---
title: "33 Trump Quotes By Stephen Colbert"
description: "33 Trump quotes by Stephen Colbert. Plus more from Stephen Colbert and more Trump sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/stephen-colbert-503_angry_i-m-getting-angry-at-liberals-2694509_2694509.png"
---

> [I'm getting angry at liberals.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-m-getting-angry-at-liberals/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/stephen-colbert-503_angry_i-m-getting-angry-at-liberals-2694509_2694509.png)

> [I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-have-always-been-a-fan-of-reality-by-majority-vote/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8ab/stephen-colbert-503_fans_i-have-always-been-a-fan-of-reality-by-m_1283576.png)

> [Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/of-course-jeb-bush-america-is-hungry-for-another-leader-from-that/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/347/stephen-colbert-503_america_of-course-jeb-bush-america-is-hungry-for_1701145.png)

> [I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-have-a-generally-liberal-audience-but-they-will-applaud-when-i-nail/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0d/stephen-colbert-503_audience_i-have-a-generally-liberal-audience-but_1549841.png)

> [When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday.. no matter what happened Tuesday.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/when-the-president-decides-something-on-monday-he-still-believes-it/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b02/stephen-colbert-503_believe_when-the-president-decides-something-on_794324.png)

> [You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/you-said-in-your-book-that-at-the-end-of-the-day-every-politician-is/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4f8/stephen-colbert-503_book_you-said-in-your-book-that-at-the-end-of_2014158.png)

> [“The pistachio: it's just like our politics. When the two sides are divided, that's when the nuts come out.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/the-pistachio-it-s-just-like-our-politics-when-the-two-sides-are/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6e8/stephen-colbert-503_humor_the-pistachio-it-s-just-like-our-politic_2768489.png)

> [I used to play a narcissistic-conservative pundit. Now, I'm just a narcissist.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-used-to-play-a-narcissistic-conservative-pundit-now-i-m-just-a/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4bc/stephen-colbert-503_conservative_i-used-to-play-a-narcissistic-conservati_1468284.png)

> [Republicans: the party that brought us 'Just Say No.' First as a drug policy, then as their entire platform.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/republicans-the-party-that-brought-us-just-say-no-first-as-a-drug/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/be5/stephen-colbert-503_drug_republicans-the-party-that-brought-us-ju_817819.png)

> [“I like the fact of John McCain's head being severed. Like that it will fit so much more nicely up George Bush's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-like-the-fact-of-john-mccain-s-head-being-severed-like-that-it-will/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/612/stephen-colbert-503_john-mccain_i-like-the-fact-of-john-mccain-s-head-be_2603341.png)

> [Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/sixty-eight-percent-of-republicans-don-t-believe-in-evolution-on-the/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/180/stephen-colbert-503_believe_sixty-eight-percent-of-republicans-don-t_1998161.png)

> [The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/the-lead-singer-of-creed-says-he-won-t-endorse-president-obama-well/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/23d/stephen-colbert-503_creed_the-lead-singer-of-creed-says-he-won-t-e_2826365.png)

> [Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/donald-trump-yes-he-s-somebody-s-little-boy-but-he-is-his-ideas/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d03/stephen-colbert-503_boys_donald-trump-yes-he-s-somebody-s-little_2327193.png)

> [I'm not going to name any names, but let's just say, I want to do jokes on Donald Trump so badly, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-m-not-going-to-name-any-names-but-let-s-just-say-i-want-to-do-jokes/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0de/stephen-colbert-503_dry_i-m-not-going-to-name-any-names-but-let_2476169.png)

> [After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/after-nearly-15-minutes-of-soul-searching-i-have-heard-the-call/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1a4/stephen-colbert-503_heard_after-nearly-15-minutes-of-soul-searchin_1146044.png)

> [Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/republicans-and-nerds-have-so-much-in-common-they-both-live-in/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d9a/stephen-colbert-503_common_republicans-and-nerds-have-so-much-in-co_1789318.png)

> [I don't know a lot about politics. I like talking about human behavior. Politicians are funny to me because they often say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-don-t-know-a-lot-about-politics-i-like-talking-about-human-behavior/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fce/stephen-colbert-503_behave_i-don-t-know-a-lot-about-politics-i-like_2629688.jpg)

