---
title: "112 Trump Quotes By Conan O'Brien"
description: "112 Trump quotes by Conan O'Brien. Plus more from Conan O'Brien and more Trump sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a29/conan-o-brien-540_forgiveness_i-dont-need-a-pardon-i-need-a-job-210169_210169.png"
---

> [I dont need a pardon. I need a job.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/i-dont-need-a-pardon-i-need-a-job/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a29/conan-o-brien-540_forgiveness_i-dont-need-a-pardon-i-need-a-job-210169_210169.png)

> [Tomorrow is Election Day. That's the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and then remember we didn't register to vote.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/tomorrow-is-election-day-that-s-the-day-we-americans-wake-up-consider/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e19/conan-o-brien-540_election_tomorrow-is-election-day-that-s-the-day_2210994.jpg)

> [Trump Entertainment Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump describes Chapter 11, "Back-to-back number ones!"](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/trump-entertainment-resorts-declared-chapter-11-bankruptcy-or-as/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d70/conan-o-brien-540_bankruptcy_trump-entertainment-resorts-declared-cha_91961.png)

> [Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/donald-trump-is-not-running-for-president-this-is-devastating-news/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ab9/conan-o-brien-540_comedian_donald-trump-is-not-running-for-presiden_2298233.png)

> [Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/mexico-s-no-1-drug-lord-has-escaped-from-prison-and-may-be-headed-to/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8a8/conan-o-brien-540_drug_mexico-s-no-1-drug-lord-has-escaped-from_1102686.png)

> [According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/according-to-a-new-poll-nearly-six-out-of-10-republicans-want-mitt/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cda/conan-o-brien-540_democrat_according-to-a-new-poll-nearly-six-out-o_2033394.png)

> [Earlier today, President Bush said Kerry will be a tough and hard-charging opponent. That explains why Bush's nickname for Kerry is math.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/earlier-today-president-bush-said-kerry-will-be-a-tough-and-hard/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/745/conan-o-brien-540_charging_earlier-today-president-bush-said-kerry_2999738.png)

> [Donald Trump has fired a campaign adviser for posting racist remarks on Facebook. Isn't that shocking? Donald Trump has a campaign adviser.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/donald-trump-has-fired-a-campaign-adviser-for-posting-racist-remarks/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/981/conan-o-brien-540_adviser_donald-trump-has-fired-a-campaign-advise_1485434.png)

> [All the major networks declared Barack Obama the winner at 11 last night, except for MSNBC, which declared Obama the winner six…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/all-the-major-networks-declared-barack-obama-the-winner-at-11-last/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/165/conan-o-brien-540_barack_all-the-major-networks-declared-barack-o_1715103.png)

> [Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/hillary-clinton-has-reportedly-accepted-barack-obama-s-offer-to/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef4/conan-o-brien-540_accepted_hillary-clinton-has-reportedly-accepted_3117248.jpg)

> [Hillary Clinton is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/hillary-clinton-is-not-the-first-woman-to-run-for-president-that/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/593/conan-o-brien-540_clinton_hillary-clinton-is-not-the-first-woman-t_1232373.png)

> [Presidential campaign getting kind of ugly, did you hear about this? Yesterday, a 27-year-old woman came for to deny rumors that she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/presidential-campaign-getting-kind-of-ugly-did-you-hear-about-this/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b0/conan-o-brien-540_affair_presidential-campaign-getting-kind-of-ug_2138216.png)

> [Big night of television tonight for Barack Obama. Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Yeah. Yeah,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/big-night-of-television-tonight-for-barack-obama-earlier-tonight/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aab/conan-o-brien-540_barack_big-night-of-television-tonight-for-bara_1073386.png)

> [Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/patriots-quarterback-tom-brady-says-he-thinks-it-would-be-great-if/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8da/conan-o-brien-540_air_patriots-quarterback-tom-brady-says-he-t_1314092.jpg)

> [Texas Governor Rick Perry distanced himself from George W. Bush by saying, 'I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.' In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/texas-governor-rick-perry-distanced-himself-from-george-w-bush-by/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/422/conan-o-brien-540_george-w_texas-governor-rick-perry-distanced-hims_597832.png)

