--- title: "23 Two Quotes By Jon Stewart" description: "23 Two quotes by Jon Stewart. Plus more from Jon Stewart and more Two sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/96f/jon-stewart-455_best-way_yes-it-seems-that-as-the-president-georg_2894062.jpg" --- > [Yes, it seems that as the President (George W. Bush) comes to the end of his two terms, he's finally realized the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/yes-it-seems-that-as-the-president-george-w-bush-comes-to-the-end-of/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/96f/jon-stewart-455_best-way_yes-it-seems-that-as-the-president-georg_2894062.jpg) > [What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/what-s-with-the-poverty-tourette-s-why-do-these-two-think-we-need-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jon-stewart-455_class_what-s-with-the-poverty-tourette-s-why-d_1059496.jpg) > [You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-can-truly-grieve-for-every-officer-who-s-been-lost-in-the-line-of-2/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b6/jon-stewart-455_cases_you-can-truly-grieve-for-every-officer-w_2594555.jpg) > [I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-m-too-short-to-host-a-late-night-talk-show-it-s-like-the-bar-at-an/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ad/jon-stewart-455_amusement_i-m-too-short-to-host-a-late-night-talk_2542759.jpg) > [My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/my-buddy-tim-bass-he-s-a-workin-pumpin-gas-and-he-makes-two-fifty-for/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jon-stewart-455_bass_my-buddy-tim-bass-he-s-a-workin-pumpin-g_1092285.jpg) > [I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-ve-been-to-canada-and-i-ve-always-gotten-the-impression-that-i/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7b/jon-stewart-455_canada_i-ve-been-to-canada-and-i-ve-always-gott_2888316.jpg) > [Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/yes-reason-has-been-a-part-of-organized-religion-ever-since-two/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e6/jon-stewart-455_advice_yes-reason-has-been-a-part-of-organized_1309950.jpg) > [You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-talk-about-the-pro-life-movement-being-one-of-the-great-shames-of/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e96/jon-stewart-455_absolutes_you-talk-about-the-pro-life-movement-bei_2837818.jpg) > [You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-can-truly-grieve-for-every-officer-who-s-been-lost-in-the-line-of/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/783/jon-stewart-455_cases_you-can-truly-grieve-for-every-officer-w_1003208.jpg) > [Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy-five-locations-around-the/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/jon-stewart-455_around-the-world_planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy_1950273.jpg) > [The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a-shot-for-every-year-i-was-so/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/jon-stewart-455_balls_the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a_1001334.jpg) > [Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_57639.jpg) > [Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a-2/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_2587884.jpg) > [I don't particularly enjoy those types of interviews, because I have a great respect for Senator McCain, and I hate the idea…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-don-t-particularly-enjoy-those-types-of-interviews-because-i-have-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/jon-stewart-455_conversation_i-don-t-particularly-enjoy-those-types-o_490207.jpg) > [The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating -- allegedly -- the fraud that led…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilling-and-ken-lay-began-four-and/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/jon-stewart-455_american-history_the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilli_1739298.jpg) > [In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/in-fourteen-hundred-ninety-two-columbus-sailed-the-ocean-blue-and/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e10/jon-stewart-455_america_in-fourteen-hundred-ninety-two-columbus_2435266.jpg) > [I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-reject-the-idea-there-are-just-two-sides-i-think-that-with-the/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23d/jon-stewart-455_amount_i-reject-the-idea-there-are-just-two-sid_16861.jpg) > [The Republican party is the party of nostalgia. It seeks to return America to a simpler, more innocent and moral past that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-republican-party-is-the-party-of-nostalgia-it-seeks-to-return/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20c/jon-stewart-455_america_the-republican-party-is-the-party-of-nos_3001251.jpg) > [The White House released documents it claims validates the president's (National Guard) service ... When deciphered the documents showed that in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-white-house-released-documents-it-claims-validates-the-president/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/jon-stewart-455_active_the-white-house-released-documents-it-cl_204512.jpg) > [ The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President \[Barack Obama\] was very similar to the conversation that… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-conversation-that-the-senate-and-the-house-are-having-with-the/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5c0/jon-stewart-455_barack_the-conversation-that-the-senate-and-the_3000209.jpg) > [The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-united-states-central-command-of-the-armed-forces-has-asked/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/afe/jon-stewart-455_armed-forces_the-united-states-central-command-of-the_902594.jpg) > [The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-reason-i-don-t-worry-about-society-is-nineteen-people-knocked/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/jon-stewart-455_building_the-reason-i-don-t-worry-about-society-i_1864189.jpg) > [ \[When you have kids\] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/when-you-have-kids-you-become-much-more-there-are-two-things-that/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/014/jon-stewart-455_care_when-you-have-kids-you-become-much-more_1651788.jpg) ## Other authors on Two ## More by Jon Stewart > [Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/clearly-i-m-way-older-than-everyone/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-don-t-know-how-people-feel-that-s-the-beauty-of-tv-is-they-can-see/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [I don't think marijuana should be illegal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-don-t-think-marijuana-should-be-illegal/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-reject-the-idea-there-are-just-two-sides-i-think-that-with-the/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/megachurches-i-can-t-be-the-only-one-frightened-when-our-houses-of/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/while-opponents-label-howard-dean-a-throwback-liberal-the-new-york/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-just-have-to-keep-trying-to-do-good-work-and-hope-that-it-leads/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-know-in-saudi-arabia-you-re-innocent-until-proven-jewish-female/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-unfortunate-yet-truly-exciting-thing-about-your-life-is-that/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/a-guy-who-says-what-people-who-aren-t-thinking-are-thinking/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/do-you-guys-have-to-sell-everything-i-d-like-to-buy-the-earth-s-core/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/we-re-going-to-do-a-challenge-i-m-going-to-try-and-download-every/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/our-culture-is-just-a-series-of-checks-and-balances-the-whole-idea/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) > [For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/for-me-it-was-just-exciting-to-see-fake-news-catching-on-like-that-we/) [Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-stewart/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/jon-stewart/#itemlist", "name": "23 Two Quotes By Jon Stewart", "numberOfItems": 23, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Yes, it seems that as the President (George W. 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He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/my-buddy-tim-bass-he-s-a-workin-pumpin-gas-and-he-makes-two-fifty-for/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jon-stewart-455_bass_my-buddy-tim-bass-he-s-a-workin-pumpin-g_1092285.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jon-stewart-455_bass_my-buddy-tim-bass-he-s-a-workin-pumpin-g_1092285.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/86f/jon-stewart-455_bass_my-buddy-tim-bass-he-s-a-workin-pumpin-g_1092285.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-ve-been-to-canada-and-i-ve-always-gotten-the-impression-that-i/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7b/jon-stewart-455_canada_i-ve-been-to-canada-and-i-ve-always-gott_2888316.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7b/jon-stewart-455_canada_i-ve-been-to-canada-and-i-ve-always-gott_2888316.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7b/jon-stewart-455_canada_i-ve-been-to-canada-and-i-ve-always-gott_2888316.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/yes-reason-has-been-a-part-of-organized-religion-ever-since-two/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e6/jon-stewart-455_advice_yes-reason-has-been-a-part-of-organized_1309950.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e6/jon-stewart-455_advice_yes-reason-has-been-a-part-of-organized_1309950.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2e6/jon-stewart-455_advice_yes-reason-has-been-a-part-of-organized_1309950.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two, I think - I think it's that. I think it's absolute - it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/you-talk-about-the-pro-life-movement-being-one-of-the-great-shames-of/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e96/jon-stewart-455_absolutes_you-talk-about-the-pro-life-movement-bei_2837818.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e96/jon-stewart-455_absolutes_you-talk-about-the-pro-life-movement-bei_2837818.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e96/jon-stewart-455_absolutes_you-talk-about-the-pro-life-movement-bei_2837818.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach, those two ideas are not mutually exclusive. 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No new Planet Hollywoods are opening, which in turn has caused a 100 percent decline in opportunities for Bruce Willis to play the harmonica.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy-five-locations-around-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/jon-stewart-455_around-the-world_planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy_1950273.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/jon-stewart-455_around-the-world_planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy_1950273.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e6d/jon-stewart-455_around-the-world_planet-hollywood-has-shrunk-from-seventy_1950273.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a-shot-for-every-year-i-was-so/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/jon-stewart-455_balls_the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a_1001334.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/jon-stewart-455_balls_the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a_1001334.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f64/jon-stewart-455_balls_the-night-i-turned-twenty-two-i-drank-a_1001334.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 12, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have sh*t to do.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_57639.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_57639.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a6/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_57639.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 13, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use of the letter \"S.\" Now, I suppose you could say \"Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year\" but you probably have sh*t to do.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually-two-holidays-so-there-is-a-2/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_2587884.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_2587884.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c4/jon-stewart-455_christmas_christmas-and-the-new-year-are-actually_2587884.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 14, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't particularly enjoy those types of interviews, because I have a great respect for Senator McCain, and I hate the idea that our conversation became just two people sort of talking over each other, at one point.