> [Trump will not respond to reasoned argument. He will not be held accountable for the things he said. All you can do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/trump-will-not-respond-to-reasoned-argument-he-will-not-be-held/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f84/stephen-colbert-503_argument_trump-will-not-respond-to-reasoned-argum_1795918.png)

> [Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/sorry-to-disappoint-the-liberals-who-tuned-in-tonight-to-gloat-about/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fc8/stephen-colbert-503_behinds_sorry-to-disappoint-the-liberals-who-tun_883943.png)

> [Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/here-s-how-it-works-the-president-makes-decisions-he-s-the-decider-2/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/436/stephen-colbert-503_decision_here-s-how-it-works-the-president-makes_2175601.png)

> [Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/senator-kerry-does-not-support-our-troops-if-he-had-won-the-election/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/658/stephen-colbert-503_creating_senator-kerry-does-not-support-our-troop_1158754.png)

> [I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-stand-by-this-man-president-george-w-bush-i-stand-by-this-man/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7c6/stephen-colbert-503_aircraft_i-stand-by-this-man-president-george-w-b_1468841.jpg)

> [It's time for me to give out an award to newly elected Majority Leader John Boehner. Mr. Boehner was elected just a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/it-s-time-for-me-to-give-out-an-award-to-newly-elected-majority/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/926/stephen-colbert-503_apartment_it-s-time-for-me-to-give-out-an-award-to_1417925.png)

> [TV's Tony Snow becomes the White House press secretary. How will he make the difficult transition from Fox News reporter to Republican…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/tv-s-tony-snow-becomes-the-white-house-press-secretary-how-will-he/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/740/stephen-colbert-503_bears_tv-s-tony-snow-becomes-the-white-house-p_3214537.jpg)

> [President Bush has embarked on an eight-day tour of the continent. He hopes this one goes better than the other ones he's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/president-bush-has-embarked-on-an-eight-day-tour-of-the-continent-he/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/930/stephen-colbert-503_america_president-bush-has-embarked-on-an-eight_1657896.jpg)

> [The interesting thing about fake news and fake media is that it's a heresy against reality. Again, as a Catholic, I was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/the-interesting-thing-about-fake-news-and-fake-media-is-that-it-s-a/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a2e/stephen-colbert-503_catholic_the-interesting-thing-about-fake-news-an_1826166.png)

> [It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/it-s-august-which-means-congress-is-on-recess-and-mitch-mcconnell-has/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0de/stephen-colbert-503_august_it-s-august-which-means-congress-is-on-r_83334.png)

> [Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/donald-trump-is-a-strong-president-we-got-to-stand-behind-this-guy-is/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd5/stephen-colbert-503_behinds_donald-trump-is-a-strong-president-we-go_779294.png)

> [A lot of people have said, "Oh, I, boy, I wish Hillary Clinton would just go away."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/a-lot-of-people-have-said-oh-i-boy-i-wish-hillary-clinton-would-just/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8b7/stephen-colbert-503_boys_a-lot-of-people-have-said-oh-i-boy-i-wis_3003535.png)

> [I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-began-my-day-as-i-often-begin-my-days-by-checking-donald-trump-s/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c60/stephen-colbert-503_crazy_i-began-my-day-as-i-often-begin-my-days_1741135.png)

> [There once was a man name Barack, Whose re-election came as a shock. He raised the taxes I pay, And then turned…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/there-once-was-a-man-name-barack-whose-re-election-came-as-a-shock-he/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e07/stephen-colbert-503_barack_there-once-was-a-man-name-barack-whose-r_2482468.jpg)

> [Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/texas-governor-rick-perry-has-been-in-the-race-only-three-days-and-he/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81c/stephen-colbert-503_competition_texas-governor-rick-perry-has-been-in-th_363280.png)

> [Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/usually-when-donald-trump-wants-to-keep-someone-out-of-military/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/stephen-colbert-503_fake_usually-when-donald-trump-wants-to-keep_977574.png)

