--- title: "11 Two Quotes By Eoin Colfer" description: "11 Two quotes by Eoin Colfer. Plus more from Eoin Colfer and more Two sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d96/eoin-colfer-736_break_the-two-of-them-went-down-in-a-heap-with_3072171.png" --- > [The two of them went down in a heap, with not even a turkey to break their fall.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/the-two-of-them-went-down-in-a-heap-with-not-even-a-turkey-to-break/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d96/eoin-colfer-736_break_the-two-of-them-went-down-in-a-heap-with_3072171.png) > [I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-do-like-to-read-in-bed-but-because-i-have-two-kids-i-m-often-forced/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/622/eoin-colfer-736_bathroom_i-do-like-to-read-in-bed-but-because-i-h_1494646.png) > [I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-hear-that-you-were-on-a-date-with-trouble-kelp-are-you-two-planning/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8de/eoin-colfer-736_artemis_i-hear-that-you-were-on-a-date-with-trou_2175011.png) > [Look at those two. Wasting time. You wouldn't catch me doing that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/look-at-those-two-wasting-time-you-wouldn-t-catch-me-doing-that/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f0/eoin-colfer-736_catch-me_look-at-those-two-wasting-time-you-would_1784964.png) > [I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-can-t-imagine-what-they-re-planning-but-i-can-tell-you-two-things/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bb/eoin-colfer-736_holly-short_i-can-t-imagine-what-they-re-planning-bu_1523238.png) > [Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/excuse-me-captain-are-you-two-going-to-weep-salty-tears-of-admiration/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ea/eoin-colfer-736_admiration_excuse-me-captain-are-you-two-going-to-w_2906541.png) > [If you're going to read five books, three should be issues and two for fun.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/if-you-re-going-to-read-five-books-three-should-be-issues-and-two-for/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5a/eoin-colfer-736_book_if-you-re-going-to-read-five-books-three_870269.png) > [Why no aggressive action?" Foaly squirmed in a harness built for two-legged creatures. "Oh yes, why no aggressive action? How I long…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/why-no-aggressive-action-foaly-squirmed-in-a-harness-built-for-two/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/804/eoin-colfer-736_action_why-no-aggressive-action-foaly-squirmed_2161259.jpg) > [...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-just-pulled-a-pretty-big-job-and-needed-to-hide-out-for-awhile/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/508/eoin-colfer-736_artemis_i-just-pulled-a-pretty-big-job-and-neede_2754431.jpg) > [There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/there-were-only-two-men-on-the-planet-better-educated-in-the-various-2/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e1f/eoin-colfer-736_art_there-were-only-two-men-on-the-planet-be_800083.jpg) > [I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-am-unarmed-but-butler-here-my-ah-butler-has-a-sig-saucer-in-his/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/eoin-colfer-736_boots_i-am-unarmed-but-butler-here-my-ah-butle_1817485.png) ## Other authors on Two ## More by Eoin Colfer > [There’s always time for babbling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/there-s-always-time-for-babbling/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/and-i-will-not-be-beaten-by-that-jackass-jackass-said-foaly-wounded/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [Thankfully the rest of the world assumed that the Irish were crazy, a theory that the Irish themselves did nothing to debunk. They had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/thankfully-the-rest-of-the-world-assumed-that-the-irish-were-crazy-a/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/the-craft-s-occupants-clutched-their-armrests-and-more-than-one-of/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done.” He winked at Butler. “Are you sure you’re…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/tea-at-the-beach-no-time-for-luxuries-holly-there-is-important-work/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [Wait," said Butler. "Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan." He squinted through the green dome. "What is your plan, Artemis?" All Artemis could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/wait-said-butler-just-wait-holly-artemis-has-a-plan-he-squinted/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [Holly is alive,' thought Foaly 'My princess lives,'exulted Orion. 'And we're chasing a dragon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/holly-is-alive-thought-foaly-my-princess-lives-exulted-orion-and-we/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [“There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/there-were-only-two-men-on-the-planet-better-educated-in-the-various/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [If Elmore Leonard met Jim Thompson down a dark alley at midnight they might emerge a week later with thick beards, bloodshot eyes and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/if-elmore-leonard-met-jim-thompson-down-a-dark-alley-at-midnight-they/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [Sig Sauer. Nine millimetres. Thirteen in the magazine. Big bullets. One of these hits you and it could blow your head off; something even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/sig-sauer-nine-millimetres-thirteen-in-the-magazine-big-bullets-one/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [“I feel him near in the twist of me guts. It's something I've always been able to do. --The Reluctant Assassin”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-feel-him-near-in-the-twist-of-me-guts-it-s-something-i-ve-always/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers. "Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/onscreen-foaly-rubbed-his-eyelids-with-his-index-fingers-yeah-yeah/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/about-his-terrible-attempt-at-making-a-sandwich-it-s-more-difficult/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [Play along, the wink said. I'll get you out of this. At least Artemis hoped this was what his wink communicated and not something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/play-along-the-wink-said-i-ll-get-you-out-of-this-at-least-artemis/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) > [“ It's now or never , thought Otto. Now, now! thought Witmeyer. And so Ram kissed Thundercat, and suddenly neither bed of roses nor…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/it-s-now-or-never-thought-otto-now-now-thought-witmeyer-and-so-ram/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/eoin-colfer/#itemlist", "name": "11 Two Quotes By Eoin Colfer", "numberOfItems": 11, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The two of them went down in a heap, with not even a turkey to break their fall.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/the-two-of-them-went-down-in-a-heap-with-not-even-a-turkey-to-break/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d96/eoin-colfer-736_break_the-two-of-them-went-down-in-a-heap-with_3072171.