--- title: "11 Time Quotes By Emo Philips" description: "11 Time quotes by Emo Philips. Plus more from Emo Philips and more Time sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/emo-philips-1788_diving_i-don-t-have-to-tell-you-folks-about-scu_438144.png" --- > [I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-don-t-have-to-tell-you-folks-about-scuba-diving-so-that-ll-save/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/emo-philips-1788_diving_i-don-t-have-to-tell-you-folks-about-scu_438144.png) > [Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/every-time-i-see-dan-quayle-i-feel-like-buying-a-vowel/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/03b/emo-philips-1788_buying_every-time-i-see-dan-quayle-i-feel-like_3045369.png) > [Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/probably-the-toughest-time-in-anyone-s-life-is-when-you-have-to/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0c7/emo-philips-1788_devil_probably-the-toughest-time-in-anyone-s-l_1273420.png) > [Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/probably-the-worst-time-in-a-person-s-life-is-when-they-have-to-kill/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a9/emo-philips-1788_devil_probably-the-worst-time-in-a-person-s-li_1583918.jpg) > [I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really-big-guy-and-he-said-i-m-going/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/015/emo-philips-1788_able_i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really_166151.png) > [When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/when-i-was-a-kid-my-favourite-time-of-the-year-when-i-was-child-was/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/809/emo-philips-1788_children_when-i-was-a-kid-my-favourite-time-of-th_1402068.png) > [My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/my-grandmother-s-brain-was-dead-but-her-heart-was-still-beating-it/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/491/emo-philips-1788_brain_my-grandmother-s-brain-was-dead-but-her_1759651.png) > [I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really-big-guy-and-he-said-i-m-going-2/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b1/emo-philips-1788_able_i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really_336851.jpg) > [I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-started-doing-stand-up-at-the-age-of-20-this-was-back-in-1976/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7cb/emo-philips-1788_age_i-started-doing-stand-up-at-the-age-of-2_1001250.jpg) > [I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-was-feeling-a-bit-down-i-went-to-a-therapist-a-few-times-at-a/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbf/emo-philips-1788_bills_i-was-feeling-a-bit-down-i-went-to-a-the_2844831.png) > [Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/everyone-everywhere-and-all-the-time-used-to-laugh-at-me-when-i-was/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aaa/emo-philips-1788_comedian_everyone-everywhere-and-all-the-time-use_3089176.jpg) ## Other authors on Time - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sunday-adelaja-87912.jpg) Sunday Adelaja 1,532 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/sunday-adelaja/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-ritu-ghatourey-5.jpg) Ritu Ghatourey 437 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/ritu-ghatourey/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-nishan-panwar-14.jpg) Nishan Panwar 409 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/nishan-panwar/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b019/author-paulo-coelho-74345.jpg) Paulo Coelho 398 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/paulo-coelho/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-frederick-lenz-36205.jpg) Frederick Lenz 355 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/frederick-lenz/) - [Jarod Kintz 339 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/jarod-kintz/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-haruki-murakami-40784.jpg) Haruki Murakami 308 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/haruki-murakami/) - [Mehmet Murat ildan 302 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/mehmet-murat-ildan/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-eckhart-tolle-31242.jpg) Eckhart Tolle 291 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/eckhart-tolle/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-barack-obama-16275.jpg) Barack Obama 272 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/barack-obama/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b001/author-anurag-prakash-ray-38.jpg) Anurag Prakash Ray 263 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/anurag-prakash-ray/) - [Ralph Waldo Emerson 257 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/ralph-waldo-emerson/) ## More by Emo Philips > [Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/once-i-was-in-a-restaurant-and-i-dropped-my-fork-on-the-floor-and/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-give-money-to-unicef-because-i-like-the-bang-for-your-buck-aspect/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/libertarians-believe-consenting-adults-have-the-right-to-do-whatever/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-love-england-in-fact-they-re-getting-to-know-me-so-well-at-heathrow/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/he-taught-me-never-to-smile-which-helps-me-when-i-visit-disaster-sites/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/the-way-i-understand-it-the-russians-are-sort-of-a-combination-of/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really-big-guy-and-he-said-i-m-going/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-don-t-know-if-i-was-put-on-this-earth-for-a-purpose-or-not-but-i-m/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-a-letter-from-the-irs-apparently-i-owe-them-800-so-i-sent-them/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/if-you-re-worth-over-50m-you-should-have-to-dress-like-that-guy-on/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Race is still somewhat of a taboo in comedy. But if you're a minority, then you can make fun of your own minority. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/race-is-still-somewhat-of-a-taboo-in-comedy-but-if-you-re-a-minority/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-like-to-play-chess-with-bald-men-in-the-park-although-it-s-hard-to/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/if-computers-get-too-powerful-we-can-organize-them-into-a-committee/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/you-don-t-appreciate-a-lot-of-stuff-in-school-until-you-get-older/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/thinking-up-jokes-is-easy-the-hard-part-is-trying-them-out-on-stage/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/emo-philips/#itemlist", "name": "11 Time Quotes By Emo Philips", "numberOfItems": 11, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. 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Why?\" I said, \"Well, how are you going to get into the corners?\"", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really-big-guy-and-he-said-i-m-going/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/015/emo-philips-1788_able_i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really_166151.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/015/emo-philips-1788_able_i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really_166151.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/015/emo-philips-1788_able_i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really_166151.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, \"I'm going to mop the floor with your face.\" I…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I'd yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal... You have to let me in now.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/when-i-was-a-kid-my-favourite-time-of-the-year-when-i-was-child-was/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/809/emo-philips-1788_children_when-i-was-a-kid-my-favourite-time-of-th_1402068.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/809/emo-philips-1788_children_when-i-was-a-kid-my-favourite-time-of-th_1402068.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/809/emo-philips-1788_children_when-i-was-a-kid-my-favourite-time-of-th_1402068.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. 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It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/my-grandmother-s-brain-was-dead-but-her-heart-was-still-beating-it/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/491/emo-philips-1788_brain_my-grandmother-s-brain-was-dead-but-her_1759651.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/491/emo-philips-1788_brain_my-grandmother-s-brain-was-dead-but-her_1759651.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/491/emo-philips-1788_brain_my-grandmother-s-brain-was-dead-but-her_1759651.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really-big-guy-and-he-said-i-m-going-2/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b1/emo-philips-1788_able_i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really_336851.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b1/emo-philips-1788_able_i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really_336851.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9b1/emo-philips-1788_able_i-got-in-a-fight-one-time-with-a-really_336851.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I…” — Emo Philips", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Emo Philips" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-started-doing-stand-up-at-the-age-of-20-this-was-back-in-1976/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7cb/emo-philips-1788_age_i-started-doing-stand-up-at-the-age-of-2_1001250.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7cb/emo-philips-1788_age_i-started-doing-stand-up-at-the-age-of-2_1001250.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7cb/emo-philips-1788_age_i-started-doing-stand-up-at-the-age-of-2_1001250.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. 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