> [In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/in-a-new-interview-newt-gingrich-says-he-cheated-on-two-of-his-wives/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0cd/conan-o-brien-540_allegiance_in-a-new-interview-newt-gingrich-says-he_2828246.png)

> [In a new videotape message, Texas Gov. Rick Perry urges his supporters to follow him on 'Tweeter.' After hearing about it, John…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/in-a-new-videotape-message-texas-gov-rick-perry-urges-his-supporters/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7b0/conan-o-brien-540_hearing_in-a-new-videotape-message-texas-gov-ric_3076949.png)

> [People all over the world now are following our election. And according to a new international poll that just came out, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/people-all-over-the-world-now-are-following-our-election-and/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d81/conan-o-brien-540_anti-war_people-all-over-the-world-now-are-follow_3063668.png)

> [There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/there-is-some-good-news-for-john-mccain-according-to-the-latest-polls/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c70/conan-o-brien-540_barack_there-is-some-good-news-for-john-mccain_2089064.png)

> [People are already talking about the next presidential election. There's stories all over about who might run. At a recent speech, a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/people-are-already-talking-about-the-next-presidential-election-there/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ea/conan-o-brien-540_can-t-win_people-are-already-talking-about-the-nex_368679.jpg)

> [Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/barack-obama-you-know-has-a-lot-of-supporters-here-in-america-but-he/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/67e/conan-o-brien-540_america_barack-obama-you-know-has-a-lot-of-suppo_857062.jpg)

> [Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/jeb-bush-welcomed-his-fourth-grandchild-the-new-bush-grandchild-is/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d8/conan-o-brien-540_fourth_jeb-bush-welcomed-his-fourth-grandchild_707156.png)

> [A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas filled with candy. So finally something good is going to come out of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/a-store-in-houston-is-selling-donald-trump-pi-atas-filled-with-candy/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/21e/conan-o-brien-540_candy_a-store-in-houston-is-selling-donald-tru_3213628.png)

> [Today Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/today-donald-trump-reaffirmed-his-stance-against-gay-marriage-trump/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/025/conan-o-brien-540_against-gay-marriage_today-donald-trump-reaffirmed-his-stance_360077.png)

> [In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/in-montana-a-math-teacher-is-running-for-the-senate-win-or-lose-she/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e6/conan-o-brien-540_fun_in-montana-a-math-teacher-is-running-for_414950.png)

> [Today, possible presidential candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as blue and his hair as ridiculous.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/today-possible-presidential-candidate-donald-trump-released-his-birth/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a17/conan-o-brien-540_birth_today-possible-presidential-candidate-do_3061610.png)

> [According to a CNN poll, Trump nearly doubled his support from March. Actually, he just combed his March numbers over his current…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/according-to-a-cnn-poll-trump-nearly-doubled-his-support-from-march/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/707/conan-o-brien-540_cnn_according-to-a-cnn-poll-trump-nearly-dou_2695485.png)

> [Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/hillary-clinton-is-now-driving-from-new-york-to-iowa-it-s-been-called/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3b6/conan-o-brien-540_break_hillary-clinton-is-now-driving-from-new_2589528.png)

> [When it comes to being visionary in stealing, the Republicans do better than anybody. It's really something to see.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/when-it-comes-to-being-visionary-in-stealing-the-republicans-do/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eb9/conan-o-brien-540_democracy_when-it-comes-to-being-visionary-in-stea_1099702.png)

> [Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/donald-trump-announced-today-he-is-running-for-president-of-the/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dac/conan-o-brien-540_comedy_donald-trump-announced-today-he-is-runni_773422.png)

> [NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/nbc-executives-say-that-if-donald-trump-does-run-for-president-they/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f4/conan-o-brien-540_apprentice_nbc-executives-say-that-if-donald-trump_1442633.png)

> [The Romneys have a horse competing in the Olympics. Ann Romney's horse failed to win a medal in the dressage event today,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/the-romneys-have-a-horse-competing-in-the-olympics-ann-romney-s-horse/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1c0/conan-o-brien-540_competing_the-romneys-have-a-horse-competing-in-th_1989040.jpg)

> [In an interview, former vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan said he does not have a racist bone in his body. However, he admitted…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/in-an-interview-former-vice-presidential-candidate-paul-ryan-said-he/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/953/conan-o-brien-540_body_in-an-interview-former-vice-presidential_2807068.png)