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-don-t-particularly-enjoy-those-types-of-interviews-because-i-have-a/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/jon-stewart-455_conversation_i-don-t-particularly-enjoy-those-types-o_490207.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/jon-stewart-455_conversation_i-don-t-particularly-enjoy-those-types-o_490207.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/jon-stewart-455_conversation_i-don-t-particularly-enjoy-those-types-o_490207.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I don't particularly enjoy those types of interviews, because I have a great respect for Senator McCain, and…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 15, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating -- allegedly -- the fraud that led to the second largest bankruptcy in American history. Why four-and-a-half years? Because apparently it's harder to bring Ken Lay to trial than it is to invade two countries.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilling-and-ken-lay-began-four-and/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/jon-stewart-455_american-history_the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilli_1739298.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/jon-stewart-455_american-history_the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilli_1739298.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/jon-stewart-455_american-history_the-trial-of-enron-chiefs-jeffrey-skilli_1739298.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The trial of Enron chiefs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay began four-and-a-half years after perpetrating…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 16, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can't get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. 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Now, some have argued…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 17, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even going to be consistent with the same person. People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They're not living their lives via platforms. They're living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/i-reject-the-idea-there-are-just-two-sides-i-think-that-with-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23d/jon-stewart-455_amount_i-reject-the-idea-there-are-just-two-sid_16861.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23d/jon-stewart-455_amount_i-reject-the-idea-there-are-just-two-sid_16861.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23d/jon-stewart-455_amount_i-reject-the-idea-there-are-just-two-sid_16861.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 18, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The Republican party is the party of nostalgia. It seeks to return America to a simpler, more innocent and moral past that never actually existed. The Democrats are utopians. They seek to create an America so fair and non-judgmental that life becomes an unbearable series of apologies. Together, the two parties function like giant down comforters, allowing a candidate to disappear into the enveloping softness, protecting them from exposure to the harsh weather of independent thought.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-republican-party-is-the-party-of-nostalgia-it-seeks-to-return/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20c/jon-stewart-455_america_the-republican-party-is-the-party-of-nos_3001251.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20c/jon-stewart-455_america_the-republican-party-is-the-party-of-nos_3001251.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20c/jon-stewart-455_america_the-republican-party-is-the-party-of-nos_3001251.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Republican party is the party of nostalgia. 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When…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 20, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-conversation-that-the-senate-and-the-house-are-having-with-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5c0/jon-stewart-455_barack_the-conversation-that-the-senate-and-the_3000209.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5c0/jon-stewart-455_barack_the-conversation-that-the-senate-and-the_3000209.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5c0/jon-stewart-455_barack_the-conversation-that-the-senate-and-the_3000209.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 21, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that the only three other people that the U.S. military has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam Hussein and his two sons.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-united-states-central-command-of-the-armed-forces-has-asked/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/afe/jon-stewart-455_armed-forces_the-united-states-central-command-of-the_902594.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/afe/jon-stewart-455_armed-forces_the-united-states-central-command-of-the_902594.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/afe/jon-stewart-455_armed-forces_the-united-states-central-command-of-the_902594.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 22, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/the-reason-i-don-t-worry-about-society-is-nineteen-people-knocked/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/jon-stewart-455_building_the-reason-i-don-t-worry-about-society-i_1864189.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/jon-stewart-455_building_the-reason-i-don-t-worry-about-society-i_1864189.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1b7/jon-stewart-455_building_the-reason-i-don-t-worry-about-society-i_1864189.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands…” — Jon Stewart", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 23, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody, then, is also somebody's child.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Jon Stewart" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-stewart/when-you-have-kids-you-become-much-more-there-are-two-things-that/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/014/jon-stewart-455_care_when-you-have-kids-you-become-much-more_1651788.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/014/jon-stewart-455_care_when-you-have-kids-you-become-much-more_1651788.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/014/jon-stewart-455_care_when-you-have-kids-you-become-much-more_1651788.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. 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