---
title: "74 Trump Quotes By Jarod Kintz"
description: "74 Trump quotes by Jarod Kintz. Plus more from Jarod Kintz and more Trump sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f4b/jarod-kintz-2_belong_i-don-t-belong-to-a-political-party-beca_518595.jpg"
---

> [“I don’t belong to a political party, because I don’t feel invited.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-don-t-belong-to-a-political-party-because-i-don-t-feel-invited/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f4b/jarod-kintz-2_belong_i-don-t-belong-to-a-political-party-beca_518595.jpg)

> [“Politicians think the only way out of a hole is to keep digging.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/politicians-think-the-only-way-out-of-a-hole-is-to-keep-digging/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/832/jarod-kintz-2_digging_politicians-think-the-only-way-out-of-a_692428.jpg)

> [“I don’t think our president is doing a good job, but I think he’s doing a great vacation.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-don-t-think-our-president-is-doing-a-good-job-but-i-think-he-s/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd6/jarod-kintz-2_good-job_i-don-t-think-our-president-is-doing-a-g_1261417.jpg)

> [“Walking is so monotonous. Left, right, left, right, it’s also all so political.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/walking-is-so-monotonous-left-right-left-right-it-s-also-all-so/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/822/jarod-kintz-2_walking_walking-is-so-monotonous-left-right-left_1346334.jpg)

> [“Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/before-you-enter-politics-i-pray-you-lose-your-anal-virginity-to-a/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/143/jarod-kintz-2_politics_before-you-enter-politics-i-pray-you-los_372372.jpg)

> [“My wallet isn’t empty—it’s full of hope. Thanks, Obama!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/my-wallet-isn-t-empty-it-s-full-of-hope-thanks-obama/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c85/jarod-kintz-2_hope_my-wallet-isn-t-empty-it-s-full-of-hope_1824734.jpg)

> [“Birthdays are like politicians. I don’t like any of them, but they still keep coming around.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/birthdays-are-like-politicians-i-don-t-like-any-of-them-but-they/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cc4/jarod-kintz-2_birthday_birthdays-are-like-politicians-i-don-t-l_1636404.jpg)

> [“Make your vote count. Be the guy responsible for counting and tallying all the votes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/make-your-vote-count-be-the-guy-responsible-for-counting-and-tallying/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/700/jarod-kintz-2_quote_make-your-vote-count-be-the-guy-responsi_985431.jpg)

> [“Politicians are like warts on the body of society. And the only thing worse than warts are lawyers and lobbyists. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/politicians-are-like-warts-on-the-body-of-society-and-the-only-thing/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/161/jarod-kintz-2_politics_politicians-are-like-warts-on-the-body-o_2242716.jpg)

> [“I think it’s OK to rape as many people as possible, and that’s precisely why I’m going into politics.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-think-it-s-ok-to-rape-as-many-people-as-possible-and-that-s/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ae7/jarod-kintz-2_politics_i-think-it-s-ok-to-rape-as-many-people-a_2878394.jpg)

> [“Congress needs to act now. Seriously, leave Washington DC, move to Hollywood, and leave the rest of the country alone.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/congress-needs-to-act-now-seriously-leave-washington-dc-move-to/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/366/jarod-kintz-2_congress_congress-needs-to-act-now-seriously-leav_3038758.jpg)

> [“I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-d-make-a-great-politician-i-d-make-it-out-of-pig-shit-so-it-wouldn/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/922/jarod-kintz-2_politics_i-d-make-a-great-politician-i-d-make-it_1567075.jpg)

> [“The difference between a politician and a helmet full of feces, is the politician doesn’t need to wear protective headgear, because he’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/the-difference-between-a-politician-and-a-helmet-full-of-feces-is-the/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a9f/jarod-kintz-2_politics_the-difference-between-a-politician-and_1187005.jpg)

> [“Can America get back to a point where politicians are honest? Not unless that point is the tip of a sword.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/can-america-get-back-to-a-point-where-politicians-are-honest-not/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/294/jarod-kintz-2_politics_can-america-get-back-to-a-point-where-po_1154479.jpg)

> [“A politician’s word is like a thick tree branch, and the people are all hanging on it. Well, I’ve got noose for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-politician-s-word-is-like-a-thick-tree-branch-and-the-people-are/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ce/jarod-kintz-2_hanging_a-politician-s-word-is-like-a-thick-tree_535693.jpg)

> [“There’s nothing special about politicians as people. Now as animals, they’d be extraordinary for their ability to be intelligent enough (barely) to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/there-s-nothing-special-about-politicians-as-people-now-as-animals/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/915/jarod-kintz-2_politics_there-s-nothing-special-about-politician_354798.jpg)

> [“I am the minister in The Ministry of Scarcity, but I’m not ordained because they were out of the paper they use…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-am-the-minister-in-the-ministry-of-scarcity-but-i-m-not-ordained/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f1/jarod-kintz-2_trump_i-am-the-minister-in-the-ministry-of-sca_2713023.jpg)