> [President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/president-obama-filled-in-as-the-coach-of-his-daughter-sasha-s/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d3/conan-o-brien-540_basketball_president-obama-filled-in-as-the-coach-o_65922.jpg)

> [The group MoveOn.org has called on John McCain to release all of his medical records. In response, McCain told them, 'Why don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/the-group-moveon-org-has-called-on-john-mccain-to-release-all-of-his/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b61/conan-o-brien-540_groups_the-group-moveon-org-has-called-on-john_1212525.png)

> [Just days after Mitt Romney suggested he might run for president, there's been a backlash. The backlash is led by Jeb Bush,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/just-days-after-mitt-romney-suggested-he-might-run-for-president/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b4/conan-o-brien-540_backlash_just-days-after-mitt-romney-suggested-he_67932.png)

> [Trump said that he hoped bin Laden suffered a lot. It looks like he got his wish, because the CIA said bin…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/trump-said-that-he-hoped-bin-laden-suffered-a-lot-it-looks-like-he/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c9a/conan-o-brien-540_apprentice_trump-said-that-he-hoped-bin-laden-suffe_501285.png)

> [Barack Obama was speaking to a Jewish group, and he told them that his name Barack is the same as the Jewish…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/barack-obama-was-speaking-to-a-jewish-group-and-he-told-them-that-his/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bfb/conan-o-brien-540_barack_barack-obama-was-speaking-to-a-jewish-gr_267720.png)

> [Donald Trump refuses to give details about his policy plans. Trump apologized by saying, 'When I announced I was running for president,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/donald-trump-refuses-to-give-details-about-his-policy-plans-trump/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/conan-o-brien-540_details_donald-trump-refuses-to-give-details-abo_1682684.jpg)

> [Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won Apprentice. Because nothing says 'not racist' like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/donald-trump-insisted-yesterday-that-he-is-not-racist-because-one/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/390/conan-o-brien-540_african-american_donald-trump-insisted-yesterday-that-he_407392.png)

## Other authors on Trump

## More by Conan O'Brien

> [A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/a-federal-court-has-ruled-that-the-u-s-postal-service-must-reduce-its/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/nbc-is-making-a-movie-about-martha-stewart-that-will-cover-the-recent/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/people-should-say-no-comment-more-often-no-comment-i-love-no-comment/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/a-new-study-reveals-that-one-third-of-babies-in-the-u-s-have-used-a/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/martha-stewart-showed-up-at-manhattan-fbi-headquarters-to-have-her/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/the-big-story-today-barack-obama-was-accused-of-insulting-sarah-palin/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/lego-has-announced-that-they-are-shutting-down-their-u-s-factory-and/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/a-new-survey-reveals-that-women-would-rather-give-up-sex-than-give-up/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/yesterday-the-dea-raided-several-nfl-teams-suspected-of-giving/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/president-obama-gave-a-speech-about-healthcare-tonight-and-yesterday/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/the-first-thing-men-notice-about-a-woman-is-her-eyes-then-when-her/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/disappointment-leads-to-clarity-which-leads-to-conviction-and-true/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/john-travolta-said-he-sometimes-lets-his-friends-take-control-of-his/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/president-obama-filled-in-as-the-coach-of-his-daughter-sasha-s/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

> [President Obama and Vladimir Putin are both in China attending the same economic summit. Obama saw Putin and said, 'After those midterms, it's nice…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/conan-o-brien/president-obama-and-vladimir-putin-are-both-in-china-attending-the/)

[Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/conan-o-brien/)

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                        "text": "Texas Governor Rick Perry distanced himself from George W. Bush by saying, 'I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.' In other words, his idea of instilling confidence is by saying, 'Don't worry. I'm not as smart as George W. Bush.'",
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                        "text": "Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is a true story. It was in the paper. Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born, they've named a beer after him. That's true. Yeah. So next time you're in Africa, sit back, relax, and enjoy a tall, cold Barackelob Light. Good enough. Clearly not as popular a beer as it used to be.",
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                        "text": "Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048.",
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                        "text": "A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas filled with candy. So finally something good is going to come out of Donald Trump.",
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