---
title: "10 Thinking Quotes By Jay Mohr"
description: "10 Thinking quotes by Jay Mohr. Plus more from Jay Mohr and more Thinking sayings from other authors."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/661/jay-mohr-4777_failed_if-anyone-thinks-my-show-was-pretty-good_3015847.png"
---

> [If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-anyone-thinks-my-show-was-pretty-good-then-i-ve-completely-failed/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/661/jay-mohr-4777_failed_if-anyone-thinks-my-show-was-pretty-good_3015847.png)

> [I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-i-made-a-mistake-once-yeah-it-was-only-once/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f0e/jay-mohr-4777_failure_i-think-i-made-a-mistake-once-yeah-it-wa_1021994.png)

> [I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-stand-up-s-the-older-they-get-the-better-they-get/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/072/jay-mohr-4777_better_i-think-stand-up-s-the-older-they-get-th_772316.png)

> [Most importantly, how impressive can I be to people that bought tickets, where they never feel, "It was pretty good." If anyone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/most-importantly-how-impressive-can-i-be-to-people-that-bought/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a0/jay-mohr-4777_comic_most-importantly-how-impressive-can-i-be_818115.png)

> [I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-golf-is-a-waste-of-time-and-a-waste-of-a-sunny-afternoon-i/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d13/jay-mohr-4777_afternoon_i-think-golf-is-a-waste-of-time-and-a-wa_2487917.png)

> [If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland. You're not an alcoholic. These people are such drunken, toothless hillbillies - I've…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-you-think-you-re-an-alcoholic-go-to-scotland-you-re-not-an/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/38f/jay-mohr-4777_alcoholics_if-you-think-you-re-an-alcoholic-go-to-s_2974886.png)

> [I've always been very open about it. I've been very open about my addiction, about my panic disorder. But I think that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-ve-always-been-very-open-about-it-i-ve-been-very-open-about-my/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17d/jay-mohr-4777_addiction_i-ve-always-been-very-open-about-it-i-ve_3093935.png)

> [I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-been-to-england-but-as-soon-as-they-find/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/826/jay-mohr-4777_america_i-don-t-know-if-you-ve-ever-been-to-engl_2049905.png)

> [I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-wonder-why-there-is-a-designated-hitter-in-baseball-after-all-these/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d0e/jay-mohr-4777_baseball_i-wonder-why-there-is-a-designated-hitte_2182566.png)

> [I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-interviewing-people-and-i-ve/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/202/jay-mohr-4777_care_i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-i_123.jpg)

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## More by Jay Mohr

> [I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-interviewing-people-and-i-ve/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/you-remember-from-watching-the-show-there-are-no-jokes-that-s-why-if/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [ I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, \[George\] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-m-telling-you-i-could-teach-at-a-university-george-carlin-a-whole/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/not-everyone-likes-sports-gandhi-and-malcolm-x-come-to-mind/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [ My wife and I have long discussions about \[George\] Carlin, and we refuse to accept that he died an atheist. It's just, confounding. When… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/my-wife-and-i-have-long-discussions-about-george-carlin-and-we-refuse/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [I remember I used to go to The Laugh Factory and just goof off onstage, and then I'd see Dane Cook. He did a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-remember-i-used-to-go-to-the-laugh-factory-and-just-goof-off/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [“If you want God to laugh, make plans.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-you-want-god-to-laugh-make-plans/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-didn-t-want-to-fight-a-guy-from-england-what-if-i-lose-not-that/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/all-that-waiting-around-for-a-glimmer-of-stage-time-just-getting/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [First of all, my wife writes half my act. I don't know how I could "steal" from my wife.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/first-of-all-my-wife-writes-half-my-act-i-don-t-know-how-i-could/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [If there are 1,500 people in a theater and they're all there to see you, there are no other guys. You're the guy. So…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-there-are-1-500-people-in-a-theater-and-they-re-all-there-to-see/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [I'm a comic because I don't want to do the nine-to-five, I have to modify that and say I'm a comic because I have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-m-a-comic-because-i-don-t-want-to-do-the-nine-to-five-i-have-to/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [Comedians are always going to be in the showbiz middle class, you're not Brad Pitt; you're never going to be Sam Rockwell or Shia…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/comedians-are-always-going-to-be-in-the-showbiz-middle-class-you-re/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/when-human-beings-stop-progressing-at-an-endeavor-they-stop-enjoying/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/if-a-waiter-or-waitress-tells-me-when-gratuity-is-included-they/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

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