> [“I wish somebody would combine tasers and dildos, and test the devices out on all the politicians in Washington DC. Well, all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wish-somebody-would-combine-tasers-and-dildos-and-test-the-devices/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/78e/jarod-kintz-2_politics_i-wish-somebody-would-combine-tasers-and_2989513.jpg)

> [“You vote Democrat even if you vote Republican, because they’re two sides of the same coin. So stop flipping that coin. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/you-vote-democrat-even-if-you-vote-republican-because-they-re-two/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb9/jarod-kintz-2_democrat_you-vote-democrat-even-if-you-vote-repub_2691958.jpg)

> [“I painted my walls yellow, with melted butter, because I recently discovered that I had a popcorn ceiling. It’s this kind of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-painted-my-walls-yellow-with-melted-butter-because-i-recently/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/229/jarod-kintz-2_politics_i-painted-my-walls-yellow-with-melted-bu_2005186.jpg)

> [“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wouldn-t-mind-politicians-lying-to-me-stealing-from-me-or/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a42/jarod-kintz-2_dishonest_i-wouldn-t-mind-politicians-lying-to-me_86950.jpg)

> [“Republicans don’t stand for the beliefs of the right, and Democrats don’t stand for the principles of the left. They each stand…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/republicans-don-t-stand-for-the-beliefs-of-the-right-and-democrats/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20b/jarod-kintz-2_children_republicans-don-t-stand-for-the-beliefs_1768705.jpg)

> [“Nobody is either honest or dishonest. Life is a gradient, and a saint might be an 8.7, and a dirtbag politician might…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/nobody-is-either-honest-or-dishonest-life-is-a-gradient-and-a-saint/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/533/jarod-kintz-2_life_nobody-is-either-honest-or-dishonest-lif_1525751.jpg)

> [“Let’s all roll up our sleeves and get back to work. Or let’s create jobs where other people roll up other people’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/let-s-all-roll-up-our-sleeves-and-get-back-to-work-or-let-s-create/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/df7/jarod-kintz-2_helping-other-people_let-s-all-roll-up-our-sleeves-and-get-ba_1044391.jpg)

> [“Politics are like shoes. On one side you have the left, and on the other side you have the right. And every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/politics-are-like-shoes-on-one-side-you-have-the-left-and-on-the/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f35/jarod-kintz-2_confidence_politics-are-like-shoes-on-one-side-you_2939089.jpg)

> [“I serve the people. Am I a politician? No, I’m just a greedy and corrupt waiter.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-serve-the-people-am-i-a-politician-no-i-m-just-a-greedy-and-corrupt/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b6c/jarod-kintz-2_politics_i-serve-the-people-am-i-a-politician-no_1534947.jpg)

> [“I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-don-t-like-dirt-because-nothing-is-dirtier-except-politics/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a5c/jarod-kintz-2_politics_i-don-t-like-dirt-because-nothing-is-dir_1767991.jpg)

> [“Politics isn’t dirty. And neither are politicians. No, politicians are filthy.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/politics-isn-t-dirty-and-neither-are-politicians-no-politicians-are/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d23/jarod-kintz-2_politicians_politics-isn-t-dirty-and-neither-are-pol_2938861.jpg)

> [“Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/politicians-give-criminals-a-bad-name-a-bad-name-like-a-bad-word-like/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e7a/jarod-kintz-2_bad-word_politicians-give-criminals-a-bad-name-a_53398.jpg)

> [“This presidential election will be as electric as an eel—and just as snakelike.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/this-presidential-election-will-be-as-electric-as-an-eel-and-just-as/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4b9/jarod-kintz-2_quote_this-presidential-election-will-be-as-el_1502007.jpg)

> [“It’s only a problem until you ignore it. Come on, that’s Politics 101.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/it-s-only-a-problem-until-you-ignore-it-come-on-that-s-politics-101/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/253/jarod-kintz-2_politics_it-s-only-a-problem-until-you-ignore-it_1504454.jpg)

> [“I watch my feet as I walk along. Left, right, left, right, why is everything about politics?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-watch-my-feet-as-i-walk-along-left-right-left-right-why-is/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e1a/jarod-kintz-2_left_i-watch-my-feet-as-i-walk-along-left-rig_614319.jpg)

> [“It is possible to be a retard and a politician. In fact, it’s almost a prerequisite.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/it-is-possible-to-be-a-retard-and-a-politician-in-fact-it-s-almost-a/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/785/jarod-kintz-2_politics_it-is-possible-to-be-a-retard-and-a-poli_971286.jpg)

> [“This is America. Every vote counts. Sometimes twice, if it helps me get elected.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/this-is-america-every-vote-counts-sometimes-twice-if-it-helps-me-get/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/493/jarod-kintz-2_quote_this-is-america-every-vote-counts-someti_1123631.jpg)

