--- title: "10 Thinking Quotes By Greg Giraldo" description: "10 Thinking quotes by Greg Giraldo. Plus more from Greg Giraldo and more Thinking sayings from other authors." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20e/greg-giraldo-10617_asian_you-re-gonna-check-my-computer-records-i_3038576.png" --- > [You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/you-re-gonna-check-my-computer-records-is-that-important-i-don-t/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20e/greg-giraldo-10617_asian_you-re-gonna-check-my-computer-records-i_3038576.png) > [We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/we-need-more-money-for-schools-we-need-more-money-for-the-kids-ever/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9a4/greg-giraldo-10617_damn_we-need-more-money-for-schools-we-need-m_3211424.png) > [When I masturbate I fantasize about having my own apartment. I used to think about Cindy Crawford now I think about leaving…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/when-i-masturbate-i-fantasize-about-having-my-own-apartment-i-used-to/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/496/greg-giraldo-10617_apartment_when-i-masturbate-i-fantasize-about-havi_2197293.png) > [Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/christine-todd-whitman-had-to-resign-as-the-head-of-the-epa-you-know/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/greg-giraldo-10617_christine_christine-todd-whitman-had-to-resign-as_936541.png) > [Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/look-at-thomas-jefferson-the-guy-had-illegitimate-kids-in-the-1700s/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/480/greg-giraldo-10617_caught_look-at-thomas-jefferson-the-guy-had-ill_1003054.png) > [Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/sometimes-you-have-to-suffer-a-little-bit-in-your-youth-to-motivate/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0c/greg-giraldo-10617_bills_sometimes-you-have-to-suffer-a-little-bi_2565837.png) > [You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these-experts-on-the-news-with/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/greg-giraldo-10617_doomsday_you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these_1056930.jpg) > [Once I saw a homeless man wearing his underwear on top of his pants. Now we say, why don't the homeless just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/once-i-saw-a-homeless-man-wearing-his-underwear-on-top-of-his-pants/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f6/greg-giraldo-10617_doubt_once-i-saw-a-homeless-man-wearing-his-un_2855392.jpg) > [I think all gay guys should get married. I think they should have to get married. They should have to adopt kids…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/i-think-all-gay-guys-should-get-married-i-think-they-should-have-to/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f1/greg-giraldo-10617_boots_i-think-all-gay-guys-should-get-married_2575669.png) > [The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25-000-year-old-mammoth-in-the/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) [Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b92/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25_2929643.png) ## Other authors on Thinking - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b005/author-barack-obama-16275.jpg) Barack Obama 447 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/barack-obama/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b021/author-rush-limbaugh-81741.jpg) Rush Limbaugh 440 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/rush-limbaugh/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b008/author-donald-trump-30060.jpg) Donald Trump 357 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/donald-trump/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b011/author-hillary-clinton-42043.jpg) Hillary Clinton 292 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/hillary-clinton/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b010/author-frederick-lenz-36205.jpg) Frederick Lenz 243 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/frederick-lenz/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b006/author-cassandra-clare-21529.jpg) Cassandra Clare 184 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/cassandra-clare/) - [Ralph Waldo Emerson 161 quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/ralph-waldo-emerson/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b018/author-noam-chomsky-71799.jpg) Noam Chomsky 161 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/noam-chomsky/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b003/author-albert-einstein-10494.jpg) Albert Einstein 146 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/albert-einstein/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-sherrilyn-kenyon-84925.jpg) Sherrilyn Kenyon 143 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/sherrilyn-kenyon/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-taylor-swift-89132.jpg) Taylor Swift 137 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/taylor-swift/) - [ ![](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b022/author-stephen-king-87054.jpg) Stephen King 137 quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/stephen-king/) ## More by Greg Giraldo > [Terrorism is obviously on everybody's mind. The other day my son says to me, 'Daddy, how come the bad men hate us?' How sad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/terrorism-is-obviously-on-everybody-s-mind-the-other-day-my-son-says/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/the-things-that-make-me-laugh-are-considered-smart-or-whatever-i/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/even-before-the-kids-are-born-you-ve-go-to-make-these-decisions-if-it/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/look-at-the-insane-things-the-jews-believe-the-jews-believe-that/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/people-always-want-to-compare-their-dogs-to-having-kids-that-s/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/all-the-evidence-we-need-that-god-is-angry-with-us-is-justin/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/the-hardest-part-for-real-is-probably-when-you-just-don-t-feel-like/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [There's been so much talk in the news lately about illegal aliens in the workplace. When was the last time an illegal alien stole…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/there-s-been-so-much-talk-in-the-news-lately-about-illegal-aliens-in/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/my-advice-to-graduates-is-to-stay-positive-life-is-short-and-you-ll/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/if-you-re-going-to-dedicate-your-career-to-ranting-about-the-excesses/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/when-i-heard-you-could-get-a-disease-from-playing-with-your-prairie/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/i-ve-always-had-real-trouble-knowing-what-my-actual-desires-and-goals/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/a-dangerous-fire-retardant-chemical-is-being-found-in-women-s-breast/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/a-good-joke-provides-tension-and-then-release-of-that-tension-you/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) > [There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/there-are-no-black-people-in-iraq-so-how-will-they-know-who-to-shoot/) [Greg Giraldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-giraldo/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "ItemList", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/greg-giraldo/#itemlist", "name": "10 Thinking Quotes By Greg Giraldo", "numberOfItems": 10, "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? 