright-432_mime_i-used-to-be-a-narrator-for-bad-mimes-25_2526342.jpg)

> [I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-used-to-work-at-a-health-food-store-i-got-fired-for-drinking/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed3/steven-wright-432_drinking_i-used-to-work-at-a-health-food-store-i_860306.jpg)

> [I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-used-to-work-in-a-fire-hydrant-factory-you-couldn-t-park-anywhere/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4d6/steven-wright-432_fire_i-used-to-work-in-a-fire-hydrant-factory_2973186.jpg)

> [I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-plugged-my-phone-in-where-the-blender-used-to-be-i-called-someone/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/33b/steven-wright-432_blenders_i-plugged-my-phone-in-where-the-blender_1519657.jpg)

> [I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-used-to-be-an-airline-pilot-i-got-fired-because-i-kept-locking-the/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c33/steven-wright-432_airline_i-used-to-be-an-airline-pilot-i-got-fire_3046387.jpg)

> [My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-school-colors-were-clear-we-used-to-say-i-m-not-naked-i-m-in-the/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0d/steven-wright-432_band_my-school-colors-were-clear-we-used-to-s_176910.jpg)

> [I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-used-to-own-an-ant-farm-but-had-to-give-it-up-i-couldn-t-find/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c50/steven-wright-432_ants_i-used-to-own-an-ant-farm-but-had-to-giv_2050937.jpg)

> [I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-the-hardware-store-and-bought-some-used-paint-it-was-in-the/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b5/steven-wright-432_computers_i-went-to-the-hardware-store-and-bought_630851.jpg)

> [I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-m-used-to-seeing-it-but-it-s-weird-having-an-academy-award-you/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/26d/steven-wright-432_academy_i-m-used-to-seeing-it-but-it-s-weird-hav_2705683.jpg)

> [When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-have-a-kid-i-want-to-buy-one-of-those-strollers-for-twins-then/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/473/steven-wright-432_brother_when-i-have-a-kid-i-want-to-buy-one-of-t_2614222.jpg)

> [I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-always-thought-johnny-carson-was-just-brilliant-and-i-used-to-watch/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3a6/steven-wright-432_always_i-always-thought-johnny-carson-was-just_1101791.jpg)

> [When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-was-a-fetus-i-used-to-sneak-out-at-night-when-my-mother-was/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd8/steven-wright-432_fetus_when-i-was-a-fetus-i-used-to-sneak-out-a_3084687.jpg)

> [I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-liked-school-but-i-used-to-dread-those-moments-when-the-teacher/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/72b/steven-wright-432_call-me_i-liked-school-but-i-used-to-dread-those_1101986.jpg)

## Other authors on Used

## More by Steven Wright

> [Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/depression-is-merely-anger-without-enthusiasm/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/my-dental-hygienist-is-cute-every-time-i-visit-i-eat-a-whole-package/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-lawyers-are-disbarred-and-clergymen-defrocked-doesn-t-it-follow/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/if-i-ever-had-twins-i-d-use-one-for-parts/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/nobody-can-really-compare-a-relationship-in-which-the-victim-is-15/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-saw-a-tree-fall-in-the-woods-and-i-didn-t-hear-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/it-s-very-intense-to-be-in-front-of-a-live-audience-it-s-just-an/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-got-pulled-over-by-a-cop-and-he-said-do-you-know-the-speed-limit/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/babies-don-t-need-a-vacation-but-i-still-see-them-at-the-beach-it/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-just-got-out-of-the-hospital-i-was-in-a-speed-reading-accident-i/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/when-i-m-on-stage-it-s-really-intense-my-mind-is-going-a-million/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-don-t-like-politicians-and-i-don-t-like-politics-i-definitely-don-t/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/i-went-to-this-restaurant-last-night-that-was-set-up-like-a-big/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/why-isn-t-the-number-11-pronounced-onety-one/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

> [A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-wright/a-conscience-is-what-hurts-when-all-your-other-parts-feel-so-good/)

[Steven Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-wright/)

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