## Other authors on Trump

## More by Stephen Colbert

> [Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/don-t-be-bitter-everybody-suffers-if-you-can-accept-your-suffering/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/cynicism-masquerades-as-wisdom-but-it-is-the-farthest-thing-from-it/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/we-all-deserve-credit-for-this-new-surveillance-state-that-we-live-in/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-ve-long-been-against-illegal-aliens-partly-because-they-distract-us/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/believe-in-me-cause-i-don-t-believe-in-anything-and-i-wanna-be/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/it-s-august-which-means-congress-is-on-recess-and-mitch-mcconnell-has/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/try-to-love-others-and-serve-others-and-hopefully-find-those-who-love/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/thirty-seconds-is-the-exact-amount-of-time-americans-can-tolerate/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-used-to-make-up-stuff-in-my-bio-all-the-time-that-i-used-to-be-a/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/i-live-by-syllogisms-god-is-love-love-is-blind-stevie-wonder-is-blind/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/unlike-paul-newman-who-seems-to-think-that-salad-dressing-is-the-cure/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/now-for-my-younger-viewers-out-there-a-book-is-something-we-used-to/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/jesus-forgives-sinners-not-criminals/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [Used books are the sluts of the literary world. Passed around from person to person, spreading their pages for anyone, getting cheaper and cheaper…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/used-books-are-the-sluts-of-the-literary-world-passed-around-from/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

> [“Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/divorce-is-a-marital-welfare-it-s-just-couples-asking-society-to-bail/)

[Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/)

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                        "text": "“The pistachio: it's just like our politics. When the two sides are divided, that's when the nuts come out.”",
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                        "text": "Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.",
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                        "text": "The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.",
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                        "text": "Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.",
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                        "text": "I'm not going to name any names, but let's just say, I want to do jokes on Donald Trump so badly, and I have no venue. So right now, I'm just dry Trumping.",
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                        "text": "After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!",
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                        "text": "Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.",
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                        "text": "I don't know a lot about politics. I like talking about human behavior. Politicians are funny to me because they often say one thing and behave a different way.",
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                        "text": "Trump will not respond to reasoned argument. He will not be held accountable for the things he said. All you can do is point and laugh. Because the devil cannot abide mockery.",
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                        "text": "Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.",
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                        "text": "Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home.",
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                        "text": "Senator Kerry does not support our troops. If he had won the election, there wouldn't be any troops left in Iraq. President Bush, on the other hand, has given our troops an opportunity to fight without end. That's creating jobs. In fact, the president's policies helped create 104 more job openings last month. Now who's stupid, Senator?",
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                        "text": "I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound.. with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.",
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                        "text": "It's time for me to give out an award to newly elected Majority Leader John Boehner. Mr. Boehner was elected just a few days ago to reform House Republicans, who are feeling the heat from lobbyist scandals. Well, CNN found out that he rents his two-bedroom apartment from a lobbyist who had clients who had interests in legislation that Boehner sponsored. And for that, Mr. Boehner, you've just won a pair of Stephen Colbert's big brass balls.",
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                        "text": "TV's Tony Snow becomes the White House press secretary. How will he make the difficult transition from Fox News reporter to Republican apologist? ... Mr. President, it is time to hire the folks who've never let you down. Limbaugh at Health and Human Services. Hannity at State. Then give Rummy the Medal of Freedom and install Bill O'Reilly as secretary of defense. Only problem, you might find yourself invading Vermont. And I'll replace Chertoff at Homeland Security. The man's done nothing to control the bear population.",
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                        "text": "President Bush has embarked on an eight-day tour of the continent. He hopes this one goes better than the other ones he's made recently. Obviously he's not doing that well in North America [on screen: '36% Approval'], his South American trip had a few bumps [on screen: 'Angry mobs of torch-carrying bumps'], Europe seems to think the president doesn't care what they think, but hey, who cares what they think? They could at least thank him for what he's done for their burning effigy industry.",
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                        "text": "The interesting thing about fake news and fake media is that it's a heresy against reality. Again, as a Catholic, I was taught that the greatest sin was heresy. Because not only are you a sinner, you are proselytizing and inviting other people into your sinful state through your heresy. You're a recruiter for your own fallen state. Donald Trump is a heretic against reality. Basically, he's lying for sport. He's inviting people into his heresy that there is no objective reality.",
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                        "text": "It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.",
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                        "text": "Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.",
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                        "text": "A lot of people have said, \"Oh, I, boy, I wish Hillary Clinton would just go away.\"",
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                        "text": "I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.",
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                        "text": "There once was a man name Barack, Whose re-election came as a shock. He raised the taxes I pay, And then turned marriage gay. And now he's coming after your glock.",
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                        "text": "Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.",
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                        "text": "Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.",
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