> [“If politicians lived to be only 30-years-old before dying, that’d still be 30 years too long.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/if-politicians-lived-to-be-only-30-years-old-before-dying-that-d/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/718/jarod-kintz-2_politics_if-politicians-lived-to-be-only-30-years_1870949.jpg)

> [“I just stepped in shit, and now I’ve got political rhetoric all over my shoes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-just-stepped-in-shit-and-now-i-ve-got-political-rhetoric-all-over/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/011/jarod-kintz-2_political-rhetoric_i-just-stepped-in-shit-and-now-i-ve-got_2229298.jpg)

> [“The political system, it’s a shame it’s a sham.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/the-political-system-it-s-a-shame-it-s-a-sham/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/964/jarod-kintz-2_political-system_the-political-system-it-s-a-shame-it-s-a_1366328.jpg)

> [“Your vote doesn’t count. All that counts is who counts the votes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/your-vote-doesn-t-count-all-that-counts-is-who-counts-the-votes/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e10/jarod-kintz-2_quote_your-vote-doesn-t-count-all-that-counts_1085296.jpg)

> [“I find honesty to be a rare thing—in politics.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-find-honesty-to-be-a-rare-thing-in-politics/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3dc/jarod-kintz-2_honesty_i-find-honesty-to-be-a-rare-thing-in-pol_2015548.jpg)

> [“I vote to have my vote voided—which means my vote won’t count even when it counts, and it will count even when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-vote-to-have-my-vote-voided-which-means-my-vote-won-t-count-even/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b95/jarod-kintz-2_trump_i-vote-to-have-my-vote-voided-which-mean_2965148.jpg)

## Other authors on Trump

## More by Jarod Kintz

> [“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-notice-when-you-re-gone-or-do-i-how-can-i-observe-something-that/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-wouldn-t-love-you-if-you-were-the-last-sodomite-in-gomorrah/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-blanket-could-be-used-to-make-sweet-sweet-music-with-the-love-of/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/a-brick-could-be-used-to-slow-down-time-sort-of-like-a-camel-in-a/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/we-have-a-love-so-pure-that-it-makes-snow-seem-yellow-don-t-eat-it/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-hid-mrs-frozenwater-s-body-in-the-ice-cube-trays-in-my-freezer/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/two-similar-words-might-lead-to-two-similar-ideas-they-might-also/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-is-and-isn-t-nothing-itself-is-and-at/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/embossed-letters-represent-the-topography-of-typography/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/there-s-only-one-piece-of-clothing-i-could-eat-fast-and-that-s-a-scarf/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/dora-j-arod-is-to-jarod-ora-as-yes-is-to-yes-yes-is-also-the-correct/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/the-best-part-about-being-kidnapped-is-being-blindfolded-and-getting/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/orafoura-once-told-me-that-if-i-were-a-car-i-d-be-a-ferrari-one-that/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/what-makes-a-good-leader-i-ask-myself-this-every-day-and-then-as-i/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

> [“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/i-d-like-to-file-a-missing-person-s-report-on-my-clone-it-s-nearly/)

[Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/)

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                        "text": "“I painted my walls yellow, with melted butter, because I recently discovered that I had a popcorn ceiling. It’s this kind of reasoning that leads me to think I might make a great politician. Vote for me because hey, I can’t be worse than the other guy.”",
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                        "text": "“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they were looking out for my best interest. How refreshing it’d be to see a politician honest enough to admit he’s dishonest.”",
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                        "text": "“Republicans don’t stand for the beliefs of the right, and Democrats don’t stand for the principles of the left. They each stand for one thing—a public willing to remain seated like obedient children, while they wield authoritative control like teachers and dole out favors for brown-nosers, and take candy at will. Of course, the only candy they take is called PayDay.”",
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                        "text": "“Nobody is either honest or dishonest. Life is a gradient, and a saint might be an 8.7, and a dirtbag politician might be a 1.2. Interestingly, piss and shit are numerically represented by 1 and 2, so I think it’s a perfect number to represent a politician.”",
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                        "text": "“Let’s all roll up our sleeves and get back to work. Or let’s create jobs where other people roll up other people’s sleeves, so these other people can get to work helping other people get to work. That’s brilliant. I should be a politician.”",
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                        "text": "“Politics are like shoes. On one side you have the left, and on the other side you have the right. And every politician is essentially a shoe salesman trying to sell you one shoe, either the left or the right, whichever one he stands for. So I guess the only people who vote with complete confidence on election day are the ones with only one leg, and who's political stance matches their needs exactly. But I must say, a person loses a lot of personal freedom when they only have one leg.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“I serve the people. Am I a politician? No, I’m just a greedy and corrupt waiter.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics.\u2028”",
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                        "text": "“Politics isn’t dirty. And neither are politicians. No, politicians are filthy.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.”",
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                        "text": "“This presidential election will be as electric as an eel—and just as snakelike.”",
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                        "@type": "Quotation",
                        "text": "“It’s only a problem until you ignore it. Come on, that’s Politics 101.”",
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