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d96/eoin-colfer-736_break_the-two-of-them-went-down-in-a-heap-with_3072171.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d96/eoin-colfer-736_break_the-two-of-them-went-down-in-a-heap-with_3072171.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The two of them went down in a heap, with not even a turkey to break their fall.” — Eoin Colfer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-do-like-to-read-in-bed-but-because-i-have-two-kids-i-m-often-forced/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/622/eoin-colfer-736_bathroom_i-do-like-to-read-in-bed-but-because-i-h_1494646.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/622/eoin-colfer-736_bathroom_i-do-like-to-read-in-bed-but-because-i-h_1494646.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/622/eoin-colfer-736_bathroom_i-do-like-to-read-in-bed-but-because-i-h_1494646.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.” — Eoin Colfer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. 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We won't like it, and it won't be legal.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-can-t-imagine-what-they-re-planning-but-i-can-tell-you-two-things/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bb/eoin-colfer-736_holly-short_i-can-t-imagine-what-they-re-planning-bu_1523238.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bb/eoin-colfer-736_holly-short_i-can-t-imagine-what-they-re-planning-bu_1523238.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bb/eoin-colfer-736_holly-short_i-can-t-imagine-what-they-re-planning-bu_1523238.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. 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Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/excuse-me-captain-are-you-two-going-to-weep-salty-tears-of-admiration/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ea/eoin-colfer-736_admiration_excuse-me-captain-are-you-two-going-to-w_2906541.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ea/eoin-colfer-736_admiration_excuse-me-captain-are-you-two-going-to-w_2906541.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ea/eoin-colfer-736_admiration_excuse-me-captain-are-you-two-going-to-w_2906541.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we…” — Eoin Colfer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 7, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If you're going to read five books, three should be issues and two for fun.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/if-you-re-going-to-read-five-books-three-should-be-issues-and-two-for/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5a/eoin-colfer-736_book_if-you-re-going-to-read-five-books-three_870269.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5a/eoin-colfer-736_book_if-you-re-going-to-read-five-books-three_870269.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5a/eoin-colfer-736_book_if-you-re-going-to-read-five-books-three_870269.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If you're going to read five books, three should be issues and two for fun.” — Eoin Colfer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Why no aggressive action?\" Foaly squirmed in a harness built for two-legged creatures. \"Oh yes, why no aggressive action? How I long for aggressive action.\" \"I live for aggressive action!\" thundered Orion squeakily which was unusual. \"Oh, how I pray that dragon will turn 'round that I may smite it.\" \"Smite it with what?\" wandered Foaly \"Your secret birthmark?\" \"Don't you mock my birthmark, which I may or may not have.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/why-no-aggressive-action-foaly-squirmed-in-a-harness-built-for-two/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/804/eoin-colfer-736_action_why-no-aggressive-action-foaly-squirmed_2161259.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/804/eoin-colfer-736_action_why-no-aggressive-action-foaly-squirmed_2161259.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/804/eoin-colfer-736_action_why-no-aggressive-action-foaly-squirmed_2161259.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Why no aggressive action?\" Foaly squirmed in a harness built for two-legged creatures. \"Oh yes, why no…” — Eoin Colfer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile.\" \"...Where's all the loot?\" \"That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart.\" Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. \"You were here to rob me!\" \"No, I wasn't. How dare you?!", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-just-pulled-a-pretty-big-job-and-needed-to-hide-out-for-awhile/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/508/eoin-colfer-736_artemis_i-just-pulled-a-pretty-big-job-and-neede_2754431.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/508/eoin-colfer-736_artemis_i-just-pulled-a-pretty-big-job-and-neede_2754431.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/508/eoin-colfer-736_artemis_i-just-pulled-a-pretty-big-job-and-neede_2754431.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile.\" \"...Where's all the loot?\" \"That, as…” — Eoin Colfer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 10, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/there-were-only-two-men-on-the-planet-better-educated-in-the-various-2/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e1f/eoin-colfer-736_art_there-were-only-two-men-on-the-planet-be_800083.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e1f/eoin-colfer-736_art_there-were-only-two-men-on-the-planet-be_800083.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e1f/eoin-colfer-736_art_there-were-only-two-men-on-the-planet-be_800083.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was…” — Eoin Colfer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 11, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Eoin Colfer" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/i-am-unarmed-but-butler-here-my-ah-butler-has-a-sig-saucer-in-his/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/eoin-colfer-736_boots_i-am-unarmed-but-butler-here-my-ah-butle_1817485.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/eoin-colfer-736_boots_i-am-unarmed-but-butler-here-my-ah-butle_1817485.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a1/eoin-colfer-736_boots_i-am-unarmed-but-butler-here-my-ah-butle_1817485.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two…” — Eoin Colfer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/eoin-colfer/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/eoin-colfer/", "name": "Two Quotes by Eoin Colfer", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/eoin-colfer/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d96/eoin-colfer-736_break_the-two-of-them-went-down-in-a-heap-with_3072171.png" }, "description": "11 Two quotes by Eoin Colfer. Plus more from Eoin Colfer and more Two sayings from other authors.", "breadcrumb": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/eoin-colfer/#breadcrumb" } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/eoin-colfer/#breadcrumb", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Topics", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/categories/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Two", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 5, "name": "Eoin Colfer", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/eoin-colfer/" } ] }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```