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I used to think about Cindy Crawford now I think about leaving a dish in the sink overnight.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/when-i-masturbate-i-fantasize-about-having-my-own-apartment-i-used-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/496/greg-giraldo-10617_apartment_when-i-masturbate-i-fantasize-about-havi_2197293.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/496/greg-giraldo-10617_apartment_when-i-masturbate-i-fantasize-about-havi_2197293.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/496/greg-giraldo-10617_apartment_when-i-masturbate-i-fantasize-about-havi_2197293.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When I masturbate I fantasize about having my own apartment. 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You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/christine-todd-whitman-had-to-resign-as-the-head-of-the-epa-you-know/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/greg-giraldo-10617_christine_christine-todd-whitman-had-to-resign-as_936541.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/greg-giraldo-10617_christine_christine-todd-whitman-had-to-resign-as_936541.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/greg-giraldo-10617_christine_christine-todd-whitman-had-to-resign-as_936541.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. 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If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/look-at-thomas-jefferson-the-guy-had-illegitimate-kids-in-the-1700s/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/480/greg-giraldo-10617_caught_look-at-thomas-jefferson-the-guy-had-ill_1003054.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/480/greg-giraldo-10617_caught_look-at-thomas-jefferson-the-guy-had-ill_1003054.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/480/greg-giraldo-10617_caught_look-at-thomas-jefferson-the-guy-had-ill_1003054.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 6, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/sometimes-you-have-to-suffer-a-little-bit-in-your-youth-to-motivate/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0c/greg-giraldo-10617_bills_sometimes-you-have-to-suffer-a-little-bi_2565837.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0c/greg-giraldo-10617_bills_sometimes-you-have-to-suffer-a-little-bi_2565837.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c0c/greg-giraldo-10617_bills_sometimes-you-have-to-suffer-a-little-bi_2565837.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. 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Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these-experts-on-the-news-with/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/greg-giraldo-10617_doomsday_you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these_1056930.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/greg-giraldo-10617_doomsday_you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these_1056930.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/487/greg-giraldo-10617_doomsday_you-think-they-could-stop-putting-these_1056930.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 8, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Once I saw a homeless man wearing his underwear on top of his pants. Now we say, why don't the homeless just go out and get a job? If he's wearing his underwear on top of his pants, I doubt his resume is in order, and I don't think he's going to make it too far in the interview process. In fact, I'm pretty sure that McDonald's has a no underwear over your pant policy.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/once-i-saw-a-homeless-man-wearing-his-underwear-on-top-of-his-pants/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f6/greg-giraldo-10617_doubt_once-i-saw-a-homeless-man-wearing-his-un_2855392.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f6/greg-giraldo-10617_doubt_once-i-saw-a-homeless-man-wearing-his-un_2855392.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f6/greg-giraldo-10617_doubt_once-i-saw-a-homeless-man-wearing-his-un_2855392.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Once I saw a homeless man wearing his underwear on top of his pants. Now we say, why don't the homeless just…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 9, "item": { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think all gay guys should get married. I think they should have to get married. They should have to adopt kids because, actually, I'm getting tired of their happy-go-lucky lifestyle. I've had it with them being all happy and in shape. I could look good in denim short shorts and combat boots, too, if I had all day to do leg presses at the gym.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/i-think-all-gay-guys-should-get-married-i-think-they-should-have-to/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f1/greg-giraldo-10617_boots_i-think-all-gay-guys-should-get-married_2575669.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f1/greg-giraldo-10617_boots_i-think-all-gay-guys-should-get-married_2575669.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9f1/greg-giraldo-10617_boots_i-think-all-gay-guys-should-get-married_2575669.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think all gay guys should get married. I think they should have to get married. 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You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Greg Giraldo" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-giraldo/the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25-000-year-old-mammoth-in-the/", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b92/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25_2929643.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b92/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25_2929643.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b92/greg-giraldo-10617_animal_the-japanese-scientists-just-found-a-25_2929643.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to…” — Greg Giraldo", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } } } ] }, { "@type": "CollectionPage", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/greg-giraldo/#webpage", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/greg-giraldo/", "name": "Thinking Quotes by Greg Giraldo", "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "mainEntity": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/greg-giraldo/#itemlist" }, "primaryImageOfPage": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/20e/greg-giraldo-10617_asian_you-re-gonna-check-my-computer-records-i_3038576.png" }, "description": "10 Thinking quotes by Greg Giraldo. 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